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How can I get over him?

Hi
Well my boyfriend of 3 and half years split up with me last weekend, totally unexpectidly as he had never spoken of his problems with me before. I was obviously devastated as we got on so well, have grown up together, done everything together and never fought :frown:

His reasoning was just seeing me more as a friend now, ie his feelings have gone. Although I refuse to believe that his feelings can have completly gone after so long, and especially because he cried when he split up with me, something he has never done all the time we have been together. Surely that means he loves me? We both started uni in September, and he says the distance isnt the cause, it was just that he doesn't have any passion left for me anymore, just as friends. He was adamant he wanted to still be my best friend, and said he couldnt lose me as a friend. Basically we have spoken a couple of times since, the first in which I tried to convince him to change his mind and he said no, and the 2nd in which I pretended to be fine for his sake, and spoke to him as a friend.

Basically I am trying my best to get over him, but everytime I wake up in the morning I feel all happy cus my brain thinks he is still there, and then I realise hes not mine anymore and just feel so sad. I know I have to accept it, but it's so hard to do so when you have been with someone well like all my latter school life! (since yr 10). Being at uni helps, iv gone out more last week to try and take my mind off it, but now i have run out of money!

Being friends isnt making it harder if thats what people are going to say, it makes it easier when i speak to him cus it reminds me that even though i cant be intimate with him now, were still on the same wave length. I wish we were closer to each other so we cud meet up and talk about it, but i possibly have to wait until easter hols to do this! someone help...how can i stop feeling like this every morning! Its affecting my work now as I cant concentrate properly and have no motivation to go to uni!

Reply 20

wednesburywench

OP

2

Oh and whoever above said their guy was crying from guilt, not cus it hurt him, thats what craig said to me, he said it made him feel terrible for upsetting me, when I had been such a great girlfriend to him. I tried to make it as painless as I could for him by telling him he was great too, and always will be a great friend! hes never done anything to hurt me (even this he did in the best possible way), and he deserves some credit for that.

Reply 21

SamTheMan

17

high priestess fnord

nah stop being so phyco-analytical or whatever the words is. if u have just been dumped by a guy who "no longer finds u attractive" then finding a man/men who do find u attractive is a good ego boost i expect (never been in that situation tbh). not to mention in a relationship u have sex on tap and suddenly u dont (which is a problem for me) and if u r having sex with some random then u rnt at home moping.

ps if u cant find a guy as good in bed as your ex then put your time and effort into training up your fbuddy :wink:

The ego boost from someone finding you attractive is what you need if you feel like you'll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend again.

Getting over someone by sleeping with someone else is different: it's basically forgetting them by banalising whatever you had with your ex. Sure it works... but some of us have consciences. In the same way, you feel better when you ridicule anything about your ex by talking to your friends.

Reply 22

high priestess fnord

9

SamTheMan

The ego boost from someone finding you attractive is what you need if you feel like you'll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend again.

Getting over someone by sleeping with someone else is different: it's basically forgetting them by banalising whatever you had with your ex. Sure it works... but some of us have consciences. In the same way, you feel better when you ridicule anything about your ex by talking to your friends.

i should probly wait till i know what im talking about b4 opening my mouth. only been in 1 semi serious relationship apart from the 1 im in now *scarey but true* def never talked about an ex like tht. but then thats not rele something i would do. i dont rele think about things much tbh. probly why half the stuff that comes out of my (cyber) mouth is sh*t. neway i def found the fbuddy option worked for me when i was getting over my 1st bf but i spose its a personal thing. as for the conscience im working on it :tongue:

(but i dont here ne complaints from my old fbuddy he has no probs keeping a gf nemore thats for sure)

Reply 23

wednesburywench

OP

2

no iv never bad mouthed him....he means too much to do that, and hasnt done anything to deserve it! Just had a long chat on the phone to him, and im feeling so much better now, everything was fine again, we chatted like always and talked about anything and everything. I feel so so much better now, feeling like we actually can be friends now with no problems. :biggrin:

such a relief to hear his voice again. If I can have him as a friend then I am so thankful for that.

Reply 24

wednesburywench

OP

2

anyone else in the same situation? im surprised at how many there are!

