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religion and relationship
hi,
basically im a bit confused and dont know what to do,
I'm a muslim, my parents r quite strict and dont allow going out with boys. however ive been going out with a guy whos not muslim (hes white im asian) and we really like each other. its hard for us to see each other due to my parents being strict and not letting me out much.
recently he has hinted that he wants to take our relationship a step further, i.e. for us to sleep together. I want to sleep with him but theres a number of things to consider. for example, althugh we like each other alot, in the future our relationship could not be due to i could never tell my parents. and although i want to sleep with him im scared of what will hapen after. and lol we dont have anywhere to do it anyway.
i'm already having to face alot of crap from ppl, e.g. my friends, his friends.
basically im a bit confused and dont know what to do,
I'm a muslim, my parents r quite strict and dont allow going out with boys. however ive been going out with a guy whos not muslim (hes white im asian) and we really like each other. its hard for us to see each other due to my parents being strict and not letting me out much.
recently he has hinted that he wants to take our relationship a step further, i.e. for us to sleep together. I want to sleep with him but theres a number of things to consider. for example, althugh we like each other alot, in the future our relationship could not be due to i could never tell my parents. and although i want to sleep with him im scared of what will hapen after. and lol we dont have anywhere to do it anyway.
i'm already having to face alot of crap from ppl, e.g. my friends, his friends.
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Just ask yourself "Will it be worth it?"
If you want to sleep with him then fine, but sooner or later your parents will find out...
Also in Islam one should not commit adultery, so you would be commiting a sin in Islam, which can be a great weight for your conscience.
Also I get the feeling that your parents are Pakistani or Indian... (sorry for the assumption) and they might want you to marry another aisan who is muslim.
If you really care for the guy and you have no doubt about his feelings for you, and that you really want to sleep with him then you can go ahead, but I'd seriously would find it hard seeing you as a muslim.
Just because you were born in a muslim family doesn't automatically make you a muslim, it is your beliefs and actions which contribute to Islam.
If you want to sleep with him then fine, but sooner or later your parents will find out...
Also in Islam one should not commit adultery, so you would be commiting a sin in Islam, which can be a great weight for your conscience.
Also I get the feeling that your parents are Pakistani or Indian... (sorry for the assumption) and they might want you to marry another aisan who is muslim.
If you really care for the guy and you have no doubt about his feelings for you, and that you really want to sleep with him then you can go ahead, but I'd seriously would find it hard seeing you as a muslim.
Just because you were born in a muslim family doesn't automatically make you a muslim, it is your beliefs and actions which contribute to Islam.
That's really tricky. It depends on how much you personally value your families religion- times are changing and religion doesn't carry as much importance as it once did. But, if it would destroy your parents then I'd leave it. You have to decide which you want as it seems you can't have both unfortunately. Try talking to your bf and see if he'd wait a while and try and compromise a little, like telling your parents you're very good friends with this person and maybe, just maybe it could develop slowly.
Trust me I know how you feel but Im not muslim. I think you should follow your heart but make sure this guy is serious and he isnt joking about. Im a bit of a rebel and have always belived in true love. Just dont do anything you'll regret...good luck
well if i did sleep with him, they can never find out about it.
Anonymous
well if i did sleep with him, they can never find out about it.
thats what you think...
He'll prob tell his friends and if he isn't serious then he'll tell everyone...
You have to be careful and very sure of what you are doing.
Think of the consequences. What will happen after that? They wll find out sooner or later, because you might want to move in with him, or marry him... etc
You can't just think that once you'll sleep with him, then its ok they wont find out...
What if your parents want you to marry someone else?
What will you do in that kind of situation?
There's more things to consider then you think.
wait wait
as much as i do agree with the follow your heart scomments stated above, the fact that your friends have given you grief about the relationships makes me nervous..as your friends they have your best interests in heart, maybe you should listen to them,maybe they can see that this relationship is a bit suspect and perhapse they are getting the impression that hes only after one thing...its impossible for me to judge becuase i dont know you or him, but i do think its wise not to ignore such outside opinions . all too often me and my friends have seen that a boyfriend of a close friend is bad news, that they are only after one thing and that we fear for them getting hurt.all im saying is that maybe they are feeling the same thing about this guy??
