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I barely have any friends :(
Im a male, 19, nearly 20 and live at home.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
Reply 1
Uni should be like a fresh start for everyone with barely anyone knowing anyone
You'll end up talking to more people there for the fact no one knows anyone
Try and think positively
You'll end up talking to more people there for the fact no one knows anyone
Try and think positively
Reply 2
If you get a job I think this will help you to feel a lot more self confident. In turn working will also help develop your social skills and improve yourself esteem. So getting a job will be the first step on the ladder to having a more enjoyable life.
Good Luck,
Mike.
Good Luck,
Mike.
Reply 3
i agree with the guy above, think of Uni as a chance to recreate yourself.Nobody there knows you're actually shy so try and be more open and talkative. You must have some friends or people you talk to?
Reply 4
I already went to uni last september and left because I felt so awkward and out of place 
. I wasnt ready to be in that environment so came home and told myself I would do all these things to improve my confidence and self esteem and social skills.....that was 5 months ago and ive done NOTHING so if anything Im much, much worse than I was before.
. I wasnt ready to be in that environment so came home and told myself I would do all these things to improve my confidence and self esteem and social skills.....that was 5 months ago and ive done NOTHING so if anything Im much, much worse than I was before.Reply 5
15
Okay- so we all feel isolated at times (it just so happens your time is slightly longer than others), but seriously, really make an effort- you can't change things over night. I'd suggest every day going out for a walk in a populated area and then make a point of smiling at people and making eye contact- if you think it's a bit random, then go into shops and make eye contact and conversation with the shop assistants.
Go to the gym- you'll meet new people, it'll build your self confidence and get you fitter. Also try and get a job. If you don't look the part, you're considerably lowering your chances of getting one, so smarten up and be pro-active in looking for a job.
Try and join some kind of society, best bet is to re-join a college course where you can meet new people and join clubs and stuff there- that really is the best way to do all this. If you get down (which is likely, hardly anyone has a pain free life), then try to pick yourself up and start afresh. Be resilient and above all, be positive. You weren't born with some kind of permenant barrier which barred you from having friends- you put that 'barrier' there yourself. It's your job to remove it- and it'll be a slow process, but just keep making sure it is moving. I pretty much believe that there's hardly anything that you can't change pyschologically- you just have to realise your potential. Once you realise that you're valuable- other people will too. You have to open yourself up to other people otherwise they have no chance of knowing you.
It's all there already- you just have to discover it and make it happen!
Go to the gym- you'll meet new people, it'll build your self confidence and get you fitter. Also try and get a job. If you don't look the part, you're considerably lowering your chances of getting one, so smarten up and be pro-active in looking for a job.
Try and join some kind of society, best bet is to re-join a college course where you can meet new people and join clubs and stuff there- that really is the best way to do all this. If you get down (which is likely, hardly anyone has a pain free life), then try to pick yourself up and start afresh. Be resilient and above all, be positive. You weren't born with some kind of permenant barrier which barred you from having friends- you put that 'barrier' there yourself. It's your job to remove it- and it'll be a slow process, but just keep making sure it is moving. I pretty much believe that there's hardly anything that you can't change pyschologically- you just have to realise your potential. Once you realise that you're valuable- other people will too. You have to open yourself up to other people otherwise they have no chance of knowing you.
It's all there already- you just have to discover it and make it happen!
Reply 6
Thats the EXACT same position that im in, unemployed, don't know anyone anymore and im 20. It seems impossible to make friends I have a few but they have their own lives. Pm me if ya wanna talk
Reply 7
Hello mate,
I used to be the same, although to be fair I always had a couple of friends. I've never suffered from depression but my mum does and I know exactly how tough it can be and how down on yourself it makes you feel. There really is no easy way out, and it's going to take a lot of effort on your part but if you're dedicated to making friends and getting out of the rut that you think you're in then you'll do it!
Honestly... people are too hard on themselves. Me? I used to hate myself. I was bullied a lot at school and when this happens you start to wonder why. "Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because of this? Is it because of that?" and pretty soon these questions become beliefs and you're now saying "Yep, people bully me because I'm ugly, because I'm skinny, too tall, too fat, like computers blah blah blah". These thoughts end up overpowering everything, and you're gonna have to learn to stop doing it to yourself.
I thought I was really ugly, and that's why girls weren't interested in me. It's only in the past couple of years that I realised I was gorgeous
What I didn't realise was that I was projecting someone that was sad and lonely. I walked around with my head down looking at the ground, shoulders hunched, scuffing my feet along. If you do this... stop.... now! Lift your chest up, push your shoulders back, put your chin up and look ahead. Seriously, it took me ages to get comfortable doing this. Whenever someone would walk by I would look at the ground again, then look up when they passed. Baby steps.
