This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- My ex gf blocked me after we had sex
- crush
- why is she like this?
- LAMDA foundation course
- gcse revision
- too much?
- Moving on
- I don’t know if I should tell my ex I’m pregnant
- I want to get rid of the hurt from my ex
- What does this mean???
- Argument with gf over looks vs personality debate
- GF sent me nudes that she made for her ex
- is this normal?
- English Language Paper 1 Question 5
- I think my bf has a crush on his cousin
- Am I being gaslit ?
- Am I unlovable?
- guy i’m talking to keeps talking about his ex what do i do?
- IG Stalker
- Does my ex crush like me, please tell me
Help - can ur ex be a stalker?
Me and my gf split up a couple months ago after a year together.
At the end of that year, our relationship was at the 'arguing every day' level, and i was beginning to hate it.
We made an agreement i knew would be hard to stick to. We would split and try and be friends. She was 90 miles away, which i thought would make it ok.
But after a few weeks of bad things happening (like us randomly meeting up and sleeping together) i knew a more permanent solution was needed. I knew what i was doing was wrong. I didnt love her anymore and stupid things were happening.
Slowly i started to filter her out completely, until now when i've tried to cut her off completely. It was getting to the point where i had to disconnect the phoneline in my house to stop her ringing like 20 times in a row.
Now i've deleted her on msn, but i think she keeps making new msn accounts and adding me (even pretending to be different people). She phones my work phone often (which could cause me problems with the boss) and I can never seem to avoid her.
Shes becoming stalker like, and now ive got an interest in someone else, im scared to death my ex will ruin it for me. Like the old 'skeleton in the closet' scenario.
What can i do? should i explain th situation to this new girl i like or is that the worst thing i can do?
How can i deal with my ex? Ive resorted to the level of sending threatening emails now and i know its pathetic but i dont know what else to do
Sorry for the essay
At the end of that year, our relationship was at the 'arguing every day' level, and i was beginning to hate it.
We made an agreement i knew would be hard to stick to. We would split and try and be friends. She was 90 miles away, which i thought would make it ok.
But after a few weeks of bad things happening (like us randomly meeting up and sleeping together) i knew a more permanent solution was needed. I knew what i was doing was wrong. I didnt love her anymore and stupid things were happening.
Slowly i started to filter her out completely, until now when i've tried to cut her off completely. It was getting to the point where i had to disconnect the phoneline in my house to stop her ringing like 20 times in a row.
Now i've deleted her on msn, but i think she keeps making new msn accounts and adding me (even pretending to be different people). She phones my work phone often (which could cause me problems with the boss) and I can never seem to avoid her.
Shes becoming stalker like, and now ive got an interest in someone else, im scared to death my ex will ruin it for me. Like the old 'skeleton in the closet' scenario.
What can i do? should i explain th situation to this new girl i like or is that the worst thing i can do?
How can i deal with my ex? Ive resorted to the level of sending threatening emails now and i know its pathetic but i dont know what else to do
Sorry for the essay
Scroll to see replies
I'd try to reason with your ex and make your feelings clear.
And if you think she may ruin your new relationship then I think you should let your new girlfriend (or girlfriend to be) know about her. At least that way she'll be prepared.
And if you think she may ruin your new relationship then I think you should let your new girlfriend (or girlfriend to be) know about her. At least that way she'll be prepared.
You need to have a chat with your ex if anything, try and sort things out.
I think you may of kind of bought this on yourself when you say you slept with her a few times after you broke up.
You most likely have given her false hope, either that shes indenial about the fact its over
I think you may of kind of bought this on yourself when you say you slept with her a few times after you broke up.
You most likely have given her false hope, either that shes indenial about the fact its over
She doesnt have any reason to be hopeful. Not any more.
I couldnt have made it any more clear about my feelings believe me.
But i think you're spot on about her being in denial. But why is she so persistent? I mean it's messing her up more aswell as messing things up for me.
You need to be careful. If she gets bitter and twisted, theres no telling what she might accuse you of.
Exactly what im afraid of
I know i've brought this on myself mostly but its unfair that ive accepted my share of the blame and ive admitted to friends what i did wrong and they understand, and im still getting punished for it in a way.
Now i have a chance to move on but this is hanging over me. Its dragging me down all the time. Do i deserve that?
inform his/her parents and your parents and your other friends. try to spread it all over your college and let everyone know about. if possible, try to include the police and with that exposure, it will stop and you will get your well deserved peace and revenge.
I was in a similar situation until a few weeks ago - with me having to turn off my phone, block him on msn and with him creating new accounts and trying to trick me into talking to him, etc etc, even though I was clear how I felt. He started hanging around near my house - he even came to my church and tried talking to me through the vicar! (This was after us breaking up and deciding ''to be friends'' and then a bunch of crap happening).
