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Telling people you are in a relationship
I am a girl who is in a loving, long term relationship. I am proud of this fact but sometimes I find that other guys are put off if I tell them that I have a boyfriend. I can be getting on well with guys, discussing things and generally enjoying social interaction, but I find that if I tell them they get a bit turned-off (not all, just a significant number).
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Guys- do you feel in any way put off if you are getting on really well with a girl, then she tells you she has a boyfriend....?
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Guys- do you feel in any way put off if you are getting on really well with a girl, then she tells you she has a boyfriend....?
Reply 1
16
Hmm, well if any guy is chatting to me and then when I tell him I have a boyf, he ends the convo then you know what he was after.
It comes down to the age old question - can guys and girls ever be just friends??
It comes down to the age old question - can guys and girls ever be just friends??
Reply 2
segat1
can guys and girls ever be just friends??
Of course they can, but generally most single guys strike up conversations with women in a social context to see if there is a possibility of some kind of relationship and of course these guys are going to be put off if you are attached (in fact you should be glad that they have the moral fibre to react that way).
Reply 3
20
*is totally guilty of this* 
I go out on quite a lot of formal swaps, where our (women's) crew goes for dinner (either in a college formal, or a curry) with a men's crew from another college. Though not their sole intention, quite often people do go with the intention of chatting up and/or pulling whilst there. I used to do this and it was great fun. But I feel sometimes, when you're just chatting away, there's not a suitable point to stick in the fact I'm not single without sounding either really bitchy or really arrogant.
It's the coward's way out, but generally I just don't say anything unless it specifically comes up in conversation (e.g. a guy the other day asked me what I did for Valentine's day). It's a little bit naughty though.
I go out on quite a lot of formal swaps, where our (women's) crew goes for dinner (either in a college formal, or a curry) with a men's crew from another college. Though not their sole intention, quite often people do go with the intention of chatting up and/or pulling whilst there. I used to do this and it was great fun. But I feel sometimes, when you're just chatting away, there's not a suitable point to stick in the fact I'm not single without sounding either really bitchy or really arrogant.
It's the coward's way out, but generally I just don't say anything unless it specifically comes up in conversation (e.g. a guy the other day asked me what I did for Valentine's day). It's a little bit naughty though.
Reply 4
13
Like Helenia, I am guilty of this one. It's not that I withhold the info so that I can flirt, it's just that when you're in a social situation you want to make things as easy as possible for yourself, and announcing you're in a relationship often does make things awkward/come across as arrogant. I think the fact of the matter is that one of the key ways in which men and women get on is by a bit of flirtation. Nothing serious necessarily, it just seems to be how things work. If guys know there's a boyfriend on the scene they might rather not risk the mild flirtation.
Reply 5
19
I can't really understand this at all, to be honest. I am proud of being with such a lovely bloke, so why would I want all this kerfuffle surrounding 'telling people you're in a relationship'?
I don't 'announce' that I'm in a relationship but I don't see the point in hiding it. If my male friends ask then I tell them; if they choose not to socialise with me anymore because of that...well....screw them
(NOTE: this has never gone awry for me yet so I'll stick to calling a spade a spade, thanks.)
I don't 'announce' that I'm in a relationship but I don't see the point in hiding it. If my male friends ask then I tell them; if they choose not to socialise with me anymore because of that...well....screw them
(NOTE: this has never gone awry for me yet so I'll stick to calling a spade a spade, thanks.)
Reply 6
13
Angelil
I can't really understand this at all, to be honest. I am proud of being with such a lovely bloke, so why would I want all this kerfuffle surrounding 'telling people you're in a relationship'?
I don't 'announce' that I'm in a relationship but I don't see the point in hiding it. If my male friends ask then I tell them; if they choose not to socialise with me anymore because of that...well....screw them
(NOTE: this has never gone awry for me yet so I'll stick to calling a spade a spade, thanks.)
I don't 'announce' that I'm in a relationship but I don't see the point in hiding it. If my male friends ask then I tell them; if they choose not to socialise with me anymore because of that...well....screw them
(NOTE: this has never gone awry for me yet so I'll stick to calling a spade a spade, thanks.)
No, see this is what we're talking about. If someone asks then obviously I don't lie, it's just something I consciously avoid mentioning in casual conversation with blokes (unless they are good friends obviously, in which case they get all the gory details my girlfriends get).
Reply 7
19
But you see, I don't exactly 'avoid' mentioning it either. If I want to say 'my boyfriend and I went to x restaurant at the weekend and it was brill, you'd really like it there' then why shouldn't I? I just find it v strange.