Buy some self-help books. Read them. 'How to gain confidence' and the like. If you're embarrassed about buying them, get them on Amazon.
I HATE trivial conversations. You'll find that a lot of the people who talk about crap like this have no goals, work in an office doing a 9 to 5 and will do for the rest of their lives (no offense to football/women lovers). Who cares? What do you like? I mean what do you really like? There are always people who will like the same stuff as you and will chat with you for hours about it. Me? I have a certain affliction with the English language, computers, and random, made up conversations about things that don't even exist. You think you don't have a personality but I bet you're creative, and anyone who's creative can talk about some crap that they just made up. It's easy.
Join a club. Do it. Don't worry about whether people are going to like you or talk to you or anything. Do it because you like doing it, people will see that you are interested and will chat to you.
You know, I could be telling you all this, and you could be reading it on the other end and thinking "yeah whatever, that won't work" and "easy for you to say" etc. Five years ago I would have said the same thing. Now I know differently.
So in conclusion... get that job, join some clubs, keep going to the gym, get some books, practise good body posture (you won't believe how much better this alone will make you feel) and don't worry about uni. You WILL make friends there. Everybody does.
I hope I've helped even a tinsy bit
I used to be the same, although to be fair I always had a couple of friends. I've never suffered from depression but my mum does and I know exactly how tough it can be and how down on yourself it makes you feel. There really is no easy way out, and it's going to take a lot of effort on your part but if you're dedicated to making friends and getting out of the rut that you think you're in then you'll do it!
Honestly... people are too hard on themselves. Me? I used to hate myself. I was bullied a lot at school and when this happens you start to wonder why. "Is it because I'm ugly? Is it because of this? Is it because of that?" and pretty soon these questions become beliefs and you're now saying "Yep, people bully me because I'm ugly, because I'm skinny, too tall, too fat, like computers blah blah blah". These thoughts end up overpowering everything, and you're gonna have to learn to stop doing it to yourself.
I thought I was really ugly, and that's why girls weren't interested in me. It's only in the past couple of years that I realised I was gorgeous
What I didn't realise was that I was projecting someone that was sad and lonely. I walked around with my head down looking at the ground, shoulders hunched, scuffing my feet along. If you do this... stop.... now! Lift your chest up, push your shoulders back, put your chin up and look ahead. Seriously, it took me ages to get comfortable doing this. Whenever someone would walk by I would look at the ground again, then look up when they passed. Baby steps.
Buy some self-help books. Read them. 'How to gain confidence' and the like. If you're embarrassed about buying them, get them on Amazon.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that.
I HATE trivial conversations. You'll find that a lot of the people who talk about crap like this have no goals, work in an office doing a 9 to 5 and will do for the rest of their lives (no offense to football/women lovers). Who cares? What do you like? I mean what do you really like? There are always people who will like the same stuff as you and will chat with you for hours about it. Me? I have a certain affliction with the English language, computers, and random, made up conversations about things that don't even exist. You think you don't have a personality but I bet you're creative, and anyone who's creative can talk about some crap that they just made up. It's easy.
Join a club. Do it. Don't worry about whether people are going to like you or talk to you or anything. Do it because you like doing it, people will see that you are interested and will chat to you.
You know, I could be telling you all this, and you could be reading it on the other end and thinking "yeah whatever, that won't work" and "easy for you to say" etc. Five years ago I would have said the same thing. Now I know differently.
So in conclusion... get that job, join some clubs, keep going to the gym, get some books, practise good body posture (you won't believe how much better this alone will make you feel) and don't worry about uni. You WILL make friends there. Everybody does.
I hope I've helped even a tinsy bit
Reply 8
I'm in a similar situation and I'd like to thank KingRalph for the excellent advice - it's at least given me some faith in self-improvement
Reply 9
Anonymous
I'm in a similar situation and I'd like to thank KingRalph for the excellent advice - it's at least given me some faith in self-improvement
Glad I could be of help
.Reply 10
14
Anonymous
Im a male, 19, nearly 20 and live at home.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
You need one hell of a confidence boost!
My advice would be to break up your week, take it 24 hours at a time. Say ok I'm going to do my laundry for the next 2 hours, read etc.
If you want to make new friends then I'm afraid a job sounds essential. It's in your favour to do so. Get out the and just think to hell with it, I need money and I need a life. A positive attitude is the key to all of this. Without it you're going to go nowhere. If you don't know how to interact then just do something-talk about anything and learn the hard way.
Sort your attitude out and get out there. Its as simple as that. Who cares if your different from the average male? You will find that they tend to respect someone who voices their own opinion and who knows they may learn from you.
Reply 11
most people who seem to be really confident are actually bricking it on the inside, they just have that skill where they can give an appearance of confidence. Trust me, in a situation such as uni where everyone is new, everyone will be dead nervous. You can use that to your advantage, people who are nervous in a situation will be friendly towards you talking to em no matter what, theres no social groups already built etc...easiest time to make friends.
