long distance relationships

OP

its just we are always together and in a moment of drunken desperation, i might try to fill that gap

Reply 3

16

Anonymous

i go to uni next year and so does my girlfriend and the unis are about 200 miles apart.

has anyone had experience of a long distance relationship and do they really work? we've been together a long time and i love her loads but i'm scared i might have too much to drink and get with someone else when i'm frustrated (sexually) and there is the chance she could too.

Erm, firstly, you're thinking about straying and you haven't even gone away yet? If you love her enough that wouldn't happen, and drink is never an excuse for cheating on someone. In my opinion anyway.
Anyway, onto the long distance relationship thing. I am currently in one. I met my bf at uni and he lives in Norway, so as you can imagine it's hard for us to see each other during the holidays. However, we make a huge effort to go and see each other and keep in touch using MSN, phone calls and Skype (free computer phone thingy) when we can't be together.
Yes, it's hard, but if you really, really want to make the realtionship work you will. Going to uni will be a big change for you both, but it *is* possible to maintain a long distance relationship, but you have to both really believe in it, and work very hard.
Hope that eases your worries a little, and good luck! :smile:

Reply 4

1

My long distance relationship didn't work. Messed up totally.
But dont let that discourage you. That was because of a change of feelings.
I really do think if you care about somebody that much and they feel the same, you can stick it out through uni.

Its never gona be guaranteed, and it'll take a lot of extra effort. But if you think shes worth it then whats the problem in that?

And as for you/her sleeping with other people. Only time will figure out if that'll happen. If you keep your wits about you and really care then mistakes should be less likely to happen, and if they do thats something to be dealt with when it does. Lesson - in situations like these, alcohol is not a good thing. I've learned that the hard way.

But generally, best thing to do is stay positive but be realistic. Its not gona be easy.

Reply 5

16

Anonymous

its just we are always together and in a moment of drunken desperation, i might try to fill that gap

No you wouldn't though, seriously! You shouldn't think so negatively. If you love her like you say you do, you shouldn't really want to go round pulling randoms. A relationship isn't all about the kissing and sex!

Reply 6

pumpkin7

13

Anonymous

its just we are always together and in a moment of drunken desperation, i might try to fill that gap

drunken desperation!? give me a break.. alcohol (contrary to popular belief) is not an essential part of life.. you don't need to get that totally hammered and omg need sex.. seriously. your gf has no reason to trust you with this attitude.

if you want this long distance relationship to work, you have to trust each other.. that is the bottom line. if you have no self control, then you might as well call it quits right now. no point in being together if you are thinking like that mate..

and ever heard of masturbation?

Reply 7

pumpkin7

13

Becca

No you wouldn't though, seriously! You shouldn't think so negatively. If you love her like you say you do, you shouldn't really want to go round pulling randoms. A relationship isn't all about the kissing and sex!

by what he is saying though, it obviously is.. are you an nympho OP?

Reply 8

16

pumpkin7

and ever heard of masturbation?

And phone sex?

Reply 9

1

Well lets see it this way.
The girl im seeing atm is great, and i think im seriously wanting to get with her but only time will tell.

I know shes going to uni soon, but thats not putting me off at all. Its the old 'lets go with the flow' type thing.
If our feelings are both really genuine, why would we wana do anything but be together anyway.

Things will work if theyre meant to.

Reply 10

OP

???

Reply 11

OP

sorry, that was meant for pumpkin7

Reply 12

1

Things will work if theyre meant to.

???

As in the same should apply to you. If you really feel that genuinely about it then university and distance is no obstacle.

Reply 13

*kiki*

Like so many others have said; if you're both willing enough to make it work, it will. I'm in one at the moment (we're at separate unis, 200ish miles apart), and we're both totally honest with each other. We've both had opportunities to 'get with other people' but haven't, as it's not worth affecting the relationship for something so shallow which a lot of people regret having done afterwards. Plus I feel that nobody can even begin to compare to him anyway, and he feels this about me too.
Of course it's difficult being apart, but amazing when together again, and there will also be your 3 or 4 month summer holiday, as well as other holidays! Communication is essential too; emails, phonecalls etc. Ultimately, a relationship can either be destroyed or made stronger after having gone through a long-distance phase. It really depends on the relationship/people. If you both really feel the relationship is worth it and love each other, it should be unlikely that you'll be unfaithful. I have friends though in LDRs who have been drunk and ended up being unfaithful; in some cases they have been forgiven as they saw it as a mistake etc, in others not. So it really does depend. Sorry I couldn't really answer your problem exactly, but there it is! xx

Reply 14

OP

I like your attitude TommyD. Thanks for your advice, it's helped me clear my head a bit

Reply 15

OP

No, that's great advice too *Kiki*, thanks.

Reply 16

*kiki*

You're welcome; I know how difficult it is having to think about entering a long-distance relationship, but it really isn't all that bad :smile:

Reply 17

16

*kiki*

Like so many others have said; if you're both willing enough to make it work, it will. I'm in one at the moment (we're at separate unis, 200ish miles apart), and we're both totally honest with each other. We've both had opportunities to 'get with other people' but haven't, as it's not worth affecting the relationship for something so shallow which a lot of people regret having done afterwards. Plus I feel that nobody can even begin to compare to him anyway, and he feels this about me too.
Of course it's difficult being apart, but amazing when together again, and there will also be your 3 or 4 month summer holiday, as well as other holidays! Communication is essential too; emails, phonecalls etc. Ultimately, a relationship can either be destroyed or made stronger after having gone through a long-distance phase. It really depends on the relationship/people. If you both really feel the relationship is worth it and love each other, it should be unlikely that you'll be unfaithful. I have friends though in LDRs who have been drunk and ended up being unfaithful; in some cases they have been forgiven as they saw it as a mistake etc, in others not. So it really does depend. Sorry I couldn't really answer your problem exactly, but there it is! xx

I have to agree, that although being in a long distance relationship is hard for me, I definitely feel it has made our relationship stronger. :smile:

Reply 18

mousey

2

I've been in one since September, it's working so far. xx

Reply 19