complicated... best mate's boyfriend

I really REALLY don't like my best friend's boyfriend. I think he's selfish, boring and cowardly. He also isnt very nice to me. However, I love my best friend, and he makes her happy (i think... sometimes i'm not sure), and I don't want to make things awkward for her. Unfortunately, her boyfriend is best friends with MY exboyfriend, who i have ALL sorts of issues with, but still love. Its such a mess, because we all hang out ALL the time (with our other mutual friends) and I try to hold it in, but everyonce in a while i'll get so angry... and then my best friend, her bf, and my exbf are all in turmoil, because obviously our loyalties are so intertwined. How do I deal with this while still maintaining my best friend and my ex bf/friend's happiness?

Reply 1

tom5

try to make your friend see the nasty side of her bf then hopefully she will chuck him. make her feel better. after, try to force out mr. nasty from the group.

maintaining my best friend and my ex bf/friend's happiness

if he's as bad as you say, they'll be better off without him.

Good Luck!

Reply 2

ladygrey

OP

tom5

try to make your friend see the nasty side of her bf then hopefully she will chuck him. make her feel better. after, try to force out mr. nasty from the group.

if he's as bad as you say, they'll be better off without him.

Good Luck!

no... i mean... he's not like, an EVIL person. he's not a bad guy... i just think he's selfish and boring and cowardly (as i said before)... i mean, he really loves my friend, and my ex (they've been best friends for 7 years).. but he's awful to me, and i just... dont like him. he was also very bad to one of our other mates, who he sort of dated, but led on and treated like sh*t.

Reply 3

shinyhappy

14

Christ. thats a fairly confusing situation. I feel for you, it's always tricky to try and tolerate someone you don't like, because someone close to you loves them.
However, if you really want to put your best friend first, then you have to just let her get on with it. In time, she'll come to realise it if this guy is no good for her. Don't isolate yourself from your friends, but at the same time, don't spend too much time with that particular group. This concern shouldn't weigh you down all the time you're out socialising, when you should be having fun!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

LOL. I was in your same situation a couple months ago. My advice is to leave the boyfriend alone. No matter how much you dislike him, he's still dating your mate. Still hang out with them, but don't make it too obvious that you can't stand him. I did that, and lost my best friend. She wasn't that good of a friend anyway.

Reply 5

El Scotto

15

ladygrey

no... i mean... he's not like, an EVIL person. he's not a bad guy... i just think he's selfish and boring and cowardly (as i said before)... i mean, he really loves my friend, and my ex (they've been best friends for 7 years).. but he's awful to me, and i just... dont like him. he was also very bad to one of our other mates, who he sort of dated, but led on and treated like sh*t.

course hes going to be horrible to you, you're his best mates ex girlfriend.
Whatever went on between you and your ex and any mudslinging he'll know about it. you dont have to like him, and he doesnt have to like you but you should be civil for your friends sake.

Reply 6

strawberry

13

ladygrey

no... i mean... he's not like, an EVIL person. he's not a bad guy... i just think he's selfish and boring and cowardly (as i said before)... i mean, he really loves my friend, and my ex (they've been best friends for 7 years).. but he's awful to me, and i just... dont like him. he was also very bad to one of our other mates, who he sort of dated, but led on and treated like sh*t.

maybe he's treating you like that cos you unconsciously are mean to him too?

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

I have to post this as anon incase she sees!

I really dont like my best friends boyfriend either. I never have and doubt i ever will. Im usually a very good judge of character, and the first time i met him i found him to be arrogant and boring. A year on - theyre still together, and i still dislike him! Afew months after they got together, they had a massive arguement, which was totally his fault. This made me dislke him even more - but, becasue she is my best friend, i am happy for her. Im happy shes found someone she loves (well, apparantly loves) and its just bad luck that i dont like him.
They argue too much, and its usually iver stupid things, and he calls her four times a day, everyday :rolleyes:

(so he can check up on her.) I think the main reason i dont like hime, is because he insisted on making her first year of uni, all about him. So she missed out on alot, and consequently became very homesick. This year she seems to have realised that he isnt everything, and is living uni life to the full. I still dont like him though.

Anyway, you'll probably never like him, but just let her get on with it, and be there for her when things go wrong - as im sure se'd do the same for you.

complicated... best mate's boyfriend

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