I can't make my girlfriend orgasm anymore :(

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Ok so basically me and my girlfriend have been dating since before uni and were in a sexual relationship before uni aswell. We're both in our second year now. Before we first started having sex we talked alot about what she liked etc, and when we started having sex I could make her orgasm 9/10 times because I listened to what she wanted. Then we went to different uni's but stayed together.

About halfway into the first year at uni she asked if I was ok with her buying a vibrator, and I said yes because they don't bother me in the slightest, however after a couple of months when I went to visit her we had sex a few times and i hadn't made her orgasm. At the time I put this down to me not having sex in a while so I suggested that we used the vibrator whilst we were having sex and we did and she came a few times

Basically though I've found that since she brought her vibrator it's become increasingly difficult for me to make her orgasm with it, to the point that now she uses it EVERY time we have sex. I mean, I'm happy she's able to orgasm but I used to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when we had sex but now i just think "well it's not even me making her orgasm" and it gets me down knowing that i cant make her orgasm anymore plus it gets boring and if im honest annoying when she uses the vibrator every time.

My question is can the vibrator have de-sensitised her somehow? and if so is this permanent? or is there a way that i can start to make her orgasm again?
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DeaKay27
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#2
Report 9 years ago
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Well, were you doing the same thing to make her orgasm before she got the vibrator? Sometimes once a female gets used to whatever made her orgasm she gets used to the feeling and the sensation is weaker than before. Maybe she needed change?

I wouldn't buy a vibrator myself because I don't want to gain more pleasure outta a toy than a man.

I don't think the vibrator de-sensitised her but it's giving her a different sensation which may feel better and gives her more pleasure than intercourse.

You can make her orgasm again by trying something new... don't stick to the SAME thing. Change is good
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alawhisp
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#3
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She probably just got tired of faking it and now uses the vibe to ensure she gets a happy ending too.
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Kattt_452
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so basically me and my girlfriend have been dating since before uni and were in a sexual relationship before uni aswell. We're both in our second year now. Before we first started having sex we talked alot about what she liked etc, and when we started having sex I could make her orgasm 9/10 times because I listened to what she wanted. Then we went to different uni's but stayed together.

About halfway into the first year at uni she asked if I was ok with her buying a vibrator, and I said yes because they don't bother me in the slightest, however after a couple of months when I went to visit her we had sex a few times and i hadn't made her orgasm. At the time I put this down to me not having sex in a while so I suggested that we used the vibrator whilst we were having sex and we did and she came a few times

Basically though I've found that since she brought her vibrator it's become increasingly difficult for me to make her orgasm with it, to the point that now she uses it EVERY time we have sex. I mean, I'm happy she's able to orgasm but I used to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when we had sex but now i just think "well it's not even me making her orgasm" and it gets me down knowing that i cant make her orgasm anymore plus it gets boring and if im honest annoying when she uses the vibrator every time.

My question is can the vibrator have de-sensitised her somehow? and if so is this permanent? or is there a way that i can start to make her orgasm again?
I may have taken the highlighting too far, but my point is - it seems to have to the stage that you're so worried about making your girlfriend climax that it seems much less about intimacy and far more about reaching that gratifying end goal!

It sounds mechanical/more of a focus on orgasm (which is fine to an extent, everyone likes to climax!) rather than revelling in, and savouring eachothers bodies

But...it does sound that the vibrator may have made her less receptive to your advances in some way. This is the reason I use mine very rarely. :p: Just in case that were to happen...

Perhaps your girlfriend has become more focused on the climax than enjoying the experience with you (because lets face it, the sole point of a vibrator is to make you come, it doesn't stroke you or kiss you etc). Are you romantic with her? Why not try organising a romantic night...dim the lights, light some candles, maybe even give her a massage so she remembers how good it is just to be skin on skin with you without a third party! If you do this, then gently suggest with a smile that you leave the vibrator this time, she might really appreciate the gesture and learn to relate your lovemaking to an amazing, bonding experience between the two of you.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#5
(Original post by alawhisp)
She probably just got tired of faking it and now uses the vibe to ensure she gets a happy ending too.
I doubt it for a few reasons:
1. She has told me she hasn't orgasmed during sex more than once.
2. I'm not just talking about intercourse here, but oral and fingers aswell.
3. Whenever she told me she hadn't orgasmed after I had then I would see to her needs in other ways.

