Help Me...please! Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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PLEASE READ, ANYONE.......EVERYONE. PLEASE!!!!

Ok, first of all i just want to say thanks in advance for anyone thats going to reply to my thread with HELPFUL advice and not stupid comments. Im saying it in advance because the problem i have has been pissing me off for years now so any advice would be much appreciated! So thank you...and now to my problem. Im just going to cut a long story short because i know when people go on some threads they see how long it is and just cant be bothered to reply, and i really need some replys (help). Now to the problem:

Well i have this big problem with talking to girls. Yes, i know you lot are probably thiking at this point "OMG, is that it?" And to tell you the truth, yeah, thats it, but it really does bug me and piss me off! Anyway, when im introduced to girls, or if their are girls in the room, I just dont know what to say to them. Its not a case of me being shy, well maybe abit, but I just cant really start a conversation with them. I just dont know what to say. And the thing is, one of my friends (lets call him mate B cos youl hear about him again soon) can just easily get along with girls. He just knows what to say, and how to act and they really get along with him as well and hes only known them as long as i have. I mean, a week ago, me and a few mates went to another friends room at uni to just stop over and chill for a few hours because it was late and we were getting tired. So we stayed over for a few hours at this GIRLS room. She was with her mate as well. So anyway, 3 of my other mates went outside for some fresh air so it was only me, my other mate (mate B) and the 2 girls. So there I was just sitting on the bed, and while i did come out with a few comments now and again, my mate (B) was just really getting along with them and laughing with them. And he only knew them as long as i did and that was like an hour yet he was the one having all the fun and i was the one sitting quitely in the corner. And this wasnt just luck, some time a week ago, we went to the cinemas, 1 of my mates friend works there, and she was working that day as well. And the same thing happened again, the person that knew her went to the toilet and my mate (mate B) was just easily getting along with her! He only knew her for like 2 minutes. I mean how does he do it!!!

So anyway, i just wanted to know if this is some kind of lucky genes hes inherited (yeah i know, very unlikely even if impossible) or does he just have more experience. I mean 1 of the major factors is probably the fact that he goes to a mix school in his final year of 6th form and i go to an all boys school in my final year as well. So he might have just picked up the courage or something over the years. Either that, or he bought one of those "How To Talk To Women" or "Being Confindent" books on ebay!!

Has it got anything to do with confidence? Because im pretty sure iv got confindece in myself but I still cant talk to girls, I mean I can but i just cant get along with them the way my mate does. I mean how do i present myself that i leave them gagging for more of my company? Make them laugh? If so, post me some of your jokes! Nah, seriously though....HELP ME!!!

Oh and i know i said it wasnt going to be a long story and il cut it short but I probably have told you the whole story. Just cant be bothered to edit it or delete it now. Sorry and thanks again for reading all of it (dont know how you did). Any advice at all, be it BIG or small would be much appreciated. I mean, im starting uni in September, how am i going to be then?!!!
THANKS EVERYONE
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Mark S
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Ahhh Mate mate mate. Some people just know how to act towards the opposite sex, the fact you went to an all boys school might not have helped? (i expect a lot of criticisms) Maybe you just find it harder to relate to girls.

Do you sit there thinking what to say for ages?
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CassieCoo
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i feel like that about Boys, well i used to, im a tad more confident with them now, just try and be confident around them, ask what kind of music they like, ya know that kinda stuff. Or even say sumthin like "did u do blabla's homework" or sumthin 2 start it off I know that probly hasnt helped, i just know how u feel
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Talon
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I used to have this as a major problem. I still do to some extent. The only way around it I found was simply to force myself to start talking. Not very helpful I know, but get yourself into the right frame of mind: Next time you are in that situation you will force yourself to start talking. Even if you start talking about...I dont know....films. Just talk about whatever springs to mind.
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MrsMerton
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#5
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Start of talking to ugly girls and progress up. Or become gay.
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~the_one~
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I think you're making it worse by thinking 'GIRLS', shockingly girls are just people, talk to them like you would a guy who you have just recently met. You're at uni, right? Talk about what course they're doing? is it good? where abouts do they live? halls? where are they from? etc etc etc theres so much rubbish you can talk basically!!
Also relax, dont feel like there judging you, you've only just met them and you may never speak to them again.
Im sure you can talk perfectly freely with guys, so just try and transfer is to girls, were not aliens you know.
I know its not that easy in reality, but the more you try and realise that its not that hard to hold a conversation, the easy it will become.
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thefish_uk
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Girls are just people too!

In fact I think girls laugh more easily than guys do. And smile more.

