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my boyfriend's annoying me
Hi. I'm getting annoyed with my boyfriend. Basically, he's not motivated to to anything with his life or anything. Its like he doesn't want to grow up and wants everything handed to him on a plate. He thinks that its just PMS when I get moody with him but its not just that. Its the fact that this is annoying me and draining me. I really care about him, but I would really like him to be more motivated. I need a man who actually wants to achieve something in life and is motivated to do it.
Also when it comes to sex, he wants it at least twice a day (everytime I see him) and it is very tiring. I enjoy it but that is too much. He thinks I'm strange because I ONLY want to do it for about an hour each time. Thats a lot but he thinks its nothing. He also thinks that I don't do anything when I try to do a lot for him, that's upsetting because I put alot of effort into it. Also he's been trying to pressure me to try sex without a condom and thats something I'd never consider. He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
Thanks, any advice or comments will be appreciated.
Also when it comes to sex, he wants it at least twice a day (everytime I see him) and it is very tiring. I enjoy it but that is too much. He thinks I'm strange because I ONLY want to do it for about an hour each time. Thats a lot but he thinks its nothing. He also thinks that I don't do anything when I try to do a lot for him, that's upsetting because I put alot of effort into it. Also he's been trying to pressure me to try sex without a condom and thats something I'd never consider. He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
Thanks, any advice or comments will be appreciated.
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Well, you could try to focus on his good points. How old is he? To be honest, he himself probably knows he should be doing more for his future. If you want to keep him, perhaps consider supporting him a bit more, rather than criticising him, as he probably does enough of that himself.
It seems to me that you have a communication problem within your relationship. For example, you said he doesn't know the reason why you are annoyed with him
Similarly, with the sex issue, perhaps try explaining to him why you don't want to have sex minus a condom...what your point actually is.
It seems to me that you have a communication problem within your relationship. For example, you said he doesn't know the reason why you are annoyed with him
Anonymous
He thinks that its just PMS
Anonymous
He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
Similarly, with the sex issue, perhaps try explaining to him why you don't want to have sex minus a condom...what your point actually is.
Anonymous
Hi. I'm getting annoyed with my boyfriend. Basically, he's not motivated to to anything with his life or anything. Its like he doesn't want to grow up and wants everything handed to him on a plate. He thinks that its just PMS when I get moody with him but its not just that. Its the fact that this is annoying me and draining me. I really care about him, but I would really like him to be more motivated. I need a man who actually wants to achieve something in life and is motivated to do it.
Also when it comes to sex, he wants it at least twice a day (everytime I see him) and it is very tiring. I enjoy it but that is too much. He thinks I'm strange because I ONLY want to do it for about an hour each time. Thats a lot but he thinks its nothing. He also thinks that I don't do anything when I try to do a lot for him, that's upsetting because I put alot of effort into it. Also he's been trying to pressure me to try sex without a condom and thats something I'd never consider. He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
Thanks, any advice or comments will be appreciated.
Also when it comes to sex, he wants it at least twice a day (everytime I see him) and it is very tiring. I enjoy it but that is too much. He thinks I'm strange because I ONLY want to do it for about an hour each time. Thats a lot but he thinks its nothing. He also thinks that I don't do anything when I try to do a lot for him, that's upsetting because I put alot of effort into it. Also he's been trying to pressure me to try sex without a condom and thats something I'd never consider. He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
Thanks, any advice or comments will be appreciated.
You could always try manipulating your first problem with your second problem. Tell him that motivation in a man turns you on....
the less he does, the less sex he gets... could be worth a try : )
he seems highly inconsiderate and over demanding sexually.. perhaps if he spent more time getting his life on track and putting some effort into some ambitions he wouldn't put such demands upon you... is he really worth the anguish?
Lirael Abhorsen
he seems highly inconsiderate and over demanding sexually.. perhaps if he spent more time getting his life on track and putting some effort into some ambitions he wouldn't put such demands upon you... is he really worth the anguish?
heh, you eleqouently wrote what I wanted to but couldnt express this morning due to being tired... that hes a knob!
