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Feel so lonely and depressed at university :(
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This reminds me a lot of my experience with Halls when I was first at University. I was totally isolated, and eventually managed to get transferred to a smaller Hall.
Things were even worse that time around, as halfway through the year people had already established their cliques. When not studying they preferred to stick with people they had already established friendships with.
The only people who would pay me attention were, as with the OP's experiences, born-again Christians. They kept having the gall to tell me that everyone who doesn't accept Christ will spend an eternity in Hell. I had an atheist friend who recently died in a car accident, and they even told me he was in Hell forever.
Evangelical Christians can seriously stay out of my life. They were total hypocrites too. One of them preached to me how premarital sex was a sin, and how I need to "overcome my prejudice" that Christians are hypocritical. The same night he was having sex with his girlfriend (I was still a virgin at the time and was absolutely appalled by his hypocrisy), and the next day I saw him bragging to his mates about how he can "satisfy his girl", immediately before he approached me and asked if I was ready to accept Jesus yet!
And recently I got complete idiots on TSR telling me I am "big headed" for not wanting to be friends with such people (after having had such experiences), and that I am "big headed" for considering my friendship to be a privilege (after experiencing being taken for granted and taken advantage of by various "friends"). Erm no, that is just utterly disrespectful.
And there are still students at University who treat people who haven't had as much success as them at making friends (and girlfriends) with scorn and disdain, and consider them "losers" and an apt subject for ridicule and gossip. I hate those types with a passion. And people have the gall to defend them by saying they "don't know what it's like" so you can't blame them for putting down others as "losers".
P.S. I had to drop out of my course at the time (I was a First grade student) due to suicidal depression largely due to the social isolation and experience with bigots.
Of the few people I was in contact with from my course after that, one guy I originally got on quite well with ended up ranting to me about morality and politics over MSN (he said anyone who doesn't vote Labour or further left is worthless scum), before coming on to me in a gay way (he expressed a desire to fist my anus), before he blocked my MSN.
(Note he was the one who blocked, the gay thing would not have been a big issue for myself, if he hasn't pretty much decided to block me after doing it anyway.)
I am no longer in contact with anyone from my original degree course.
Things were even worse that time around, as halfway through the year people had already established their cliques. When not studying they preferred to stick with people they had already established friendships with.
The only people who would pay me attention were, as with the OP's experiences, born-again Christians. They kept having the gall to tell me that everyone who doesn't accept Christ will spend an eternity in Hell. I had an atheist friend who recently died in a car accident, and they even told me he was in Hell forever.
Evangelical Christians can seriously stay out of my life. They were total hypocrites too. One of them preached to me how premarital sex was a sin, and how I need to "overcome my prejudice" that Christians are hypocritical. The same night he was having sex with his girlfriend (I was still a virgin at the time and was absolutely appalled by his hypocrisy), and the next day I saw him bragging to his mates about how he can "satisfy his girl", immediately before he approached me and asked if I was ready to accept Jesus yet!
And recently I got complete idiots on TSR telling me I am "big headed" for not wanting to be friends with such people (after having had such experiences), and that I am "big headed" for considering my friendship to be a privilege (after experiencing being taken for granted and taken advantage of by various "friends"). Erm no, that is just utterly disrespectful.
And there are still students at University who treat people who haven't had as much success as them at making friends (and girlfriends) with scorn and disdain, and consider them "losers" and an apt subject for ridicule and gossip. I hate those types with a passion. And people have the gall to defend them by saying they "don't know what it's like" so you can't blame them for putting down others as "losers".
P.S. I had to drop out of my course at the time (I was a First grade student) due to suicidal depression largely due to the social isolation and experience with bigots.
Of the few people I was in contact with from my course after that, one guy I originally got on quite well with ended up ranting to me about morality and politics over MSN (he said anyone who doesn't vote Labour or further left is worthless scum), before coming on to me in a gay way (he expressed a desire to fist my anus), before he blocked my MSN.
(Note he was the one who blocked, the gay thing would not have been a big issue for myself, if he hasn't pretty much decided to block me after doing it anyway.)
I am no longer in contact with anyone from my original degree course.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Mequa
This reminds me a lot of my experience with Halls when I was first at University. I was totally isolated, and eventually managed to get transferred to a smaller Hall.
Things were even worse that time around, as halfway through the year people had already established their cliques. When not studying they preferred to stick with people they had already established friendships with.
The only people who would pay me attention were, as with the OP's experiences, born-again Christians. They kept having the gall to tell me that everyone who doesn't accept Christ will spend an eternity in Hell. I had an atheist friend who recently died in a car accident, and they even told me he was in Hell forever.