I used to have a similar problem, but if you can find something to talk about, and be yourself, it should be alright. If you're in a girl's room, surely there's loads of things about you can ask her about... photos, sports, music etc.
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high priestess fnord
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erm there isnt a set way of talking to girls the same way as there isnt a set way of talking to guys. u talk about us as though we r a different species (we rele rnt btw) i rele do think u just need to talk to more women. (pm me if u want) imo the only difference between starting a convo with a girl or a guy is their interests. u cant talk to a girl about football for instance (well not most girls lol) try small talk like music, fave films, school, all the get to know u stuff.
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Eien
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I have the opposite problem, I find it more difficult to talk to the same gender (boys) than girls. For girls, don't think of them as "girls" in the entire sense, rather as an "individual" who is female. Try to listen to what she says well and show that you are - and bounce the conversation off what she says, if you feel you don't know what to say. Try to socialise with one or two girls, and you will start to recognise typical social patterns, so it should come naturally. This is how I believe I tend to socialise better with girls, because I grew up with my mum and sister, meaning my initial social skills were honed towards females. Also don't think in terms of attracting a girl - you will feel far more nervous, reserved and distant, and she will notice it and feel less willing to talk to you. In terms of what girls tend to talk about more than boys, (ones that you can talk about too - i.e. NOT guys/clothes/makeup etc) are people and relationships, activities with friends etc. However, every girl is different, and I certainly know many who follow typically "male" conversations and vice versa. The most important thing is to come across on the same social plane as her, rather than separating yourself by your gender, and this comes with time.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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(Original post by Markus)
Ahhh Mate mate mate. Some people just know how to act towards the opposite sex, the fact you went to an all boys school might not have helped? (i expect a lot of criticisms) Maybe you just find it harder to relate to girls.

Do you sit there thinking what to say for ages?
No i dont. I can talk to girls its just that i really dont know how to start it off. How do I start a conversation that will get both of us really interested in what were going to say next? Im not at uni yet, I start this year in September and i really dont want this problem then. Thanks for all your suggestions, anyone got any more? PLEASE
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Krysia
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Well, firstly don't be scared of us! We don't bite (well, mostly...:rolleyes: )

Women are apparently more likely to try and carry on a conversation, so just bite the bullet and initiate it. Comment on...oh, I don't know, something in the room, her hair, her clothes, even the weather (if you're really stuck), but try and get an open question in there (ie something that needs more than a 'yes/no' answer). Then, when she replys, listen to what she's saying and try and pick up on anything you can talk about to carry on the conversation.

Oh, and relax about it. Talking to people should be enjoyable, not a chore.
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Ariadne
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Stop thinking of us as GIRLS - we're mostly quite normal! Try talking to us as if we're just another of your guy mates, and as Krysia said, girls are usually pretty willling to keep a conversation going if you get the ball rolling.

Also, maybe try meeting up with girls without one of your mates around to overshadow you. Good luck
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lollipopsticks
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i got over this by startin 2 go 2 bars were u dnt no any1 and u can jsut openly talk 2 people.plus the couple of drinks gives ya dutch courage!!once uve made sum new m8s at the local ull b flyin ur confidence will soar!
gud luck
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jovialtom
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my god this is pathetic! Girls are just people, why the hell are you making such a big deal out of it?!

Boy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: Fine thanks, you?
Boy: Im feeling great, what have you been up to today?
Girl: oh not much, just went into town, did some shopping.
Boy: cool, buy anything interesting?
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candyfloss
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i'd suggest you just force yourself to talk to girls - might sounds a bit scary at first but even if it's in big groups with a few lads or whatever, it'll make you feel more confident! the more you talk to them, the more you'll find that they're really easy to make convo with, and you'll get better at it! the start of uni would be a great time to start cos you'll have loads to say, e.g. where you're from, subject, just general chit chat good luck!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by jovialtom)
my god this is pathetic! Girls are just people, why the hell are you making such a big deal out of it?!

Boy: Hi, how are you?
Girl: Fine thanks, you?
Boy: Im feeling great, what have you been up to today?
Girl: oh not much, just went into town, did some shopping.
Boy: cool, buy anything interesting?

:congrats: yeah great advice mate. why dont you take your post elsewhere, where they are actually wanted instead of putting this guy down!!
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jovialtom
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my thought was that maybe this guy needs a kick up the ass to realise how silly he's being rather than just some sympathy... I also provided some advice on how to start a conversation.... why are you being anonymous?!
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speedstacker
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I have to say that i eventually finished reading your post after an hour lol. I think the reason your mate gets on well with the girls is because he's chatty lol. Maybe you just not as chatty as him and that's why you don't speak a lot. But sometimes girls prefer guys that are more quiet like you. So don't be too worry abou that problem. Try not to think that you are being left out of the group. Sometimes girls find chatty guys are a bit annoying.
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gbduo
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Just a trend i have noticed in my travels, the more academically able you are the less confidence you have around the opposite sex. I am not saying this is because you are smart but because you spend so much time doing work and studying you never really get out very much and socialise.

I also think that if you have come from a brother/sister background you have more confidence because you know how the opposite sex ticks. I mean girls are similar to boys but at the same time what you can talk about is hugely different, i mean with boys you talk about gore, violence, sex (in graphic detail!), cars, planes, engines and just randomness. The randomness bit is transferable but you kinda have to change what you talk about to more mainstream topics like music, what they are doing at the wkd, where they are from and unless saying in jest don't have the same conversation about Final Destination 3 as you would with your boy mates...trust me she probs isn't interested! lol!

I'm a bloke but i live in a corridor full of girls, like 7 girls and me, most of my friends are girls altho i can get on with both sexes...its just learning what girls like to talk about! Only way you can do this is by talking to them, i am big into music so music is usually where i start because i used to DJ so i have a vast knowledge of music. Find a strength of yours which you think girls would be interested in.

Sorry for lengthy reply!

Graham
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Princess Ella
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umm-you seem nice and dont worry theres a girl outt ehre for u-u just gottta look for her and when u meet..well u know the rest of the story
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