As for not being able to get conversations flowing, thats the easiest thing...just ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, if going into a uni situation for example ask em where theyre from/what a levels they did/their results/their offers/waht they did over the summer etc...you can easily clock up conversation just by listening. Once youve broken the ice you should find it easier to talk to them in the future.
As for not being able to get conversations flowing, thats the easiest thing...just ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, if going into a uni situation for example ask em where theyre from/what a levels they did/their results/their offers/waht they did over the summer etc...you can easily clock up conversation just by listening. Once youve broken the ice you should find it easier to talk to them in the future.
Reply 12
superalex16
People love to talk about themselves
This advice is excellent. It's extremely true. (especially when we're talking about the ladies)
Reply 13
go to uni and surly you could make some great friends
Reply 14
Anonymous
Im a male, 19, nearly 20 and live at home.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
Currently Im not employed due to suffering from depression in the past few months (I am looking for work though).
Therefore I spend a lot of time at home doing nothing. Im a quiet and shy guy, and dont really have a personality. I certainly dont have any charisma or natural social skills and I absolutely suck at conversations.
I really have very very few people I can call friends and its starting to kill me inside. When Im around new people I just cant ever relate to them or hold their interest, and I cant blame them because people are naturally drawn to talkative or funny people etc. Why would they wanna be friends with someone who barely talks and doesnt know how to interact?
I also hate my body, my face etc. Im convinved I look stupid no matter what I wear. In an attempt to improve my confidence I joined a gym.
I tend to find I cant get on with most males, when all they do is talk about football or shagging girls and stuff like that. Im just not like that. I also find it hard to just relax and have a laugh, Im constantly nervous and try to slip into the background.
I just dont know how to get myself out of this situation, Im supopsed to be going uni in September but seeing as though I havent made any friends the past two years I have no social skills at all and wonder if it will all be worth it.
Mate, you wrote a lot, I can remember when I was around that age, (hey I ain't that old now) feeling much the same. I even wrote much the same to a mate in a letter like this. Hoping he would put me in tune with life. He would always boast about all the chicks he shagged but the real true was yeah he had a gal and yeah he shagged her, but she was the only gal. I know how your feeling when you hear those type of stories, but the only one around it. that being you. You should slip into how you want your life to run, and it does happen. You got whats tons have the Shy feeling. With all the ways around this now, getting to know people is kinda easy. That being thanks to these kinda website, and internet in general giving us the chance to chat totally free. I feel I am a shy guy, thats why I use my rock website to get in out of my closed world. Use the chatrooms, chat to chicks, guys everyone. That way your come out of yourself to chat, and get to know many kinds of friend,me even.
I wish you well mate
Reply 15
it seems to me like this problem has been builiding up over the years u ve not settled in a few situations and now u find it impossible to fit in anywhere cos of lack of confidence!
But seriously- u cant be that bad looking and even if ur not stunning looks are far from everything!
As for "having no personality" please dont go thinking that, u must have some interests, there must be things that make u laugh, things u enjoy. U might find it difficult in social situations but just keep on trying an as u get to know people better i have a feeling u ll come out of your shell and start opening yourself up to other people and discovering urself--wot u like(your identity)
U say that most guys u meet talk bout football and girls--- lol well u obviously dont know guys like the guys i do. Definetely go ahead to uni there is such a diverse range of people that go an u ll find that u fit it somewhere.
lack of social skills-- it might seem like everyone has great socials skills but its all a front. just act happy and try to join in conversations u ll soon find people u like and people u dont!
Most importantly start to like yourself cos if u dont like yourself why should anyone else bother.
Anways that my piece. I m only 17 so not exactly full of worldly wisdom but ... oh well. hope it helps
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk good luck with the future
But seriously- u cant be that bad looking and even if ur not stunning looks are far from everything!
As for "having no personality" please dont go thinking that, u must have some interests, there must be things that make u laugh, things u enjoy. U might find it difficult in social situations but just keep on trying an as u get to know people better i have a feeling u ll come out of your shell and start opening yourself up to other people and discovering urself--wot u like(your identity)
U say that most guys u meet talk bout football and girls--- lol well u obviously dont know guys like the guys i do. Definetely go ahead to uni there is such a diverse range of people that go an u ll find that u fit it somewhere.
lack of social skills-- it might seem like everyone has great socials skills but its all a front. just act happy and try to join in conversations u ll soon find people u like and people u dont!
Most importantly start to like yourself cos if u dont like yourself why should anyone else bother.
Anways that my piece. I m only 17 so not exactly full of worldly wisdom but ... oh well. hope it helps
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk
good luck with the future Reply 16
Maybe you should try and work on your depression first...?
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