Guilt Trips, Old Friends..

I started Uni this year, shortly after I'd left, my best friend met someone, and things developed between them very very quickly. At christmas, my best friend practically ignored me. She's so wrapped up in this person, I was just not important. Predictaby.. We fell out. Big style. She was doing lots of lying to me, and avoiding me, not being honest about where she was (when she said she'd come over or whatever). We hung about in the same crowd, so, when me and her fell out, it got awkward. I expected it, that they'd include her rather than me, after all, I was gonna be gone pretty soon. I've been back at uni for about 2 months now, and have only heard from this particular group of friends once or twice. This morning, one of them sent me a text. "Your gonna have to talk to her. She's planning on dropping out of college and moving in with a load of her partners friends. I'm gonna talk to her, but theres really only one person she'll listen to and thats you".

This really annoyed me. We haven't spoken in 2 months, why would she listen to me now? Why should I even try to interfere where I'm blatently not wanted (as is evident by what happened last time I was around). So I sent a reply saying that she wasn't my problem anymore.

She's never had willpower, the slightest glint of something interesting, and she goes skipping over the hills with no consideration for other people. Her partner is all thats important to her now, and so what they want is now what she wants.

What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to do something to try and convince her not to mess things up for herself? Moving in with somoene after only knowing them 4 months, doesn't seem the most sensible move to me. It seems to me that she's wanting to do it because everyone else is. She can't stay in college and move out, so everyone else is moving out - she wants too. Should I just wipe my hands of it completely? Or, risk getting involved and making things about 20 times worse? (they're not likely to improve at all as it is, so...)

Advice please?

Reply 1

Student_Bum

1

leave it well alone. People need to make their own mistakes. How would you feel if she suddenly started to tell you what to do after 2 months of nto talking. its her own choice and she will fall on her bum when it all goes wrong.

Reply 2

frank01277779

1

IMO not speaking for 2 months doesn't mean you're no longer friends, if you really think that she is making a bad decision then tell her, a friend would do that...

But it sounds like you don't actually care about her anymore, in which case you probably won't get involved (however, if you don't care you could also give your opinion without any possible consequences for your friendship)

Reply 3

x-CrAzY-x

try to talk to her, dont tell her what to do, just have a civilised converstaion and see what her reasons are and then give her your thoughts on the matter ... then if she throws that back in your face at least you can say that you tried!

Reply 4

ellewoods

10

x-CrAzY-x

try to talk to her, dont tell her what to do, just have a civilised converstaion and see what her reasons are and then give her your thoughts on the matter ... then if she throws that back in your face at least you can say that you tried!

I agree.

Have a quiet conversation for the sake of your own conscience if nothing else. Plus it won't hurt to try and smooth things over between you and her so that you and this group of friends get reacquainted - ultimately you'll be around them over the summer I assume? You don't want things to get so arkward that you don't see them anymore.

Let her know you think a lot of her and you dont want to see her get hurt in the long run - let you know you will support her but that you feel it only fair that you tell her how you feel.

I know you're hurt about the way she has treated you, but I would advise that you be the mature one and if she still insists on going off on a flight of fancy, accept it, make the effort to stay in contact at least sporadically, because she will be back. I suppose then its up to you as to whether you want her back.

Do the right thing, then at least you can feel good about yourself if it doesnt work out. I hope it does though :smile:

Iv been in this situation myself and it sucks :frown:

In my case, my friend met someone, got engaged, stopped contacting me - or anyone else she knew - and then blamed me for not being understanding about the pressures of uni and having "someone you know you're going to spend your life with". No thats right, because I wasnt at uni too and didnt have a boyfriend of 4 years??!! :confused:

You sometimes have to accept that people change - you may be outgrowing her by the sounds of it unfortunately.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 5

username47781

20

Well you could try and ask her why she's been avoiding and lying to you but if she just ignores you when you next try talk to her, i'd move on and let her fall.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Its an "old argument" now though. Thing is.. This friend, the one saying it should be me who talks to her.. He's done an awful lot of stirring. He makes jokes about things he shouldn't, and just generally does stuff that he finds funny - at my expense.

I had a think about this earlier, she's doing a course in college on Hairdressing. She's never been particularly academic, she just wanted to do something in college (after dropping out after her 1st year, and then bumming around for a year because she didn't want to tell her mother). She has such a bad track record, and so when she started in September she was going to "prove everyone wrong" and stick this course out. I feel so... Stuck. I can't talk to her, she changed her number a month or 2 ago, and I don't have it. I won't see her till (at the earliest) around 5 weeks time. I don't even know how I'm expected to talk to her, and make her see sense. And it annoys me that these people think I still owe her so much, when she couldn't care less about anything thats happening with me. (this was even true when we were still "best friends", she was so wrapped up in her own love life, that she wasn't bothered at all by anything going on with me!).

I'm so angry that they've sent me that message and told me. I don't think these are brilliant friends anyway, as they very rarely bother anyway.

Reply 7

ellewoods

10

Anonymous

Its an "old argument" now though. Thing is.. This friend, the one saying it should be me who talks to her.. He's done an awful lot of stirring. He makes jokes about things he shouldn't, and just generally does stuff that he finds funny - at my expense.

I had a think about this earlier, she's doing a course in college on Hairdressing. She's never been particularly academic, she just wanted to do something in college (after dropping out after her 1st year, and then bumming around for a year because she didn't want to tell her mother). She has such a bad track record, and so when she started in September she was going to "prove everyone wrong" and stick this course out. I feel so... Stuck. I can't talk to her, she changed her number a month or 2 ago, and I don't have it. I won't see her till (at the earliest) around 5 weeks time. I don't even know how I'm expected to talk to her, and make her see sense. And it annoys me that these people think I still owe her so much, when she couldn't care less about anything thats happening with me. (this was even true when we were still "best friends", she was so wrapped up in her own love life, that she wasn't bothered at all by anything going on with me!).

I'm so angry that they've sent me that message and told me. I don't think these are brilliant friends anyway, as they very rarely bother anyway.

If YOU want to keep in touch, make the effort, get her number, get in touch, just say hi, don't get involved.

If you don't, then stay out of it, and move on and be happy.

Its your life and nobody should make you feel guilty. xx

Guilt Trips, Old Friends..

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