The Student Room Group

Really like a guy with a gf

Basically there's a guy at school I really like. Recently I've realised I like him a lot more than I thought, I have the biggest crush ever on him. I think about him all the time (as in barely a minute goes by without me thinking about him) and I love everything about him. But he has a girlfriend. It's tearing me up thinking about him being with her, even though I wouldn't even have the guts to do anything even if he was single. It's really getting me down. It's even more annoying 'coz I keep thinking about times we've locked eyes (and me, being an idiot, interpreted it as something it wasn't) etc, but we've never even had a conversation.

Sorry this is so boring. But I need some help. I'm thinking about him so much and it's getting me so down. I need to put him out of my mind but I just really really like him and hate him being with someone. Please give me some advice so I can forget about him. :frown:

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Avoid like the plague. And just accept someone else got there first.
Reply 2
find someone else... gg.
leave the happy couple alone because the only person who stands to be hurt in this is you... isn't worth it if you have never even spoken to him.
Become his bit on the side.
Reply 4
:adore: Respect the girlfriend!!
Also, hopefully, this 'crush' will come and go....and you'll look back and kick yourself, I know I have....

x
Reply 5
I know I sound like a bitch, it'd probably be easier if I knew his gf or something, at least then I could be like, 'Oh she's a nice person' or something...but as it is, not knowing her, she's just his girl I have to hate by definition!

I try and forget about him, then something irritating'll happen like I'll suddenly read his name in the article I'm reading, or hear a song by his favourite band. At school I try to be all cool 'bout it, then as he walks past he looks in my direction, I look in his direction and I'm mad about him again! I wish there was somebody half as amazing to me as him I could transfer my affections to :frown:
Reply 6
I doubt that this is what you want to hear, but you can't go for it while he has a girlfriend. Well, you could, but do you want to be the girl who broke up a couple because she wanted the guy?

There's every chance that they will break up naturally and then you can legitimately go for it. Its a sucky situation for you but honestly there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it apart from manage the way that you feel about it and try not to get too upset.
Reply 7
Just over a week ago, my boyfriend of over a year finished it with me because a girl was interested in him. and she had let him know.

men are pretty simple beings. generally speaking, if they find out someone is interested in them, they can't help but be interested back.

Let me tell you something. I HATE this girl that ruined my relationship because she didn't have the decency to know when to STAY WELL ALONE. you say you hate his girlfriend by definition, but you will be the one acting unfairly if you pursue this.

If someone is attached, leave them be. Don't even let them know you are interested, because that is unfair on all involved.

You call this a crush. By definition, it will pass. Find someone else.
Reply 8
Don't get me wrong, I would never consider trying to get somebody with a girlfriend! I really think adultery is an evil thing and I would never do that. I wouldn't even have the guts to go after anyone anyway, unless they made the first move, so that's not the problem...it's just I don't want to feel like I do, I don't want to be so crazy about him, but I have no idea how to do that seeing as I see him everyday and I'd still think about him regardless. :frown: Thanks for the advice anyways. :smile:
Reply 9
you don't even know how he feels about you, or if you would even have a spark together anyway, as you've never even had a conversation with him! best thing to do is just move on and realise that you can actively choose not to have feelings for him.

i know this is a hard situation to be in, i'm not trying to be preachy or whatever because i completely understand. i was once involved with a guy for over 8 months who had a gf the whole time (which i knew about). i'm not proud of it, it was the cruellest and most despicable thing i could have done and i would never do anything like that again. even after he dumped her (for me, though i refused to go out with him because i thought he would cheat on me like he cheated on her!) i still knew how wrong the whole situation was.

just forget about it. It's not even as though you really like him all that much as a person, you have no clue how well suited your personalities are for each other, or if you even 'click'; you're just infatuated with someone you can't have. this may sound harsh but the best thing you can do is just get over it.
Reply 10
I know this sounds silly, but at least talk to the guy even just making polite conversation. Maybe he's not the guy you built him up to be, and chances are he might not even be attracted to you making it all a mute point.

