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Going out with someone you don't find attractive ? watch

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    It depends how unattractive he really is, if you think that eventually you would not be able to look at him then a relationship is probably not a good idea but if you like his personality and aside from his looks would consider him as boyfriend material then i think you should give him a chance. My boyfriend is no model, he's not hideous but he is not what most girls would call handsome, I would never tell him that he is not very good looking, but he is a really great guy. Just keep in my mind my philosophy, 'Men who are too good looking aren't good in bed because they have never had to be.' Ok this guy may not be good looking but he probably has many other qualities and things to offer a girl.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There's this guy I like (as a friend) and he's awesome, he's funny and nice and the right age (he's older than me, which I like) and he totally adores me and thinks I'm special etc. We have a good time together and all, but I find him horribly unattractive, as bad as that sounds. I could never start anything with him because I am just not attracted to his looks. I know this sounds terribly superficial, and maybe then I am, but would you ever date someone you find truly unattractive? I mean, he's not just not my type, he is unattractive. Ouch. lol Just checking if this makes me a horrible person or if others would feel similar...
    Oh dear. It better not be me. Alice?

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    Rather than entering into a relationship with him, just see where things lead you. Eventually, you may be able to suss out what your exact feelings toward him are. I'm guessing that at this point in time there is no pressurisation for you to be his girlfriend, so you have plenty of time to deliberate over what he means to you.

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    Yesh, im like that i have a lad who i would love to like in that way but i really really dont oh well hes a good mate though.
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    There's no point going out with someone if you dont find them attractive, a desirable personality and looks come as a package.

    If hes a nice guy, dont break his heart and tell him you dont find him attractive.
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    (Original post by ££Millionaire££)
    to be honest if you don't find him attractive sexually then that's called friendship. Which is what you have. Keep it at that or he will end up being hurt
    Exactly! Obviously looks arent everything but i personally think its stupid to go out with someone you dont find attractive. I like a lot of people's personalities but you need that sexual spark for it to go further. How can you have a physical relationship with someone you dont fancy?
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    there's a difference between objectively realising someone's not particularly good lookiing and finding them unattractive.

    it's possible to be fully aware that your partner is not commonly considered 'good looking', yet their personality and demeanor and whatever means that YOU find them attractive, in spite of realising they aren't good looking. these kinds of relationships, i would think, are relatively common and tend to work out just fine.

    on the otherhand, appreciating someone's personality yet finding them unnattractive is in no sense of the word shallow. there's no reason why you should feel obliged to have romantic feelings for this person just because you appreciate him as a friend.

    my opinion is that if you feel neutrally about a person's attractiveness (ie aren't attracted to them, but aren't unattracted to them) but like their personality, the attraction can always come at a later stage. but if you are actively UNattracted to a person, it is futile to force the issue.

    don't feel bad, it's natural and not shallow at all
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There's this guy I like (as a friend) and he's awesome, he's funny and nice and the right age (he's older than me, which I like) and he totally adores me and thinks I'm special etc. We have a good time together and all, but I find him horribly unattractive, as bad as that sounds. I could never start anything with him because I am just not attracted to his looks. I know this sounds terribly superficial, and maybe then I am, but would you ever date someone you find truly unattractive? I mean, he's not just not my type, he is unattractive. Ouch. lol Just checking if this makes me a horrible person or if others would feel similar...
    Dont go out with him! You don't just date someone who you get on with. You need to fancy them, even if if is only a bit.
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    (Original post by grace)
    there's a difference between objectively realising someone's not particularly good lookiing and finding them unattractive.

    it's possible to be fully aware that your partner is not commonly considered 'good looking', yet their personality and demeanor and whatever means that YOU find them attractive, in spite of realising they aren't good looking. these kinds of relationships, i would think, are relatively common and tend to work out just fine.

    on the otherhand, appreciating someone's personality yet finding them unnattractive is in no sense of the word shallow. there's no reason why you should feel obliged to have romantic feelings for this person just because you appreciate him as a friend.

    my opinion is that if you feel neutrally about a person's attractiveness (ie aren't attracted to them, but aren't unattracted to them) but like their personality, the attraction can always come at a later stage. but if you are actively UNattracted to a person, it is futile to force the issue.

    don't feel bad, it's natural and not shallow at all
    Fantastic reply. Spot on, Grace! I'd rep you if I hadn't used today's rep up.
    (Maybe tomorrow...)
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    I could never go out with someone if I didnt find them attractive, I always used to say.. ohh its the personality that counts - but to be honest as Ive got older I recon you need both..

    I mean its not such a bad thing because different people find different people attractive and unattractive...
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    I've been in a relationship with someone I didnt find especially attractive and I did get a much deeper understanding of what love means. You dont love your mum or family for their looks, thats a true unconditional love divorced from sexual lust, and I had this with my ex and have never had it before or since.

    Take on board all the advice about not feeling bad if you fundamentally aren't attracted to someone - you can't force that, but I would encourage you not to write him off in your head, because the problem you may find in future is you will start off a relationship with a more attractive person and end up comparing their personality qualities with the one you ruled out on looks, and wondering why you can never find it.
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    Well I think it's a matter of "what's your type?" and "what is considered as good-looking/attractive by the vast majority of people?". A lot of girls who would be considered as absolute hotties do nothing for me, whereas most girls I am attracted to, would not be considered as stunners.

    The difference is even more apparent for girls because apart from the "pretty boy look", there's no common reference for girls to agree on. Many women are genetically programmed to be attracted to men who are not attractive at all according to social standards: guys with bellies, guys who are balding...

    (Original post by grace)
    there's a difference between objectively realising someone's not particularly good lookiing and finding them unattractive.

    it's possible to be fully aware that your partner is not commonly considered 'good looking', yet their personality and demeanor and whatever means that YOU find them attractive, in spite of realising they aren't good looking. these kinds of relationships, i would think, are relatively common and tend to work out just fine.
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    All the ugly people on this board say it is ALL about personality... We are not dogs (though some could pass for one), we are human... we need sexual attraction...

    Ugly people should not be so cocky.
 
 
 
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