After like 2 months of this I'd really had enough, and I understand how disruptive and annoying it can be. Like the OP I just don't know why he was doing it seeing as it was bad for both of us.
Anyway it's a lot better now - I think you do need to give way a bit, stop the threatening emails, and talk a bit to her, even if it's just on msn. If you try to keep it civil, you might be able to resolve some stuff without it turning into a massive argument. I just think if you do have at least some contact then she won't be so obsessed with trying to get hold of you and will stop calling you at work etc. That's how it seemed to work for me.
For me, the whole ''cutting off all communication'' seemed like a good idea, but it just didn't work, because there was always some way he could contact me, which made me nervous all the time! But maybe it's different for you since she lives really far away?
And I do think you should say something to the new girl just to avoid nasty surprises.
Sorry about the length of this post
After like 2 months of this I'd really had enough, and I understand how disruptive and annoying it can be. Like the OP I just don't know why he was doing it seeing as it was bad for both of us.
Anyway it's a lot better now - I think you do need to give way a bit, stop the threatening emails, and talk a bit to her, even if it's just on msn. If you try to keep it civil, you might be able to resolve some stuff without it turning into a massive argument. I just think if you do have at least some contact then she won't be so obsessed with trying to get hold of you and will stop calling you at work etc. That's how it seemed to work for me.
For me, the whole ''cutting off all communication'' seemed like a good idea, but it just didn't work, because there was always some way he could contact me, which made me nervous all the time! But maybe it's different for you since she lives really far away?
And I do think you should say something to the new girl just to avoid nasty surprises.
Sorry about the length of this post
Isn't it therefore really your problem?
Yeah and i know it is. But mistakes are mistakes and its all been admitted and discussed. Among my group of friends i know people look down on me for that, but they also wonder how I havn't already gone mad with the amount of pressure im under from her.
or maybe, just maybe, the best revenger will be to send her a pig's head.
If she is making your life hell then I suggest you get revenge by using her for sex.
LOL
No times have changed. Unlike her, i've moved on totally now and im seeing somebody new. Didnt expect it to happen so fast but it did, and im scared my previous mistakes are gona bite me back. Thats the main reason i posted all this. This new person is so great.
But would it be justice tho if it messed up cos of my old mistakes?
Its like im expecting something to go wrong - arent i a ray of sunshine.
It sounds to me like she is freaked out over losing you, which obviously hasn't been helped by you giving her false hope and sleeping together after the relationship was done. However I get that this was a mistake (and a pretty common one too) so don't beat yourself up over it. All it does is make it a bit harder to detach from her. Probably in her mind she isn't acting in an irrational way. It is possible to become a bit obsessed with someone after you split and although her behaviour seems nuts to you and us, she may not realise this. Tell her she is acting crazy.
If I were in your situation there are a few things I might try. Firstly I would contact a close friend or possibly relation of hers (only as a last resort though, a friend is preferable) and explain the situation. Tell them that you need her to understand this relationship is over and there is absolutely no chance of the two of you getting back together. Tell them you wanted things to be OK & to stay friends with her but that can't happen any more because of her behaviour. It's possible that hearing it from you isn't enough because you've contradicted yourself before and she just fails to believe it from you.
I would also tell the girl that you have feelings for someone else and that you plan on pursuing a relationship with this person. While it will make her angry and jealous, it will also be a bit of a slap in the face. Sorry to say but she needs a short, sharp shock to snap out of her current way of thinking. Don't share any details and if she asks say that it's none of her business. If it were me I'd consider taking her to a counsellor and telling her this with them in the room to act as a mediator. Sounds like she needs counselling anyway!
I'm not sure that I would spontaneously tell the new girl about all this stuff just yet. You aren't in a relationship yet with this new girl and it might scare her off because "I've got a nutty ex" isn't exactly the most romantic thing to hear. She's going to start wondering what you did to the girl to make her act like this. Maybe it's an idea to take it slow until you have your ex off your back. You can always tell her about it later if it comes up in convo. Certainly don't lie to her about it..if she asks tell her.
After all this, or if you don't think these are good ideas then you have to systematically remove her from your life. Contact your mobile phone company and ask them if it is possible to block her home & mobile number from calling you. If not then change your number. They should do this for no charge if you explain you are getting nuisance phonecalls. Change your MSN address and don't add her to your new friends contact. Block her e-mails. Don't take her calls, if she does get through then explain that you and I are no longer friends and hang up. If poss screen your calls so she can't get through. Have the friend you're with answer your mobile and if it's her then they can say he doesn't want to speak to you. It seems that hearing it from you doesn't work, so let her hear it from other people.
