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Parents arguing and Divorce Q's watch

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    My parents have been married for about 27 years and their marriage has gt worse over that time - to now where it is unbearable for them and for me and my sister.

    Since I can remember they have regulary argued but it has got more and more frequent to the point where it is now about every 1/2 weeks. They will argue over something one day, carry on for a day or to, then have a couple of days when they dont really have much to do with each other and then have a 'good' day or two before there is something else. It always followed this 'pattern' but it has got more often so there is now only a couple of good days each time. There arguments have got worse, my dad always blames my mum for something. Sometimes it might be justified, but normally it isn't whatever she says he wont believe her. Alot of the time he gets violent now, occansionally it used to be a push or a shove, but he has got worse. Now he is really really sick in the head, and has injured her - I'm so scared it will get worse and she will get badly hurt. Normally my sister and me are ok, it is not very often that we end up involved.

    Both of them are going for counselling, but my dad wont accept that any of it is his fault. He is depressed and has alot of stress at work, but doesn't see that any of the problems at home are his fault. We all keep hoping that counselling will help and that he will realise what he is doing and change. It is getting to the point though that we can't keep waiting for that to happen.

    Ideally I think my mum would divorce him and me and my sister would live with her, but I don't really know how it works. Would my mum have to give reasons why or can she do it without having to explain why. Would me and my sister get to choose who we live with and would we have to say why? (my sister is 14 and I am 19.) What would happen with the house etc. My dad says that everything is his, because he earns loads more than my mum so really he has paid for the house, his car and mums car etc.

    I don't know what I want to happen, I'm sure some of you will know what I mean if I say that I love him still - because he is my dad, but I don't like him as a person. I really despise him for what he is and what he has done to use. I know though that even through everything he has done my mum still loves him and would be lost without him - so she will take alot of persuading to leave him. If she doesn't though I will be leaving as soon as I can, and my sister after me, but I am too scared to leave her alone with him.

    Please can people try and answer some of my questions so that she might feel better about leaving him.

    Thanks.
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    *Huggles*

    For a quick divorce (I hate this term), I think you do need a reason...I think you can just give a reason stating that you have 'drifted apart', or words to that effect...

    My parents divorced when I was 2, and my mum has always said that it was the best thing which could have happened. Your situation sounds pretty similiar to my parents situation actually...

    Are the arguments caused by your dad's depression? Or has it been going on before your dad was diagnosed?
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    anonymous...why do you keep posting once as a girl and the next as a boy...:rolleyes: your post count keeps changing in each thread so its got to be the same person...
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    Before he was diagnosed with depression they had been getting worse but it has gone downhill alot since then (it was about 1999.) I think he felt the way he does about things then, but was able to cope with them better - now he just 'loses it' for want of a better term. He could, and does, use the excuse that he is ill, but I think it is mainly used as an excuse. Whilst I believe he is depressed he still shouldnt react how he does.

    I think his depression was caused by alot of things, mainly home and work getting too much. But he doesn't retaliate at work and it builds up until it explodes at home.

    My mums family don't speak to her anymore - long story - and she knows other people, but doesnt have any particular freinds outside of who her and dad know, which I think is partly why she doesn't want to split up, she would have no one to go to, and wouldnt know what to do.
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    Ahh, I don't know of the top of my head the details needed to give for a divorce, but someone I am seeing tomorrow would probably know and I'll check and let you know.
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    There are always hostels which your mum could stay at. Do her relatives know what's going on? Because I'm sure if your mum explained the situation, they might rally 'round...

    It's not doing either of your parents any good if they're in a marrige which isn't working.

    I can understand about your dad's depression. I've recently been diagnosed with it, and you can be perfectly find when you're outside the home, but it can build up when you get back.

    I know I sound bossy (sorry, lol) but I've been in a similar situation, and I've seen the outcome of it, which is a positive one
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    (Original post by x-Elaine-x)
    anonymous...why do you keep posting once as a girl and the next as a boy...:rolleyes: your post count keeps changing in each thread so its got to be the same person...
    I don't know what you mean - I have only posted this one thread, so if there is another one on the same subject then it is by someone different, I havn't posted as anon anywhere else. I am a girl btw and I dont know who the other person is!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know what you mean - I have only posted this one thread, so if there is another one on the same subject then it is by someone different, I havn't posted as anon anywhere else. I am a girl btw and I dont know who the other person is!
    when u posted that all the post counts went up to 1607...
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    I think all the anon posts are linked with a made up date and post count (that isn't my real post count) and I havn't posted as anon in any other threads - its up to 1609 now.
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    (Original post by x-Elaine-x)
    when u posted that all the post counts went up to 1607...
    Anyone can be Anonymous.




    My parents split up 6 months ago and my parents tried to do things amicably. Sadly it's not working. I know it could be pricey, but if your parents are serious about possibly splitting up, encourage your mom to speak to a solicitor that deals with these things. They'll be able to explain about things like that, and about the dreaded CSA (I'm on my dad's side in their divorce and my mom's taking him for all he's got )
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    hush little girl

    sweet baby dont cry, tonight

    daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby, tonight

    why cant it all be like it was before

    how can i explain why mommy's not here anymore



    cause daddy likes porno and $10 whores

    daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores

    daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus

    i think thats why mommy left us, mommy left us



    hush little girl

    there is no reason to fret, tonight

    don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget, tonight

    soon it will all be like it was before

    any minute, she will walk through that front door



    but daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer

    then he wants sex that involves mommy's rear

    daddy has sores on his naughty parts oozing with pus

    i think thats why mommy left us



    please dont cry

    i swear i'll try

    to be here by your side



    right after daddy gets home from the bar

    visits his bookee

    and steals a new car

    he'll drive to the strip club

    and if daddy plays his cards right

    he'll bring home your new mommy tonight
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    i can sympathise, similar **** happened to me. it didnt get too violent tho i dont think, but everything else sounds identical. anyhow, it does suck, it might seem like the end of the world, parents spliting up and all, but really it will affect you much less than you think in the long run. if it gets too violent get the funk out of there and stay at a friends or whatever. (one of my mates has done just that, and still lives with the friend)

    i read a bit more and there seems to be complications with your mum finding somewhere to stay if they split. does she work?
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    (Original post by Indus1986)
    hush little girl

    sweet baby dont cry, tonight

    daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby, tonight

    why cant it all be like it was before

    how can i explain why mommy's not here anymore



    cause daddy likes porno and $10 whores

    daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores

    daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus

    i think thats why mommy left us, mommy left us



    hush little girl

    there is no reason to fret, tonight

    don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget, tonight

    soon it will all be like it was before

    any minute, she will walk through that front door



    but daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer

    then he wants sex that involves mommy's rear

    daddy has sores on his naughty parts oozing with pus

    i think thats why mommy left us



    please dont cry

    i swear i'll try

    to be here by your side



    right after daddy gets home from the bar

    visits his bookee

    and steals a new car

    he'll drive to the strip club

    and if daddy plays his cards right

    he'll bring home your new mommy tonight
    Was that really appropriate?? Because to me that was very insensitive.
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    You'll probably be happier when your parents split up to be honest. I know i was because it got rid of all the arguing. I cant understand why people think that its better for their children to stay together and live life in a house where there is always lots of arguing and bad atmosphere as oppose to a house where people are amicable and in a good mood.
 
 
 
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