Evangelical Christians can seriously stay out of my life. They were total hypocrites too. One of them preached to me how premarital sex was a sin, and how I need to "overcome my prejudice" that Christians are hypocritical. The same night he was having sex with his girlfriend (I was still a virgin at the time and was absolutely appalled by his hypocrisy), and the next day I saw him bragging to his mates about how he can "satisfy his girl", immediately before he approached me and asked if I was ready to accept Jesus yet!
And recently I got complete idiots on TSR telling me I am "big headed" for not wanting to be friends with such people (after having had such experiences), and that I am "big headed" for considering my friendship to be a privilege (after experiencing being taken for granted and taken advantage of by various "friends"). Erm no, that is just utterly disrespectful.
And there are still students at University who treat people who haven't had as much success as them at making friends (and girlfriends) with scorn and disdain, and consider them "losers" and an apt subject for ridicule and gossip. I hate those types with a passion. And people have the gall to defend them by saying they "don't know what it's like" so you can't blame them for putting down others as "losers".
P.S. I had to drop out of my course at the time (I was a First grade student) due to suicidal depression largely due to the social isolation and experience with bigots.
Of the few people I was in contact with from my course after that, one guy I originally got on quite well with ended up ranting to me about morality and politics over MSN (he said anyone who doesn't vote Labour or further left is worthless scum), before coming on to me in a gay way (he expressed a desire to fist my anus), before he blocked my MSN.
(Note he was the one who blocked, the gay thing would not have been a big issue for myself, if he hasn't pretty much decided to block me after doing it anyway.)
I am no longer in contact with anyone from my original degree course.
Things were even worse that time around, as halfway through the year people had already established their cliques. When not studying they preferred to stick with people they had already established friendships with.
The only people who would pay me attention were, as with the OP's experiences, born-again Christians. They kept having the gall to tell me that everyone who doesn't accept Christ will spend an eternity in Hell. I had an atheist friend who recently died in a car accident, and they even told me he was in Hell forever.
Evangelical Christians can seriously stay out of my life. They were total hypocrites too. One of them preached to me how premarital sex was a sin, and how I need to "overcome my prejudice" that Christians are hypocritical. The same night he was having sex with his girlfriend (I was still a virgin at the time and was absolutely appalled by his hypocrisy), and the next day I saw him bragging to his mates about how he can "satisfy his girl", immediately before he approached me and asked if I was ready to accept Jesus yet!
And recently I got complete idiots on TSR telling me I am "big headed" for not wanting to be friends with such people (after having had such experiences), and that I am "big headed" for considering my friendship to be a privilege (after experiencing being taken for granted and taken advantage of by various "friends"). Erm no, that is just utterly disrespectful.
And there are still students at University who treat people who haven't had as much success as them at making friends (and girlfriends) with scorn and disdain, and consider them "losers" and an apt subject for ridicule and gossip. I hate those types with a passion. And people have the gall to defend them by saying they "don't know what it's like" so you can't blame them for putting down others as "losers".
P.S. I had to drop out of my course at the time (I was a First grade student) due to suicidal depression largely due to the social isolation and experience with bigots.
Of the few people I was in contact with from my course after that, one guy I originally got on quite well with ended up ranting to me about morality and politics over MSN (he said anyone who doesn't vote Labour or further left is worthless scum), before coming on to me in a gay way (he expressed a desire to fist my anus), before he blocked my MSN.
(Note he was the one who blocked, the gay thing would not have been a big issue for myself, if he hasn't pretty much decided to block me after doing it anyway.)
I am no longer in contact with anyone from my original degree course.
Sounds like a really bad experience :\
You were unlucky.
I do find the hypocrisy thing a fair few times with people who claim to be extremely Christian etc, yet they're the ones I find cliquish and bitchy and judgmental... just like many non christians. But can be quite self-righteous instead. But then no one's perfect. I don't go to the CU, but I hear they do things which would create easier friendship bonds - cinema, dvd meet ups, baking... things that everyone can do. Some CU people I know are lovely though, you will just find hypocrisy anywhere.
Original post by Jackso
No, but it would make you much happier most likely. Nothing to do with perfect. Complaining that "no one likes me!" and then mentioning "my boyfriend" in the next paragraph is just ridiculous.
Sort of see what you mean. But sometimes it can complicate the friendmaking process; relyng on a boyfriend soley for socialising can put strain on it.
Original post by Anonymous
Sounds like a really bad experience :\
You were unlucky.
You were unlucky.
What I got at the time, and since, is "Well it must have been your fault somehow."
I suppose that kind of thing is comforting for some people to believe, as it helps them maintain their belief that the world is a just place and everyone gets what they deserve.
