Girls, do you ever text first? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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I've known this girl for a while and i text her every two or three days or so, and she responds normally and have a conversation. But she never texts me first. I've gone like 2 or 3 weeks without texting her and never once did she bother to contact me in anyway.

Do most girls just not text first ever, or am i flogging a dead horse here?
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diving_queen
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#2
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The whole 'texting first' thing pisses me off.

Some girls (you'd like to think the 13-16 years olds but sadly this can continue well into 20's) refuse point blank to text first. For a fear of 'being needy/desperate'. So will only ever sit and wait for the guy to text. And might even recieve his text then actively not text back for half an hour so again to not look 'needy/desperate'. I myself did this at 15.

Then there are the other girls who have woken up and stopped being so stupid. Why the hell should it be the males decision? It should be equal. If you like someone text them when you want to text them. Don't play silly games.

Then there's the possibility that she genuinely isn't interested. 2/3 weeks of no communication seems a tad excessive if someone genuinely is interested. But then again, if shes a category one girl she simply is not going to text you first. And probably thinks you are not interested as YOU haven't communicated in 2/3 weeks.

I hate this weird mentality some people have. It seems so...ridiculous. And can prevent people who actually like each other from getting anywhere.
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Nice Marmite
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(Original post by diving_queen)
The whole 'texting first' thing pisses me off.

I hate this weird mentality some people have.
Agreed. As you alluded to in your post, the act of refusing to text a guy you like is actually far more 'needy' than just doing whatever you want when you want.
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flubadiblam
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've known this girl for a while and i text her every two or three days or so, and she responds normally and have a conversation. But she never texts me first. I've gone like 2 or 3 weeks without texting her and never once did she bother to contact me in anyway.

Do most girls just not text first ever, or am i flogging a dead horse here?
Be blunt with her and ask if theres something there, or a better option, out on a date! girls do tend to be the first to text, though some girls are different and might try to see if you care enough to text first for a while, but that normally lasts a few days max! sorry buddy, give it a go and like i said, see if she does like you before you peg her as a dead horse
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fairylights
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personally, if i want to text someone i'll text them. got over the whole 'texting first rules' about two years ago!
Just depends on the girl I guess though!
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Aconcernedparent
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In the first stages of dating, it's fairly normal, it's basically just to gauge a man's interest and make sure he is actually keen. Waiting for him to initiate is the best way to do that.
As time moves along, that changes slightly. If you're fairly certain of his interest, there is no reason you cannot text him once in a while.
Are you actually dating though? You say it can go weeks between texts. Have you been intimate/making out/sex? Because if not, you are just friends at this point. And then I'm guessing she isn't just waiting for a text, she is waiting for an initiative.
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headphones
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(Original post by diving_queen)
The whole 'texting first' thing pisses me off.

Some girls (you'd like to think the 13-16 years olds but sadly this can continue well into 20's) refuse point blank to text first. For a fear of 'being needy/desperate'. So will only ever sit and wait for the guy to text. And might even recieve his text then actively not text back for half an hour so again to not look 'needy/desperate'. I myself did this at 15.

Then there are the other girls who have woken up and stopped being so stupid. Why the hell should it be the males decision? It should be equal. If you like someone text them when you want to text them. Don't play silly games.

Then there's the possibility that she genuinely isn't interested. 2/3 weeks of no communication seems a tad excessive if someone genuinely is interested. But then again, if shes a category one girl she simply is not going to text you first. And probably thinks you are not interested as YOU haven't communicated in 2/3 weeks.

I hate this weird mentality some people have. It seems so...ridiculous. And can prevent people who actually like each other from getting anywhere.
I think it is more to do with girls being arrogant than anything else. Expecting guys to do everything.
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Kage
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Happens to me but not just on text. Happens with MSN/Facebook too
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Dragonfly07
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I agree with Diving Queen, but I'd like to point out that some people don't text first because they simply don't feel the urge to. I'm one of those people who only texts after I've been texted first, even after a few weeks have passed by, because I simply am not a huge fan of the text (+ I don't think of everyone constantly).

