The Student Room Group

Being a guy and being "used"

We hear plenty of stories about girls who sleep with some guy and soon realise the guy was after just one thing: sex and after a while, once he'd had what he wanted, he buggered off, leaving a distraught girl who had become emotionally attached and was hoping for a serious relationship.

A few months ago, I met a girl in a club and went back home with her and stayed a couple of days with her. She lives far away so I went to see her again, making sure before that she really wanted me to come and visit. A few days later, after I'd become very attached to her, she told me that things shouldn't continue, that it was just a bit of fun for her and she was worried I was taking it too seriously. To be honest, I'd never had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. She was really "out of league" in a way: I don't get that much female attention and I'm not too successful whereas she is absolutely stunning (this isn't just me being infatuated).

I can't help feeling I was badly used, just for "a bit of fun" (a nice way of saying "for sex"). Until then, in most situations where I'd been with a girl, if she slept with me, she was usually the one who wanted things to continue... so this whole thing caught me off guard.

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Anonymous
We hear plenty of stories about girls who sleep with some guy and soon realise the guy was after just one thing: sex and after a while, once he'd had what he wanted, he buggered off, leaving a distraught girl who had become emotionally attached and was hoping for a serious relationship.

A few months ago, I met a girl in a club and went back home with her and stayed a couple of days with her. She lives far away so I went to see her again, making sure before that she really wanted me to come and visit. A few days later, after I'd become very attached to her, she told me that things shouldn't continue, that it was just a bit of fun for her and she was worried I was taking it too seriously. To be honest, I'd never had such strong feelings for someone so quickly. She was really "out of league" in a way: I don't get that much female attention and I'm not too successful whereas she is absolutely stunning (this isn't just me being infatuated).

I can't help feeling I was badly used, just for "a bit of fun" (a nice way of saying "for sex"). Until then, in most situations where I'd been with a girl, if she slept with me, she was usually the one who wanted things to continue... so this whole thing caught me off guard.


ahahahahaha. I don't know what to say but you live and learn. Next time dont scare them off with overseriousness.
Reply 2
Over-seriousness can scare a girl pretty damn bad, the same to guys really, from what ive read here, and learnt from going to clubs/pubs and pulling girls and taking them home, all most of them want is "sex" and thats it.

You get a select few where, you sleep with them, and they will become really attached, and think because you slept with them, you want a serious relationship. Which sometimes is great.

Maybe im being old fashioned here and a boring fool, but last time i pulled a girl at a club, it took a long time to actually sleep with her. Got her number, texted her a few times, met up a few times, then a few weeks later, done the deed. To her that made her see i didn't just want her for a "one night stand" or a quick couple of weeks "fling" sorta thing.

After reading what you put, you went and saw her, cos she lived a long way away, that sounds really nice. And for her to say what she said, is real low of her. If she says things like that, shes not worth it at all. Maybe she led you on to use you for sex, making you believe she liked you alot, but to be honest, if shes like that forget about her.

Ill stop now.... :biggrin:
trick is, don't take us girls too seriously too quickly. :smile: we girls tend to be very indecisive and sometimes, we lead you on just cos we like the attention and then decide that, better not. I'm not that type of girl, but I know a lot of girls who are. really sorry about your crushed feelings but it's a fact of life...
Well, she was in a club.
Reply 5
I know a guy who told me that one of his girlfriends asked him (some way into the relationship) if they could 'cool it on the emotional side'...! If that's not cruel, I don't know what is! Poor guy :frown:
Reply 6
I think the general assumption is that guys won't mind. Which is horribly unfair when they do of course, but does have a certain amount of basis in reality.
I've had that before one girl said she loved me but in truth she only wanted me for 1 thing.
I could sure go for some using and abusing.
I can't see how this girl did anything wrong - all she did was to be honest with you when she realised that you were developing a strong attachment to her, and she didn't feel the same. Would you rather she had lied? At least she was honest enough to tell you straight away to save you more heartache down the line!
Reply 10
I'll admit, it's a pretty shi**y situation, but then again, what do you expect when you go to a club and pull?

People rarely meet their "true love" in clubs, it's usually weird places, like walking past each other on the street everyday, or in the same cafe at lunch.
Reply 11
Well the fact is she wasn't honest with me. It's not so much the fact she didn't want to continue things with me. She lives nowhere near from where I live and it would have been difficult to start a relationship. I did realise that and made sure I didn't make things official (maybe a mistake?) and start saying we should go out with eachother.

