Confused...more than friends? (warning: contains drug use)

I know this type of question comes up a lot but I need some help on getting an objective view! I'm female and have a very close male friend who I really like, respect and get along amazingly well with. We lived together for 6 months & spent all our time together, we'd go out together, go and rent movies and watch them together..etc. We were and are very close.

During the last few days we lived together we got hold of some tabs of Ecstasy. We both recreationally use various drugs, so we popped one each and headed out for the night. We danced together all night, took another pill each at the club and ended up very high back at our place & chain smoking on the balcony after the club closed. We ended up kissing several times & then stopped to discuss what was going on..I ended up saying something along the lines of "Look I don't fancy you, you don't fancy me, but what the hell we're high & it doesn't feel uncomfortable. It won't get weird don't worry." He didn't really say anything to that comment and we ended up in his room in the pitch black making out. I gave him a blowjob, he finished himself off and then went to the bathroom to clean up. I wasn't feeling at all uncomfortable about what had happened but he came back in and said "It got weird"..I got pissed off and walked out, slamming the door. Stayed awake and high for a couple more hours & he came out to smoke a joint and more cigarettes and we went back to comfortable chatting as if nothing had happened.

The next day he apologised, blamed it on the drugs and we laughed about it. I got the idea he was embarrassed, not interested in me and we forgot about it. I moved out to travel to another part of the country and then returned to see him a few weeks ago. We spent my birthday high and he spent the whole evening giving me 'I like you' signals, touching me, being flirty..etc. We kissed again and then went back home to his place (where I was staying) and tried to act normal around his brother. At the end of the high we were in my room laying on the bed & he said "I find you so hot"..I laughed it off as the drugs and nothing ended up happening.

We spent the rest of the time I was visiting being normal, but me flirting a bit and him responding. On our last day together he saw me off at the train station and when we were hugging started kissing my neck.

I'm really pretty confused here. Now I don't need a lecture on the evils of drugs. I would just like to hear how other people interpret this. I've been doing a lot of thinking since then and have decided that I really could fall for the guy. We get along so amazingly well, never fought the whole time we lived together and totally understand each other. Plus I found myself getting a tad jealous when he'd point out hot girls to me (I'm bi so we're always pointing out hot chicks to each other!). I'm not his type, he's 23 and likes older women, slim & blonde. I'm 20, curvy (size 14) & have black hair. Other than this shallow thing we are very well suited though.

So should I try and pursue this the next time I see him? Are we just drugged up and silly and doing stuff that normally we wouldn't do cos he's a guy, I'm girl and we're both horny buggers on E? We actually live in different countries, I have duel citizenship, so there would be horrible periods of up to 6 months apart. My head tells me bad idea..my heart says you only live once! OK I'm done apologies for length but I figure detailed is better than 3 lines!

Reply 1

pggirl

Go for it!! You clearly enjoy eachothers company so what is wrong??

Reply 2

brimstone

pggirl

Go for it!! You clearly enjoy eachothers company so what is wrong??

I agree. But taking drugs is a serious problem, and you need to see someone about that.

Reply 3

MattG

I may sound weird, but that situation, altho being confusing, sounds pretty hot. but maybe its the weird lonely on valentines day MattG talking

Reply 4

It's weird how the things you feel on pills can seem real even once you've come down. Mostly, however, they're not. I've made big mistakes this way, one of the reasons I stopped pilling, but you both really need to sort out whether you're attracted to each other when you're sober, and ifany emotions you feel for each other beyond friends is more than just the memories of how you felt when you were all loved up. Good luck :p: