Right well this is going to be a long post so sorry but I feel I need to explain things fully.
Right, in September 2004 I eventually stated going out with the guy of my dreams who id been head over heels for, for a year. Things went great, I totally was in love with him, and hated not being around him, basically he was my everything. We had a good year, ups and downs like everyone, but it was good and I wouldn’t change it for the world. However he is in the year above me and as such in September just gone he went to uni, and we decided best thing to do would be to break up when he went as long distance would be a lot of strain and would be best to be amicable about it rather than splitting later and falling out.
Needless to say I was a bit devastated, I think I cried in his arms for about 4 hours the day before he went and he cried too which ive never seen him do. It took me a good few months to stop getting upset all the time, and it was so difficult, worst thing ive ever had to do. He seemed to get over it quite easily, although everyone I have spoken to says uni changed u and u r so busy especially in fresher’s week that u don’t have time to think about missing home etc.
I went down to see him in October, and had a really good weekend, he was really friendly, and a bit more, and I realised how much id been missing him, not just as a bf but as a friend. However when I got home a couple of weeks later we were talking about things and he said it had made him realise he had no feelings for me whatsoever, they had all gone. That really hurt, cos I still cared about him. Although now his friend says it was probably him putting up his defences, and I can see their point, cos u don’t stop caring about someone u went out with for a yr just like that. Well anyways time passed on and we chatted on msn and stuff.
Then he came home at xmas, and we went to the cinema with another of our mates from home, and had a great time, and he said how good I looked (I had made an effort to make him see what he was missing out on lol). Well anyways after xmas he went back to uni and I got v depressed again having to go back to school, which seems like such a drag without him to talk to, knowing hes having a great time at uni. Then I went down to see him last week when I went for a visit day there and again had a great night, but possibly more so this time. I don’t know what it was, but like we were sat on his bed and I was by his computer and he put my legs over his so he cud go on it and sat like that, then we were just chatting on his bed and he was tickling me and stuff like that, being a bit flirty I suppose. Then in the night was completely different to like the last time I went down, t wasn’t just sleep completely separately, he had his arms around me, and when I turned away in the night once and rolled off his arm, he put them back round me and started running his fingers along my back and massaged my back for about 30 mins, I don’t know how else to explain it really but being sweet and possibly a bit intimate.
So needless to say im a bit confused, especially after this time of going down, cos I think he was just being friendly, and he has said he doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore, but then yet he did those things, and they weren’t just like obvious just sex stuff, it was sweet, nice stuff. Stuff that I miss from having a bf, you know? The little things. Sleeping with someone’s arms around u is one of the nicest feelings you can have.
Also, I know hes only kissed about 3 other girls at uni, and done nothing more, but I get a bit upset and jealous when I hear about it, and also hes really good mates with a girl on his corridor, and they watch films and stuff virtually every night, and I am really jealous of her, cos I would ive anything to be there.
Well sorry that turned out to be a mega long post, if I think of anything else I will add it, but for now could people just give their opinions? Do u think he is just being a friend, or do u think he might have changed is mind? We just have so much in common and get on so well, and I cannot imagine life without him, so my opinion is obviously biased.
I really need some help here cos it is tearing me up, I don’t want to go and ask him or anything cos if im wrong I will probs lose him as a mate, cos he will think I am trying for more again. Help me!!