Turn on thread page Beta

losing a valued friendship watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    ok short story is;
    I went to uni in october, in the first week i met a guy i was instantly attracted to and he fancied me rotten too. i cheated on my long term boyfriend. It was just a few kisses in one night out with mates. nothing more.I told my boyfriend, prepared to be dumped but *thanks god* he forgave me for it and understands why i did it. We ahve gone from strength to strength and i can honestly say that i would NEVER CHEAT with anyone again . Now this other bloke, i have became best friends with. Honestly we are such great friends. My boyfriend trusts me and knows nothing more will happen. Everything is brilliant BUT this bloke still has very STRONG feelings for me (love) and we have discussed it (what happened) and we do flirt a little bit sometimes (nothing heavy , just teasing) but i would never get with this bloke even if i split up with my boyf. The problem is is that this bloke does act a bit like my boyfriend (e.g gets jealous if i chat to other blokes or if a bloke comes up to me in the pub) and i told him he has to get over it. I have a boyfriend and its not going to happen. I told him i dont want to mention it anymore ( pretend it never happened) and he has to just try and think of me as a friend. as a result of that conversation his gone so strange on me. He won't even awknowledge me and is in such a bad mood with me , its unreal. He really does seem to hate me. It so upsetting because i do love him as a friend and he means so much to me as a best friend. (also meant to be moving in with him and some other people next year)
    i know i was terrible with cheating . i feel so bad about it all . I feel like it is my fault and i hate making people feel rubbish. GAH!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    That's what they all say. As if it's a stock response. I would find out how you truly feel about each guy. The lesser evil is to admit fancying someone you shouldn't than staying with someone you only think that you should.

    If there was no intention of anything happening why would you flirt with him, and tease him?

    And move in with him...when and if that happens, there will be such strong temptation. Could you resist it then, assuming you were able to stay faithful until then?

    Good luck.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    No thats not the problem, I dont fancy this guy anymore if anything his made me reliese how much i love and fancy my boyfriend. I think i'm a naturally flirty person and he gets a bit annoyed if i don't sort of flirt back with him. I wont cheat on him again and i doubt we would get togather if i broke up with my boyfriend. Its more i hate the thought that we can't be friends anymore.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hmmm I take it that your boyfriend lives away from the university? Does he come and visit a lot?

    I only ask because it could be possible that your friend has almost taken up the role as surrogate boyfriend whilst your real boyfriend isn't around. I don't mean in a physical way but perhaps on an emotional level and the amount of time he spends with you. Maybe this is why he gets jealous when other guys approach you etc because he feels like he IS your boyfriend and reacts in a natural way. I guess that would explain him backing off when you confronted him

    I suppose the only option is to accept that he is not capable of being your friend right now if he persists in acting in such a manner. He is probably suffering from the symptoms that most people suffer when they have been dumped or a romantic relationship ends so it might be best to just give it time and not to force friendship onto someone that isn't ready for it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by envious)
    Hmmm I take it that your boyfriend lives away from the university? Does he come and visit a lot?

    I only ask because it could be possible that your friend has almost taken up the role as surrogate boyfriend whilst your real boyfriend isn't around. I don't mean in a physical way but perhaps on an emotional level and the amount of time he spends with you. Maybe this is why he gets jealous when other guys approach you etc because he feels like he IS your boyfriend and reacts in a natural way. I guess that would explain him backing off when you confronted him