Reply 25

Monkey_Maiden

11

Hiya, my bf broke up with me before xmas, we were each others first proper realtionship but in the end his feelings changed for me and he said there was no spark, I was devastated and kept hoping he would change his mind, we met up afterwards a few times which was stupid as we ended up sleeping together which made it impossible for me to move on, but now it's gotton so bad that he has cut all contact with me because he blames me for everything, thinks its his way of moving on.
Anyway I would say try and stay mates but sometimes its hard to and don't make the mistakes I did and keep hoping he will change his mind, because he won't :frown:

Reply 26

Sarky

18

wednesburywench

anyone else in the same situation? im surprised at how many there are!

I posted my own thread because i didn't want to rain on your parade.

Reply 27

wednesburywench

OP

2

i know if he does change his mind then he does, i certainly wont sleep with him to try and get him to change his mind!!! He wouldnt let me do that anyways, hes a lovely guy and the last thing he wanted was for me to get hurt, so he wouldnt hurt me more.

Reply 28

ladygrey

grace

loads of people will probably disagree with me, but it must be said...the best way of getting over someone is just to go sleep with someone else. random sex makes everything all better :smile:

i'm sure that works for some people... but for me... hooking up with someone when i'm not over someone else always makes me feel awful

Reply 29

wednesburywench

OP

2

yea it would just make me feel worse i reakon. Its like your desperate or something and would throw yourself at anyone that would have you! no thanks

Reply 30

grace

15

wednesburywench

yea it would just make me feel worse i reakon. Its like your desperate or something and would throw yourself at anyone that would have you! no thanks

Reply 31

Purple

18

This thread is so sad :frown:

Reply 32

wednesburywench

OP

2

yea it is sad, its a very sad breakup actually cus we do love each other so much. It was a really sad day but quite lovely really to know someone cares about me that much. Just a shame that feeling has gone for him :frown:

i know i would do anything for him.

Reply 33

mistress mayhem

yeh i was in a similar situation. My boyf split with me bout a month ago - he was at uni 100 miles away and im still doin A levels - he told me that he didnt love me anymore. Although the split wasnt completely unexpected cos we were havin a few problems, but it was still a shock cos we'd been together for 2 years. Its been the hardest month and i sometimes still cant believe wats happened, but in some ways i feel so much better than before. I no longer have to remember to phone him, or cancel out on friends to go and visit him, or waste precious clothes money on valentines day cards+prezzies. I also have a fabulous new haircut - always a good thing to have after a break up.
Hope u feel better soon xxxx

Reply 34

wednesburywench

OP

2

yea i dyed my hair yday but it didnt show up yet again cus it was too dark before lol

Reply 35

wednesburywench

OP

2

lol

Reply 36

cheeky0011

1

why are blokes always dumping the girls and saying 'i just see you as a friend, i don't love you no more'? why isn't it the other way? boys are b*******! we should see the signs as we're always analysing our relationship! This thread has shown me how common it is for a girl to be dumped, its also influenced my reaction to being dumped. i think if i was dumped i'd handle it much better now. Thanks!

Reply 37

wanderer

2

cheeky0011

why are blokes always dumping the girls and saying 'i just see you as a friend, i don't love you no more'? why isn't it the other way? boys are b*******! we should see the signs as we're always analysing our relationship! This thread has shown me how common it is for a girl to be dumped, its also influenced my reaction to being dumped. i think if i was dumped i'd handle it much better now. Thanks!

It does happen the other way round. Boys are somewhat less likely to post on this thread about it though. A girl breaking up with you is definitely not macho. :wink:

Reply 38

IjustlovetheIB

Aw, this thread is sad. Brings back memories, and stuff.

Well, anyways. I think people have given you great advice so I'll shut up now.

Reply 39

wednesburywench

OP

2

yea please dont fight, my guy wasnt a bastard atall like you may imply. Just cus he finishes with you doesnt mean he has done anything wrong, he cant help it if his feelings aint there anymore. Sniff im gona go bed now and cry, i feel like a cry, havent for a few days and just watched some videos of us on holiday. I wana tell him how i feel, but i dont think thats a good idea cus im pretty sure he dont feel the same like he aint changed his mind. Do you think i should tell him or hold it in? i am resisiting sofar. If not then how long shall i leave it before i do tell him. Easter maybe? i duno, i so want him back, but at the same time am glad for him as a friend n dont wana scare him off by keep on at him?

How can I get over him?

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