The Student Room Group

Should I?

Ok so I am thinking of going to surprise someone on Friday. I am at uni and he is at a different one. Only problem is he is my ex boyfriend, who split up with me a few weeks ago, for no bad reasons, it was just about the distance really perhaps. I was thinking of going down to see him before carrying on and going home for the weekend, without telling him and just arrive. Do people think this is a good idea or not (we are still best friends and speak everyday)? If he was to not want me I will just go straight home. Or do people think that I should ask him first. Just thought it might be nice to surprise him maybe? I am also thinking of surprising the parents aswell by not telling them I am coming home, but there is no problem there. Opinions would be welcomed thanks!
Reply 1
Don't know for sure as don't know either of you, but would he perhaps feel a bit pressured by this? Just thinking in terms of how break-ups are difficult to getover even if you're the one who's done it, he may need a little bit of space even if over the phone the relationship is still very close?
Reply 2
yea good point, he might do i suppose. I mean I wont ask him to get back with me, just wanna see him but your right, if I had broken up with him, and it was really hard for me to do like it was for him and he turned up unannounced I might not like it. Suppose I am not seeing it from his point of view, just my cloudy everythings fine view. hmmm. I could ask him if he wanted to meet up Friday cus I might be going home? But then if I change my mind about going n surprise him. lol
Reply 3
oh yea and I spoke to him a few days ago and said you should come see me in a couple of weeks, and he said but it's too expensive for me to come see you. And I said well I'l come to see you and we can go to the cinema or something, and he said I dont wana go to the cinema, but he didnt say he didnt want me to come see him, or that he didnt wana come see me...so maybe he wouldn't have a problem with it?
Reply 4
anyone else?
Reply 5
If you only split a few weeks ago I dont think its the best idea. You should give him some space for a while.

Good Luck,

Mike
Reply 6
yea but i have to see him in easter in 4 weeks anyways, and i dont particularly want that to be the first time we see each other as friends cus we are going out to a concert. Then again maybe it is? argh i duno anymore!
If yuo're still best mates why don't you just tell him you're on your way down to surprise the rents and does he fancy going out for lunch or something as you'll need to stop somewhere on the way down.

Why is the surprising him part such a big deal?
Reply 8
lol I dont actually know? maybe its cus im scared if i ask to meet up he might say no, and if i dont tell him then he has no choice! lol perhps that might seem a bit obsessive then I think ill just tell him!
Reply 9
I think it seems a bit weird really - it's the sort of thing you'd do if you were still in a relationship, which you are not now, regardless of how good friends you may still be. Would you randomly go and drop in on any other friends without notice? They might have other plans. I'd definitely ask first.
Reply 10
Reading people's problems makes me think good of my own life :smile:
He might not even be at home.

Just call him and say you're passing through.
Reply 12
yea I have thought about it and it seems a silly idea, I don't know why I even considered it?! wierd! Maybe I still feel like were together, because nothing has changed between us (because of uni we didnt see each other very often, but we would speak on the phone), and so now we still talk as we did before, just as we did...so maybe I am just in denial, because I haven't actually seen him since we broke up...hence why I wanna see him this weekend so I can get used to actually seeing him and just being his friend. I don't want it to be at Easter for the first time because it might be really hard, and I cannot have that extra stress then because I have really important exams after Easter :frown:
Reply 13
ok so update, I decided it was a silly idea to surprise him, and went and booked my train planning to ask him to meet up and go shopping or something. Before I could get round to asking him, he said, I wanted to ask you, do you fancy coming down Friday and going to the cinema or something? and I was like how wierd, I was actually already coming and was going to ask you the same!

So now....I'm feeling really happy that he wants to see me, that means a lot, even if it is as friends but I am wondering, do you think the fact he asked me to go cinema with him means he regrets it and wants me back? I really hope so I know I shouldn't hope because I may be dissapointed but I cant help feeling really excited about Friday now. Eeek
Reply 14
Good luck
Reply 15
thanks I know i should'nt get excited but can't help it...
Reply 16
Anonymous
ok so update, I decided it was a silly idea to surprise him, and went and booked my train planning to ask him to meet up and go shopping or something. Before I could get round to asking him, he said, I wanted to ask you, do you fancy coming down Friday and going to the cinema or something? and I was like how wierd, I was actually already coming and was going to ask you the same!

So now....I'm feeling really happy that he wants to see me, that means a lot, even if it is as friends but I am wondering, do you think the fact he asked me to go cinema with him means he regrets it and wants me back? I really hope so I know I shouldn't hope because I may be dissapointed but I cant help feeling really excited about Friday now. Eeek


Try not to get your hopes up. Having just split up with someone i really loved its hard not to take every positive statement as a "sign" but you may just end up feeling more hurt. It sounds like you haven't really gotten used to the idea of not being together yet, which is fine. Just be careful and try to hold back. :smile:
Reply 17
no i have got used to the idea, the idea of me going down there was to have our first meeting as friends. We speak every day on the phone and everythnigs fine as friends there, and I just wanted to confirm that we can actually see each other as friends! lol. But still, yea I shouldn't get excited (slaps myself) lol, you should know me off your thread sarky, not gona say who I am incase he reads this, but I dont mind anyone else knowing. My name begins with a W on your thread about breaking up.
Reply 18
Anonymous
Ok so I am thinking of going to surprise someone on Friday. I am at uni and he is at a different one. Only problem is he is my ex boyfriend, who split up with me a few weeks ago, for no bad reasons, it was just about the distance really perhaps. I was thinking of going down to see him before carrying on and going home for the weekend, without telling him and just arrive. Do people think this is a good idea or not (we are still best friends and speak everyday)? If he was to not want me I will just go straight home. Or do people think that I should ask him first. Just thought it might be nice to surprise him maybe? I am also thinking of surprising the parents aswell by not telling them I am coming home, but there is no problem there. Opinions would be welcomed thanks!

I think it would probablly be best to let him know first incase he still feels he needs some space.
Also you did say "We broke up over a distance issues PERHAPS" so it again suggests he wasn't to sure himself.
So he may need space for that reason to
Reply 19
hey no carry on reading the post you will see an update, hes asked me to go and see him