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Yesterday I asked my girlfriend to stay round mine today and her parents said to her "yes, if you do enough work tomorrow". Since this morning she's been doing her coursework and when she asked again they said no to her. She didnt even bother asking why and just took it as that. My main problems is that 1) this is really unfair as they said yesterday, and 2) she promised me she'd get better at staying over and stuff. Before you ask, yes she has stayed over before. I don't understand why she's so scared of her parents and afraid to even question them. Either she doesnt care that she cant stay the night or she has respect for her parents even though they appear to have non for her 
It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.
It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.Reply 1
ummm
she probably didn't wanna stay over.
she probably didn't wanna stay over.
Reply 2
14
Myself.
ummm
she probably didn't wanna stay over.
she probably didn't wanna stay over.
lol
probably!
Reply 3
maybe she just feels akward with parents or has lots of work
her staying over would suggest that you are having sex?..or at least heavy petting..so what it basically translates as when she askes her parents is...can i stay over at my bf so we can do dirty things to eachother..i know that at school age i never felt comforable with having my bf stay over,telling my parens that i visited him, and i never stayed at his while parents are there..less so now because im over 18
also, girls are much more work conscious/worry more about grades (generally)..shes proabbaly keen to do well at school..im guessing since shes doing coursework that things/exams /work are hotting up, maybe she feels she doesnt have time to see you as much if she still wants to do well
i was VERY guilty of not spending as much time with my bf becuase of my A levels....
is she a hard worker, ambitious academically?..if so, thats probably why she doesnt want to stay over, maybe she hasnt finished her coursework
her staying over would suggest that you are having sex?..or at least heavy petting..so what it basically translates as when she askes her parents is...can i stay over at my bf so we can do dirty things to eachother..i know that at school age i never felt comforable with having my bf stay over,telling my parens that i visited him, and i never stayed at his while parents are there..less so now because im over 18
also, girls are much more work conscious/worry more about grades (generally)..shes proabbaly keen to do well at school..im guessing since shes doing coursework that things/exams /work are hotting up, maybe she feels she doesnt have time to see you as much if she still wants to do well
i was VERY guilty of not spending as much time with my bf becuase of my A levels....
is she a hard worker, ambitious academically?..if so, thats probably why she doesnt want to stay over, maybe she hasnt finished her coursework
Reply 4
Anonymous
Yesterday I asked my girlfriend to stay round mine today and her parents said to her "yes, if you do enough work tomorrow". Since this morning she's been doing her coursework and when she asked again they said no to her. She didnt even bother asking why and just took it as that. My main problems is that 1) this is really unfair as they said yesterday, and 2) she promised me she'd get better at staying over and stuff. Before you ask, yes she has stayed over before. I don't understand why she's so scared of her parents and afraid to even question them. Either she doesnt care that she cant stay the night or she has respect for her parents even though they appear to have non for her It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.
It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.believe me, the 'boyfriend versus parents' fight is not one you want to engage in.
she'll end up hating you for it.
Reply 5
Lol, is she Asian? I'm Chinese, and I definitely wouldn't want to stand up to my parents if they said outright 'no' about something. It's Confucianism, apparently.
Reply 6
15
She probably just didn't want to get in an argument with her parents over it. She knows her parents, and perhaps knows if they say no, it's not worth questioning as there's going to be no compromise. Don't blame her for it. "Getting better at staying over" doesn't seem to make much sense anyway?
Reply 7
10
I think he means that she used to be reluctant to stay but has become less so recently, until now.
Reply 8
17
My dad is the only one who drives out of my parents, which means I've had to rely on public transport a lot from quite a young age. My friends on the other hand all have both parents who drive, meaning they generally get driven places a lot more.
This means sometimes when we're in town and the bus doesn't show up, my friends suggest phoning a parent quite quickly. I don't know why, but I always feel really uncomfortable asking my dad for a lift, probably because he's the only one who can drive, so the pressure is concentrated on him I guess. So I generally ask once, and if he isn't so keen, I don't push it.
I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. Some people are quite open with their parents and will press an issue, whereas others back down a bit more easily.
I think it's worth talking to your girlfriend in a non-accusing way. Don't bring it up like: "Recently I haven't seen you at all and I think you've been giving in to your parents too easily.". Because chances are she'll get defensive because she'll see it as an attack on her. Try to more steer it in the neutral direction of you missing her because you've all "been a bit busy recently". She's probably feeling stressed, and she won't see it so much as an attack on her.
You should talk to her about the work and maybe ask if at the moment she'd prefer you to maybe ease off slightly with going out if she's preoccupied with work.
I hope everything works out for you.
