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Love/Friendship Dilemma
Never thought I'd post anonymously but here goes.
I started uni this year and made some great friends, one of them, lets call her Emma, I'm really close to. Emma's the kind of girl I'd normally go for and we have a lot in common, at the moment we're really close and can spend hours on the phone to each other everyday and a lot more than that in person. The thing is, when we met I had a girlfriend, who's now not my girlfriend, its been months and months now but I was in love with my girlfriend a lot.
Now I think I'm falling for Emma, we get on great, but I'm afraid of doing anything, because of a few reasons. For one, a friend (or two, or more actually!) let her know that he liked her, she didn't feel the same way and talked to me about the whole thing. She's now more distant from him and feels awkward around him too, its happened a few times and I've been there for her each time to talk about it, the last thing I want is to be another one of that group. Secondly, we've been out a lot together, but because we were friends I didn't really dance too close to her if we went clubbing say, so now, when I want to make a move or something, I can't really, because if I did it would look strange, compared to before. I've made it such a big step, because we're such good friends.
I don't even know what I'm really asking, but if anyone has any advice at all, I love being friends with her, but I'd love more to be closer, but if she doesn't feel the same way then what happens?
I started uni this year and made some great friends, one of them, lets call her Emma, I'm really close to. Emma's the kind of girl I'd normally go for and we have a lot in common, at the moment we're really close and can spend hours on the phone to each other everyday and a lot more than that in person. The thing is, when we met I had a girlfriend, who's now not my girlfriend, its been months and months now but I was in love with my girlfriend a lot.
Now I think I'm falling for Emma, we get on great, but I'm afraid of doing anything, because of a few reasons. For one, a friend (or two, or more actually!) let her know that he liked her, she didn't feel the same way and talked to me about the whole thing. She's now more distant from him and feels awkward around him too, its happened a few times and I've been there for her each time to talk about it, the last thing I want is to be another one of that group. Secondly, we've been out a lot together, but because we were friends I didn't really dance too close to her if we went clubbing say, so now, when I want to make a move or something, I can't really, because if I did it would look strange, compared to before. I've made it such a big step, because we're such good friends.
I don't even know what I'm really asking, but if anyone has any advice at all, I love being friends with her, but I'd love more to be closer, but if she doesn't feel the same way then what happens?
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Reply 1
There's been 90 views but no advice 
? Anyone?
? Anyone?Reply 2
Anonymous
There's been 90 views but no advice ? Anyone?
? Anyone?
Remember, all advice is unprofessional.Reply 3
Go for it, then tell us the results. I could use a laugh
Reply 4
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!
Reply 5
hah, u guys sure are a helpful lot.
Basically what i'd say is... a friendship can easily evolve into something more (without any awkwardness and stuff) provided you both feel the same way and all is comfortable.
If you make a move on her and she doesn't feel the same way then u might screw it all up.. (because it would change a hell of a lot and personally being so close but not liking u i might feel like i was leading u on)
I don't think u wuld screw it up if u do it in a casual/drunken manner in which u can just blame it on circumstances. If she circums quite easily then it shows that its quite comfortable for both of u to take ur relationship further. (would prob need to be talked about further). If she doesn't then I'd say thats ur sign that she doesnt feel the same (make sure the moment is right tho) and u can probably pull it off and not mess up ur friendship.
Good luck with it. xxx
Basically what i'd say is... a friendship can easily evolve into something more (without any awkwardness and stuff) provided you both feel the same way and all is comfortable.
If you make a move on her and she doesn't feel the same way then u might screw it all up.. (because it would change a hell of a lot and personally being so close but not liking u i might feel like i was leading u on)
I don't think u wuld screw it up if u do it in a casual/drunken manner in which u can just blame it on circumstances. If she circums quite easily then it shows that its quite comfortable for both of u to take ur relationship further. (would prob need to be talked about further). If she doesn't then I'd say thats ur sign that she doesnt feel the same (make sure the moment is right tho) and u can probably pull it off and not mess up ur friendship.
Good luck with it. xxx
Reply 6
^ What he said. Make a move, if she shows interest great, if not blame the drink.
Reply 7
Make a move... but not a SUPER obvious one... just ease into being a bit more flirty, a bit more sexual, then read how she responds.
Reply 8
A couple of days ago we did go out, both of us got pretty mighty drunk. Then a mutual friend told us both that we were perfect for each other and loved each other and should just get on with it 
. She did seem to get a bit nervous for a while and I didn't see much of her for the next half hour or so, I don't know if thats because she thought I loved her, or because she does actually like me and got embarassed.
Later on though, we did dance pretty close (closer than we have ever before) but it was mainly her and I didn't respond too well, we still shared a few close dances though. Thing is, I think I might have given her the wrong message as on the way back she was really quiet. I feel like such an idiot for ruining what was probably the perfect oppurtunity to let her know how I feel .
We are going out again as a group on Wednesday and Saturday this week for definate and they're going to be pretty big nights so maybe I can try and make my move then, I can't have scared her off permanently can I? She's seemed a bit distant since as well, which has made me realise how much I value her friendship by itself.
. She did seem to get a bit nervous for a while and I didn't see much of her for the next half hour or so, I don't know if thats because she thought I loved her, or because she does actually like me and got embarassed.Later on though, we did dance pretty close (closer than we have ever before) but it was mainly her and I didn't respond too well, we still shared a few close dances though. Thing is, I think I might have given her the wrong message as on the way back she was really quiet. I feel like such an idiot for ruining what was probably the perfect oppurtunity to let her know how I feel
.We are going out again as a group on Wednesday and Saturday this week for definate and they're going to be pretty big nights so maybe I can try and make my move then, I can't have scared her off permanently can I? She's seemed a bit distant since as well, which has made me realise how much I value her friendship by itself.
