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Letting go of someone you love
Me and my boyfriend have just split up.
He was meant to be coming to live with me this year, but says he doesn't feel ready and thought we were going too fast. I was his first love and he says he wants to experience being with more people. I can understand that, its part of the reason i split up with my first love, and when we first got together i was always thinking that this would happen but as we stayed together longer i convinced myself this was different. I'm not angry at him and i don't blame him.
Things have always been really difficult for us. I've been in hospital 6 times since we got together nearly a year ago, and i suffer from anxiety and depression which is always hard for the people around you. I know time is a healer, but its just things were already so bad before this happened. I haven't made many friends at uni because i've been so ill, and the ones i have made have become fed up of me being either physically or mentally ill. So i've gone from feeling alone to feeling..even more alone. He was my best friend and we've known each other since we went to school. There's just no-one around i can talk to at the moment and i really needed to get this off my chest.
We still love each other, and i still want to be with him. But i have to respect his decision and i understand why he feels the way he does. I just feel so isolated because i don't have any support network i can rely on and things were already hard.
I don't know what i want anyone to say..please don't tell me to go and sleep with someone else to get over him.
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Respect his decision and don't feel like you have to win him back. I'm the kind of **** who would desperately try to convince them to stay and ruin everything...
I know what you mean by not having anyone to take your mind off things... I could say join some clubs but it's never that easy. Try and make friends among people on your lectures or in your residence. It's never too late. Call up some old friends even if you don't feel like it. Plus you always have TSR
I know what you mean by not having anyone to take your mind off things... I could say join some clubs but it's never that easy. Try and make friends among people on your lectures or in your residence. It's never too late. Call up some old friends even if you don't feel like it. Plus you always have TSR
SamTheMan
Respect his decision and don't feel like you have to win him back. I'm the kind of **** who would desperately try to convince them to stay and ruin everything...
I know what you mean by not having anyone to take your mind off things... I could say join some clubs but it's never that easy. Try and make friends among people on your lectures or in your residence. It's never too late. Call up some old friends even if you don't feel like it. Plus you always have TSR
I know what you mean by not having anyone to take your mind off things... I could say join some clubs but it's never that easy. Try and make friends among people on your lectures or in your residence. It's never too late. Call up some old friends even if you don't feel like it. Plus you always have TSR
Things already seem ruined. And i wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't what he wanted as much as it hurts. Having been in the same situation as him like i said before i understand i respect that he needs to do whats right for him.
I have been trying more to make friends in lectures, i'll have to find the confidence to keep going because i'm finding it very difficult. I just want to be able to move on. I know it takes time.
Sarky
Things already seem ruined. And i wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't what he wanted as much as it hurts. Having been in the same situation as him like i said before i understand i respect that he needs to do whats right for him.
I have been trying more to make friends in lectures, i'll have to find the confidence to keep going because i'm finding it very difficult. I just want to be able to move on. I know it takes time.
Things already seem ruined. And i wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't what he wanted as much as it hurts. Having been in the same situation as him like i said before i understand i respect that he needs to do whats right for him.
I have been trying more to make friends in lectures, i'll have to find the confidence to keep going because i'm finding it very difficult. I just want to be able to move on. I know it takes time.
aww hon it'll take time.when me and my bf split for a while,it took me 5 weeks to begin to think i was getting to the stage where i'd start getting over him
just try and get some friends to cheer you up and keep you busy so you don't get down all the time.and i know it's a cliche and stuff,but time heals all wounds. it'll take a while but you'll soon feel better 
Sarky
Me and my boyfriend have just split up.
He was meant to be coming to live with me this year, but says he doesn't feel ready and thought we were going too fast. I was his first love and he says he wants to experience being with more people. I can understand that, its part of the reason i split up with my first love, and when we first got together i was always thinking that this would happen but as we stayed together longer i convinced myself this was different. I'm not angry at him and i don't blame him.
Things have always been really difficult for us. I've been in hospital 6 times since we got together nearly a year ago, and i suffer from anxiety and depression which is always hard for the people around you. I know time is a healer, but its just things were already so bad before this happened. I haven't made many friends at uni because i've been so ill, and the ones i have made have become fed up of me being either physically or mentally ill. So i've gone from feeling alone to feeling..even more alone. He was my best friend and we've known each other since we went to school. There's just no-one around i can talk to at the moment and i really needed to get this off my chest.
We still love each other, and i still want to be with him. But i have to respect his decision and i understand why he feels the way he does. I just feel so isolated because i don't have any support network i can rely on and things were already hard.
I don't know what i want anyone to say..please don't tell me to go and sleep with someone else to get over him.
Me and my boyfriend have just split up.
He was meant to be coming to live with me this year, but says he doesn't feel ready and thought we were going too fast. I was his first love and he says he wants to experience being with more people. I can understand that, its part of the reason i split up with my first love, and when we first got together i was always thinking that this would happen but as we stayed together longer i convinced myself this was different. I'm not angry at him and i don't blame him.
Things have always been really difficult for us. I've been in hospital 6 times since we got together nearly a year ago, and i suffer from anxiety and depression which is always hard for the people around you. I know time is a healer, but its just things were already so bad before this happened. I haven't made many friends at uni because i've been so ill, and the ones i have made have become fed up of me being either physically or mentally ill. So i've gone from feeling alone to feeling..even more alone. He was my best friend and we've known each other since we went to school. There's just no-one around i can talk to at the moment and i really needed to get this off my chest.
We still love each other, and i still want to be with him. But i have to respect his decision and i understand why he feels the way he does. I just feel so isolated because i don't have any support network i can rely on and things were already hard.
I don't know what i want anyone to say..please don't tell me to go and sleep with someone else to get over him.
Hi I totally understand what you are going through
Justbefore xmas my bf split up with me after being together for a year, we were each others first loves and in the end his feelings changed and he wanted other experiences, I know it was hard on him as I suffer from depression and he was my rock and I relied on him for a lot of things esp when I needed comfort etc. I was at uni and he was at home so it was long distance also. I knew things wern't great but I toatlly didn't expect it. I also didn't have many friends as a lot of my flatmates didn't understand my depression and why I didn't feel like going out alll the time also I didn't go to many lectures so I didn't have many mates there.It was horrible and I am still coming to terms with it, yes you do have to respect his decision and I'm sure it wasn't an easy one for him to make but things will get better in time, cliche I know
Anyway Feel free to pm me hun as I know what your going through
xxx
Sarky
Things already seem ruined. And i wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't what he wanted as much as it hurts. Having been in the same situation as him like i said before i understand i respect that he needs to do whats right for him.
I have been trying more to make friends in lectures, i'll have to find the confidence to keep going because i'm finding it very difficult. I just want to be able to move on. I know it takes time.
Things already seem ruined. And i wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't what he wanted as much as it hurts. Having been in the same situation as him like i said before i understand i respect that he needs to do whats right for him.
I have been trying more to make friends in lectures, i'll have to find the confidence to keep going because i'm finding it very difficult. I just want to be able to move on. I know it takes time.
Having someone to talk to makes all the difference. When the person you usually confided in was your ex, it does make it really difficult... It might seem a bit selfish but contact old friends you might have neglected because of him. It sounds like things are going in the right direction by meeting people in lectures. If you're someone who's comfortable with online dating, there's always that. Not so much to find a boyfriend than to meet interesting people... Good luck.
oh ria i'm so sorry *hugs* you know I'm always on msn if you need to talk. we may only be internet friends but we do care, you're not alone, and you can and will find the strength you need. I'm sure he's still going to be a friend to you- at least things didn't end badly. So yes, feel free to rant as long as you want, whatever it takes..
Firebird What a dick (sorry, it's true, what kind of person uses "I want more experience" as an excuse). But you know what, it's a good thing. You can do better! Now you've got lots of free single time, use it! Go out and join some clubs. Play sports (they make you happy - seriously). Talk to people in your lectures and in your halls. If you go and hang out somewhere where there are people, you can guarantee you'll get talking to a couple of people. This is all probably for the best. You can go out, meet loads of new friends, and probably a new boyfriend (not right away though) and then even when you're dating someone you'll always have loads of friends in case things go wrong. I guess work on the things that made the other friends go away. I haven't been too well recently but as long as they know you haven't been around because you're ill, and you don't moan about it, people don't mind (and sometimes come and bring you chocolate to cheer you up). Everything will be okay 
What a dick (sorry, it's true, what kind of person uses "I want more experience" as an excuse). But you know what, it's a good thing. You can do better! Now you've got lots of free single time, use it! Go out and join some clubs. Play sports (they make you happy - seriously). Talk to people in your lectures and in your halls. If you go and hang out somewhere where there are people, you can guarantee you'll get talking to a couple of people. This is all probably for the best. You can go out, meet loads of new friends, and probably a new boyfriend (not right away though) and then even when you're dating someone you'll always have loads of friends in case things go wrong. I guess work on the things that made the other friends go away. I haven't been too well recently but as long as they know you haven't been around because you're ill, and you don't moan about it, people don't mind (and sometimes come and bring you chocolate to cheer you up). Everything will be okay I don't blame him for what he said. When i got with my first boyfriend i was convinced it was me and him forever. It's only when i got a bit older and had been with him a bit longer that i realised that i needed to experience more in my life to know whether or not i really wanted to be with him. I think its the same.
I don't want anyone new. I haven't been single since i was 17 i think its about time i learnt how to deal with things alone. I was also very clingy and leant on him far more than was healthly because of being in and out of hospital and my depression/anxiety. He says he still wants to be friends and i don't want to loose him but knowing that he wants me meet other girls means i'll be constantly wondering who he's with. He says he still loves me and maybe in the future things will work out between us, but i'm not going to wait around in the hope that he still wants me one day.
Thank you to everyone for your support i appreciate it. I know everyone goes through similar things and i may seem melodramatic, i just don't deal with things as well as everyone else.
lol I had that within a few hours really,well it lasted for a day or 2. Its the worst part.
