Boyfriend's/ friends and clubbing it cant work?

In London where we livee

I admit I'd throw a hissy fit if a bloke told me I had a 12pm curfew on a night out. He's not your dad. Just stop at a mate's instead if you dont want to wake him up. I know you say you wont get to see him for a while, but you're allowed to go out with your mates. I'd tell him to get stuffed tbh...

This attitude is one of the reasons so many relationships fail.

Too many people with a 'it's my life I'll do what I want' attitude instead of being willing to compromise.

I was about to say 'well i am single, so you're probably right', then remember I've just started a new relationship. Poor lad.


I'm a firm believer in being independent within a relationship. I do things with them, I'm emotionally invested, I'll compromise on many issues. I'll even let them share my bloody duvet.
But first and foremost I am a 22year old woman. I've my own friendships, I have my own interests, I have my own life. I'm not saying the OP should telll him to go **** himself if she's trying to go out every night and she never gets to see him. I'm not saying she should totally ignore his wishes..
but for one evening she wants to go and have a dance with her friends and he says NO?! No negotiation. No compromise. Just - no, I'm going to bed you need to be back by 12?
I'm sorry but for me that crosses the compromise line. It's not about the night out exactly, it's about what it stands for and his treatment of her and most of all his interest in her individual life. I just couldn't stand for it.

I agree about having your own independance within a relationship. you can't tell someone what to do as such as you'd be controlling them and a relationship won't work if that happens. If I didn't want my girlfriend to go somewhere and she still went anyway, I'd end it, I wouldn't tell her to do anything.

Regarding the actual night out though, it's more about the venue, I assume we're talking about nights out, i.e. nightclubs.

I don't think anyone in a relationship should be going to nightclubs, not regularly anyway.

Being on a dancefloor drunk surrounded by the opposite sex (who will try to woo you, let's not kid ourselves) and peer pressure isn't necessary or a good idea when you're in a relationship. Us men know how other men work, this is why we don't want our girlfriends around such temptations.

It would be a dealbreaker for me personally if my girlfriend wanted to have a night out in a club somewhere but again you can't tell someone what to do.

You often hear of girls who've cheated and then say they didn't plan it, it just happened, they were drunk etc. You're creating the perfect scenario for yourself to do something you wouldn't normally. 'Nights out' need to be a thing of the past and out of your system before you think about getting serious with someone in my opinion.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this.
There's no way I could ever agree that attached women shouldn't be going to nightclubs. On the upside, if we ever went out the break up would be mutual!

No problem.

You don't see how a nightclub is inappropriate for someone in a relationship to be in though?

A desire to go to clubs regularly (emphasis on regularly as there are exceptions where it's not a problem) indicates certain presonality traits are present in the individual which means they aren't ready for a relationship.

I personally would be asking myself why she wants to go.

If she says she likes to dance or she likes the music, we can arrange to set up my stereo system in the lounge and she can invite her friends round and drink in there, see if she's OK with that.

DO you have any idea how patronising that sounds lol? That's like when a young child wants to go to the school disco and the parents aren't comfortable with it so they say 'we'll do our own mini disco at home that your friends can come to'

Personally I like to drink, I like to dance and I like to have a good time. I also like my boyfriend to respect that I have enough self-control and strength of character not to cheat on him or put myself in a position where I'm so drunk I'd do something like that. It's called trust and respect, imo.

Alright if you're going out everynight, then maybe you've got an issue. But once week, or once a fortnight (or less, or whatever) shouldn't be a problem, noty our age. Getting into a relationship shouldn't be tantamount to house arrest.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this.
There's no way I could ever agree that attached women shouldn't be going to nightclubs. On the upside, if we ever went out the break up would be mutual!

Lettuce be cereal, the only reason you want to go is to get attention off males to boost your ego, inflate your self-worth and get a kick out of rejecting any who make a move on you.