you are clearly loved up, BUT i think its important to question yourself, WHY do you want to sleep with him?,becuase it feels right, because he wants to?, becuase you like him lots and want to make him happy? does he feel the same?..the fact that you are nervous about implications, say that you 'like eachother loads' rather them love eachother and describe yourself as 'confused' all suggest to me that you, despite feeling physically ready for sex, POSSIBIBLY(?) arnt emotionally ready
all too often iv seen my friends lose their virginitys to a boy they are besotted with only for the relationship to fail within a few months/weeks and them to feel
dejected and regretful...thats not to say that it always ends like this,
ask yourself this
how long have you been seeing him,?, whats his past track record with girsl, does he love them and leave them? how far into the relationship did he start suggesting sex, is he many years older then you? (if this last one is true be careful, this is the kind that always hurt my friends most...they were muslim too if that interests you..)
anyway, what i would suggest is to NOT ignore your friends, ask them what they really think, whether they have a bad feeling?, also it might be worth considering that since hes white he just doesnt understand the cultural implications of you being found out for having a boyfriend underage let alone losing your virginity
jumping in with starry eyes may seem all well and good, but it is often irrational and a path to being hurt
tread carefully, im not a complete cynic but i dont want you to get hurt,goodluck hun, and pm me please if you want a chat..
xxx
as much as i do agree with the follow your heart scomments stated above, the fact that your friends have given you grief about the relationships makes me nervous..as your friends they have your best interests in heart, maybe you should listen to them,maybe they can see that this relationship is a bit suspect and perhapse they are getting the impression that hes only after one thing...its impossible for me to judge becuase i dont know you or him, but i do think its wise not to ignore such outside opinions . all too often me and my friends have seen that a boyfriend of a close friend is bad news, that they are only after one thing and that we fear for them getting hurt.all im saying is that maybe they are feeling the same thing about this guy??
you are clearly loved up, BUT i think its important to question yourself, WHY do you want to sleep with him?,becuase it feels right, because he wants to?, becuase you like him lots and want to make him happy? does he feel the same?..the fact that you are nervous about implications, say that you 'like eachother loads' rather them love eachother and describe yourself as 'confused' all suggest to me that you, despite feeling physically ready for sex, POSSIBIBLY(?) arnt emotionally ready
all too often iv seen my friends lose their virginitys to a boy they are besotted with only for the relationship to fail within a few months/weeks and them to feel
dejected and regretful...thats not to say that it always ends like this,
ask yourself this
how long have you been seeing him,?, whats his past track record with girsl, does he love them and leave them? how far into the relationship did he start suggesting sex, is he many years older then you? (if this last one is true be careful, this is the kind that always hurt my friends most...they were muslim too if that interests you..)
anyway, what i would suggest is to NOT ignore your friends, ask them what they really think, whether they have a bad feeling?, also it might be worth considering that since hes white he just doesnt understand the cultural implications of you being found out for having a boyfriend underage let alone losing your virginity
jumping in with starry eyes may seem all well and good, but it is often irrational and a path to being hurt
tread carefully, im not a complete cynic but i dont want you to get hurt,goodluck hun, and pm me please if you want a chat..
xxx
Humra
thats what you think...
He'll prob tell his friends and if he isn't serious then he'll tell everyone...
You have to be careful and very sure of what you are doing.
Think of the consequences. What will happen after that? They wll find out sooner or later, because you might want to move in with him, or marry him... etc
You can't just think that once you'll sleep with him, then its ok they wont find out...
What if your parents want you to marry someone else?What will you do in that kind of situation?
There's more things to consider then you think.
He'll prob tell his friends and if he isn't serious then he'll tell everyone...
You have to be careful and very sure of what you are doing.
Think of the consequences. What will happen after that? They wll find out sooner or later, because you might want to move in with him, or marry him... etc
You can't just think that once you'll sleep with him, then its ok they wont find out...
What if your parents want you to marry someone else?What will you do in that kind of situation?
There's more things to consider then you think.
Um excuse me?
That has got to be one of the most narrow minded things I've heard. Given that you are living in the 21st century can you honestly say you'd marry someone just because your parents wanted you to marry that person?
OP listen to bone-machine
well im not underage, im at uni (19) and he is 25. the reason y alot of people are against us is beacuse of the race and religion difference. my friends would be acting differently if he was a muslim, and his friends would be acting differently if i was white.
Another thing is that none of us are thinking about marriage beacuse it is out of the question, and we havent been going out that long, its not on our minds. Also he hasnt forced me into anything before, (we've been going out since before xmas). i mean when his flatmate went away and i went round his, he told me to tell him to stop when things got uncomfortable, and that i didnt have to do anything i didnt want to. so he isnt after one thing, but he does want it.
his flatmates back and i dont go round when he's there.
