Hitting your children. Watch

q1w2e3r4t5y
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#41
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#41
I was much better when my parents hit me. I think I've turned into a lazy ***** right now, and my parents have gone too push over soft. They should shout more at me, I feel like they just don't care about my well being anymore.
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uzi786
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#42
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#42
I got smacked when I did rly bad things such as hit my mum (I was a lil boy bout 4-5) or when I hit my older sister. I also got hit whenever I got caught stealing stuff, which I did alot. I got beats with a toy tennis racket, slippers, a thin rod, and when I look back now (Im 18) I deserved it. I was a little prick. And, I know I've turned out better because of the beats. I look at my cousin, who is sooooo spoilt, never been touched, he's 14 and he still acts like a child. Its pathetic. A child needs a couple of smacks if they are rly bad.
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Don Bosco
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#43
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#43
I think smacking is a perfectly healthy parenting tool. The majority of the 'smackings' (they were actually beatings) I got as a child were from my teachers at school, and I believe they helped build me into the responsible person I am today. On the other hand, a few years ago, one of my friends actually passed away after being beaten by his father. I still believe though that an ocassional smacking can be beneficial to an unruly child.
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Ferrus
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#44
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#44
(Original post by pianist)
I feel like they just don't care about my well being anymore.
No, they just feel you're and adult and that these things are your own responsibility now.
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Apagg
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#45
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Smacking was fine until psychiatrists started convincing people that it had "emotionally scarred" them.
I was smacked, and it worked - I learnt not to do things like throw massive tantrums in public places, or generally misbehave.
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q1w2e3r4t5y
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#46
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#46
(Original post by Ferrus)
No, they just feel you're and adult and that these things are your own responsibility now.
I'm not an adult.
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Excalibur
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#47
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#47
(Original post by pianist)
I'm not an adult.
Maybe you're not 18 just yet, but your parents may feel that you're emotionally mature enough to take responsibility for your own actions...?

If smacking was made illegal it's practically impossible to impose that law anyway - you can't really tell what goes on in someone else's house, after all...
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Ferrus
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#48
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#48
(Original post by pianist)
I'm not an adult.
The term is subjective, hence in this circumstance whether or not your parents consider you to be one or not is what is at stake. Either they do, or they think you are at least mature and independent enough at this stage to make your own decisions.
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Rusty33
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#49
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#49
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=beat
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cottonmouth
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#50
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#50
It's a tricky one. See, all hitting teaches a child is that a person who has superior strength to you has the right to control you, and i certaily do NOT think that this is a good message. Scaring your child with physical violence when they've done something wrong, instead of explaining what they have done, and why it is wrong, is bad parenting. But should bad parenting be illegal? No. And rational parents really don't just whack and wallop their kids willy nilly. They usually smack when they are stressed out majorly, at the end of their tether, and they lose their tempers. All natural human reactions to situations that get out of control. i think therefore, that a smack once in a blue moon, isn't a bad thing at all, and it CERTAINLY doesnt have any affects on the childs later life, unless they are weird kids anyway, or have been abused, etc. You can't make such things illegal!

In any case, smacking isn't half as bad as other parent-child conflicts. The screaming rows i have had with my mother have far more lasting, damaging effects, because things can be said that cannot be taken back. I would rather have got a clip round the ear than to hear some of the things i have heard, to be honest.

To the person who basically said "respect your parents, they have obviosly done something right, because you are clever and dont break the law etc...", all i'll say is that people dont owe their parents anything whatsoever, because noone asks to be born.
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Angelil
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#51
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#51
Exactly. Plus, try reasoning with a child when they are screaming and kicking and throwing tantrum of the year in front of 200 people in a shopping centre or something.
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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#52
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My mum had a wooden stick she called henry. We would "get" henry around the back of our legs (or any limb used to defend oneself) when my mums hands got sore from slapping us almost on a daily basis.
My mums always been a bit of a nutter with contant hormonal/anger problems, but I turned out ok.

It just took a while for me to stop flinching every time someone raised their voice, but I think it shaped who I am.
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sr4470
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#53
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#53
Violence isnt the way. However that doesnt mean I'm a rigid pacifist, I would defend myself.

Cottonmouth, you make some good points, particularly your last sentence.

