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Friend getting stupidly drunk

I have a female friend, who routinely gets completely wasted on nights out. She's only recently started drinking, but now everytime there's a party or any social gathering, she drinks until she throws up and has passed out on a couple of occasions. She's 17, and will be off to uni in the autumn. We've just started to get really worried about her, because so far, she's always had someone responsible to look after her. If she goes away, there won't be any guarentee of this, and we're worried she'll end up getting herself raped or something.
Without physically stopping her from buying drinks, and supervising her all night, there isn't any way for us to control her, she won't listen. She's normally quite quiet and innocent, but is fairly immature.
A few nights ago, we had our prom, and she got thrown out after she was sick several times.
Any suggestions on how we can stop her acting so stupidly? I'd normally say that it was her own stupid fault, and that we should leave her to it. At the moment the worst that has happened is she's thrown up and made a fool of herself. However, none of us want her to continue behaving like this when she's at uni, because she'll be much more at risk without us keeping an eye on her.

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Reply 1

Ay! Dirty Boy!

theres nothing you can do about it apart from try and make her realise she has a problem. dont try to hard, she has to realise herself

Reply 2

Spiral Architect

Sounds like shes following a strict training plan before uni starts.

Reply 3

Tyler Durden

I would sit down and have a talk to her perhaps. When she's not drunk though. Just tell her your concerns and tell her that others have shared your feelings about the matter. Explain that it's not in her best interests to get so drunk that she has no responsibility for her own safety and that at University (well mine anyway!) it's actually generally seen as quite ridiculous. I mean people get very drunk, but when they're chucking up into the kitchen sink and passing out in corridors people start to get annoyed - and it sounds like she's at that level.

Reply 4

GeorgieK

indeed, if she's drinking too much, harden her up. Make sure she eats well before every night out, i've found it makes the difference between sick after 10 drinks to nothing after 10+x drinks.

Reply 5

Higgy

She'll get bored of it

Reply 6

warranty-ideal

The novelty will pass.

Reply 7

Pippak

I've got a friend who's a bit like that. We'll all have a few drinks, but she'll have a few too many, start making a fool of herself and then deny it. You seem to say that your friend only does it when she goes out, which might mean she doesn't have a problem problem. You could go out as a group a couple of times in situations that are less alcohol focussed, like for a meal or to the cinema. It can be cheaper, you still have a laugh and she might not get as drunk. Or you could all have a couple of sober nights or something, to help her realise that she doesn't need to be wasted to have fun.

Mind you, I throw up a lot when I'm drunk, but am always fine immediately before and after. It's like a reflex - my body's had enough just around the stage where the floor starts shifting, so my body gets rid of the alcohol. I feel fine instantly and can carry on partying. It's a bit strange but tends to stop me getting to that stage where you can't sleep because stuff moves. Your friend could be like that. Remember, some people throw up more easily than others when they've been drinking, and her getting kicked out could be because she's one of the ones who is sick quite easily.

Reply 8

mc_hamster

My sister does this, best thing to do is just leave her to it. They won't listen to you anyway.

Reply 9

Angelharpist

I have a very good friend who's just like that.

I'm especially worried about her as she's an anorexic too, and even worse, is going to Magdalene College at Cambridge in September. She can't cope with pressure so I think she's literally going to crash and burn in an environment like that.

Naturally, she isn't going to change, not overnight at least. What I think is most important is that you TALK to your friend and make sure that there aren't any issues that are causing her drinking problem, such as family problems, abuse, a rape, a death etc.

The drinking could well be masking something else...

Reply 10

envious

Maybe you could video her behaviour when she's drunk and show it back to her. This could work, especially if she's in complete denial and is usually quite reserved. When she sees her behaviour in the cold light of day it could make her realise just what an idiot she is making of herself :rolleyes:

.

If that doesn't work then maybe you could confront her and ay how you're concerned about her saftey etc. Tell her that you're not her parent and that she should be responsible for her own actions and not rely on friends to ensure she's ok. It might seem harsh at the time but in the long run, ultimately, it's for the best :yy:

Reply 11

ciderpeter

I live with a guy like this and i think regardless of where/when you live, people will always look out for you...

Someone always ends up bringing this guy home and we just let him know that by drinking too much and being sick in club toilets at abotu 11 o clock he was ruining our nights as much as his as we had to take him back!

We then told him what he was missing out on by coming home early, now he has realised this he takes it a lot easier and manages to get wasted but last the whole night too, he had one trip to hospitaland i dont think he wants that again!

Wherever you live you will make freinds quickly so i doubt your friend will ever be left on her own - someone will always be there to help them, at least thats always the case here!

Reply 12

dan1982

Could be an underlying problem that she is trying to disguise.

I am going through the same thing, but i realised it myself when i woke up and couldnt remember the last 2 days, only for my friends to say i was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. They then told me a story about what id been doing.

Im trying to deal with it myself the same as i have with all my problems and i normally always get over them, but slowly im losing it, and need to vent to another half, which is more of the problem.

Ask her if somethings bothering her, be nice, and see if she will tell you. Dont make her, just be there, cause it might get worse.

mc_hamster

My sister does this, best thing to do is just leave her to it. They won't listen to you anyway.

terrible advise ignore.

Reply 13

Wineblood

shinyhappy

I'd normally say that it was her own stupid fault, and that we should leave her to it.

Then do just that, alcoholics never listen anyway until they do something to realise they're messed up.

Reply 14

shinyhappy

Thanks for all the responses. I'm fairly sure that she doesn't have any terrible problems/ things in her past that she's trying to hide/ forget about. As far as I know, she only drinks socially, so I don't think that she has a serious problem with it. Its more like what people have said about it starting to affect the rest of our nights out, as we end up having to take care of her.
I liked the idea about videoing her, that could work actually. :smile:

Reply 15

camelia

good idea about taping her drunk, especially when u say she's quite shy nomally. maybe if she saw what stupid and embarrasing things she's done would make her think a bit next time.

Reply 16

camelia

oooh, u alredy seen that :smile:

well good luck, anyways

Reply 17

dan1982

caramella

good idea about taping her drunk, especially when u say she's quite shy nomally. maybe if she saw what stupid and embarrasing things she's done would make her think a bit next time.

true theres also the possibility thats shes drinking because she is shy, and thinks that it helps her come out her shell. She may enjoy it and if kept in check it might help.
You taping her, might make her feel so bad that it only forces her inside herself even further.

Of course this is all speculations. You shouldnt try and take the responsibility of someone life into your own hands and try to sort her out, only she can do that.

Your best bet is to talk to her, if it serious then help if you can, if it isn't then give a few small words whens shes drinking to much, maybe say, hey thats enough dont wanner get to drunk...

Reply 18

spoon1

How embarrassing for you.....it sounds like she's a bit insecure...i agree the taping thing is a good idea, tbh if i were you and she didnt listen to me i'd let her learn from her mistakes. I know it sounds a bit harsh but you're clearly making an effort to help her but if she just doesn't wanna know well then it's her problem.

IT is kinda annoying when I go out with my friends and one of us gets practically paraletic and all the others have to take care of them...luckily it doesn't happen too often!