He should respect his girlfriend and it sounds like he doesnt.
It sounds to me like you need to sit down and have a good talk with him. He has to understand how you feel and that he is making you miserable. If he loves won't want to pressure you into sex without a condom when you have already said no.
Explain to him that you do not feel comfortable having sex without a condom. Tell him that this is your personal choice and that you will not be changing your mind. Stand up for yourself and tell him why you don't want to do it. Whilst your at it tell him that you don't want to have sex every time you see him. Tell him it makes you feel that all he is interested in is sex & that upsets you & makes you feel like a blow-up sex doll rather than his girlfriend. At the end of the day if he's very highly sexed he can always have a w*nk.
As for the motivation issues. I'm afraid you can't force someone to be motivated. Can you be more specific about a few things..1) How old is he? 2)Is he at school/college? 3)Does he have a job (full time or part time?). I need to know what the motivation problem is exactly. Is it that he's unemployed and sits around the house all day or just that he doesn't do his homework?
He sounds like he's only looking out for number one..not a good trait for someone in a relationship.
Explain to him that you do not feel comfortable having sex without a condom. Tell him that this is your personal choice and that you will not be changing your mind. Stand up for yourself and tell him why you don't want to do it. Whilst your at it tell him that you don't want to have sex every time you see him. Tell him it makes you feel that all he is interested in is sex & that upsets you & makes you feel like a blow-up sex doll rather than his girlfriend. At the end of the day if he's very highly sexed he can always have a w*nk.
As for the motivation issues. I'm afraid you can't force someone to be motivated. Can you be more specific about a few things..1) How old is he? 2)Is he at school/college? 3)Does he have a job (full time or part time?). I need to know what the motivation problem is exactly. Is it that he's unemployed and sits around the house all day or just that he doesn't do his homework?
He sounds like he's only looking out for number one..not a good trait for someone in a relationship.
Anonymous,
Hi look without writing tons of words on you matter, which anyway I sure you have had many views. the is a simple answer, its a old and trusted answer, but its right. Give and take a bit, be fair with each other. Understanding.
with all heard our moms and dads say..."Give and take" . . On sex really try and understand your bf's view, make it clean you wanna really work of a happy bond between you and him. Nothing really big is it.
Hi look without writing tons of words on you matter, which anyway I sure you have had many views. the is a simple answer, its a old and trusted answer, but its right. Give and take a bit, be fair with each other. Understanding.
with all heard our moms and dads say..."Give and take" . . On sex really try and understand your bf's view, make it clean you wanna really work of a happy bond between you and him. Nothing really big is it.
You can't change people so don't try they'll just end up hating you for it. You might as well move on.
Anonymous
Also he's been trying to pressure me to try sex without a condom and thats something I'd never consider. He keeps throwing "well your on the pill" at me but thats not the point.
My girlfriend pressured me from day one not to use a condom as she was on the pill. She was my first so I knew I didnt have anything. But she had an ex and I explained that I didnt think that she slept around, but that I didnt want to risk trusting her ex-boyfriends word that he hadnt. So I stood my ground for the first few months of our relationship, and when she kept bugging me, I said that I would if she went and got herself tested for all STD's at a clinic.
I thought that would stop her, but a month or so later thats exactly what she did, and after a clean bill of health I could hardly refuse to not use a condom after that. If STD's is your concern why dont you tell him only after hes had all the tests? Chances are he will, and you can go with him to make sure if you like. I must say though, my girfriend was right about sex being a lot better without condoms.
Your bf sounds just like my ex. Lazy, unmotivated and pathetic. He was quite happy for me to work 70 hours a week to keep us both, if he got out of bed before 4pm it was far too early. I loved the guy and thought he would change but the truth is, they can NEVER EVER change. He never cleaned or went shopping and yes i understand you when you say its draining..I wasn't even allowed to open the curtains in our house.
So after 4 years I left him. 4 years of my youth. I left him with no friends and a monster credit card debt. I'd even taken on some of his habbits and i get frustrated with myself for it. I put on 3 stone in weight while we were together and I am wondering why I wasted 4 years of my life messing it up.
