The Student Room Group

Should i even bother starting with her?

Before starting i'll just give some background information. I've not had a girlfriend before and haven't much clue about this sort of stuff and i really should. I don't usually try hard with girls, but when i do they usually end up taken or i come across bad or maybe they don't like my looks; either way i don't get so much attention possibly due to confidence.

There's some background information. So i met this girl a few days ago at a party, we exchanged numbers and she left her coat and picked it up the other day. So she suggested going for drinks some time (which i take it is asking me out). She's a nice girl, insightful, good looking. But the thing that bothers me is she smokes and drug-taking. But mostly smoking as that's a regular thing. I've always been anti-smoking because i don't want to kiss an ash-tray, i don't want someone to love cigarettes more than me and i don't want to watch someone i care about doing that to themselves.

So should i even bother going out with her? I'm not 100% sure she's a frequent smoker but i'm fairly sure she is. I know it's not good to go out with someone thinking you could change them and i realise smoking is an addiction and she'd have to want to stop so it's not really up to me.

So all things taken into account should i take her up on her offer tomorrow. Thanks for reading up to here and any opinions are welcome.
Reply 1
No, I would never go out with a smoker...

End of. :smile:

Edit: But tell her why and she might do something about it?
Reply 2
Anonymous
Before starting i'll just give some background information. I've not had a girlfriend before and haven't much clue about this sort of stuff and i really should. I don't usually try hard with girls, but when i do they usually end up taken or i come across bad or maybe they don't like my looks; either way i don't get so much attention possibly due to confidence.

There's some background information. So i met this girl a few days ago at a party, we exchanged numbers and she left her coat and picked it up the other day. So she suggested going for drinks some time (which i take it is asking me out). She's a nice girl, insightful, good looking. But the thing that bothers me is she smokes and drug-taking. But mostly smoking as that's a regular thing. I've always been anti-smoking because i don't want to kiss an ash-tray, i don't want someone to love cigarettes more than me and i don't want to watch someone i care about doing that to themselves.

So should i even bother going out with her? I'm not 100% sure she's a frequent smoker but i'm fairly sure she is. I know it's not good to go out with someone thinking you could change them and i realise smoking is an addiction and she'd have to want to stop so it's not really up to me.

So all things taken into account should i take her up on her offer tomorrow. Thanks for reading up to here and any opinions are welcome.

My girlfriend lied about not being a smoker. I hate smoking. But by the time I cottoned on we were quite close and she didnt get why I was so annoyed. Anyway she doesnt smoke regularly, at least she never has around me, but when she is stressed/occasionally. Ive persistently tried to get her to give up, and she seems to for long periods sometimes, but she keeps doing it occasionally every so often, and Im not sure I catch her all the time... Its the biggest pain in the ass really....
OP: You seem somewhat close minded.

Sure you wont (and shouldnt) accept that smoking is acceptable, but making it THIS big an issue is just stupid. Kissing a smoker isnt actually like kissing an ash tray at all. If your with her and dont smoke, she will smoke less. Its probably too much to think you can make her give it up (and you shouldnt try) but eventually she might simply because you dont.
Reply 4
NeverMindThat
OP: You seem somewhat close minded.

Sure you wont (and shouldnt) accept that smoking is acceptable, but making it THIS big an issue is just stupid. Kissing a smoker isnt actually like kissing an ash tray at all. If your with her and dont smoke, she will smoke less. Its probably too much to think you can make her give it up (and you shouldnt try) but eventually she might simply because you dont.

OP - If you go for her you should defintely try and get her to quit. Its for her own health as well as yours. If you get close you will anyway, because noone could watch someone they love damaging their body like that. Anyway you should give her a chance if smoking is the only problem, but you mentioned drugs that could be more seriously self-destructive if you are looking for a LTR rather than just a fun fling.
Reply 5
Ok, i've read the replies so far. I'm not sure on what terms she invited me out to drinks on but assuming she wanted more we'll just go on that premise for now.