    I suppose the only option is to accept that he is not capable of being your friend right now if he persists in acting in such a manner. He is probably suffering from the symptoms that most people suffer when they have been dumped or a romantic relationship ends so it might be best to just give it time and not to force friendship onto someone that isn't ready for it.
    Yeah maybe it is like that. my boyfriend lives miles away and when he comes to visit , my friend goes into hiding as such - wont come o0ut with us and our mates, wont even awknowledge him when he passes my boyf.
    I think im going to leave it then , i feel so bad though and rubbish because his so hurt over it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok short story is;
    I went to uni in october, in the first week i met a guy i was instantly attracted to and he fancied me rotten too. i cheated on my long term boyfriend. It was just a few kisses in one night out with mates. nothing more.I told my boyfriend, prepared to be dumped but *thanks god* he forgave me for it and understands why i did it. We ahve gone from strength to strength and i can honestly say that i would NEVER CHEAT with anyone again . Now this other bloke, i have became best friends with. Honestly we are such great friends. My boyfriend trusts me and knows nothing more will happen. Everything is brilliant BUT this bloke still has very STRONG feelings for me (love) and we have discussed it (what happened) and we do flirt a little bit sometimes (nothing heavy , just teasing) but i would never get with this bloke even if i split up with my boyf. The problem is is that this bloke does act a bit like my boyfriend (e.g gets jealous if i chat to other blokes or if a bloke comes up to me in the pub) and i told him he has to get over it. I have a boyfriend and its not going to happen. I told him i dont want to mention it anymore ( pretend it never happened) and he has to just try and think of me as a friend. as a result of that conversation his gone so strange on me. He won't even awknowledge me and is in such a bad mood with me , its unreal. He really does seem to hate me. It so upsetting because i do love him as a friend and he means so much to me as a best friend. (also meant to be moving in with him and some other people next year)
    i know i was terrible with cheating . i feel so bad about it all . I feel like it is my fault and i hate making people feel rubbish. GAH!
    Well you bought this on yourself through your lack of self control, nothing much you can do but hope he gets over it.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yeah , i was so stupid butnot trying to excuse it but it was freshers week......
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    :hugs: Don't beat yourself up about it. At the end of the day you are just being honest with him and it isn't really your fault that you can't reciprocate his feelings. It's not like you've hidden the fact you had a boyfriend from him

    Don't give up on him totally though. Time heals most things, so you may still be able to retrieve a friendship. Just give it time

    Btw the last post you posted wasn't in anon
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think the best thing to do is not move in with him it'll make things worse for him and you. If you cared for that much you'd avoid him in order for him to get over you with you being around him won't really help him much and could at the end strain the friendship that you have
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Student_Bum)
    Yeah , i was so stupid butnot trying to excuse it but it was freshers week......
    But it was this, that, i thought you wasnt trying to make excuses :rolleyes:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm not but worst things have happened in freshers week! And freshers week is a time you do go a bit mental ( at least it was for me! )
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not but worst things have happened in freshers week! And freshers week is a time you do go a bit mental ( at least it was for me! )
    Go abit mental yeah but that dont excuse it,
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok short story is;
    I went to uni in october, in the first week i met a guy i was instantly attracted to and he fancied me rotten too. i cheated on my long term boyfriend. It was just a few kisses in one night out with mates. nothing more.I told my boyfriend, prepared to be dumped but *thanks god* he forgave me for it and understands why i did it. We ahve gone from strength to strength and i can honestly say that i would NEVER CHEAT with anyone again . Now this other bloke, i have became best friends with. Honestly we are such great friends. My boyfriend trusts me and knows nothing more will happen. Everything is brilliant BUT this bloke still has very STRONG feelings for me (love) and we have discussed it (what happened) and we do flirt a little bit sometimes (nothing heavy , just teasing) but i would never get with this bloke even if i split up with my boyf. The problem is is that this bloke does act a bit like my boyfriend (e.g gets jealous if i chat to other blokes or if a bloke comes up to me in the pub) and i told him he has to get over it. I have a boyfriend and its not going to happen. I told him i dont want to mention it anymore ( pretend it never happened) and he has to just try and think of me as a friend. as a result of that conversation his gone so strange on me. He won't even awknowledge me and is in such a bad mood with me , its unreal. He really does seem to hate me. It so upsetting because i do love him as a friend and he means so much to me as a best friend. (also meant to be moving in with him and some other people next year)
    i know i was terrible with cheating . i feel so bad about it all . I feel like it is my fault and i hate making people feel rubbish. GAH!
    Right now, hating you is therapy for him. Don't vest hope in the prospect of a reconciliation, at least pending re-orientation of his carnal impetus as toward some other, more fortuitous emotional charge: because, frankly, it will not come to pass.