Edit: In case anyone's wondering, my dad used excessive violence against me persistently for many years (and was generally very strict).
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bluedreamer
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#54
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#54
(Original post by Rusty33)
The fact that you can acknowledge that and that you see a distinction between commonly accepted "right and wrong" implies that you were capable of making choices that you could see a distinction in difference. That would imply that your mother instilled good values in you, but that you opted not to induce them for whatever other reason. One that was presumably an outside force; IE peer pressure, monetary advancement, etc

Simply put: Your Mom taught your right from wrong. You just chose not to exercise your better judgement. That's just part of growing up.
(Original post by Angelil)
If she's more well-behaved than you, chances are she started out that way and never needed a smack in the first place.
It’s more to do with the age difference. My mum was a lot younger when she had me - so she wasn't very mature.
Also I never actually did anything wrong. It was more what I said - I had great difficulty in keeping my mouth shut and not telling the truth. Also quite often I was used as her emotional punching bag. Like if she’s in a bad mood, she would hit me. I once got hit because she said something racial about my friend and I defended her ( my friend ). Another after she had a fight with my step dad.

She’s matured now ( my mum ) and a lot more forgiving i.e. she doesn't hit. Though she did hit my sister when she was younger, but that wasn't often - and unlike me, my sister keeps her mouth shut.
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SmuUsh
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#55
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(Original post by little_red_sox)
My mum had a wooden stick she called henry. We would "get" henry around the back of our legs (or any limb used to defend oneself) when my mums hands got sore from slapping us almost on a daily basis.
My mums always been a bit of a nutter with contant hormonal/anger problems, but I turned out ok.

It just took a while for me to stop flinching every time someone raised their voice, but I think it shaped who I am.
Violence is not right... it ruins a child mentally... i know because i am ruined mentally.... i am emotionally unstable and a child should never fgeel likee tis... i'm 16 and first suffered with depression when i was 13 because of what my sister did to me... she was encouraged by my mum who also hit me... sometimes... but my sister was the worst,. but now... it is making me stronger because one day i will show them what they do to me has done nothing other thhan strengtnhen me!
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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#56
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#56
(Original post by Mystical)
Violence is not right... it ruins a child mentally... i know because i am ruined mentally.... i am emotionally unstable and a child should never fgeel likee tis... i'm 16 and first suffered with depression when i was 13 because of what my sister did to me... she was encouraged by my mum who also hit me... sometimes... but my sister was the worst,. but now... it is making me stronger because one day i will show them what they do to me has done nothing other thhan strengtnhen me!
I totally agree with you. Even now I'm 21 I catch myself sometimes assuming the blame for something is mine, even when it blatantly wasn't. I have to talk myself down from thinking things are my fault, even silly things like people not turning up for meetings ect ect.

I had some awful beatings from my mum, it was almost something snapped inside her head and she wouldn't know when to stop. She also encouraged my older brother and sister to use violence, my older brother even used to come up to me at school and kick and punch me in front of my friends.. which made me a laughing stock and in turn a victim of bullies at school.

Its a joke now, but seriously, I was never without bruises on my legs. One of my teachers at school actually contacted social services but when they came to our house my mum turned into the doting self-less mother.

In those days I was very insecure and quiet, I never dared give my opinion on anything. I dont think I really got to know myself until my mum asked me to leave the house when I was 17. At the time I was heartbroken but the change in my personality was almost instantanious. People say I'm hardly recognisable these days. I certainly hope so.

She kicked out my two younger brothers when they were 16, and now neither one of them will even aknowledge she exists. They haven't spoken to my mum for nearly 3 years.

But having said all this, there is a BIG differece between smacking and bullying, but at the same time one can lead to the other only too quickly.
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lirael2
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#57
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#57
Smacking is something that happens when parents lose control a most of the time. I was hardly smacked when I was younger though i do think a got a couple of clips. I have 2 younger sisters and though they hardly get smacked they know they will if they do something wrong. I agree when people say that smacking is less harmfull then shouting. I hate shouting and was shouted at quiet a bit by my dad when i was little. But my and my younger sister that also got a little shouting turned out fine while the middle one who didn't is the problem teenager in my family. But can anyone say thats because she wasn't disaplined or just quiet which she was.
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SmuUsh
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#58
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#58
(Original post by little_red_sox)
I totally agree with you. Even now I'm 21 I catch myself sometimes assuming the blame for something is mine, even when it blatantly wasn't. I have to talk myself down from thinking things are my fault, even silly things like people not turning up for meetings ect ect.