Reply 8
15
You don't have to avoid mentioning it. I usually just say "we" or something and then they ask who it was with. Or if people ask what I'm doing next year, I'm moving to wherever to study and live with my bf. It's not too hard. I learnt my lesson once when I didn't mention having a bf soon enough and the boy I was talking to was totally taken aback when I happened to mention him in a sentence. Now I try to make it clear that I'm there to be friendly, not to try and pull (it's better for them too because then they can concentrate their efforts elsewhere 
)
)Reply 9
20
Angelil
But you see, I don't exactly 'avoid' mentioning it either. If I want to say 'my boyfriend and I went to x restaurant at the weekend and it was brill, you'd really like it there' then why shouldn't I? I just find it v strange.
There's no reason why you can't say stuff like that - and that's usually the easiest way to drop it into conversation. But if you're with a bunch of guys you've only just met, and are chatting away, you just can't say "Oh, I have a boyfriend" - it's really dismissive, plus it makes the assumption they were after you in the first place! I also find that sometimes what I'm planning on saying sounds really obvious as well. It's only led to a misunderstanding on one occasion so far., but no great problems came of it.
Reply 10
Anonymous
I am a girl who is in a loving, long term relationship. I am proud of this fact but sometimes I find that other guys are put off if I tell them that I have a boyfriend. I can be getting on well with guys, discussing things and generally enjoying social interaction, but I find that if I tell them they get a bit turned-off (not all, just a significant number).
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Guys- do you feel in any way put off if you are getting on really well with a girl, then she tells you she has a boyfriend....?
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Guys- do you feel in any way put off if you are getting on really well with a girl, then she tells you she has a boyfriend....?
Are you some kind of slut/attention whore? Why would you care about other lads if you were in a 'loving' relationship.? There will be guys who will be good friends with you even though you have a boyfriend. The rest will be trying to get into your pants. Sounds like you like and want attention from other guys.
Reply 11
-TMG-
Are you some kind of slut/attention whore? Why would you care about other lads if you were in a 'loving' relationship.? There will be guys who will be good friends with you even though you have a boyfriend. The rest will be trying to get into your pants. Sounds like you like and want attention from other guys.
You're being a tad harsh there. When people (of either sex) say they are attached, I think most people subconsciously assume that they'll be less up for going out/being friends/having fun as their first social priority will be their boyfriend/girlfriend rather than non-romantic friendship. Also, part of going out and having fun is usually to meet people of the opposite sex in a romantic context -- obviously an attached person wouldn't want to do that at all.
I would probably be more likely to make friends with a single girl than an attached one, even if I had no particular intention or desire to try and "get into her pants", just because it'd be easier to have a mildly flirtatious and fun friendship without a boyfriend to worry about. To some extent I'd rather have single male friends as well, for similar reasons (although not to be flirtatious with!).
Reply 12
I love telling ppl i'm in a relationship 
you shouldn't be ashamed of it. But I do know that it often puts people off. One example...in a club one night, out with my boyfriend and mutual friends and a guy comes up to me and says 'hi, whats your name?' and i say 'hi, my names nicki' then i see my boyfriend looking slightly suspicious, so i add 'and this is my boyfriend ___' and this blokes gets all angry and is like 'for ****s sake, i wasn't hitting on you'. Which i did know, but it was the lesser of two evils, be nice to this random bloke or have my boyfriend worry and probably fight about what he was whispering into my ear. *shrugs*
I do think it makes it slightly easier with male friends though, like they can be nice to you without you worrying if they're coming on to you if they know how happy you are with your other half. Although you do kinda become their girl problems agony aunt!
you shouldn't be ashamed of it. But I do know that it often puts people off. One example...in a club one night, out with my boyfriend and mutual friends and a guy comes up to me and says 'hi, whats your name?' and i say 'hi, my names nicki' then i see my boyfriend looking slightly suspicious, so i add 'and this is my boyfriend ___' and this blokes gets all angry and is like 'for ****s sake, i wasn't hitting on you'. Which i did know, but it was the lesser of two evils, be nice to this random bloke or have my boyfriend worry and probably fight about what he was whispering into my ear. *shrugs*I do think it makes it slightly easier with male friends though, like they can be nice to you without you worrying if they're coming on to you if they know how happy you are with your other half. Although you do kinda become their girl problems agony aunt!
Reply 13
19
Helenia
There's no reason why you can't say stuff like that - and that's usually the easiest way to drop it into conversation. But if you're with a bunch of guys you've only just met, and are chatting away, you just can't say "Oh, I have a boyfriend" - it's really dismissive, plus it makes the assumption they were after you in the first place! I also find that sometimes what I'm planning on saying sounds really obvious as well. It's only led to a misunderstanding on one occasion so far., but no great problems came of it.
