Changing? (Depression)

I have been depressed for years. Very occasionally I would get times when things would seem ok and I could walk out my front door with my head held up, but those would only last a matter of hours then it was back to normal. The last year or so things have been looking up a little. I went to university and for the first time was on course to getting a decent standard of living (i.e. sunlight). Then something happened which caused me to miss classes and my grades slipped from high As (>85%) to not even scraping a pass in courseworks. My bad days are worse and I have "I thought seriously about suicide" marks on several of the last few days in my diary. My normal days are what the bad days used to be. The times when things are ok are now so "ok" that I practically bounce off the walls, it's as if I have been taken over by someone happy for a few hours. There is no "normal" I am always either suicidal, extremely depressed but not quite suicidal, or stupidly happy. Does anyone else feel like this? Could I be bipolar and the doctors have only noticed the depressed bits? I have a doctors appointment this afternoon. I am confused and am on the verge of dropping out and doing something final. I need to know if there is somebody out there who feels like me.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

hey, it sounds like your bipolar but only a doctor can tell u that. when i was depressed i was only ever down so i cant tell really understand the manic bits. someone very close to me has tried to kill themselves on more then one occassion, and the thought of it cuts me up inside. theres always something else u can do and going to see your doctor is a very wise step.
are you on anti-depressants at the moment? because they helped me and they help my girlfriend to. i would also concider seeing a councilor or someone professional. they can be a real help to talk to. i hope you work things out because i know that althuogh i get down sometimes now i always feel better becuase i got through my hard times. i even used to cut sometimes but now when i look at my arms and the scars i feel good in a weird way. they are a reminder that i worked through my problems.
i hope u works stuff out, and i hope iv helped u even a little :smile:

Reply 2

Sarky

Please tell your doctor how bad you are feeling. It may be that they haven't taken account of the highs, but there are things they can do for you. Feeling suicidal is a horrible feeling and there should be some more support that they can offer you.

PM me if you need to talk.

Reply 3

aaronc2

hey, things get much better when school finishes - you can take a gap year, have fun, leave life in this country behind

just stick through it, and try to bash out some decent grades, even if it is hard

Reply 4

shinyhappy

Heya. Can't say I know how you're feeling, but my boyfriend has been through a very similar thing, mood swings, as it were, alternating between being happy and content to being depressed, and self harming, often with no apparent trigger. All I can say is, its tough but people get through it, I wish you the best of luck, and agree with all the people who've said that you should tell your doctor all this.
xxx

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

I feel like that all the time, but mostly depressed - I only get the stupid highs when I'm pissed or caned, i've contemplated suicide but I always think of my mum...now I wouldn't consider it because of how much I would hurt my family.

PS. Don't do drugs, not even weed, it makes it so much worse.