I had some awful beatings from my mum, it was almost something snapped inside her head and she wouldn't know when to stop. She also encouraged my older brother and sister to use violence, my older brother even used to come up to me at school and kick and punch me in front of my friends.. which made me a laughing stock and in turn a victim of bullies at school.

Its a joke now, but seriously, I was never without bruises on my legs. One of my teachers at school actually contacted social services but when they came to our house my mum turned into the doting self-less mother.

In those days I was very insecure and quiet, I never dared give my opinion on anything. I dont think I really got to know myself until my mum asked me to leave the house when I was 17. At the time I was heartbroken but the change in my personality was almost instantanious. People say I'm hardly recognisable these days. I certainly hope so.

She kicked out my two younger brothers when they were 16, and now neither one of them will even aknowledge she exists. They haven't spoken to my mum for nearly 3 years.

But having said all this, there is a BIG differece between smacking and bullying, but at the same time one can lead to the other only too quickly.
I agree... I used to be in The army Cadets... i wen there to toughen up but couldn't go again when i got a bruise the size of a cd on my arm.. or even when i had a cut over 3 inches long on my back the bruising lasted so long and i was always in pain. even now i still have scars but the emotional damage is constant and never ending... the emotional damage is the worst part... having to cope with that is the hardest.
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SmuUsh
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#59
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(Original post by lirael2)
Smacking is something that happens when parents lose control a most of the time. I was hardly smacked when I was younger though i do think a got a couple of clips. I have 2 younger sisters and though they hardly get smacked they know they will if they do something wrong. I agree when people say that smacking is less harmfull then shouting. I hate shouting and was shouted at quiet a bit by my dad when i was little. But my and my younger sister that also got a little shouting turned out fine while the middle one who didn't is the problem teenager in my family. But can anyone say thats because she wasn't disaplined or just quiet which she was.
Neither is Right!
I would prefer to be shouted at... but apparently they didn't think i listened... I have learnt to hide away my feelings from them
because when they shout it makes them happy to see they are hurting me...
I agree though the one who got the least punishment has turned out worst... my older sister hits me now because hse was never punished for doing it when she was younger. She also is Now pregnant because she is trying to gain the parents attention... she is the worst in the family!... Also Violence witnessed by little family members is easily picked up... my 10 yr old sister hits me and when i push her away i get hit for hitting her but she is treated like the victim... the way parents treat they children is disgusting and i get sick of it... I have lived my 16 years alone with out their love but with their constant criticisms... All i have to say is a Family is people you love... i have no family... just people of Blood inheritance... i have no feelings for them and i will never have any feelings for them!
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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#60
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Thats exactly how it was under my mums roof. After being kicked, pinched, and slapped by my younger siblings, merely pushing them away would result in them screaming and crying, and all i had to look forward to then was another beating from my mum.

I think they did it because they saw it on a daily basis, and was subject to it themselves. Also the lack of punishment for their violence led them to assume it was normal.

And i have to agree that the emotional abuse is much worse than the physical. Of course there is a strong aire of emotional scarring when physical abuse takes place, but words can be much more harmful in some circumstances. I believe that my mother resented us for somehow taking her life away, she constantly got angry about not being able to do what she wanted with her life, and maybe she thought that we were purposely trying to mess hers up.

We all got the preverbial "You were a mistake, I couldnt get an abortion" bullcrap, but to be honest that never bothered me at all. What hurts is notion that I was a complete waste of her time, a pest in fact, who was only living under her roof because the law said I had to. She made me feel pathetic and useless.

At the moment my 2 younger sisters and my little brother are living with her, and its plain to see that they are getting it just as bad as we did, if not worse. They are confined to their bedrooms for most of the day and as horrible as it is, the others prefer not to go there to visit them as they are always crawling with headlice. They get bullied at school and the eldest of the 3 has all the self asteem of a fart in a trance. I'm totally at my wits end.

The last I heard was that my mums new husband (whom she married after a month) hits them too.

I just hope they have the sense to see its not their fault when they grow up.
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