Indeedy.
Reply 14
Alexander
You're being a tad harsh there. When people (of either sex) say they are attached, I think most people subconsciously assume that they'll be less up for going out/being friends/having fun as their first social priority will be their boyfriend/girlfriend rather than non-romantic friendship. Also, part of going out and having fun is usually to meet people of the opposite sex in a romantic context -- obviously an attached person wouldn't want to do that at all.
I would probably be more likely to make friends with a single girl than an attached one, even if I had no particular intention or desire to try and "get into her pants", just because it'd be easier to have a mildly flirtatious and fun friendship without a boyfriend to worry about. To some extent I'd rather have single male friends as well, for similar reasons (although not to be flirtatious with!).
I would probably be more likely to make friends with a single girl than an attached one, even if I had no particular intention or desire to try and "get into her pants", just because it'd be easier to have a mildly flirtatious and fun friendship without a boyfriend to worry about. To some extent I'd rather have single male friends as well, for similar reasons (although not to be flirtatious with!).
Thank you, to this person for being sensible, not being an attention slut/whore (by my standards of course) I appreciate all the other chilled people who can respond to this discussion in a mature way. Of course, if im in a "loving relationship", i don't want to get with other guys, but, believe it or not I do actually want to have decent intellectual, gossipy or MAYBE EVEN flirtatious conversations with other people of both sexes. I merely posted because I wondered if anybody else had similar experiences of guys backing off (in a Friendship context), on finding out that a girl had a boyfriend. Please don't misunderstand posts so magnificently in the future, or, if you do, just be a bit more tolerant TMG
Reply 15
15
If I knew my girlfriend was purposefully not telling guys about me becuase she wanted to flirt more overtly, I'd be extremely upset. If you tell guys you have a boyfriend, you can still be friendly a flirt a bit without leading them on.
Reply 16
kizer
If I knew my girlfriend was purposefully not telling guys about me becuase she wanted to flirt more overtly, I'd be extremely upset. If you tell guys you have a boyfriend, you can still be friendly a flirt a bit without leading them on.
not purposefully not telling, and not to flirt more overtly. its just some guys seem to react to it badly when you tell them (i'm glad you are not one of them) and it can be very frustrating when you just want to chat to them (sorry about being misleading)
Reply 17
15
Anonymous
not purposefully not telling, and not to flirt more overtly. its just some guys seem to react to it badly when you tell them (i'm glad you are not one of them) and it can be very frustrating when you just want to chat to them (sorry about being misleading)
Fair enough about chatting, obviously I don't think girls with boyfriends shouldn't enjoy the company of other guys! It's just since I am one myself I know what guys are like, and if you are single and in a club odds are on you're on the pull.
I'm naturally very protective, I try hard not to be though. Might have something to do with the fact that when my gf was with her ex I flirted with her a lot.. and now our one year's is on Monday. So I'm wary about other guys, especially since I know some do fancy her a lot, and she doesn't always realise.
Reply 18
15
Anonymous
I am a girl who is in a loving, long term relationship. I am proud of this fact but sometimes I find that other guys are put off if I tell them that I have a boyfriend. I can be getting on well with guys, discussing things and generally enjoying social interaction, but I find that if I tell them they get a bit turned-off (not all, just a significant number).
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Is it wrong to delay or not tell someone, so that you can have a better rapport and they feel they can flirt (innocently) with you?
Unfortunately, the chances are those "significant number" that stop talking to you when they find out are just looking for something...ulterior. That's guys in social environments for you!
It's understandable you want to not mention it so the guys aren't put off talking to you, but there's a reason they are put off, and it's not quite an innocent one, so you're probably doing yourself more harm trying to be friendly with those guys that would otherwise not talk to you if they knew you were spoken for.
Guys- do you feel in any way put off if you are getting on really well with a girl, then she tells you she has a boyfriend....?
Only if I was looking for something I knew I couldn't get if she had a boyfriend. Now I'm spoken for, the only reason I'd be talking to a girl would be for innocent reasons, so would have no issue at all with them having a boyfriend.
I think it's a sad but true fact that in an environment when there are lots of new friends to be made, even if the guy isn't actively looking to "pull" a girl, he'd still rather speak with the single ones, just in casehe gets lucky, than have the same conversation with a girl who's taken. That's just guys for you!
Reply 19
I suppose i do it, but if i think they are getting the wrong inpression i will tell them asap as its somewhat unfair to lead them on.
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