Anoymus 1# im in the same situation like one day we will be talking then next I just get forgotten even when I text to say message me when everyone is going dinner to make it easier so that they don't have to knock on they still forget me 😥I don't even speak to my best mate anymore or do stuff together I feel like I have done something wrong to make my self an outsider I don't even want to carry on with my first year , I've even stopped doing my hoby (youtubing) i was hurt yesterday when I told 2 of the house mates about when I went doctors because I thought I had bowl or prostate cancer and they laughed 😰 I just want to go home I want to be with my friends from home and not here
I have just read all the way through this as a first year and i am literally on the exact same level rn
Original post by MichaelJLayford
I have just read all the way through this as a first year and i am literally on the exact same level rn
Same. I'm really sad cause I left my wee dog and I hate being without her. I had to move out of halls and stay with family about an hour away from my uni because I was so down. I really don't know what to do 😔
How did everyone go through this? I'm feeling depressed and i think i need to talk to someone who has experienced this before. I'm struggling in my math module and i tried to change to a different module but they wont consider it.. i cry everyday when i get home from classes because i feel like i'm forced to do the module and do not have a chance to switch even though I'm the one who is paying for the course and i suppose i have a choice.. and my flatmates are just hi-bye friends. i dont have anyone to talk to. my boyfriend lives south in portsmouth and i only feel happy and safe when he comes to visit in the weekend. other than that i feel really lonely and i can't cope anymore. should i see the school counsellor?
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
This is so similiar to me its scary If you looked at my Facebook you'd think i was having the time of my life but i'm so lonely and i can't take much more of this.
If you looked at my Facebook you'd think i was having the time of my life but i'm so lonely and i can't take much more of this.I've just read your post from ages ago, I can relate so much to how similar my problem is. Did the situation ever get better? My heart dropped reading it, no one deserves that experience.
I'm an older first year at 21, but let me tell you, it hasn't seemed to get easier to do this kind of thing with age. I'm in EXACTLY the same position as you pretty much, except I don't have any family to talk to, only my boyfriend.
I'm in London and my boyfriends in Lincoln and the only time I feel genuinely happy is with him. I know exactly what you're going through, you can be a friendly person but still be lonely, isolate yourself and be miserable at the same time, some other people explained it better, but she hasn't come here to be attacked by you dickheads. So, to all the smart arses that keep commenting about the fact she's not very social, but has a boyfriend. I've been diagnosed with anxiety as well, so put that in your pipe.
I basically (and not even an exaggeration here) but only have my boyfriend who is so far away. I have depression which, before coming to university was on an even keel, but it's gone very much downhill from there. I had friends to begin with at uni, but whereas in the second term they've all moved on and made new friends, and have an ever expanding social group, I'm stuck being isolated with pretty much nothing now they've all moved on. I have ADHD and due to a stupid rule at the doctors clinics here, I have no access to my medication, which means even if I wanted to throw myself into work, I get too distracted, too quickly and end up just crying out of lonliness and frustration.
I'm so lonely and even joining a society (rock climbing) didn't help as I joined with 'friends' and whereas they've all 'clicked' immediately within the existing groups there, I'm just the weird one whose always the odd one out.
I've always felt like I'm invisible, when out drinking I'd never even be acknowledged, at school no one really noticed me, someone once sat on me. SAT ON ME. Think Sue Heck from the Middle if she had too many mental health problems, was depressed, and had no family to keep her going. That's how sad my life is. I though going to uni at a slightly older age than some would give me perspective and allow me to get on with my work, but sadly unless you're into drinking all the time (which I'm not) or like going to expensive places (which I can't as even though I get an alright loan, all my savings from my working years went onto rent so couldn't really save) you don't and can't make friends that easily. I've always been abit of a grandma, I'll admit, but I still like doing social stuff like baking, watching movies and having drunken wine nights, but apparently I've been left behind by all my friends, so they don't care about that anymore.
My boyfriend can't be my crutch forever unfortunately, and I'm scared even he'll get sick of me soon enough. I wish I could be mentally strong enough just to deal with the fact I have no friends and just get my head down and do my work, but without my medication I can't even do that. I'm suicidal (the first time in a long time) and want to drop out, but have literally no alternatives. I can't go and live with my parents whilst I get back on my feet, as they're too busy enjoying their life without having to occasionally feed someone (they've been trying to get me out the house since the age of 16 because they want their holidays) so I have no options, no friends, a budget that consists of a shoestring and some lint effectively, no time to get a job because my course is quite difficult (struggling enough with that as it is), and no-one to talk to.