Don't get me wrong he was lovely, caring. Just a lazy b*stard.
Get out, hun.. Leave him for someone who is more..err.. compatible.
You will seriously wonder why you wasted yout time.
So after 4 years I left him. 4 years of my youth. I left him with no friends and a monster credit card debt. I'd even taken on some of his habbits and i get frustrated with myself for it. I put on 3 stone in weight while we were together and I am wondering why I wasted 4 years of my life messing it up.
Don't get me wrong he was lovely, caring. Just a lazy b*stard.
Get out, hun.. Leave him for someone who is more..err.. compatible.
You will seriously wonder why you wasted yout time.
rosetinted
As for the motivation issues. I'm afraid you can't force someone to be motivated. Can you be more specific about a few things..1) How old is he? 2)Is he at school/college? 3)Does he have a job (full time or part time?). I need to know what the motivation problem is exactly. Is it that he's unemployed and sits around the house all day or just that he doesn't do his homework?
As for the motivation issues. I'm afraid you can't force someone to be motivated. Can you be more specific about a few things..1) How old is he? 2)Is he at school/college? 3)Does he have a job (full time or part time?). I need to know what the motivation problem is exactly. Is it that he's unemployed and sits around the house all day or just that he doesn't do his homework?
Well he's 20, in Uni (but has to sort out loads of problems on his course) and no he doesn't have a job. He really needs one because he doesn't have any money, he seems to be lacking the get up and go to apply for a few. I am trying to get him motivated but he just won't. Well he did get the local paper yesterday to have a look so I guess thats a start. However, he lacks confidence in himself to and if I get on at him, he's likely to dig his heals in and not do anything about it. It may damage his self-esteem more. We've fell out a few times about this before and he thinks that I'm being nasty. I can't help it though, it gets me angry. Is he likely to be like this all his life, basically just scraping for a living, just making it through?
Don't get me wrong, he's a lovely guy and will do anything for me. He's caring and everything. I care about him and don't want to hurt him. I did tell him its messing with my head once and he didn't realise that I cared and it bothered me so much.
Actually he's lied to me a few times too, about his A-level grades, etc. He made out he got good grades when he didn't because he flunked his A2 year for reasons he doesn't want to tell me. They are very personal. He also told me he was doing a degree when he's doing an HND. When I found out, he said he didn't want me to think he was stupid and dump him because of it. I wouldn't have dumped him over something like doing an HND, I'm not like that.
I would also like him to be more open with me too. Basically, he knows everything about me but he is VERY secretive about himself. Holds most of his personality back. He once said that I didn't know anything about him when we fell out. I thought I did know him, otherwise I wouldn't have started sleeping with him. Most girls start sleeping with a guy because they think they know them well and think something of them.
About the condoms, I think he needs to wear them. He's my first but he's had 2 sexual partners before me. You never know if any of them had any STD's. I told him, if I did have sex without a condom I probably wouldn't enjoy it because of the potential risks and it might hurt because I'll probably tense up. He gets offended if I mention STD's and says he knows that he hasn't got any. However, he did have un-protected sex with the other 2 girls.
Anonymous
I wouldn't have dumped him over something like doing an HND, I'm not like that.
Yet it is his lack of achievement and ambition that is part of the problem?
Anonymous
He made out he got good grades when he didn't because he flunked his A2 year for reasons he doesn't want to tell me. They are very personal.
(...)
I would also like him to be more open with me too. Basically, he knows everything about me but he is VERY secretive about himself. Holds most of his personality back.
(...)
I would also like him to be more open with me too. Basically, he knows everything about me but he is VERY secretive about himself. Holds most of his personality back.
Do you not find it worrying that his reasons for flunking his A2 year are apparently too personal EVEN TO TELL THE PERSON THAT HE IS SLEEPING WITH?! It must be really hurtful and you deserve better than that.
In fact the whole business of being secretive requires a certain set of skills, and if you stay with him he could use those skills in later life to cheat on you. If he's as good at holding back as you say then he could cheat on you and chances are you wouldn't find out for a VERY long time.
You deserve better than this. I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what to do.
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