DO you have any idea how patronising that sounds lol? That's like when a young child wants to go to the school disco and the parents aren't comfortable with it so they say 'we'll do our own mini disco at home that your friends can come to'

Personally I like to drink, I like to dance and I like to have a good time. I also like my boyfriend to respect that I have enough self-control and strength of character not to cheat on him or put myself in a position where I'm so drunk I'd do something like that. It's called trust and respect, imo.

Alright if you're going out everynight, then maybe you've got an issue. But once week, or once a fortnight (or less, or whatever) shouldn't be a problem, noty our age. Getting into a relationship shouldn't be tantamount to house arrest.

I agree about having your own independance within a relationship. you can't tell someone what to do as such as you'd be controlling them and a relationship won't work if that happens. If I didn't want my girlfriend to go somewhere and she still went anyway, I'd end it, I wouldn't tell her to do anything.

Regarding the actual night out though, it's more about the venue, I assume we're talking about nights out, i.e. nightclubs.

I don't think anyone in a relationship should be going to nightclubs, not regularly anyway.

Being on a dancefloor drunk surrounded by the opposite sex (who will try to woo you, let's not kid ourselves) and peer pressure isn't necessary or a good idea when you're in a relationship. Us men know how other men work, this is why we don't want our girlfriends around such temptations.

It would be a dealbreaker for me personally if my girlfriend wanted to have a night out in a club somewhere but again you can't tell someone what to do.

You often hear of girls who've cheated and then say they didn't plan it, it just happened, they were drunk etc. You're creating the perfect scenario for yourself to do something you wouldn't normally. 'Nights out' need to be a thing of the past and out of your system before you think about getting serious with someone in my opinion.

DO you have any idea how patronising that sounds lol? That's like when a young child wants to go to the school disco and the parents aren't comfortable with it so they say 'we'll do our own mini disco at home that your friends can come to'

Personally I like to drink, I like to dance and I like to have a good time. I also like my boyfriend to respect that I have enough self-control and strength of character not to cheat on him or put myself in a position where I'm so drunk I'd do something like that. It's called trust and respect, imo.

Alright if you're going out everynight, then maybe you've got an issue. But once week, or once a fortnight (or less, or whatever) shouldn't be a problem, noty our age. Getting into a relationship shouldn't be tantamount to house arrest.

Wow - urm ok, yeah urm no

As a bloke i would never dream of telling the partner i am emtionally invested what she can and cannot do. I go clubbing when im in a relationship and no objection to when she does and if she is trustworthy then you have nothing to worry about. Not everyone goes to clubs just to pull

The bolded bit makes you out to be a controlling hypocrite (you say you cant tell someone what to do then say youl end it if she did what you didnt want her to do)

The fact you regard it as a dealbreaker shows more about your insecurity than anything else.

You can't use the self-control or willpower excuse, that's a cop out. You shouldn't even be tempted at all if you love your partner, nobody should be able to compare to them, the fact you would even need self-control is a bad sign. Surround yourself with targets and eventually you will hit something. Doesn't matter if you turn it down 1 time or 100 times, eventually you will slip up. Just ask a smoker trying to quit using willpower alone.

Also the classic 'it's fine if you trust each other' line. Does trust stop someone from cheating, really? Do you think people decide not to cheat because their partner 'trusts' them? It doesn't make a difference, all it means is you will or won't be paranoid when they go out to clubs (depending on if you trust them or not), it doesn't actually stop them from cheating, people don't decide not to cheat because their partner trusts them. It should come from within because like I already explained, you shouldn't need self-control.

Lettuce be cereal, the only reason you want to go is to get attention off males to boost your ego, inflate your self-worth and get a kick out of rejecting any who make a move on you.

No problem.

You don't see how a nightclub is inappropriate for someone in a relationship to be in though?

A desire to go to clubs regularly (emphasis on regularly as there are exceptions where it's not a problem) indicates certain presonality traits are present in the individual which means they aren't ready for a relationship.

I personally would be asking myself why she wants to go.

If she says she likes to dance or she likes the music, we can arrange to set up my stereo system in the lounge and she can invite her friends round and drink in there, see if she's OK with that.