Pacing myself . .

Im slightly worried about posting on here, even as anonymous. If the person in question reads it anf figures it might be me, she might be a bit annoyed or sumthin. :frown:

But i needed some guidance.
SO ANYWAY......

I met the greatest gal. I havn't known her very long but ive talked to her on msn a while and met her twice since. We went for a few casual nights out and ended up hugging and holding hands, and she seemed ok with it.

But on the second occasion, she seemed a bit peculiar about it, which she later explained to me. She said she liked the hugging etc, but she wasnt sure how to respond (she hasnt had a bf before, or maybe not much male attention at all which i find ridiculous as shes really pretty) so she thought we should stop hugging and stuff cos it was making her feel uncomfortable.

So im left worrying. Im think she likes me that way (more than friends) but im not sure what to do.
-Do i stop hugging her like she wants and stuff? - but then if i stop totally she might think i dont like her that way anymore.
-Do i carry on hugging her and hope maybe she'll respond at some point?
Or is there another way to deal with it cos im so unsure?

I really respect her wishes but i have growing feelings for her and i want to express them and hugging seems the best way to begin.
Any guidance would be appreciated. Im not exactly great at this and hearing other ppls opinions would be cool.

Reply 1

Misogynist

18

Just casually put your arm around her when you're walking with her? it's not hugging and a really good way of expressing your feelings for her.

Reply 2

rosetinted

2

If she is uncomfortable because of the physical contact then cut way back on it. Don't force yourself on her if it's something she has clearly expressed makes her feel uneasy. Sounds like she is shy and nervous about getting into unfamiliar territory, so take it really slow. Rather than showing your appreciation of her and affection by touching, try complimenting her. "I really enjoy spending time with you"..etc.

If I were in your situation I would say to her "I really enjoy hugging you and holding your hand but I don't want to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. How about if you feel like you want to hug or anything you say "hug" or you hug me". When I had my first boyfriend we were both pretty shy so we developed this silly thing where one would turn to the other and go "HUG!" and we'd hug each other and giggle over it.

It will be good for her to be the one initiating contact. That way you aren't forcing anything on her, she won't feel pressured and if she really does enjoy hugging and stuff then it'll get her to take control a bit and be the one to start it.

Reply 3

starya

rosetinted

If she is uncomfortable because of the physical contact then cut way back on it. Don't force yourself on her if it's something she has clearly expressed makes her feel uneasy. Sounds like she is shy and nervous about getting into unfamiliar territory, so take it really slow. Rather than showing your appreciation of her and affection by touching, try complimenting her. "I really enjoy spending time with you"..etc.

-----

It will be good for her to be the one initiating contact. That way you aren't forcing anything on her, she won't feel pressured and if she really does enjoy hugging and stuff then it'll get her to take control a bit and be the one to start it.

Exactly. Don't force yourself onto her. But I'd say you can still have some physical contact every now and then as it sounds like she wants to, but she's just afraid and doesn't know how to react. If she seems uncomfortable with anything, stop. Patience is a virtue. :smile:

Reply 4

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

Tell her you do like her but you're going to respect her wishes and not be full on with her. That way if she does like you too, eventually she'll let you know.

Reply 5

Monkey_Maiden

11

Hmm it's kind of tricky, I would say maybe cut back on holding hands and the hugging but still make it clear you like her and enjoy being with her. Compliment her maybe.
I know it's hard to kind of take a step back but she's obviously very shy and you have to respect that, the last thing you want is to scare her off.
everyone is different though, when I had my first proper boyfriend I had only known him a week but when he asked me out I went for it and were very huggy straight away, this girl obv wants to take things slow

Reply 6

Oddity

1

Like everyone else told you this girl just wants to take things slow. she probably is scared and shy... I think that, instead of touching her, you should make it clear that you like her through what you saw rather than expressing it through physical contact.
Let us know how it turns out.

Reply 7

FireDeuce

14

Don't hug her as much as you do already, but occasionally hug her then pretend to be all sorry and then she'll be like "no, i like it" and then your sorted!

Reply 8

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

FireDeuce

Don't hug her as much as you do already, but occasionally hug her then pretend to be all sorry and then she'll be like "no, i like it" and then your sorted!

Funny but SO true. Rep coming your way when I'm next able to do it lol

Reply 9

q1w2e3r4t5y

Dream Theater

Just casually put your arm around her when you're walking with her? it's not hugging and a really good way of expressing your feelings for her.

She might hate that, I mean it gives the impression that they're a couple and she might not want that.

Pacing myself . .

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