    In kissing him initially, it would appear that you made your proverbial bed; now, you must lie in it. If nothing else; your seeming demonstration of (albeit latent) moral fortitude in apprising him of this tragic misapprehension, should serve to provide some (albeit meagre) consolation. Nevertheless; assuming that you do (and sincerely) love him, you will let him be: with the ball, in his court.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Profesh)
    Right now, hating you is therapy for him. Don't vest hope in the prospect of a reconciliation, at least pending re-orientation of his carnal impetus as toward some other, more fortuitous emotional charge: because, frankly, it will not come to pass.

    In kissing him initially, it would appear that you made your proverbial bed; now, you must lie in it. If nothing else; your seeming demonstration of (albeit latent) moral fortitude in apprising him of this tragic misapprehension, should serve to provide some (albeit meagre) consolation. Nevertheless; assuming that you do (and sincerely) love him, you will let him be: with the ball, in his court.
    You make even less sense when I'm drunk.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok short story is;
    I went to uni in october, in the first week i met a guy i was instantly attracted to and he fancied me rotten too. i cheated on my long term boyfriend. It was just a few kisses in one night out with mates. nothing more.I told my boyfriend, prepared to be dumped but *thanks god* he forgave me for it and understands why i did it. We ahve gone from strength to strength and i can honestly say that i would NEVER CHEAT with anyone again . Now this other bloke, i have became best friends with. Honestly we are such great friends. My boyfriend trusts me and knows nothing more will happen. Everything is brilliant BUT this bloke still has very STRONG feelings for me (love) and we have discussed it (what happened) and we do flirt a little bit sometimes (nothing heavy , just teasing) but i would never get with this bloke even if i split up with my boyf. The problem is is that this bloke does act a bit like my boyfriend (e.g gets jealous if i chat to other blokes or if a bloke comes up to me in the pub) and i told him he has to get over it. I have a boyfriend and its not going to happen. I told him i dont want to mention it anymore ( pretend it never happened) and he has to just try and think of me as a friend. as a result of that conversation his gone so strange on me. He won't even awknowledge me and is in such a bad mood with me , its unreal. He really does seem to hate me. It so upsetting because i do love him as a friend and he means so much to me as a best friend. (also meant to be moving in with him and some other people next year)
    i know i was terrible with cheating . i feel so bad about it all . I feel like it is my fault and i hate making people feel rubbish. GAH!
    yeah i had feelings for my bestie at college , i eventually came clean with it and we had some time out which was good... we are still great mates and shes now married (i'm so happy for her) ... and i did get over it,

    I suppose (concerning your situation) it depends on how the guy is able to face up to reality (that your never going to go out with him)... but to me he does seem rather possessive as a friend, and certainly the way he is treating you after you were being honest with him isn't a thing a good friend does...

    so yeah my advise is to suggest a time out... and if he can't accept that then maybe its better off not to be friends anymore
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    well, I've lost a valued friendship as well this year because the other party, my guy friend, didn't feel appreciated. he told my best guy friend that he was seeing if I cared enough about him to do something special for him on his birthday.

    seeing that I live 6000 miles away, there isn't much I could do with the internet. but then I talked it over with my best guy buddy and we decided that I wasn't going to save a friendship that was only going to happen if the friend felt appreciated. sometimes, these things happen...but it's a part of life. I've learnt to let go of this friend...and we don't talk at all anymore.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    agh no , all these replies are making me feel bad! Although ive talked about it all with my boyfriend ( his so understanding) and maybe it is for the best , I mean it did feel sometimes like he was acting as though he was my boyfriend. The whole jealousy with if any guys talked to me / had an intrest in me drove me mad ( the nightmare i had when i met my other best mate ( whose a guy but nothing has ever ever happened) was mental).
    I think its proberely for the best if we dont hang out so much anymore at least for a while
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    ok thanks everyone for the responses and if a mod could delete this thread , it would be appreciated!
 
 
 
Poll
Brexit: Given the chance now, would you vote leave or remain?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.