The Student Room Group

why isnt he speaking to me?

i met this gorgeous guy about a year and a half ago.we got on really well, but he seems really shy. the first time we met, we ended up talking for like, an hour at a party then we left without exchanging numbers. the next time, at another party, my drunk friend went up to us and said i really fancied him (true). he got really embarrassed and wouldnt talk to me, and left the party early.the enxt party i saw him at, we did arrage to meet up and did exchange numbers. but then he cancelled on the day we were meant to meet. we had discussed being dating etc but the same thing happened the next couple of times - making then breaking the date. then he said he'd call me ver the summer hols but he didnt. when he got back, we went clubbing with our mates, but he asked me if i had got with anyone else iover the summer. i said YES, even tho i hadnt, cos i thought he had no right to be possessive if he cant even meet up with me. he said he had too, but then we both admitted we werelying.

then i found out he had last year had a massive major crush on this girl who did sleep her way round the campus. he did try dating her, but she had a bf. there was a rumor that he had slept with her when they wre drunk, but they both say it is untrue. also, that he was always calling her.he never returns my calls and hardly speaks to me when i do call.she had a bf and they are still together, and she says she hates my guy cos he was stalking her anyway, when i found out about this girl, he denied all of it and was really embarrassed but then he tried to blame me that i found it out, and said he'd never speak to me again.

i caled him xmas eve and we made up, and we spoke a couple of times since. i know he was embarrassed that i found out abnout this girl, so i told him i was still a virgin and didnt want sex before marriage. this was in case me and him ever did get together, so he knows right off, and secondly, the reason i told him, so that he knew something potentially embarrassing about my private life too so we are equal.

now he wont take any of my calls and isnt talking to me since. any ideas why this is?

sorry bout the long post and any help much appecaited. rep will be given cos i just cant figure it out

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Reply 1
You probably dont wana hear this but i reckon its just a case of too much too soon info wise and he is feelng overwhlemed. JUst levae it for a bit; if he is really into you im sure he will get in touch. Either that or fate will bring you together and you will bump into him when you least expect it!
Reply 2
he is in my lectures this year so i see him week to week.
im really hurt cos it was alot for me to tellt hat to him.
its just that i do date alot of guys i am popular but i truly have only ever kissed 3 guys. and even though we had talked about being together in the future, i didnt want him to think i wanted him just for his body
Reply 3
Your so sweet!! Bless ya! I know its hard. Guys just dont get the whole telling each other stuff thing (as a general rule). They dont realise the courage it takes to admit things. I swear the best thing is to try and leave it alone and it will work itself out.
Reply 4
i love him and its valentines day

i just so hurt that i tell a guy i dont believe in sex and he suddenly stops speaking to me
Reply 5
Anonymous
i love him and its valentines day

i just so hurt that i tell a guy i dont believe in sex and he suddenly stops speaking to me


Do you really love him? He seems to have treated you fairly shoddily all along, by your account. And he probably didn't appreciate the logic behind you telling him you didn't want sex before marriage - it could be seen either as a brush off, or you being really inhibited, and to him there might not have been an obvious reason for you telling him. Give him some space.
If he really was calling this girl with a boyfriend very often, even though he was fully aware she was attached, and she saw him as 'stalking' her, he sounds like trouble. Maybe a waste of your affections, especially as he kept cancelling all your dates. (Unless there was a real, serious reason every time of course!)
Although you made up, as he said 'i'm not speaking to you again,' maybe he has had a rethink or is still really embarrassed that you know. Also, perhaps as he was persuing this girl you say 'slept her way around campus,' he is after what she gave to people and might think you wouldn't have sex with him if you're a virgin. Sounds a bit immature to me :frown:
Reply 7
ok i dont really love him. but from his point of view, i cannot understand why he isnt talking to me.
either he thought we can be more than friends and now there is no point as i wont sleep with him.but he hasnt made any effort for that to be the case.
or we are friends, in which case it doesnt matter, then why isnt he talking?

im confised
Reply 8
i caled him xmas eve and we made up, and we spoke a couple of times since. i know he was embarrassed that i found out abnout this girl, so i told him i was still a virgin and didnt want sex before marriage. this was in case me and him ever did get together, so he knows right off, and secondly, the reason i told him, so that he knew something potentially embarrassing about my private life too so we are equal.