This means sometimes when we're in town and the bus doesn't show up, my friends suggest phoning a parent quite quickly. I don't know why, but I always feel really uncomfortable asking my dad for a lift, probably because he's the only one who can drive, so the pressure is concentrated on him I guess. So I generally ask once, and if he isn't so keen, I don't push it.
I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your parents. Some people are quite open with their parents and will press an issue, whereas others back down a bit more easily.
I think it's worth talking to your girlfriend in a non-accusing way. Don't bring it up like: "Recently I haven't seen you at all and I think you've been giving in to your parents too easily.". Because chances are she'll get defensive because she'll see it as an attack on her. Try to more steer it in the neutral direction of you missing her because you've all "been a bit busy recently". She's probably feeling stressed, and she won't see it so much as an attack on her.
You should talk to her about the work and maybe ask if at the moment she'd prefer you to maybe ease off slightly with going out if she's preoccupied with work.
I hope everything works out for you.
Reply 9
14
Anonymous
Yesterday I asked my girlfriend to stay round mine today and her parents said to her "yes, if you do enough work tomorrow". Since this morning she's been doing her coursework and when she asked again they said no to her. She didnt even bother asking why and just took it as that. My main problems is that 1) this is really unfair as they said yesterday, and 2) she promised me she'd get better at staying over and stuff. Before you ask, yes she has stayed over before. I don't understand why she's so scared of her parents and afraid to even question them. Either she doesnt care that she cant stay the night or she has respect for her parents even though they appear to have non for her It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.
It's half term for her and i've seen her less than I usually do on a normal school week! Argh, felt need to rant, I dont even know what kind of replies to get but I guess I want to know if others think this is unfair or not. She's been letting me down a lot recently and whenever I question her about things she ignores me and says im being ridiculous and playing the victim.It is most likely that her priorities lie with her parents.
Reply 10
Its not about priorities, sometimes it’s just too hard to stand up to persistent/difficult parents. Maybe she thinks that her staying over isn’t worth the consequences of arguing with her parents, and maybe she thinks that you would be mature enough to understand that its not the end of the world, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you or that 'she is letting you down' - your not the only person in her life and you should respect that especially since at the end of the day she still lives with her parents.
Reply 11
**noooni**
Its not about priorities, sometimes it’s just too hard to stand up to persistent/difficult parents.
True, but the OP hasn't said how old she is. Parents tend to relinquish control given age and nothing else.
Reply 12
Wineblood
True, but the OP hasn't said how old she is. Parents tend to relinquish control given age and nothing else.
He said she is still at school,, so under 18?
Reply 13
**noooni**
He said she is still at school,, so under 18?
Still, could be 14, could be 17. Makes all the difference IMO.
Reply 14
I don't think its because she doesn't want to stay over. When me and my boyfriend first got together my parents were nightmares. They'd do the same thing, whenever i asked to stay over they'd say "oh we'll see if you get all your coursework done" etc...then I'd stay up til god knows what time to finish it so I could stop over and they'd say no. The first few times I argued back and i ALWAYS got "well if you're going to behave like this then you can forget about going out on saturday too" or "If you want to be treated like and adult act like one, you're not going to the cinemas thursday night now" etc.... I soon learnt that if i asked once and they said no, leave it. It wasn't the end of the world and my boyfriend understood so we just kept quite. Gradually it got better and i was allowed to stay over more and stay out later with him (he's 2 years older..) and now there hardly anything that they won't let me do.
At the end of the day if you're serious about this girl, explain to her that if it is her parents pushing her that you understand. Because in the end it'll all be worth it. Even though you don't see eachother as much as you like, if you see this as a long term thing then as she grows older her parents will be less strict and you'll see her more.(i think that made sense...) e.g. when me and my boyfriend got together we only saw eachother at weekends because my parents wouldn't let me go and see him on a school night, even though he lived in the next village. Now i see him 3-4 times a week and he lives in the city.
Talk to her and ask her if it is her parents that are the problem, because if they're anything like mine they won't appreciate her standing up to them. Smile, it'll get better 
At the end of the day if you're serious about this girl, explain to her that if it is her parents pushing her that you understand. Because in the end it'll all be worth it. Even though you don't see eachother as much as you like, if you see this as a long term thing then as she grows older her parents will be less strict and you'll see her more.(i think that made sense...) e.g. when me and my boyfriend got together we only saw eachother at weekends because my parents wouldn't let me go and see him on a school night, even though he lived in the next village. Now i see him 3-4 times a week and he lives in the city.
Talk to her and ask her if it is her parents that are the problem, because if they're anything like mine they won't appreciate her standing up to them. Smile, it'll get better
Reply 15
she probably respects her parents and you should respect that. quit complaining. at least she stayed over before instead of never.
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