Another thing is that none of us are thinking about marriage beacuse it is out of the question, and we havent been going out that long, its not on our minds. Also he hasnt forced me into anything before, (we've been going out since before xmas). i mean when his flatmate went away and i went round his, he told me to tell him to stop when things got uncomfortable, and that i didnt have to do anything i didnt want to. so he isnt after one thing, but he does want it.
his flatmates back and i dont go round when he's there.
Anonymous
well im not underage, im at uni (19) and he is 25. the reason y alot of people are against us is beacuse of the race and religion difference. my friends would be acting differently if he was a muslim, and his friends would be acting differently if i was white.
Another thing is that none of us are thinking about marriage beacuse it is out of the question, and we havent been going out that long, its not on our minds. Also he hasnt forced me into anything before, (we've been going out since before xmas). i mean when his flatmate went away and i went round his, he told me to tell him to stop when things got uncomfortable, and that i didnt have to do anything i didnt want to. so he isnt after one thing, but he does want it.
his flatmates back and i dont go round when he's there.
Another thing is that none of us are thinking about marriage beacuse it is out of the question, and we havent been going out that long, its not on our minds. Also he hasnt forced me into anything before, (we've been going out since before xmas). i mean when his flatmate went away and i went round his, he told me to tell him to stop when things got uncomfortable, and that i didnt have to do anything i didnt want to. so he isnt after one thing, but he does want it.
his flatmates back and i dont go round when he's there.
Ok i get you,
I am muslim and mostly attracted to white guys- But what is scary, and you have to think about this- it isnt possible to marry a non- muslim.. I mean yes its possible but you would have to convert right? So maybe think about the future of this realationship- if you can see a future, your not religious and love him that much then take it further. But if you cant see a future then you should realy end it because you both might get really hurt when it has to end later due to other factors, like parents or even his parents and friends. You should talk to him...
Sorry it realy is a difficult situation to be in so Good Luck.
yeah i guess if we dont tell ppl what we do, they wont know will they
minimo
Um excuse me?
That has got to be one of the most narrow minded things I've heard. Given that you are living in the 21st century can you honestly say you'd marry someone just because your parents wanted you to marry that person?
OP listen to bone-machine
That has got to be one of the most narrow minded things I've heard. Given that you are living in the 21st century can you honestly say you'd marry someone just because your parents wanted you to marry that person?
OP listen to bone-machine
i didn't mean it in that way, sorry
what i meant is how will you (or whoever) be able to explain it to them? my parents are muslim too and they are quite strict, maybe not as strict as yours but they are strict. and they have already made a "list" of who i should marry, i've already told them where to stick it, but they haven't given up yet and have been using emotional blackmail to get me to marry some guy i don't know or want to know.
It doesn't sound like you are that bothered with your religion if this is something you are considering and that is fine, why should you believe something jsut because your parents do? The problem is obviously that you are worried how your religious parents will react. I think any rational person would be on your side, but unless you think your parents could bring themselves to choose you over their deeply ingrained religious beliefs, you are going to have to make a big decision, sadly.
what my bf and i do is up to me n him, i mean parents dont need to find out. we're not thinking about the future. i like him alot n this is something i feel i want to do, if we split up in the long run then we split up, cos i know we wont ever get married.
Humra
i didn't mean it in that way, sorry
what i meant is how will you (or whoever) be able to explain it to them? my parents are muslim too and they are quite strict, maybe not as strict as yours but they are strict. and they have already made a "list" of who i should marry, i've already told them where to stick it, but they haven't given up yet and have been using emotional blackmail to get me to marry some guy i don't know or want to know.
what i meant is how will you (or whoever) be able to explain it to them? my parents are muslim too and they are quite strict, maybe not as strict as yours but they are strict. and they have already made a "list" of who i should marry, i've already told them where to stick it, but they haven't given up yet and have been using emotional blackmail to get me to marry some guy i don't know or want to know.
Well mine are conservative Catholics.
Whilst I will always want my parents approval when it comes to who I marry, there is no way in hell they can tell me who that person should be.
If your religion means anything to you at all, don't do it. I'm also a Muslim, and it's against our religion to have sex outside marriage. It's not your parents you've got to worry about keeping it secret from - you can't hide it from God. And you've got to decide, what's most important, earthly pleasure now or the Day of Judgement?
Hope I don't sound like a preacher or something
But the fact is it's a sin, and if your religion's important to you, you have to think of that first and foremost.
Hope I don't sound like a preacher or something
But the fact is it's a sin, and if your religion's important to you, you have to think of that first and foremost.
what they said ^^^
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