But you never know...
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#6
(Original post by DeaKay27)
Well, were you doing the same thing to make her orgasm before she got the vibrator? Sometimes once a female gets used to whatever made her orgasm she gets used to the feeling and the sensation is weaker than before. Maybe she needed change?

I wouldn't buy a vibrator myself because I don't want to gain more pleasure outta a toy than a man.

I don't think the vibrator de-sensitised her but it's giving her a different sensation which may feel better and gives her more pleasure than intercourse.

You can make her orgasm again by trying something new... don't stick to the SAME thing. Change is good
We very rarely had sex in the same position twice running and the built up was normally different aswell.

Also I wasn't just talking about intercourse, but i can't even make her *** from oral sex now

(Original post by Kattt_452)
I may have taken the highlighting too far, but my point is - it seems to have to the stage that you're so worried about making your girlfriend climax that it seems much less about intimacy and far more about reaching that gratifying end goal!

It sounds mechanical/more of a focus on orgasm (which is fine to an extent, everyone likes to climax!) rather than revelling in, and savouring eachothers bodies

But...it does sound that the vibrator may have made her less receptive to your advances in some way. This is the reason I use mine very rarely. :p: Just in case that were to happen...

Perhaps your girlfriend has become more focused on the climax than enjoying the experience with you (because lets face it, the sole point of a vibrator is to make you come, it doesn't stroke you or kiss you etc). Are you romantic with her? Why not try organising a romantic night...dim the lights, light some candles, maybe even give her a massage so she remembers how good it is just to be skin on skin with you without a third party! If you do this, then gently suggest with a smile that you leave the vibrator this time, she might really appreciate the gesture and learn to relate your lovemaking to an amazing, bonding experience between the two of you.
I usually try to be romantic by doing at least one of the following; taking her out first, lots of kisses, long foreplay, lots of eye contact and body contact, romantic music, watching a romantic film, feeding her grapes/strawberries and more aswell.

Well I do always aim to get her to orgasm, like when i haven't made her orgasm (I'm not stupid enough to think I have a 100% record ) I'll finish her off in other ways, but the intercourse is still usually intimate.
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Anonymous #2
#7
Report 9 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
We very rarely had sex in the same position twice running and the built up was normally different aswell.

Also I wasn't just talking about intercourse, but i can't even make her *** from oral sex now



I usually try to be romantic by doing at least one of the following; taking her out first, lots of kisses, long foreplay, lots of eye contact and body contact, romantic music, watching a romantic film, feeding her grapes/strawberries and more aswell.

Well I do always aim to get her to orgasm, like when i haven't made her orgasm (I'm not stupid enough to think I have a 100% record ) I'll finish her off in other ways, but the intercourse is still usually intimate.
Okay, I'm going to give you some advice you clearly need. Yes...vibrators can be a massive pain because they get used to something you can't possible achieve with your pathetic human body. Lets face it, machines are better. In fact the only reason I'm working with artificial intelligence is to build myself the perfect girlfriend. Pathetic humans...Morbo will destroy you. Well enough futurama.

Look, forget the pussy romantic stuff. Yes it sounds nice, and yes sometimes it's nice, but being turned on emotionally is different from being turned out sexually and in this case you're on different wavelengths. So try to turn her on sexually, but make it seem as effortless as you can.

And this brings me to my second point. don't initiate sex or spend a great part of sex trying to make her ***. It puts pressure on her and it makes you more of a servant/people pleaser. She definitely won't find that attractive and it won't turn her on. I wouldn't say this in every situation but in this particular situation you need to be a bit more selfish with sex sometimes, it shouldn't always be about her having an orgasm, although that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to please her, but sex is about more than cumming, so try to realise that.

