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Competitive friend
I went into Year 10 this September, so this is my first year of GCSEs. It was all a bit unsettled at first, because we were in entirely different classes and finally taking the classes we wanted to. Anyway, my best friend and I used to have about a dozen classes together, whereas now we only have two. Five-ish months in, and I'm pretty much used to it now, and everything's going alright.
Something I've started to notice is that without my best friend there, I'm starting to become a bit more vocal in classes, and in science I went from a B/C to being predicted an A*. She always was very competitive when it came to test results and marks, and if anyone beat her she would get completely annoyed with them. In this area we're completely the opposite of one another. I'm not that competitive a person, and I didn't want to get on her bad side, because she can get really mad if she sees herself as having "failed".
One of the two lessons we share however, is French. I always really liked French and it was possibly my best subject. Unfortunately, because this is one of the only classes we share, her competitive side is heightened and she is forever comparing our marks.
Recently we had our parents evening, and when I asked how it went, she was pretty vocal on all subjects apart from French. I didn't push the subject, but a friend of hers unknowingly let it slip to me that our teacher had spent the whole parents evening telling my best friend she should be just like me..Obviously not the best thing to say, and it didn't go down well at all. She never brought it up with me, and I still don't think she knows I found out what the teacher said, but it annoyed her greatly. She told all of our other friends how annoyed she was me with me/our French teacher etc..
I really don't know what to do. I hate getting on the wrong side of her, so I've stopped putting my hand up in the lesson now. It just causes her to get even more angry. I mean I'd like to do ok in French, but I'm not sure if it's worth our friendship.
Something I've started to notice is that without my best friend there, I'm starting to become a bit more vocal in classes, and in science I went from a B/C to being predicted an A*. She always was very competitive when it came to test results and marks, and if anyone beat her she would get completely annoyed with them. In this area we're completely the opposite of one another. I'm not that competitive a person, and I didn't want to get on her bad side, because she can get really mad if she sees herself as having "failed".
One of the two lessons we share however, is French. I always really liked French and it was possibly my best subject. Unfortunately, because this is one of the only classes we share, her competitive side is heightened and she is forever comparing our marks.
Recently we had our parents evening, and when I asked how it went, she was pretty vocal on all subjects apart from French. I didn't push the subject, but a friend of hers unknowingly let it slip to me that our teacher had spent the whole parents evening telling my best friend she should be just like me..Obviously not the best thing to say, and it didn't go down well at all. She never brought it up with me, and I still don't think she knows I found out what the teacher said, but it annoyed her greatly. She told all of our other friends how annoyed she was me with me/our French teacher etc..
I really don't know what to do. I hate getting on the wrong side of her, so I've stopped putting my hand up in the lesson now. It just causes her to get even more angry. I mean I'd like to do ok in French, but I'm not sure if it's worth our friendship.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
10
Rub it in her face. Bitch.
Why should you do badly to massage her ego?
Why should you do badly to massage her ego?
Reply 2
hell yeah. what a cow!?
Where will she be when you leave school?? Gone for dust!! you be proud of it, sounds like the kind of mate i'd love to punch.
Where will she be when you leave school?? Gone for dust!! you be proud of it, sounds like the kind of mate i'd love to punch.
Reply 3
At the end of the day its not your fault that your teacher said what was said and it isnt your problem that shes getting angry at you because your better than her at something.... if anything as a friend she should be happy for you! If she cant be happy for you then imo she isnt much of a friend!
Reply 4
TALK to her about it....!
(In French)
(In French)
Reply 5
LOL, how sad....and they're only in year ten......
Reply 6
Competivness is a large part of life. Especially in the working environment. Best get used to it now.
Reply 7
Thanks for the support 
I guess I partly blame myself, I mean she's always been competitive and she recognises that.
I just blame myself because I guess I kind of let it happen? I know she's slightly insecure from her other behaviour, and it's never been that much of a hardship to me to let her have the feeling she'd won by eliminating myself from the competition as such. So no-one was losing out, and she'd feel happier as a result.
It's ironic though, after speaking to my teacher at the evening, I vowed to put my hand up more and be more confident..until I heard about what he'd said to her, and it just seems tactless for me to do that now, almost like I'm rubbing it in her face.
Aughh I don't know what to do. I've even considered changing classes somehow, but I don't know how I would explain it.. I just feel really insensitive, like when he asks for a show of hands who got more than X% in the homework, etc.
I guess I partly blame myself, I mean she's always been competitive and she recognises that.
I just blame myself because I guess I kind of let it happen? I know she's slightly insecure from her other behaviour, and it's never been that much of a hardship to me to let her have the feeling she'd won by eliminating myself from the competition as such. So no-one was losing out, and she'd feel happier as a result.
It's ironic though, after speaking to my teacher at the evening, I vowed to put my hand up more and be more confident..until I heard about what he'd said to her, and it just seems tactless for me to do that now, almost like I'm rubbing it in her face.
Aughh I don't know what to do. I've even considered changing classes somehow, but I don't know how I would explain it.. I just feel really insensitive, like when he asks for a show of hands who got more than X% in the homework, etc.
Reply 8
Sounds like she's insecure to me...
Reply 9
10
Anonymous
Aughh I don't know what to do. I've even considered changing classes somehow, but I don't know how I would explain it.. I just feel really insensitive, like when he asks for a show of hands who got more than X% in the homework, etc.
Aughh I don't know what to do. I've even considered changing classes somehow, but I don't know how I would explain it.. I just feel really insensitive, like when he asks for a show of hands who got more than X% in the homework, etc.
If she wants to be competitive, give her competition!
Reply 10
Scienceboi
LOL, how sad....and they're only in year ten......
Elaborate?
Reply 11
Gamma
Sounds like she's insecure to me...
Precisely, and I think that's the main reason I've never got in her way. I don't want to make her feel worse for it.
Reply 12
17
Scienceboi
LOL, how sad....and they're only in year ten......
Not sure about your use of "and" there- the link between the two sentences is a tad unclear..
Reply 13
14
...
Reply 14
Pretty Boy
Friends are you enemies with secret identities.
In disguise to hide their true colours?
Reply 15
Handy
If she wants to be competitive, give her competition!
Reply 16
seriously don't worry about this. Your in year ten... your friendships are probably based on thin air. and this girl sounds like an idiot. just really dnt worry about it. You'll probably barely ever speak to this girl again after GCSE's. Just be mature and rise above it... just be yourself and don't bother worrying about her.
Reply 17
Your friend could be your enemy tomorrow, but what you get in your GCSE's could determine the rest of your life!!!!
its not worth sacrificing your grades for someone that doesnt actually sound like a friend!!
its not worth sacrificing your grades for someone that doesnt actually sound like a friend!!
Reply 18
She sounds like she is quite insecure and she shouldn't take it out on you. Her competitiveness can't cause you to not do well at school; the grades you get will be the ones you have forever so you shouldn't jepodise performing to the best of your ability. Be as vocal as you feel comfortable with and don't compete with her about marks/participation/anything. Hopefully if she sees you aren't interested in competiting with her she might lay off.
Reply 19
Oh my God, this is someone you call a friend, well she doesnt seem very friendlike to me, she should be happy for you,
Keep putting your hand up and everything, in the long run, when she grows up she'll respect you more for it.
Keep putting your hand up and everything, in the long run, when she grows up she'll respect you more for it.
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