Not quite sure what to do

Ok, I'm not quite sure what to do and was wondering what other people thought i should do.

I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now and everything was fine until last summer when for some reason he just didn't call or text me for 8 weeks and we barely saw each other. (he has now apologised for this and we carried on going out much to the disgust of my friends) We kinda picked things up for a bit, but I have been feeling really unsure for a while.

A couple of weeks ago I got really drunk at a party and ended up kissing someone else. (yes I know, im horrible and I felt awful afterwards) I don't really remember it and it certainly didn't mean anything. (I've known the guy I kissed for ages, neither of us are quite sure why it happened) I didn't tell my boyfriend because it didn't mean anything. Anyway, my boyfriend found out, by reading a text message on my phone from a friend, and has forgiven me. He did delete the messages and a few numbers off my phone though which I thought was a bit mean, but I guess fair compared to what I did.

I've been feeling really unsure about this relationship for a while now, since last summer really, but I don't seem to be able to break up with him. I get on so well with his family, especially his sister, and feel that I will hurt them as well. I don't like to hurt people's feelings (i no doesn't seem like it after what i did) but he's beginning to freak me out a bit talking about marriage and what to do after we leave uni, I didn't plan on being this commited at 18. I'm also not sure whether he trusts me, which is fair enough I guess, but I'm not allowed out to see my friends and he rings up in the evenings which I think is to check I'm home and he's always looking in my inbox on my phone and questioning every person in there.

i dont really know what to do, cos im some ways i think i should be grateful for having a boyfriend who forgave me but i just dont feel any connection anymore and we just dont seem to have anything in common.

sorry to post this here you don't have to reply but it feels much better typing it all out. and ive posted this as anonymous because some people on here know me and I don't want them to know.

thanks for reading all that crap
x

Reply 1

twiga

Look if you're not happy then you have to leave him. It sounds like you cheating was your way of saying that you want out. He sounds really posessive... Why won't he let you go out in the evenings?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

He used to let me go out, but in the group of people who I hang out with is my friend that I kissed so he gets a bit funny about it.

Reply 3

wednesburywench

you have to split up with him. Even if it feels harsh, he will be ok in the end. Do whats right for now. M boyfriend of almost 4 yrs split up with me last week, and although gutted cus we have been so close for so long, I know that it was right thing for him to do. Altho my boyfriend and me neevr did anything bad to each other....he sounds like a control freak and defiantly needs to be get rid of!

Reply 4

rosetinted

Break up. He's lost trust in you and the fact you cheated shows you're not committed to the relationship any more or that interested in continuing it. It will be hard to split after 4 years together but it sounds like you want different things.

Oh and you're going out with him, not his family. You can split up with him and remain friends with his sister if you want to try.

Reply 5

shinyhappy

Going along with the general flow of things, break up with him. Its really horrible, and it will be tough, but I think that you know thats what you have to do, really. If you're unsure enough to post all this stuff on here, I think you're probably just looking for people to encourage you to do it. I hope everything works out ok for you.

Reply 6

sidi

You're 18, you're at uni, you should be having the time of your life. I hardly call kissing someone else cheating! Get this control freak out of your life. Reading/deleting messages from your phone is not acceptable behaviour. Go kiss lots of men till you find the right one. Have fun.

Reply 7

bazlette

Anonymous

I'm also not sure whether he trusts me, which is fair enough I guess, but I'm not allowed out to see my friends and he rings up in the evenings which I think is to check I'm home and he's always looking in my inbox on my phone and questioning every person in there.

I can't believe that you are accepting of this behaviour. OK, so you kissed someone else. It was two weeks ago, there's not a lot can be done about it now, and of course he's feeling a bit edgy now but for heaven's sake - that does not mean he can stop you from going out with friends, and invade your privacy in such ways!