Third point is the most important. While a vibrator will always de-sensitize you, (yes no matter what everyone else tells you) you can still make her ***, of course! It just may take different approaches. One of the best approaches I've found with women is teasing, they love being teased. So tease her, she'll love it.

Obviously non of this will come easy but if you're heading in the right direction you'll get there eventually.

Just remember a relationship like this...2 years and counting...you need to add some spice and excitement for her to find it interesting.
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Lucia.
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#8
Report 9 years ago
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(Original post by alawhisp)
She probably just got tired of faking it and now uses the vibe to ensure she gets a happy ending too.
This.
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Mrx123
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#9
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U know that females can fake it right?
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gintoki
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#10
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Facts about women:

1- They fake orgasms.

2- Some are biologically more complicated to climax. Yet they put the blame on their partner. (Before you start contradicting me with bull****: http://www.latimes.com/features/heal...,2763149.story)

3- Women that use vibrators/dildos frequently, are wide pleasure-less size queens. Avoid them.
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Anonymous #3
#11
Report 9 years ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so basically me and my girlfriend have been dating since before uni and were in a sexual relationship before uni aswell. We're both in our second year now. Before we first started having sex we talked alot about what she liked etc, and when we started having sex I could make her orgasm 9/10 times because I listened to what she wanted. Then we went to different uni's but stayed together.

About halfway into the first year at uni she asked if I was ok with her buying a vibrator, and I said yes because they don't bother me in the slightest, however after a couple of months when I went to visit her we had sex a few times and i hadn't made her orgasm. At the time I put this down to me not having sex in a while so I suggested that we used the vibrator whilst we were having sex and we did and she came a few times

Basically though I've found that since she brought her vibrator it's become increasingly difficult for me to make her orgasm with it, to the point that now she uses it EVERY time we have sex. I mean, I'm happy she's able to orgasm but I used to feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when we had sex but now i just think "well it's not even me making her orgasm" and it gets me down knowing that i cant make her orgasm anymore plus it gets boring and if im honest annoying when she uses the vibrator every time.

My question is can the vibrator have de-sensitised her somehow? and if so is this permanent? or is there a way that i can start to make her orgasm again?
You can get used to specific ways of having an orgasm. Like guys who go years and years without sex and then find that they can't orgasm through intercourse/oral and can only orgasm with their own hand because that is what they have become used to. I used to masturbate with my legs straight and closed. I had to learn to orgasm in other ways once I was with a boyfriend. If I don't orgasm in a particular way for a while and get used to something else, I get out of the habit.

Maybe your girlfriend likes the vibrator because it is an assured orgasm? Maybe it feels more intense to her? Personally I've never liked them, but then I don't like oral sex either.

Also, sometimes the longer you are together, it can become more difficult to reach the threshold for orgasm for a woman - you don't have the same intense excitement as in the beginning. She may need a little more.

I know men get really hurt by such things, but do be careful what you say. I can only orgasm during intercourse if I 'help myself'. I need both types of stimulation to orgasm, so I need my boyfriend - but a few times he has said he feels unnecessary and he once told me that in his experience all the women he'd been out with, including his ex, could orgasm from intercourse without additional stimulation and in a variety of positions, which just made me feel really **** about myself and harmed our sex life. Obviously my needing 'help' bruised his ego but he just made me feel like there was something wrong with me which has really hurt my self esteem when it comes to sex, so think through anything you say to her.
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HappyChapman14
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#12
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Yes, vibrators can 'desensitise' the area with prolonged use (the vibrations can cause some damage to the nerves). Luckily though, this is completely reversible, and all it takes is for her to try not to use it so much, so that her 'sensitivity' can get back to normal. That being said, vibrators often give a different orgasm to regular sex or clitoral stimulation, and she may prefer it. Make sure to communicate with her!
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