OP, maybe the girl you're texting only sees you as a friend.
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pineapple86
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I think these 'rules' people have are ridiculous. If you want to talk to someone then talk to them. I didnt get my bf by playing these stupid games, i told him straight and he was straight with me too. Seriously i dont have time for game players, one guy i really liked did the game playing thing and i got bored and moved on. He didnt like it and kept trying it on but i ignored him. It seems some people prefer the games while others have better things to be doing then playing these dumb games. I think in your situation shes not interested. Im part of another forum and the amount of girls on there that play these stupid texting games and then keep moaning they are single are ridiculous. Seriously then they try the whole 'lets not talk to the guy while we are out' thing and then cry when they mess it up. These people are supposed to be in their early 20s. Im starting to wonder where these people get these ideas from, they are ridiculously stupid.
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Anonymous #2
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Sure, I'll happily text first. I mean, if I saw/heard something which I thought they'd find funny then I'd definitely text them about it. It's so much nicer when both people are just comfortable around each other and aren't worrying about whether one person will read into it too much. That said, I hate talking to people I fancy, it makes me so self-concious. Much better just talking to friends where I don't care what they think of me.
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labanlieu
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've gone like 2 or 3 weeks without texting her and never once did she bother to contact me in anyway.
Maybe she was expecting you to text her and the lack of contact made her believe you weren't interested anymore?
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lilywolf
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(Original post by labanlieu)
Maybe she was expecting you to text her and the lack of contact made her believe you weren't interested anymore?
^^^ this is most likely true. She's probably sat there overanalysiing the situation even more than you. Genuinely think texting/IMing etc. should be banned from relationships. Why don't people just talk anymore? Lol.
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emilybradstreet
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I text first at times. No biggie.
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Vikki1805
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I'm not sure if you're just talking about the beginning of a relationship or where you start to like someone/seeing someone?

I've been with my boyfriend a couple of years now and I just text him whenever I want to?
Waiting for someone to text first is a little silly.
Perhaps if you're 13 years old, but if you like someone and you want to say 'Hey, how are you?' Or you genuinely need to ask them something, then why would you sit and wait in hope for them to text first?
Obviously I wouldn't text someone several times, without receiving a reply, in a desperate hope to chat to them, as that would look desperate. But to start a conversation? Sure!
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x-Sophie-x
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I usually text first.. nothing wrong with that imo
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Aconcernedparent
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This may be a little helpful:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/201...e-contact.html

OP, I think this varies from culture to culture. Perhaps English men are used to women being very forward (English women appear very forward to me. I also know some who do approach men in bars. What a man expects from a woman will depend on what kind of women he's used to).
In many countries outside the UK, you are perfectly able to be the first one to initiate contact with a guy, but chances are, he'll get the wrong idea. He'll think you're very keen, he doesn't have to prove anything from now on, he'll think he'll get sex easily. I'm not necessarily talking about conservative countries, but even say in France, you'd expect a man to initiate first.
The idea of men being the pursuers romantically is not some idea a teenage girl came up with for her own convenience - it's basically how it's been between men and women since...forever. Women have different preferences and surely many manage to be forward and successful at that, but as a guy, you can safely assume that if a girl doesn't text you first, she is waiting for an initiative from you, to be sure of your interest.
As I said in a previous post, I'm unsure if this is actually a girl you're dating, or just a friend.
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lilywolf
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If I have something important to say/ask I'll text first. It isn't something I really take time to consider though.
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tite23
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Usually doesn't occur to me to text first. Could be the same with your girl.
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Kattt_452
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Yes. I do, but didn't much towards the beginning of the dating process. I wasn't consciously doing it though, I just got used to hearing from him first. After a few months, he stopped contacting me as much and I panicked, and asked him why.

His philosophy was: 'Well, why can't you text me first for a change?' Ridiculously enough, I had never thought of it that way. Like 'tite23' said, it just hadn't occurred to me because I was so used to him contacting me first all the time. After he said that to me though I took it on board, and now it's pretty balanced/equal, although he probably does initiate conversation a bit more still. The point is, we're both happy with it now.

Why not say something to her?
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