How old are you, just for the record?
Reply 11
16. Yup, I know, silly schoolgirl crush. Just doesn't make it any easier!

It's just stupid things like me thinking he'd really like this band, then finding out the next week they're his fave, or him doing something cute like holding open a door, it's like, stupid things that mean absolutely nothing but just get to me! Argh. He's not even that fit! Well, conventionally fit. To most people he's probs kinda ugly, except in the right light...which makes it kinda annoying he got a gf, he's not exactly a babe-magnet in the normal sense of the word :frown:
Reply 12
at least talk to him once...

plus you dont really know how things are with his gf, assuming you heard through the school grapevine (since you have never spoken to him/seen his gf).
Reply 13
sara_b
men are pretty simple beings. generally speaking, if they find out someone is interested in them, they can't help but be interested back.

I wouldn't generalise as men being "simple" like that. It is a natural reaction for anyone to feel more interested in somebody that has feelings for you, but this does not form the basis of or start a chain of feelings within a man that lead to liking her unless she is in fact somebody that they may desire. Perhaps at a younger age it is more true, when sex drive is less controllable, particularly with guys, but such "interest" generated by a girl being interested in them would only result in short term lust-based relationships. Most older men, similarly (but for different reasons) to women, will simply be attracted for their own reasons.

As for the OP, I would say that few young relationships are truly long lasting, and if you do love him enough, you can wait until he separates from her, otherwise, taking any more action would be futile and lead to more grief. I would assume you want him to be happy, and if he is with another girl, then in some senses, this should make you happy too, and you can lead your own life.
Reply 14
Don't feel bad - we've all been there and done that and negativity gets you nowhere (it's my new motto in life). Try and get to know the guy, not with any great ambitions to hook up and live happily ever after but just to get to know him better as a friend. It'll probably change the way you look at him :smile:
Reply 15
well, i did say 'generally speaking'. I know it's not ALL men.
Reply 16
You have built this guy up into someone he's not. He isn't that hot, he's not normally a babe magnet so he can't be that amazing. I think you have to shatter your illusions by talking to him.
Reply 17
Thanks for the advice, spesh alex, eien, bobbob. I think I will do that - try and talk to him, maybe be mates with him, though I'm gonna have a job on doing that, I find it really tough talking to people. But I'll try, 'coz I spose the mystery's part of it - if we became friends, at least acquaintances, I think I'd prob find it hard to think of him in the way I do now, I guess when you're friends with a guy you can't fancy him so much. So yeah, I will try that, if I can pluck up the courage, I dunno how but I'll try and speak to him!

Hope it works and I don't see him in this way anymore if we actually talk.
Reply 18
bobbob
I know this sounds silly, but at least talk to the guy even just making polite conversation. Maybe he's not the guy you built him up to be, and chances are he might not even be attracted to you making it all a mute point.

How old are you, just for the record?


Thing is I am pretty sure he's not attracted to me, and that's what gets to me, that I like him so much and he doesn't even know I exist...plus him being with someone, obviously. I can say quite confidently he doesn't like me, so I should be able to stop liking him, but I can't. :frown:
Reply 19
Anonymous
Basically there's a guy at school I really like. Recently I've realised I like him a lot more than I thought, I have the biggest crush ever on him. I think about him all the time (as in barely a minute goes by without me thinking about him) and I love everything about him. But he has a girlfriend. It's tearing me up thinking about him being with her, even though I wouldn't even have the guts to do anything even if he was single. It's really getting me down. It's even more annoying 'coz I keep thinking about times we've locked eyes (and me, being an idiot, interpreted it as something it wasn't) etc, but we've never even had a conversation.

Sorry this is so boring. But I need some help. I'm thinking about him so much and it's getting me so down. I need to put him out of my mind but I just really really like him and hate him being with someone. Please give me some advice so I can forget about him. :frown:


Wendy Cope's 'Two Cures for Love':

1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.
2. The easy way: get to know him better.