Yeah with me the stages came in random order. I was fine with things then upset, then in denial and now I'm in anger and have been for a while, I know you don't want to but feeling angry at him might help, its helped me move on
I think im still in denail perhaps. I mean...im not sure if it is that, or acceptance. I haven yet been able to call him my ex....it doesnt sound or feel right. I still have his pictures up and intend to keep them there as they are nice memories, and I still talk to him like everyday. Aslong as I am at uni i think i will feel like this, cus while at uni our relationship was like this when i cudnt see him, so it feels like nothing has changed...when i go home it may be a little more real though. hmm cant decide if im in denial or have accepted it and prepared for the future with him as a friend. I think i have accepted it, altho i really do want him back
I've already taken all of my pictures down except one. I can't bear the fact that i've lost him i don't want reminders that he isn't mine anymore
God i sound so stupid to be so upset. I just want to feel like i belong somewhere or to someone. I probably should have posted this anonymously.
God i sound so stupid to be so upset. I just want to feel like i belong somewhere or to someone. I probably should have posted this anonymously.
Well I haven't broken up with my girlfriend, but just imagining it I realise it would make you feel really upset and empty. I wouldn't know what to do with my time anymore!
I think this early it's inevitable that you'll be upset, and nothing that happens can make much difference e.g. making some friends. You just need a couple of weeks and you'll accept it. I'm not telling you to be anti-social as there's no point in friends, just don't become obsessed with that and dependant on it. Sounds like you need to learn to get through things on your own, like I did a while ago now.
Being single may actually aid depression. You'll be doing things for yourself, be less reliant on him, not feel bad any time you're apart from him etc... just try to draw on some positives like that and you may feel a bit better.
p.s. Can people not call her ex a dick etc, he has supported her and been with her for ages. If you can't respect his wishes it's you that's the dick, he could be far worse e.g. cheating on her as he wanted new experiences, at least he was honest and in the long run they'll both be better off for it then if he stayed with her despte being unhappy about being unable to try new things.
I think this early it's inevitable that you'll be upset, and nothing that happens can make much difference e.g. making some friends. You just need a couple of weeks and you'll accept it. I'm not telling you to be anti-social as there's no point in friends, just don't become obsessed with that and dependant on it. Sounds like you need to learn to get through things on your own, like I did a while ago now.
Being single may actually aid depression. You'll be doing things for yourself, be less reliant on him, not feel bad any time you're apart from him etc... just try to draw on some positives like that and you may feel a bit better.
p.s. Can people not call her ex a dick etc, he has supported her and been with her for ages. If you can't respect his wishes it's you that's the dick, he could be far worse e.g. cheating on her as he wanted new experiences, at least he was honest and in the long run they'll both be better off for it then if he stayed with her despte being unhappy about being unable to try new things.
He has admitted that there is someone else he is interested in, and that has hurt more than anything. But he says he didn't do anything about it and i believe him. He was there for me more than anyone, and i feel sad because he said he'd never give up on me but i can't expect him to put his life on hold for me.
Just be sure that you let your feelings out in a safe place among friends or family. Do not make your ex the target of your feelings, even if they have done something to deserve your outrage. The sooner you let go of the other person, the sooner the healing can begin.
If you thought you were over someone who broke up with you and find yourself upset at the news that he has moved on, rest assured you are normal. Let yourself be upset, it is part of the healing process.
A big part of the pain of breaking up comes from a feeling of embarrassment. We often fear how the situation will look to outsiders. Refuse to be embarrassed, even if you did something outlandish to cause your break up. Letting go of the embarrassment will help you move on to the healing.
Nobody ever deserves to be hurt. Your ex does not deserve to be hurt because you are hurting. Your ex's new love interest (if there will be one) does not deserve to be hurt just because you feel jealous. You do not deserve to be hurt, even if you acted badly and caused the break up.
Either way it is better to let go of a faltering relationship while there is still some caring left between the two of you. If you play it out to the bitter end and leave your ex no choice but to hate you to get rid of you, you close the door to the future. Bowing out graciously leaves room for a future relationship with your ex, even if it is just as good friends.
If you thought you were over someone who broke up with you and find yourself upset at the news that he has moved on, rest assured you are normal. Let yourself be upset, it is part of the healing process.
A big part of the pain of breaking up comes from a feeling of embarrassment. We often fear how the situation will look to outsiders. Refuse to be embarrassed, even if you did something outlandish to cause your break up. Letting go of the embarrassment will help you move on to the healing.
Nobody ever deserves to be hurt. Your ex does not deserve to be hurt because you are hurting. Your ex's new love interest (if there will be one) does not deserve to be hurt just because you feel jealous. You do not deserve to be hurt, even if you acted badly and caused the break up.
Either way it is better to let go of a faltering relationship while there is still some caring left between the two of you. If you play it out to the bitter end and leave your ex no choice but to hate you to get rid of you, you close the door to the future. Bowing out graciously leaves room for a future relationship with your ex, even if it is just as good friends.
Sarky
He has admitted that there is someone else he is interested in, and that has hurt more than anything. But he says he didn't do anything about it and i believe him. He was there for me more than anyone, and i feel sad because he said he'd never give up on me but i can't expect him to put his life on hold for me.
Well at least he didn't do it before, I think it's a legitimate reason.
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