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I can't trust him
Thanks in advance for everyone who kindly replies to this thread...
Basically, my boyfriend and I broke up on New Years Eve, it was hard at first but eventually I got on with things.
After 6 weeks he wanted to come back, and after careful thought I decided that I wanted to give it another go, and things have been good since then.
The only problem is this...
One of the reasons we broke up was because he was texting / flirting with a girl at work.
When we were split up, it turns out he slept with this girl, and had some sort of semi-relationship with her. So in a way he proved me right (and therefore justified in my reaction at the time!) and although he swears nothing is going on now, I can't help but have lost my trust in him. Also, after a few days of us being back together, they were still texting.
What can I do? I really want to trust him, but I wind myself up when he is at work knowing that he is working with her. I know he has deleted her number and its unlikely the texting thing will crop up again, but there must have been some spark, or similar attraction, and it's likely that there still is.
Short of finishing it, how can I stop my distrust/jealousy? I am going away for 4 days and my mind will be working overtime.
Thanks
Basically, my boyfriend and I broke up on New Years Eve, it was hard at first but eventually I got on with things.
After 6 weeks he wanted to come back, and after careful thought I decided that I wanted to give it another go, and things have been good since then.
The only problem is this...
One of the reasons we broke up was because he was texting / flirting with a girl at work.
When we were split up, it turns out he slept with this girl, and had some sort of semi-relationship with her. So in a way he proved me right (and therefore justified in my reaction at the time!) and although he swears nothing is going on now, I can't help but have lost my trust in him. Also, after a few days of us being back together, they were still texting.
What can I do? I really want to trust him, but I wind myself up when he is at work knowing that he is working with her. I know he has deleted her number and its unlikely the texting thing will crop up again, but there must have been some spark, or similar attraction, and it's likely that there still is.
Short of finishing it, how can I stop my distrust/jealousy? I am going away for 4 days and my mind will be working overtime.
Thanks
tbh i dont think i could trust him. vital question tho, did u dump him or did he dump u?
After a huge argument I left, but I didn't want to finish it, I just wanted to cool down, then he finished it when I came back.
To be honest jenna, i could not trust him. everytime you think about it it will probably make you sick, it will never go away even though you wasnt with him. I dont think you can get rid of them feelings,no matter how hard you try it is always going to be there, you can brush it over but never forget it.
It’s harsh to say that you should not see him again or give him a second chance, but in truth the odds are he will be unfaithful again and of course you may be more deeply hurt the next time around. You will need to weigh the importance of your relationship with this person and ask yourself if you see it as something which could lead to something more or is it still too early to make this kind of judgment. In the end, it is better to move on and away from this and consider yourself lucky and wiser from this experience.
I've been in a similar situation, and im sorry to say it didnt work out for me. once the trust is gone, it wont come back, definitly not for the girl at work situation. i know what its like, and i really feel for you.
seriously, cut your losses and leave now before he does it again. it is not ok for him to sleep with anouther girl and then come crawling back. for your sake, i hope you end it.
seriously, cut your losses and leave now before he does it again. it is not ok for him to sleep with anouther girl and then come crawling back. for your sake, i hope you end it.
Drug Lord
It’s harsh to say that you should not see him again or give him a second chance, but in truth the odds are he will be unfaithful again and of course you may be more deeply hurt the next time around. You will need to weigh the importance of your relationship with this person and ask yourself if you see it as something which could lead to something more or is it still too early to make this kind of judgment. In the end, it is better to move on and away from this and consider yourself lucky and wiser from this experience.
ummm so at what point was this guy unfaithful? What he did after you broke up is pretty irrelevent, maybe your hasty accusations which quite possibly were unfounded annoyed him so much that he thought he may as well give you something to be pissed off about! The fact that they got together could have been a direct result of you accusing him. So I find it difficult to agree with what you say about them getting together justifying your initial response. For all we know, you could be completly in the wrong and this guy is the victim! It's obvious that you can never trust this guy so doesnt seem to be much chance of things working out...soz, thats just my opinion... maybe wrong...
dump him!
jovialtom
ummm so at what point was this guy unfaithful? What he did after you broke up is pretty irrelevent, maybe your hasty accusations which quite possibly were unfounded annoyed him so much that he thought he may as well give you something to be pissed off about! The fact that they got together could have been a direct result of you accusing him. So I find it difficult to agree with what you say about them getting together justifying your initial response. For all we know, you could be completly in the wrong and this guy is the victim! It's obvious that you can never trust this guy so doesnt seem to be much chance of things working out...soz, thats just my opinion... maybe wrong...
There is obviously an attachment there between her BF and this other person and it matters not that they slept together when the relationship was off, but it does matter that the texting continued after they got back together. So from my point of view, I would say he has been unfaithful to her and as such cannot be trusted, but the decision of course is hers and how much she is willing to risk to give this possible relationship a chance to work or cut her losses and drop him.
Drug Lord
There is obviously an attachment there between her BF and this other person and it matters not that they slept together when the relationship was off, but it does matter that the texting continued after they got back together. So from my point of view, I would say he has been unfaithful to her and as such cannot be trusted, but the decision of course is hers and how much she is willing to risk to give this possible relationship a chance to work or cut her losses and drop him.
but whats wrong with txting someone?! Obviously it depends on the context, but to say that txting someone who you've slept with someone in the past constitutes being unfaithful is quite extreme, especially when its clear that they are friends and work together! It may even be the case that the message appears flirty- but so what?! how can you draw the line between flirty and friendly- any message to a friend could be viewed as flirty by the completly paranoid!! I'm really good friends with some of my x's and my gf doesn't have a problem with it, so sounds to me like she is the one with the problem not him. But like i said before... thats at face values....i don't know any of the details!
I dunno, I'm just so confused! Admittedly, after I found out (on Valentines Day of all days!) that the texting was still happening (and displayed my unhappiness) he claimed to have gone into work and asked her not to contact him again. Whether or not that actually happens remains to be seen.
I think I should leave things the way they are for now. But then again, I will probably be even more hurt in the long run.
But then, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? He did have a few emotional issues and I'm not trying to make excuses for him but I think this affected a lot of his behaviour. Ah my mind is a yoyo!
I think I should leave things the way they are for now. But then again, I will probably be even more hurt in the long run.
But then, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? He did have a few emotional issues and I'm not trying to make excuses for him but I think this affected a lot of his behaviour. Ah my mind is a yoyo!
hmmmmm him saying he will tell her to stop contacting and what he actually does it 2 different things i'd be very weary after that the fact that when you cooled down and dumped you afterwards suggests he wanted to bed this other girl.
Jenna Leicester
I dunno, I'm just so confused! Admittedly, after I found out (on Valentines Day of all days!) that the texting was still happening (and displayed my unhappiness) he claimed to have gone into work and asked her not to contact him again. Whether or not that actually happens remains to be seen.
I think I should leave things the way they are for now. But then again, I will probably be even more hurt in the long run.
But then, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? He did have a few emotional issues and I'm not trying to make excuses for him but I think this affected a lot of his behaviour. Ah my mind is a yoyo!
I think I should leave things the way they are for now. But then again, I will probably be even more hurt in the long run.
But then, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? He did have a few emotional issues and I'm not trying to make excuses for him but I think this affected a lot of his behaviour. Ah my mind is a yoyo!
that sounds very odd and i'd be very surprised if he is actually telling you the truth! Doesn't sound too good to be honest... if its not this girl, later down the line it will just be someone else who you are worried about and relationships just cannot work like that.
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