So I get you OP, and everyone else. It's a shame we aren't all together, we could be friends with eachother!
I'm in London and my boyfriends in Lincoln and the only time I feel genuinely happy is with him. I know exactly what you're going through, you can be a friendly person but still be lonely, isolate yourself and be miserable at the same time, some other people explained it better, but she hasn't come here to be attacked by you dickheads. So, to all the smart arses that keep commenting about the fact she's not very social, but has a boyfriend. I've been diagnosed with anxiety as well, so put that in your pipe.
I basically (and not even an exaggeration here) but only have my boyfriend who is so far away. I have depression which, before coming to university was on an even keel, but it's gone very much downhill from there. I had friends to begin with at uni, but whereas in the second term they've all moved on and made new friends, and have an ever expanding social group, I'm stuck being isolated with pretty much nothing now they've all moved on. I have ADHD and due to a stupid rule at the doctors clinics here, I have no access to my medication, which means even if I wanted to throw myself into work, I get too distracted, too quickly and end up just crying out of lonliness and frustration.
I'm so lonely and even joining a society (rock climbing) didn't help as I joined with 'friends' and whereas they've all 'clicked' immediately within the existing groups there, I'm just the weird one whose always the odd one out.
I've always felt like I'm invisible, when out drinking I'd never even be acknowledged, at school no one really noticed me, someone once sat on me. SAT ON ME. Think Sue Heck from the Middle if she had too many mental health problems, was depressed, and had no family to keep her going. That's how sad my life is. I though going to uni at a slightly older age than some would give me perspective and allow me to get on with my work, but sadly unless you're into drinking all the time (which I'm not) or like going to expensive places (which I can't as even though I get an alright loan, all my savings from my working years went onto rent so couldn't really save) you don't and can't make friends that easily. I've always been abit of a grandma, I'll admit, but I still like doing social stuff like baking, watching movies and having drunken wine nights, but apparently I've been left behind by all my friends, so they don't care about that anymore.
My boyfriend can't be my crutch forever unfortunately, and I'm scared even he'll get sick of me soon enough. I wish I could be mentally strong enough just to deal with the fact I have no friends and just get my head down and do my work, but without my medication I can't even do that. I'm suicidal (the first time in a long time) and want to drop out, but have literally no alternatives. I can't go and live with my parents whilst I get back on my feet, as they're too busy enjoying their life without having to occasionally feed someone (they've been trying to get me out the house since the age of 16 because they want their holidays) so I have no options, no friends, a budget that consists of a shoestring and some lint effectively, no time to get a job because my course is quite difficult (struggling enough with that as it is), and no-one to talk to.
So I get you OP, and everyone else. It's a shame we aren't all together, we could be friends with eachother!
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by lauriemegan
I'm an older first year at 21...
Hi, if it helps I can relate to your situation so much. I'm a first year in London too and I know (unfortunately) how the loneliness and isolation can be relentless. For me, it just feels like everyone else is just on a different level of socialness and then there's me, maybe that's narcissistic. There was a quote which helped me a bit something like "We're in a play and everyone has a script but me". You have a boyfriend, hang onto that! Yeah, it seems unless you really, really like drinking and love drugs, you're stuck for ways to make friends. Not that I don't like drinking.
I'm at Greenwich, where do you go?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, if it helps I can relate to your situation so much. I'm a first year in London too and I know (unfortunately) how the loneliness and isolation can be relentless. For me, it just feels like everyone else is just on a different level of socialness and then there's me, maybe that's narcissistic. There was a quote which helped me a bit something like "We're in a play and everyone has a script but me". You have a boyfriend, hang onto that! Yeah, it seems unless you really, really like drinking and love drugs, you're stuck for ways to make friends. Not that I don't like drinking.
I'm at Greenwich, where do you go?
I'm at Greenwich, where do you go?
You know when you've just had THE *****iest day? Actually blurting out my situation on here actually helped, and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing is so (obviously not that I'm wishing *****iness on you!) comforting, in a strange way. Yeah you've explained it so well, you're not being narcissistic, that's not how it comes across at all! And yeah I know, I do love him to death, but I do think sometimes that he'll end up getting sick and tired the way everyone else seemingly has, of me. And in regards to drinking, I love drinking, but now I've found I'd rather get pissed and cook some **** cabonara or something with my friends whilst we watch movies. I love drinking, but I don't do it often, because I see it as a treat, not something to causally just do every few days (I don't have the time or money) and now I'm getting older, the hangovers are literally another reason why I don't haha! So that makes me a grandma and 'boring' and not any fun, apparently! And I go to Brunel, Zone 6 is hardly London though ugh🙄
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