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Faking Confidence
When people meet me at first, I am percieved as very confident, but then when they get to know me, they realise I do have pretty low self esteem. I fake confidence really well, while it's ok at first, after a while i wish i was more confident overall. Does anyone else have this problem, and also how do you maintain the confidence, so that people don't walk all over you.
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Reply 1
15
I find meeting some people a daunting prospect- but then I say to myself: ah, pull yourself together and that I have like a barrier in between me and the person and that I'm absolutely fine and will cope perfectly and it works. Don't know if that made any sense!
Reply 2
Yeah, I have this exact problem... in fact, I think people perceive me as being over-confident sometimes but in reality I have very low self-esteem.
Reply 3
How do you solve this problem though? I mean i am not depressed or anything, things are pretty good in my life, i would not want to exchange lives with anyone or anything like that but why does my confidence go after a while, even though it is present at first!
Reply 4
Double post by anon and asian? lol, Sort it out 
Reply 5
I’m the other way round. When I’m new anywhere I’m shy. But once you get to know me, I’m annoyingly pompous 
I think what kills confidence, is worrying what others will think. It’s quite restricting. Worry less about what others think, be carefree. That comes across as confident
I think what kills confidence, is worrying what others will think. It’s quite restricting. Worry less about what others think, be carefree. That comes across as confident
Reply 6
hey! have this exaccct problem! im actually fine wen first talking to someone, and they think im really interesting, however after about a week, or even a few days, i get all shy and dont know what to say to them! i think what u need to do is not worry about what they think of u. just say to yourself 'i am calm and confident' and then really think about what it is that people would think about you?! i mean, to be fair, who cares what people think, and anyway, they probably are not thinking whatever it is u think they think any way! i find that anyway lol, that what i htink people are thinking, is totally opposite loL! hope that made some sense!
Reply 7
I have encountred this problem before. To help, can you tell me in what ways you lack self-esteem. Perhaps describe a situation you have been in to help me advise you
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Reply 9
How strange, I'm exactly the opposite, usually very shy at first, but can be myself (which I rarely show to people) and be confident.
You have to figure out why you have low self esteem. Do you put on an act at first, so that people will think you are something that you are not, and then you don't want your true personality to show?
What kind of things do you do to appear confident at first? Do you act more immature than you would normally? Do you chat a lot to people? Maybe you find the small talk runs dry after a while?
You have to figure out why you have low self esteem. Do you put on an act at first, so that people will think you are something that you are not, and then you don't want your true personality to show?
What kind of things do you do to appear confident at first? Do you act more immature than you would normally? Do you chat a lot to people? Maybe you find the small talk runs dry after a while?
Reply 10
A couple of years ago I had almost no confidence at all, now thats all changed and im happy and confident.
I made myself a deal that I would always do something, if I had previously decided to do so. No matter the conditions, I would do it. Its hard for me to describe this, but i am trying so bare with me.
This is an example from my life early last year.
There was this girl I thought was cute at school. One weekend I decided I would tell her that she looked particularly nice that day. Not a big or powerful statement, but it was something that scared me.
So naturally, it came to Monday and i was bricking it, but because I had said I would, I had to say it. Saw her just before lunch and slipped it into our conversation. Couple of minutes later, I walked away chuffed to bits.
I did other scary stuff like jumping a drainage ditch (i live in the country, theres not much to do here), or jumping from the highest jump at the swimming pool.
Ive carried on doing these little scary things everyday since, obviously as time went on I needed more extreme stuff to get the same level of fear to oversome.
This whole system relies on you not breaking "the" rule. So if you have will-power, it gives you a way of converting it to confidence. Hope that helps and trust me, it does work.
My friends and I decided recently that we would go Sky diving in the Holidays.
I made myself a deal that I would always do something, if I had previously decided to do so. No matter the conditions, I would do it. Its hard for me to describe this, but i am trying so bare with me.
This is an example from my life early last year.
There was this girl I thought was cute at school. One weekend I decided I would tell her that she looked particularly nice that day. Not a big or powerful statement, but it was something that scared me.
So naturally, it came to Monday and i was bricking it, but because I had said I would, I had to say it. Saw her just before lunch and slipped it into our conversation. Couple of minutes later, I walked away chuffed to bits.
I did other scary stuff like jumping a drainage ditch (i live in the country, theres not much to do here), or jumping from the highest jump at the swimming pool.
Ive carried on doing these little scary things everyday since, obviously as time went on I needed more extreme stuff to get the same level of fear to oversome.
This whole system relies on you not breaking "the" rule. So if you have will-power, it gives you a way of converting it to confidence. Hope that helps and trust me, it does work.
My friends and I decided recently that we would go Sky diving in the Holidays.
Reply 11
Join a drama club nothing advanced but I used to have the same problem as you and the minute you walk into an enviroment with confident people there confidence is rubbed off on to you and you then learn tips etc and your forced into group work etc so theres no escape!!!!
Reply 12
3
I got the same problem here. But there is another problem: I myself am from Hong Kong and speak both Cantonese and English. But I've found that I've got more to say and say it more confidently when speaking English to my English friends whereas, surprisingly, I've got less to say when speaking Cantonese with less confident. Any thoughts that I can overcome this?
Reply 13
the thing is...i do have confidence...but i don't know how i can maintain it...it comes and goes, i don't know if that's weird or what but i really wish i could be confident all of the time..rather than at random times
Reply 14
I have no confidence in myself, I can't fake confidence and why would having a low confidence mean people walk all over you, they don't walk all over me?
Reply 15
Because having less confidence...some people think they are better than you, so criticise you and walk all over you what not!
Reply 16
3
so jealous of people who have got this natural charm
Reply 17
I have confidence in most areas, i think faking confidence would be an extremely hard thing to do.
Reply 18
wkd-Intent's method is very musch of cognitive-behavioural thearpy: If you are scared of doing something, you start gradually till you overcome this anxiety.
The problem you need to address is wheteher you have low self-esteem or are socially anxious. That is why i need u to give me an example of your low confidence so i can comprehend which is which.
The problem you need to address is wheteher you have low self-esteem or are socially anxious. That is why i need u to give me an example of your low confidence so i can comprehend which is which.
Reply 19
I'm really confident, when people meet me they think I'm really arrogant. Once they get to know me they find that I have 0 self esteem and actually am pretty nice! My best friends boyfriend is the main one of this - he hated me the first time he met me, now he's one of my really good friends.
I am confident, i just lack self esteem. I don't know how to describe it without me sounding like I'm unconfident. Confusing, huh!?
I am confident, i just lack self esteem. I don't know how to describe it without me sounding like I'm unconfident. Confusing, huh!?
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