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    Carver Bathroom Style

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    To Cheese from cheese slicer

    Natural enemies we were
    then I saw you, Edam
    Greasy you were.
    All yours I was.

    You left me!
    Like the ink leaves the pen
    too quick, for good!
    Still, my iron heart longs for you
    like the bucket longs for water
    and my cold being cannot function
    for it needs you
    like the oven needs the heat.

    Why did you leave and become a pizza?
    You will be eaten and digested
    what will be left of you my love?
    I will embrace you in my thoughs
    until I face my destiny, too.
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    An Ode to 56k dial-up

    K-chrrrrruuu gu gu guu
    weee-bomp
    weee-bomp
    di-do-di-di-da-deeee
    k-chrunk
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    Oh For Revision.

    Oh For revision,
    Your twisted book filled lust
    You make me cry
    I have to spy
    the exam paper.

    Oh for revision
    Your painful memory game
    I can do no more
    I shall have to lure
    the examiner into bed.
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    Subtle sexual undertones


    I'm sitting in my chair
    Fiddling with my hair
    And wondering exactly where
    I've left my half eaten pear

    Is it in the kitchen?
    That would be *****in'
    My tongue is itchin'
    It lusts for friction

    Fruit is really good
    Much better than wood
    I don't mean to be rude
    When I eat it nude

    (1 minute 30)
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    Is it in the kitchen?
    That would be *****in'
    haha :laugh: class!
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    Smoke rings

    Smoking a cigar
    Montecristo, in fact
    I feel like a total count
    Puff, puff, puff
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    Melancholy melody

    It's raining outside,
    a beautiful night for a saturnine soul.
    Maybe I'll jump out of the window.
    Hit the sleek patio, head first.
    The moon illuminating all of my
    awful mistakes.

    Or perhaps I'll take a walk,
    nude, of course.
    It's only five minutes away.
    A leisurely stroll to the cold North Sea.
    I'll drown my shortcomings,
    and drift to peace.

    But with the rain, the sea, the sun and the moon,
    and the music, literature, alcohol,
    Anna...
    I'm reminded that there's much beauty in the world,
    and it outweights insignificant blunders.
    I'll live to find more.

    (6 minutes)
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    Actually, I quite like the second line. :P
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    It was very eloquent.. I think your only pretending to be failed. For shame.
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    (Original post by Hanzing)
    It was very eloquent.. I think your only pretending to be failed. For shame.
    Well, I sat down actually intending to write a crap poem, and now I quite like it. Feck.
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    I cant blame you, I fell in love with mine so much I stuck it in my sig. Most poetic i've been in years..
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    Lazy Arse Blues

    Well, i'sa settin' in my chair
    And I'sa ain't washed my greasy hair
    Yeah, I'sa settin' in my chair
    And I'sa ain't washed my greasy hair
    There ain't nothin' foh me to do
    I'sa ain't got no food to chew

    I'sa worn out, decrepit, lazy ass old fool
    And I'sa can't even afford a little swimmin' pool
    Yeah, I'sa worn out, decrepit, lazy ass old fool
    And I'sa don't own no god damn swimmin' pool
    So I'sa gonna go down the river
    I'sa gonna fish for me my dinner

    Well, I'sa settin' by the river bank
    Ain't no god damn fishin' tank
    Yeah, I'sa settin' by the river bank
    It ain't no god damn fishin' tank
    When I'sa lose my god damn rod
    Now'sa know that there ain't no god damn God
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    Aie hed to get reed of my vurk. Eet vus pretentious bullsheet!

    Bonfire of the poetry

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    (Original post by Hanzing)
    It was very eloquent.. I think your only pretending to be failed. For shame.
    Of course he is, just like you are and everyone else here except me.

    Why

    Oh why.
    Jennings, cummings, Atwood.
    My rat is no good.
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    (Original post by foxo)
    Aie hed to get reed of my vurk. Eet vus pretentious bullsheet!

    Bonfire of the poetry

    Beautiful.
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    (Original post by foxo)
    Aie hed to get reed of my vurk. Eet vus pretentious bullsheet!

    Bonfire of the poetry


    Even a psychology referene, I like it.
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    Based on a popular radio head song 'Karma Police', with some inspiration from TSR.

    'Grammar Police'

    Grammar police, Arrest this man
    Hes no time for full stops,
    He cant use commas,
    He doesn't understand.

    Grammar police, Arrest this girl
    Shes avoided semi-colons,
    Ignores proper structure
    Her punctuation makes me sick.

    This is what you get,
    This is what you get
    When you don't go to English.
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    Stop the press!

    It's my true masterpiece. It's unbelievable. It will sell like hot cakes in a cake shop on Mothers day! JK Rowling, eat your heart out, *****. I'll be rich too!

    I'm entering into the childrens market with...


    Foxford the lovely dog







    once upon a time there was a dog and it was big
    it was big and it had a small tail
    the dog liked listening to fairy tales
    so one day as a moo cow was reading out a fairy tale
    the dog sneaked in like a sly little fox
    and sat and listened and listened and listened
    and listened, and listened, and listened,
    and the dog realised he was clever
    as he recognised Oxford commas
    foxes get into Oxford but dogs don’t
    that dog was really smart though
    that dog could get AAA at A Level, absolutely
    so he painted himself orange and set off,
    off to Merton College, Oxford
    gleaming orange with a white tip on his tail
    so goes the fairy tale anyway

    so the foxy little dog thing ran off to the magical land of Oxfordshire
    he ran through the fields and he ran through the rivers,
    he ran all day and he ran all night
    and ran, and ran, and ran,
    and half way there he was shot at by a toff on a horse
    and he barked “THAT’S ILLEGAL I’M NOT A FOX”
    and the horse went “neigh” and the posh man swigged some rum and said
    “sorry old chum tally ho, ho, ho”
    anyway the dog in gleaming orange paint stepped up to the admissions tutors, and barked
    “I like Radio 4, University Challenge and Oscar Wilde”
    the dog scratched his ear and farted
    “I would like to study PPE; Philosophy, Politics and Economics of course”
    “well”, said Professor Eggheadingdale, scratching his nose, raising his eyebrows
    “I am as cunning as a cunning fox who is Professor of Cunning at Oxford University!”
    and “you’re obviously not a cunning fox, with a small tail like that!”
    and the poor dog was foiled by his tell tale tail

    and they all lived happily ever after except:
    the orange dog who was shortly thereafter run over by a tractor
    the moo cow who was turned into a burger
    the toff who fell off the horse and was paralysed from the neck down
    the horse who was turned into glue after paralysing his master
    Oscar Wilde who has been dead for over a century
    Jeremy Paxman who doesn't like happiness
    Professor Eggheadingdale who caught syphilis
    and Oxford University who were beaten by Cambridge in The Times University Ratings the next year.

    the end.
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    LOL!!!

    What a hilarious title! :laugh:

    OMG have you been watching Lassie lately? Because if you have, you ought to be shot.

    A ridiculously fantastic little tale!

    OK I'm sorry but I like one part so much that I need to put it in my sig (and it also gives a very laughable picture of you mwahaha!)
 
 
 
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