It's not that i'm close minded, it's just something i've never been keen on. The fact that i'm still considering meeting up dis-proves the close minded claim. Although if you still think so that's absolutely fine. So you think it's something i should speak to her about or bring into general conversation? I don't want to seem over-bearing on our first meeting and laying down rules already for what may only be a friendship.
Reply 6
Anonymous
Ok, i've read the replies so far. I'm not sure on what terms she invited me out to drinks on but assuming she wanted more we'll just go on that premise for now.

It's not that i'm close minded, it's just something i've never been keen on. The fact that i'm still considering meeting up dis-proves the close minded claim. Although if you still think so that's absolutely fine. So you think it's something i should speak to her about or bring into general conversation? I don't want to seem over-bearing on our first meeting and laying down rules already for what may only be a friendship.

Dont bring it up seriously until your actually going out. By the third date you can tease her "smoking, your such a naughty girl, its soo bad for you", even a friend could say that. But only try and persuade her once she starts using the bf or gf term.
Reply 7
pendragon
but you mentioned drugs that could be more seriously self-destructive if you are looking for a LTR rather than just a fun fling.


hmm....the plot's going to thicken here. She was using and mixing drugs when i met her i believe. I definitely saw her having marijuana and she might have been on speed too. I believe it's more of a recreational thing than an addiction. Although she did say she beat drug addiction whilst she was on drugs that night which i found amusing. I really don't know if the drugs is more of an issue than i think of it.
Reply 8
Anonymous
hmm....the plot's going to thicken here. She was using and mixing drugs when i met her i believe. I definitely saw her having marijuana and she might have been on speed too. I believe it's more of a recreational thing than an addiction. Although she did say she beat drug addiction whilst she was on drugs that night which i found amusing. I really don't know if the drugs is more of an issue than i think of it.

marijuana is nothing. If its something else be worried.
Reply 9
pendragon
marijuana is nothing. If its something else be worried.


I also said speed. But Vodka, Speed and Marijuana all together doesn't sound like a great combination. I don't know what else she's into - she's had a past in drugs she told me.
NeverMindThat
OP: You seem somewhat close minded.

Sure you wont (and shouldnt) accept that smoking is acceptable, but making it THIS big an issue is just stupid. Kissing a smoker isnt actually like kissing an ash tray at all. If your with her and dont smoke, she will smoke less. Its probably too much to think you can make her give it up (and you shouldnt try) but eventually she might simply because you dont.


im sorry but smoking is repulsive. the smell clings to u and if u kiss some1 u can taste it. even if they are considerate enough to not smoke near u it does still effect u through that. i personally wouldnt go out with a smoker again because i find it highly unattractive.

ps that girl sounds like trouble. u have admitted that u r inexperienced so i would stay clear. there again i dont know her so i mite be totaly wrong XD
Reply 11
If she wants to try and give up the smoking and drugs, maybe you can help her do it. If not I would stay away. I really hate smoking. I just find it disgusting. I did go out with a smoker before. Not sure I would want to do it again. Its not really a nice taste when you kiss them...

And as for the drugs...just....NO.
Reply 12
Going for a drink will at least give you the chance to get to know her better and decide if you do want to form a relationship or not. Just because you haven't had a gf before doesn't mean you have to go out with the first person to show an interest in you.
Reply 13
I'll meet her and find out a bit more first. It may just be friends for all i know so i won't get my hopes up. It does put me off a bit as i've said before so maybe i could just talk generally about it before imposing ideas on her.
Reply 14
sidi
Just because you haven't had a gf before doesn't mean you have to go out with the first person to show an interest in you.


Good advice...I did that. didnt turn out so well. lol.
That doesn't sound too good her taking drugs, i do know how you feel every girl i seem to fall for would always end up betraying me.
Reply 16
So she's on pot, speed etc and you're worried about the cigarettes..... :rolleyes:
Go out with her, she'll be dead soon so you ain't got nothing to lose.