Oh and for valentines tomorrow..get your new girl a card or a rose or something! If the ex sends you anything return it with a note asking her not to send you stuff. Gotta be cruel to be kind!
If I were in your situation there are a few things I might try. Firstly I would contact a close friend or possibly relation of hers (only as a last resort though, a friend is preferable) and explain the situation. Tell them that you need her to understand this relationship is over and there is absolutely no chance of the two of you getting back together. Tell them you wanted things to be OK & to stay friends with her but that can't happen any more because of her behaviour. It's possible that hearing it from you isn't enough because you've contradicted yourself before and she just fails to believe it from you.
I would also tell the girl that you have feelings for someone else and that you plan on pursuing a relationship with this person. While it will make her angry and jealous, it will also be a bit of a slap in the face. Sorry to say but she needs a short, sharp shock to snap out of her current way of thinking. Don't share any details and if she asks say that it's none of her business. If it were me I'd consider taking her to a counsellor and telling her this with them in the room to act as a mediator. Sounds like she needs counselling anyway!
I'm not sure that I would spontaneously tell the new girl about all this stuff just yet. You aren't in a relationship yet with this new girl and it might scare her off because "I've got a nutty ex" isn't exactly the most romantic thing to hear. She's going to start wondering what you did to the girl to make her act like this. Maybe it's an idea to take it slow until you have your ex off your back. You can always tell her about it later if it comes up in convo. Certainly don't lie to her about it..if she asks tell her.
After all this, or if you don't think these are good ideas then you have to systematically remove her from your life. Contact your mobile phone company and ask them if it is possible to block her home & mobile number from calling you. If not then change your number. They should do this for no charge if you explain you are getting nuisance phonecalls. Change your MSN address and don't add her to your new friends contact. Block her e-mails. Don't take her calls, if she does get through then explain that you and I are no longer friends and hang up. If poss screen your calls so she can't get through. Have the friend you're with answer your mobile and if it's her then they can say he doesn't want to speak to you. It seems that hearing it from you doesn't work, so let her hear it from other people.
Oh and for valentines tomorrow..get your new girl a card or a rose or something! If the ex sends you anything return it with a note asking her not to send you stuff. Gotta be cruel to be kind!
TommyD
Me and my gf split up a couple months ago after a year together.
At the end of that year, our relationship was at the 'arguing every day' level, and i was beginning to hate it.
We made an agreement i knew would be hard to stick to. We would split and try and be friends. She was 90 miles away, which i thought would make it ok.
But after a few weeks of bad things happening (like us randomly meeting up and sleeping together) i knew a more permanent solution was needed. I knew what i was doing was wrong. I didnt love her anymore and stupid things were happening.
Slowly i started to filter her out completely, until now when i've tried to cut her off completely. It was getting to the point where i had to disconnect the phoneline in my house to stop her ringing like 20 times in a row.
Now i've deleted her on msn, but i think she keeps making new msn accounts and adding me (even pretending to be different people). She phones my work phone often (which could cause me problems with the boss) and I can never seem to avoid her.
Shes becoming stalker like, and now ive got an interest in someone else, im scared to death my ex will ruin it for me. Like the old 'skeleton in the closet' scenario.
What can i do? should i explain th situation to this new girl i like or is that the worst thing i can do?
How can i deal with my ex? Ive resorted to the level of sending threatening emails now and i know its pathetic but i dont know what else to do
Sorry for the essay
At the end of that year, our relationship was at the 'arguing every day' level, and i was beginning to hate it.
We made an agreement i knew would be hard to stick to. We would split and try and be friends. She was 90 miles away, which i thought would make it ok.
But after a few weeks of bad things happening (like us randomly meeting up and sleeping together) i knew a more permanent solution was needed. I knew what i was doing was wrong. I didnt love her anymore and stupid things were happening.
Slowly i started to filter her out completely, until now when i've tried to cut her off completely. It was getting to the point where i had to disconnect the phoneline in my house to stop her ringing like 20 times in a row.
Now i've deleted her on msn, but i think she keeps making new msn accounts and adding me (even pretending to be different people). She phones my work phone often (which could cause me problems with the boss) and I can never seem to avoid her.
Shes becoming stalker like, and now ive got an interest in someone else, im scared to death my ex will ruin it for me. Like the old 'skeleton in the closet' scenario.
What can i do? should i explain th situation to this new girl i like or is that the worst thing i can do?
How can i deal with my ex? Ive resorted to the level of sending threatening emails now and i know its pathetic but i dont know what else to do
Sorry for the essay
I had a psycho ex once. Tell her your with someone else even if your not, that should sort it. apart from that keep ignoring her. No reaction is best.