:toofunny:

You don't tell a guy there is no chance of hitting it before you're even in a proper relationship.

He ain't talking to you because theres no future in any relationship with you.
Reply 9
but i thought we were just friends? i've been dating other guys meanwhile when he wasnt talkign to me. also he is the same religion as me.
He may have been *considering* a relationship but now thinks there is definitely no point as he won't get what he wants out of it if it happened.
He probably doesn't adhere to the rules of his religion as much as you do, or have as much faith in it. Many people are quite selective about which parts of a religion they agree with in relation to how they live their lives - they may believe they should be good people and treat others as they wish to be treated themselves etc, but not see it as a bad thing to have sex before marriage.
Reply 11
but thats fine, the thing is, we were friends, so i dont understand why he wont take my calls seeing as we can just be friends. when all that stuff happened about that other girl, he said ' we are just friendsremember'

so in this case, how does my not having sex have any relation to him not taking my calls. its not like it goes onto voicemail, he just hangs up with out taking the call
Reply 12
oh yea, another thing, when we went out eg with our friends/at parties, we'd end up outside together or just sitting in a corner for like hours just talking. but we never kissed, although we did discuss that we both wanted to be more than just friends eg relationship

so after a year and a half and we havent kissed, he seems to dont just be after sex from me. im confused and want to text him
Reply 13
anyone, any ideas? its been 3 week since i told him
Reply 14
To be compleatly honest with you, you need to let this guy go. He does not sound like the guy before you need just to leave him alone. You sound a little obessed with him. I think that he has found out that you are a little obessed with him, so thats why he's not talking to you. Maybe you should just let go of him, he's not interested. Thats great that your dating other guys, you keep doing that it will keep your mind off him. Keep us posted :smile:
im sorry to break the news, but he is actually a mute
Reply 16
he isnt a mute. i txt him saying hop you had gd hols etc, seems you dont talkign to me if you dont like my religion i hop e we can still be friends. otherwise please at least let me know the reason.
he replied ' i dont know whats your problem, i have no problem with you i have just been busy'

personally i think the fact he hung up rather than take any of my calls, and he didnt return any of them or reply to my texts shows he does have a problem. we used to be friends i have no idea.

any ideas whats the problem or what i shoiudl do?
Reply 17
Nothing. Leave him alone. He has some kind of twisted reason back there somewhere but it's probably not one you (or many other people) would understand or like. You do sound rather obsessive, and really, he does not deserve your attention.
Reply 18
do you understand the reason? if so , please tell me as i have no idea. i thought we were friends so i dont get how my lack of having sex is a reason not to speak to me.

if i ignore him will he like me more?
Anonymous
if i ignore him will he like me more?

Thats the wrong attitude. You should ignore him because its the right thing to do and move on, if you want him to like you more you are still after him, and I think he's made it clear he doesnt want to be your boyfriend or just friends. The fact that he 'stalked' some other girl and hasnt been nice to you means you are better off without him, even as a friend. He obviously doesnt believe that you just want to be friends, and maybe that is because you do still want more, but either way he wont change his mind, and the more you contact him etc the more scared off he will be. Move on.

To be honest, it is probably the sex thing. Most guys, even very nice guys, and some quite religious guys, dont want a relationship with someone who doesnt believe in sex before marriage. The guys who would be happy with this would mostly also not believe in sex before marriage due to their religious beliefs, so it would be best to look for a boyfriend at a religious group meeting. At my university there were lots of groups like that, such as the 'Christian union'.