Breakup

Right, this is very long, so sorry in advance.

Basically, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a couple of days ago. This is completely out of the blue, as he says he had a sudden realisation when I was out of the country last week that he didn't love me any more, and that we should split up. He's in his first year of uni and I'm at college, and while we had some problems with the distance during the first term we agreed over Christmas that we could make it work, and that it was worth staying together. And during the last few weeks, for the first time in ages, I felt things were going perfectly - I went to visit him at Uni a couple of weekends ago and it was perfect, and we spent some lovely time together and he was really romantic and sweet and said that he loved me. So how can it have changed so fast?

He could have just been lying for the past few weeks, but he's normally a rubbish liar so I don't see how that could have worked. And he normally doesn't snap into making decisions quickly, so that doesn't seem right either. But he said to me on the phone that he was ending it, and that he thought we shouldn't have any communication for a few weeks to make it a clean break. I'm currently finding this very, very, very hard. It wouldn't be so bad if I could speak to him just as a friend, but to suddenly be cut off is horrible.

He hasn't been in contact with any of our mutual friends that I know of telling them that we've broken up, except in response to my best friend's email asking to clarify the situation. And in that email he was just really vague saying that he felt bad for upsetting me cos he still loved me as a friend.. but I don't want him to love me as a friend, I want him to love me as his girlfriend, in every way, like I love him. I can't even be angry at him cos he was so nice on the phone, letting me cry and be pathetic.

So basically, I'm finding this whole thing very difficult (it doesn't help that the situation as coincided with my Mum being ill, a close family friend dying, and a school friend being arrested and subsequently expelled from school). I miss him so desperately and I love him, I love him, and he doesn't love me back in this way and I'm finding it so hard to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be able to hold hands with him, stroke his hair, wake up next to him again. It's all just such a shock, and so out of the blue when I thought things were going well.

So what do I do? Cling to the hope that he changes his mind and still loves me (as I have done in the past), or try my best to move on and forget him. And how do I do that? How can I just stop loving him? It really hurts, I can't concentrate on schoolwork at a time when my grades really matter, and all I want to do is curl up and cry.

Reply 1

SamTheMan

17

Do you think you feel bad because you were with him for so long?

Do you think you could be happy with someone else?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

No, pathetic as it sounds, I love him for who he is, not just the security of our relationship. It's just such a shock that it's gone from perfect to.. non-existant so fast and with seemingly no warning. The fact that he hasn't spoken to anyone and made the decision so fast makes me want to cling to the idea that he's made a mistake and will change his mind, but I don't think I should be thinking like this. It feels horrible, and I miss him.

Reply 3

SamTheMan

17

Anonymous

No, pathetic as it sounds, I love him for who he is, not just the security of our relationship. It's just such a shock that it's gone from perfect to.. non-existant so fast and with seemingly no warning. The fact that he hasn't spoken to anyone and made the decision so fast makes me want to cling to the idea that he's made a mistake and will change his mind, but I don't think I should be thinking like this. It feels horrible, and I miss him.

Well you could try and get an explanation from him since you're on speaking terms, just as long as you don't pester him and make things worse.

Breakup

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