Reply 9
13
I think your going to have to suss out the way she feels about you, and so try subtly asking her friends, hoever this has risks because some girls will just straight of relay it back to her, so Its worth finding one you can trust.
She may be distant with you know either because shes genrrally embarrased that she got drunk, and what went on.. possbily she felt she was giving you the signs, or that it was not what she wanted but you never know.
She may be distant with you know either because shes genrrally embarrased that she got drunk, and what went on.. possbily she felt she was giving you the signs, or that it was not what she wanted but you never know.
Reply 10
Hanzing
I think your going to have to suss out the way she feels about you, and so try subtly asking her friends, hoever this has risks because some girls will just straight of relay it back to her, so Its worth finding one you can trust.
She may be distant with you know either because shes genrrally embarrased that she got drunk, and what went on.. possbily she felt she was giving you the signs, or that it was not what she wanted but you never know.
She may be distant with you know either because shes genrrally embarrased that she got drunk, and what went on.. possbily she felt she was giving you the signs, or that it was not what she wanted but you never know.
We share the same friends
, we're really close as friends and are both in the same circle. I don't think she was embarassed about being drunk, she's been drunk before, although not that much a lot, though she might be embarassed about what she did, or maybe she was just too drunk to not give off the signs - she does quite "provacatively" normally anyway.Its so confusing
.Reply 11
13
Awwh Hun, It must be evil to not know where you stand. Maybe its the case you may have to just see how things pan out, If you really cant see any way of finding out how she feels.. I can see your reservations about asking her outright, an justly so you dont want to lose her as a friend.
Reply 12
im in the exact same position as you only with a guy on the opposite end As a girl, I know that most girls don't want relationships to ruin friendships and most do their best to keep things normal after you tell them. I shrugged off a friend that liked me. both of us saw eachother the next day and acted like nothing had ever happened and we're still the same way we were before he told me. Tell her. the worst you can get is an "i just wanna be friends," and that's where you're at already. can't really go backwards then can you? when a girl is friends with a guy, chances are she'll have some sort of feelings for him at some point in their relationship. take a chance...or get her drunk 
As a girl, I know that most girls don't want relationships to ruin friendships and most do their best to keep things normal after you tell them. I shrugged off a friend that liked me. both of us saw eachother the next day and acted like nothing had ever happened and we're still the same way we were before he told me. Tell her. the worst you can get is an "i just wanna be friends," and that's where you're at already. can't really go backwards then can you? when a girl is friends with a guy, chances are she'll have some sort of feelings for him at some point in their relationship. take a chance...or get her drunk Reply 13
You get maybe get a mutual friend to drop some hints...
it's not an ideal solution but it would advance things a bit.
it's not an ideal solution but it would advance things a bit.
Reply 14
Anonymous
im in the exact same position as you only with a guy on the opposite end As a girl, I know that most girls don't want relationships to ruin friendships and most do their best to keep things normal after you tell them. I shrugged off a friend that liked me. both of us saw eachother the next day and acted like nothing had ever happened and we're still the same way we were before he told me. Tell her. the worst you can get is an "i just wanna be friends," and that's where you're at already. can't really go backwards then can you? when a girl is friends with a guy, chances are she'll have some sort of feelings for him at some point in their relationship. take a chance...or get her drunk
As a girl, I know that most girls don't want relationships to ruin friendships and most do their best to keep things normal after you tell them. I shrugged off a friend that liked me. both of us saw eachother the next day and acted like nothing had ever happened and we're still the same way we were before he told me. Tell her. the worst you can get is an "i just wanna be friends," and that's where you're at already. can't really go backwards then can you? when a girl is friends with a guy, chances are she'll have some sort of feelings for him at some point in their relationship. take a chance...or get her drunk What letter does your name being with
(just in case!) ? Hope things work out for you too.I'm planning on doing something this week, she's not here this weekend and I'm really missing her
. I would have already gone past the friend stage, had it not been for other male friends trying the same thing and then stirring up awkwardness between themselves and her.Reply 15
morgangills
You get maybe get a mutual friend to drop some hints...
it's not an ideal solution but it would advance things a bit.
it's not an ideal solution but it would advance things a bit.
We share the same friends and its a really close-knit circle so I don't think that's possible either. And it would have to be a girl friend really and she'd probably find out, them all being girls
.I'm planning on advancing things off my own back though, there's a big night out coming up soon that'll give me the perfect chance to hide behind drunkeness if I have to
- I'm still terrified though.Reply 16
what about your ex? are you still friends with her or not anymore?
Reply 17
wednesburywench
what about your ex? are you still friends with her or not anymore?
I think I still mention her sometimes, but thats just out of habit as we went out for a long time. It didn't end well and she lives miles and miles away, I haven't spoken to her or seen her for at least a week or so. Do you think that Emma might think that I still have feelings for her
?Reply 18
I take it emma is your ex? i duno i dont really understand the situation with her...so you aint spoken to her for a week. No i was just thinkin are you completly over your ex cus u sed at the start you really loved her. How long were u together
Reply 19
wednesburywench
I take it emma is your ex? i duno i dont really understand the situation with her...so you aint spoken to her for a week. No i was just thinkin are you completly over your ex cus u sed at the start you really loved her. How long were u together
Nope, Emma's not my ex, she's the girl I like, who's a friend. I don't love my ex anymore, or at least, I don't love her as much as I love Emma. I was together with my ex for over a year in total.
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