But she did say she wanted to see me again and she knew that that meant me having to take a plane to see her. I even asked several times if she was sure she wanted me to come see her.

It's more the way she broke things off that hurt: she told me she didn't want to talk to me again. I got no real explanation, just some contradictory comments in a couple of texts.

The sad thing is that I think things might have worked out if the circumstances weren't in the way. One other thing: her best friend was clearly against the idea of me seeing her again.

As someone said, it's mostly seen as acceptable to use a guy like that, since after all, guys just want a bit of sex and when they get it, how can they complain?

The trouble is I fell really badly for this girl. It's been 6 weeks since I last saw her and I'm still thinking about her.
I still don't think she used you at all. If she just wanted a shag, she would've found one locally. She must have liked you or she wouldn't have invited you to stay with her. Embarrassingly for her, she realised she didn't want to take it any further, and she told you! I appreciate this must've been very upsetting for you, but I don't think she used you. Sorry!
Reply 13
Markus
I'll admit, it's a pretty shi**y situation, but then again, what do you expect when you go to a club and pull?

People rarely meet their "true love" in clubs, it's usually weird places, like walking past each other on the street everyday, or in the same cafe at lunch.


I think that's a bit of a stereotype. It was hardly the tacky pulling you see in clubs. It wasn't even much of a club. In between a bar and a club. We spent quite a lot of time talking before I even made a move.
Quite a lot of people meet their partners in a bar/club.
Reply 14
spacedonkey
I still don't think she used you at all. If she just wanted a shag, she would've found one locally. She must have liked you or she wouldn't have invited you to stay with her. Embarrassingly for her, she realised she didn't want to take it any further, and she told you! I appreciate this must've been very upsetting for you, but I don't think she used you. Sorry!


Well that's what I'm on about: she liked me, yet treated me like I was used by saying it was just a bit of fun (read my previous posts).

It wasn't even a matter of not wanting to take it further. She just broke off contact altogether.
Reply 15
Anonymous
I think that's a bit of a stereotype. It was hardly the tacky pulling you see in clubs. It wasn't even much of a club. In between a bar and a club. We spent quite a lot of time talking before I even made a move.
Quite a lot of people meet their partners in a bar/club.


Yeah i know it was a bit sterotypical, but im just saying a lot of one night stands and casual sex goes on in there, and you have to be weary of it, yes, it can happen anywhere where there's lots of young people.
You're right, saying it was "just a bit of fun" is pretty dismissive, especially as you had gone to considerable trouble and expense to visit her. There are kinder ways to let someone down. But at the same time, I still feel that she wouldn't have invited you to stay if all she wanted was a "bit of fun": bits of fun can easily be got locally (unless she lives on some remote scottish island where the only male inhabitants are inbred/ancient?).

In other words ... I think her "reasons" for cutting off contact are ********. It was a very awkward situation for you both, but she needlessly hurt your feelings by dismissing you (and making you feel used).
Reply 17
spacedonkey
You're right, saying it was "just a bit of fun" is pretty dismissive, especially as you had gone to considerable trouble and expense to visit her. There are kinder ways to let someone down. But at the same time, I still feel that she wouldn't have invited you to stay if all she wanted was a "bit of fun": bits of fun can easily be got locally (unless she lives on some remote scottish island where the only male inhabitants are inbred/ancient?).

In other words ... I think her "reasons" for cutting off contact are ********. It was a very awkward situation for you both, but she needlessly hurt your feelings by dismissing you (and making you feel used).


Well she had every right to decide to break things off but we didn't even talk anything through. I was just cut off, left wondering why things ended. It just made it even more difficult to end things: I tried to call her quite a lot, sent her flowers on Valentine's Day, even flew over to try to talk to her.
:frown: you know what? She handled this really badly and I feel for you. You don't really have any choice but to put it down to experience - so frustrating to be cast out into the wilderness without a reason tho ...
Reply 19
i don't like how guys presume that girls only want serious relationships
so many guys you meet and pull in a club say out of nowhere when you're chatting at a later date "i dont want anything serious". jesus. it's this presumption that when a girl kisses a guy once, she's thinking about marriage

good quote from no angels post sex

guy "go out with me?"
girl "i'm kinda engaged"
guy "what was that then?"
girl "sex"
guy "hold on im the guy!"