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24 and still shy, quiet and lacking in confidence

I'm quite a shy person and sometimes this can be very frustrating. I'm not good at making new friends becuase when I meet people I'm not very talkative, hence I come accros as weird, miserable and cold when I'm the complete opposite. I have lost many friends who are loud, outgoing etc because they loss patience with me for being shy. Also, I'm not the most handsome bloke in town which doesn't help matters. Strangely my best mate is the complete oppposite to me. He's very loud, extrovert and very outgoing. He's always telling me too build up my confidence but its easier said then done. I know I sound like a total sad case but my low eslf-esteem/lack of confidence is really worrying me. :frown:

Reply 1

El Scotto

15

try getting a part time sociable job in a bar or something where you're forced to chat to random strangers who you might not particually like, then it'll get easier with time... plus if your barstaff, if a girl likes you they seem to make it blatent... whilst at work anyway lol

Reply 2

Hanzing

13

Great Idea, I was extremely shy with people I didnt know a couple years back, and found it hard to approach strangers but then I got a job in a shop and was forced to do this on a daily basis and it has done wonders for me, especially for uni. Im now not afraid to go up to anyone, be it shop staff for instance who I never would of apporached before with a question, or just talking to people in bars.

Reply 3

Talon

18

Jobs in retail do help. You get a lot of strange customers. I was very shy and quiet etc. I started to change when I got a job in Smiths (I was also in cadets for some time. Good confidence building). Im still shy, but I find it easier to loosen up now. Im not the most handsome guy in town by any means, but girls dont always go for the blokes modeling clothes in the Next catalogue....

A couple of beers also works wonders.

Reply 4

El Scotto

15

Talon

A couple of beers also works wonders.

so would cocaine, but he cant be drunk or drugged up all the time :smile:

Reply 5

Wineblood

El Scotto

so would cocaine, but he cant be drunk or drugged up all the time :smile:

Sure ya can.

Reply 6

Talon

18

El Scotto

so would cocaine, but he cant be drunk or drugged up all the time :smile:

Beer and cocaine are hardly in the same league :smile:

.

Plus I would hardly call two beers 'drugged up'.

Reply 7

Hanzing

13

I think the 'drunk' comment refered to the beers, he may be a lightweight.. But it doesnt really fit to be tipsy most of the time.

Reply 8

El Scotto

15

yeah, I did mean the drunk comment refering to the beers, and the drugs bit I was overexagerating the point.

Reply 9

bonnie

Rock 'n' Roll

I'm quite a shy person and sometimes this can be very frustrating. I'm not good at making new friends becuase when I meet people I'm not very talkative, hence I come accros as weird, miserable and cold when I'm the complete opposite. I have lost many friends who are loud, outgoing etc because they loss patience with me for being shy. Also, I'm not the most handsome bloke in town which doesn't help matters. Strangely my best mate is the complete oppposite to me. He's very loud, extrovert and very outgoing. He's always telling me too build up my confidence but its easier said then done. I know I sound like a total sad case but my low eslf-esteem/lack of confidence is really worrying me. :frown:

I think it's ok to be a bit reserved. Everyone is different. You have the right to have your own personality and not be the loud type. Imagine if everyone tried to be the centre of attention all the time.. It's hard for most people to speak to a large number of persons or to be comfortable straight away in front of a whole bunch of new people anyway.

You can be the quiet type and still be a very interesting person. There are other (more important) criteria to tell a person's worth.
So don't even worry about those "friends" you say you have lost. They don't sound like real friends to me or they would have accepted and appreciated your personality.

Reply 10

Sithius

16

The bar work is a good idea, something similar to that.

I used to be the same but just forced myself to talk to people I wouldn't usually chat too. Overtime the past experience changes you.

Reply 11

Danny the Geezer

21

Just get blitzed and see what happens....

Reply 12

Inclination

6

bonnie

You can be the quiet type and still be a very interesting person.

You're right on that one, considering we are all telepathic and can read minds through closed lips.

To the guy who is shy: Get off TSR and off the internet. Drink with friends at a pub. Having a buzz might actually help you socialize.

Reply 13

bonnie

Inclination

You're right on that one, considering we are all telepathic and can read minds through closed lips.

To the guy who is shy: Get off TSR and off the internet. Drink with friends at a pub. Having a buzz might actually help you socialize.

by quiet type i mean not being LOUD like he said his friends were and lost patience with him for not being the same.

It's also about accepting yourself and building a good self-image. On that basis going to people is easier. It's ok to be either way: calm or loud, as long as you feel good in your own skin. Confidence also tends to draw people to you.

Reply 14

ladygrey

Don't depend on alcohol to make friends! can't work all the time... just try smiling at people. it can work wonders.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

At least you've got a friend.

:indiff:

Reply 16

digitalparadox

1

I also used to be very shy person but since my work placement on my gap year, my confidence has shot up a lot - small things like small talk in the lift boosts your confidence even if you don't realise it at first. So the best thing is to get a job! That should hopefully act like a catalyst for making further friends at university too.

Reply 17

SamTheMan

17

Rock 'n' Roll

I'm quite a shy person and sometimes this can be very frustrating. I'm not good at making new friends becuase when I meet people I'm not very talkative, hence I come accros as weird, miserable and cold when I'm the complete opposite. I have lost many friends who are loud, outgoing etc because they loss patience with me for being shy. Also, I'm not the most handsome bloke in town which doesn't help matters. Strangely my best mate is the complete oppposite to me. He's very loud, extrovert and very outgoing. He's always telling me too build up my confidence but its easier said then done. I know I sound like a total sad case but my low eslf-esteem/lack of confidence is really worrying me. :frown:

Hey don't worry. I'm 24, it's a Saturday night and all I've got to keep me company is an old cat that seriously smells and I'm staying home tonight, probably reading boring posts on TSR using my old 56k dialup connection.

What I would say is not to hide behind a more confident friend. I realised that I did that quite a lot when I was younger. Sometimes you need to go it alone and stop depending on other people to be comfortable socially.

Reply 18

T. Hereford

15

Just be yourself mate.

Reply 19

Jackykins

1

You say your self-esteem is low, is this because of your personality or your appearance?

If it's because you're shy then I agree with the above - get a job where you have to interact with the public and you'll learn soon enough how to quickly get on with people you don't know.

If you don't like the way you look, then it isn't too hard to do something about it. Spend money on your clothes and hair. Do some exercise; it might not make you look a whole lot different, but it always makes me feel a lot better about myself.

24 and still shy, quiet and lacking in confidence

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