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War Propeganda Recruitment Poem

Me and a mate produced this poem in an A-Level English Lit lesson. The task was to produce a recruitment poem and this is what we came up with. Just thought I'd post this to see what you guys thought....

Your Country

When your country becomes under threat,
What are you going to do?
Are you just going to sit there and let,
The Germans over run you?

Your country needs you brave man,
To get up and make a stand.
To go over to France and do all you can,
With rifle and pistol in hand

Are you bored of the dark, damp days?
Are you sick of the same, old scene?
So come and learn the military ways,
And tell you're children to France you've been

I joined up and look at me now,
I'm head and shoulders above the rest.
And now i can take a bow,
As I fought my very best

So join the Army, what do you say?
Its something you can do.
Its quite an experience and pretty good pay,
Remember! "Your Country Needs You!"


So what you guys think, please post your opinions.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
I'd think about:

a) how I would spell propaganda;
b) how I could improve my spelling; and
c) working on punctuation;

especially if I were doing my Eng Lit A levels.
ooh i spelt Propaganda wrong. Big wow! Just cos u r a swot at cambridge!! For your information I produced this in 10 mins!!!!
Reply 3
Wow. You asked for feedback and my opinion - I gave both.

Markers notice things like spelling, punctuation in English Lit - I hear it can directly affect your marks :eek: :eek:

Who said I was at the University of Cambridge?
I'll be honest...
I dont come from Cambridge University

However, i do know a good poem when i see one and unfortunetley this isn't.
Reasons- Horrible syntax- the rhyming seemed very forced and this made the poem less effective as the whole message did not flow. Ask yourself, would that poem have encouraged the masses to join the army. Personally, i think not.
Reply 5
Heya first off your very brave posting your poetry on here, I write but wouldnt post it here for all the tea in China :biggrin:

You have the foundations of a good poem, but I suggest you perhaps lengthen your second and fourth lines abit, for example here:

Your country needs you brave man,
To get up and make a stand.
To go over to France and do all you can,
With rifle and pistol in hand

Lengthening it with adjectives could add effectiveness to your poem, as well as establishing a good rhythm. Hope this helps. :smile:
Reply 6
Actually I dont know what to think anymore, how confusing..
Reply 7
It's abysmal; certainly, when one considers that this ensued from a half-hour's scribbling during my second lesson in AS English Literature.
Reply 8
All rights reserved, © Profesh

Is that legally binding?
Reply 9
Ferrus
Is that legally binding?


Nominally, no less so than anything else that bears such a hallmark; why do you ask?
Reply 10
King For A Day
ooh i spelt Propaganda wrong. Big wow! Just cos u r a swot at cambridge!! For your information I produced this in 10 mins!!!!


No; you didn't.
Reply 11
Profesh
Nominally, no less so than anything else that bears such a hallmark; why do you ask?

I was thinking of plagiarising it, why else? :wink:
Reply 12
Profesh
It's abysmal; certainly, when one considers that this ensued from a half-hour's scribbling during my second lesson in AS English Literature.
Profesh! *worships* that is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous darlink!! Would that I could be a your pen so I could write like you!
Reply 13
wots wrong wit u guys, its good. well done my friend.
rackham
wots wrong wit u guys, its good. well done my friend.


THANK YOU!! Someone finally has realised that it is a gud poem. positive rep coming your way!! Cheers!!
King For A Day
THANK YOU!! Someone finally has realised that it is a gud poem. positive rep coming your way!! Cheers!!

:laugh:
Reply 16
:ditto:
Reply 17
seagat1 u obviously have a problem with king for a day, if anything u look as though u have created da problem by posting spite filled comments. he asked 4 peoples opinions on his poem, not his spelling or punctuation, but his POEM. bet dis post kills u cause i havent spelt things right, but that d way it is!

leave king for a day alone he does not deserve this.
Reply 18
Well...

I'm doing the ww1 module right now and actually, none of the recruitment poems seem to be very good - as in they don't come across as good, worthy 'literature'.

So your poem fits in with the genre very well in that it covers the aspects of bravery, comradeship and patriotism et al.

A few points. Your rhythm is all over the place, these lines need to either scan (a good one for reference is 'Who's for the game' by Jessie Pope) or you could try a mixture of free verse and rhyme which you can find in 'Comrades : An Episode' by Robert Nichols. The latter would be easier to pull of if you've problems with scanscion as you can chop and change with line lengths, end-rhyme, enjambement etc and you won't end up with cringeworthy lines like this: "And tell you're children to France you've been".

What else... bits that just don't fit in with the ww1 timeline: "the same, old scene?" just doesn't ring true as a phrase that would have been used circa 1914. "Its quite an experience and pretty good pay," this comes across as either sarcastic or just strange. Would a recruitment poem really have said this, especially as the average recruit (not officer level) was paid less than an unskilled worker?

I think you've got the right idea, you just don't have the belief in the subject matter combined with technical skill, so it doesn't come off. Also, this poem is quite unoriginal. I know you're probably going for the 'typical' recruitment poem but there is no 'wow' here. A war poem that is absolutely exceptional (in my opinion) is 'What the bullet sang' by Francis Bret Harte, so you might look to that for inspiration and to get out of the idea of the traditional (and thus generic) war poem.
Mata
Well...

I'm doing the ww1 module right now and actually, none of the recruitment poems seem to be very good - as in they don't come across as good, worthy 'literature'.

So your poem fits in with the genre very well in that it covers the aspects of bravery, comradeship and patriotism et al.

A few points. Your rhythm is all over the place, these lines need to either scan (a good one for reference is 'Who's for the game' by Jessie Pope) or you could try a mixture of free verse and rhyme which you can find in 'Comrades : An Episode' by Robert Nichols. The latter would be easier to pull of if you've problems with scanscion as you can chop and change with line lengths, end-rhyme, enjambement etc and you won't end up with cringeworthy lines like this: "And tell you're children to France you've been".

What else... bits that just don't fit in with the ww1 timeline: "the same, old scene?" just doesn't ring true as a phrase that would have been used circa 1914. "Its quite an experience and pretty good pay," this comes across as either sarcastic or just strange. Would a recruitment poem really have said this, especially as the average recruit (not officer level) was paid less than an unskilled worker?

I think you've got the right idea, you just don't have the belief in the subject matter combined with technical skill, so it doesn't come off. Also, this poem is quite unoriginal. I know you're probably going for the 'typical' recruitment poem but there is no 'wow' here. A war poem that is absolutely exceptional (in my opinion) is 'What the bullet sang' by Francis Bret Harte, so you might look to that for inspiration and to get out of the idea of the traditional (and thus generic) war poem.


Thanks for your comment. I find this comment the most useful of all. It states the good points and the bad points about it. Thanks

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