Would you say this if you don't fancy a girl?

I have this friend who absolutely adores me to a ridiculous extend and I am posting this anonymously out of fear he might read it :wink:

Basically, I am not sure whether he has a crush on me or whether he just really likes me as a friend. Normally, I would be 100% sure he's coming on to me, but for several reasons, with him, I am not. For starters, he's quite a lot older than me, so I'm thinking maybe men that age are different and they actually do pay girls compliments even when they do not intend to get them into bed :p:

And then I think he should know that he wouldn't stand a chance with me and that should actually stop him from even trying to come on to me. I've never said it just like that, but I think he should be able to sense it. There's just no way, I love him as a friend, he's a good bloke, but I am not attracted to him AT ALL. It just wouldn't work. But anyway, the things that make me wonder are how he talks about me. Like he literally said I was so special and would realize how amazing I was one day and that I fascinate him and then he complimented on all sorts of physical assets (my eyes, my hair and how I am just generally beautiful) and he just keeps pin-pointing what an amazing person I am. I obviously do like getting compliments like that, but what the hell ??? I mean, would a guy ever say all these things and not have certain thoughts in the back of his mind? Do you ever pay girls you don't fancy that way major compliments? I'm confused and I don't want to ask him straight to the face because I'm afraid it might do something to the friendship and then, as I've said, I am not completely sure and I don't wanna seem completely arrogant for thinking he loves me ....

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Erm, no, definitely not. I've even told him to stop complimenting me and all. It's definitely coming from him, I'm not asking for it!

Reply 2

TomaDamons

Pretty Boy

then best to stay away from him if you can. He's obviously lookin to bone ya. But then again ya might end up likin him?

Edit: As for the compliments thing, nah, I never compliment, thats gets you
nowhere.

Simon Cowell eat your heart out :biggrin:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

No, there's no way I'd ever like him that way. But thanks, so you think it's dead obvious, too. Me and my friends think the same, but we're girls, I'm looking for guys' opinions ...

Reply 4

TomaDamons

well if he isnt lookin for some action, then he is really lonely that cant manage to get any mates of his own age. I would say stay away

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Oh man

Thanks for being honest though! He's a cool lad, I'd love to be his friend. Argh !!! Why do things always get this complicated? I have lots of guy friends whom I don't want to sleep with and yet most of them come on to you at some point :rolleyes:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Lets hope he wont come onto me then .... :rolleyes:

Reply 7

Poica

14

Anonymous

I have this friend who absolutely adores me to a ridiculous extend and I am posting this anonymously out of fear he might read it :wink:

Basically, I am not sure whether he has a crush on me or whether he just really likes me as a friend. Normally, I would be 100% sure he's coming on to me, but for several reasons, with him, I am not. For starters, he's quite a lot older than me, so I'm thinking maybe men that age are different and they actually do pay girls compliments even when they do not intend to get them into bed :p:

And then I think he should know that he wouldn't stand a chance with me and that should actually stop him from even trying to come on to me. I've never said it just like that, but I think he should be able to sense it. There's just no way, I love him as a friend, he's a good bloke, but I am not attracted to him AT ALL. It just wouldn't work. But anyway, the things that make me wonder are how he talks about me. Like he literally said I was so special and would realize how amazing I was one day and that I fascinate him and then he complimented on all sorts of physical assets (my eyes, my hair and how I am just generally beautiful) and he just keeps pin-pointing what an amazing person I am. I obviously do like getting compliments like that, but what the hell ??? I mean, would a guy ever say all these things and not have certain thoughts in the back of his mind? Do you ever pay girls you don't fancy that way major compliments? I'm confused and I don't want to ask him straight to the face because I'm afraid it might do something to the friendship and then, as I've said, I am not completely sure and I don't wanna seem completely arrogant for thinking he loves me ....

Bizarrely, I've been in a very similar situation lately.
First of all, with the statement: "he should be able to sense it" - don't be silly, he's a man. For men, SAY WHAT YOU FEEL. Otherwise they have no idea. Don't hint. They don't do hints very well.
Secondly, he probably fancies you. Not that that necessarily needs to be a problem unless you make it one, you can still remain friends afterwards and it won't necessarily change things unless either you or he is too uncomfortable.

Wait for him to make a move or to behave obviously so that you know he is interested and then just very gently let him down. Then you can stay friends. All good. :smile:

Reply 8

dimexi

16

Yes, I pay compliments to people I don't fancy.. so I don't think he is weird...

Reply 9

gbduo

15

Yes, i also pay compliments to people i don't fancy. My closest friend i always pay compliments to her because it boosts her confidence and sometimes she just needs it...i don't want to get into her pants, i have my gf to do that! lol!

Tbh, he is probs just saying it because he feels like a really close friend, but as with anything you need to raise these concerns with him and talk about it! If you are indeed good/close friends you should be able to talk about anything and everything and not have to worry about hurting the others feelings because there is something much stronger beneath the relationship. A bond if you will. If he does not stop however then you need to tell him again, but much more blunt, or just ask flat out does he have feelings for you.

I hope this helps, but yes basically guys do sometimes say things that compliment you, its not them coming onto you, they are just saying it as a friend or if they think you need to be complimented for moral purposes!

Graham

Reply 10

high priestess fnord

9

Pretty Boy

Guys all think of pullin their girl-mates at some point. So, this guy is definitely lookin 2 to do the business with you even if he doesnt admit it to you or himself even.

pretty much all my mates r male but theyve never tried to pull me. there again i guess its hard to come onto some1 who is A) allways attatched B) allways enquiring about your love life and encoraging u to go for other ppl XD

hmm have done more than my fair share of jumping on male friends tho.

maybe u should try and get him a gf? he would get the message that u wernt interested in him that way if u were trying to set him up with some1 else

Reply 11

Higgy

2

I have a similar problem, some girls seem to think that i fancy them when i dont, im just nice to them and pay them compliments etc but some girls think its me coming onto them whereas others dont see it that way.

Reply 12

username39618

1

An easy way to end this pain would simply be to break wind heavily around this nuisance, nah im soz. Would it not hurt to talk to this chappie?

Reply 13

ellewoods

10

Paying compliments and flirting is just a way of getting what you want, whether its to get in their pants or get a job working for them. Empty, shallow, true.

Just tell him that "You're Not That Into Him".
(I miss Sex and the City :rolleyes:

)

Reply 14

Big Fat Mel

Breaking wind has never solved any problems. Basically, the best advice that I can give you is ask him what he thinks. That is all

Reply 15

username39618

1

Big Fat Mel....always riding on the wind (so to speak) of Makky_Legend. Now THAT is all

Would you say this if you don't fancy a girl?

Related discussions

Articles for you

How The Student Room is moderated