At least yours is 90miles away!!
She has to know that she has absolutely zero chance in having another relationship with you again. You have to make that explicitly clear to her. She could still be hanging on because she might think there's still hope. I know you've blocked her and all, but it takes more than that for some people to get the message. Good luck.
Seems like she doesn't want to let go of you and doesn't want you to forget her, sleeping together after the split was a bad idea but does happen a lot. She probably thought there was a chance you might change your mind and go after her. She needs to realise the past is the past and you won't be together again
She does sound quite obsessed but maybe not neccessarily a stalker, some people find breakups very hard and if she has low self esteem or something it will hit her hard
Cutting contact is an option but I would say don't cut all contact, yes don't talk on phone anymore but maybe the occasional msn conversation will help her realise you have moved on but don't hate her.
Maybe tell the new girl some rough background and warn her. but talk to your ex as well
She does sound quite obsessed but maybe not neccessarily a stalker, some people find breakups very hard and if she has low self esteem or something it will hit her hard
Cutting contact is an option but I would say don't cut all contact, yes don't talk on phone anymore but maybe the occasional msn conversation will help her realise you have moved on but don't hate her.
Maybe tell the new girl some rough background and warn her. but talk to your ex as well
liliwt
I was in a similar situation until a few weeks ago - with me having to turn off my phone, block him on msn and with him creating new accounts and trying to trick me into talking to him, etc etc, even though I was clear how I felt. He started hanging around near my house - he even came to my church and tried talking to me through the vicar! (This was after us breaking up and deciding ''to be friends'' and then a bunch of crap happening).
After like 2 months of this I'd really had enough, and I understand how disruptive and annoying it can be. Like the OP I just don't know why he was doing it seeing as it was bad for both of us.
Anyway it's a lot better now - I think you do need to give way a bit, stop the threatening emails, and talk a bit to her, even if it's just on msn. If you try to keep it civil, you might be able to resolve some stuff without it turning into a massive argument. I just think if you do have at least some contact then she won't be so obsessed with trying to get hold of you and will stop calling you at work etc. That's how it seemed to work for me.
For me, the whole ''cutting off all communication'' seemed like a good idea, but it just didn't work, because there was always some way he could contact me, which made me nervous all the time! But maybe it's different for you since she lives really far away?
And I do think you should say something to the new girl just to avoid nasty surprises.
Sorry about the length of this post
After like 2 months of this I'd really had enough, and I understand how disruptive and annoying it can be. Like the OP I just don't know why he was doing it seeing as it was bad for both of us.
Anyway it's a lot better now - I think you do need to give way a bit, stop the threatening emails, and talk a bit to her, even if it's just on msn. If you try to keep it civil, you might be able to resolve some stuff without it turning into a massive argument. I just think if you do have at least some contact then she won't be so obsessed with trying to get hold of you and will stop calling you at work etc. That's how it seemed to work for me.
For me, the whole ''cutting off all communication'' seemed like a good idea, but it just didn't work, because there was always some way he could contact me, which made me nervous all the time! But maybe it's different for you since she lives really far away?
And I do think you should say something to the new girl just to avoid nasty surprises.
Sorry about the length of this post
i agree. i was a real idiot. sorry li. u didnt need to b scared n nervous tho! n the vicar talked to me not the other way round. neway, enough of "scoring points" as he put it when i saw him 4 personal reasons. ive calmed down now, but i kno its not enough. sorry 4 everything, kindest regards, Tariq
Why would this mess up things with your new girl?
Surely the new girl will recognise that this ex is a nutter and not think worse of you for it, unless there's part of the story that you havent told us
Surely the new girl will recognise that this ex is a nutter and not think worse of you for it, unless there's part of the story that you havent told us
Why bring this back up?!
Related discussions
- My ex gf blocked me after we had sex
- crush
- why is she like this?
- LAMDA foundation course
- gcse revision
- too much?
- Moving on
- I don’t know if I should tell my ex I’m pregnant
- I want to get rid of the hurt from my ex
- What does this mean???
- Argument with gf over looks vs personality debate
- GF sent me nudes that she made for her ex
- is this normal?
- English Language Paper 1 Question 5
- I think my bf has a crush on his cousin
- Am I being gaslit ?
- Am I unlovable?
- guy i’m talking to keeps talking about his ex what do i do?
- IG Stalker
- Does my ex crush like me, please tell me
Latest
Trending
Last reply 20 hours ago
Has anyone had their student finance paid into their partners or parents bank?Last reply 5 days ago
Need practical advice: don't want to do med need more asian parent approved ideasLast reply 1 week ago
will you be attending the john locke 2024 award ceremony???
