I was much better when my parents hit me. I think I've turned into a lazy ***** right now, and my parents have gone too push over soft. They should shout more at me, I feel like they just don't care about my well being anymore.
I got smacked when I did rly bad things such as hit my mum (I was a lil boy bout 4-5) or when I hit my older sister. I also got hit whenever I got caught stealing stuff, which I did alot. I got beats with a toy tennis racket, slippers, a thin rod, and when I look back now (Im 18) I deserved it. I was a little prick. And, I know I've turned out better because of the beats. I look at my cousin, who is sooooo spoilt, never been touched, he's 14 and he still acts like a child. Its pathetic. A child needs a couple of smacks if they are rly bad.
I think smacking is a perfectly healthy parenting tool. The majority of the 'smackings' (they were actually beatings) I got as a child were from my teachers at school, and I believe they helped build me into the responsible person I am today. On the other hand, a few years ago, one of my friends actually passed away after being beaten by his father. I still believe though that an ocassional smacking can be beneficial to an unruly child.
Smacking was fine until psychiatrists started convincing people that it had "emotionally scarred" them.
I was smacked, and it worked - I learnt not to do things like throw massive tantrums in public places, or generally misbehave.
It's a tricky one. See, all hitting teaches a child is that a person who has superior strength to you has the right to control you, and i certaily do NOT think that this is a good message. Scaring your child with physical violence when they've done something wrong, instead of explaining what they have done, and why it is wrong, is bad parenting. But should bad parenting be illegal? No. And rational parents really don't just whack and wallop their kids willy nilly. They usually smack when they are stressed out majorly, at the end of their tether, and they lose their tempers. All natural human reactions to situations that get out of control. i think therefore, that a smack once in a blue moon, isn't a bad thing at all, and it CERTAINLY doesnt have any affects on the childs later life, unless they are weird kids anyway, or have been abused, etc. You can't make such things illegal!
In any case, smacking isn't half as bad as other parent-child conflicts. The screaming rows i have had with my mother have far more lasting, damaging effects, because things can be said that cannot be taken back. I would rather have got a clip round the ear than to hear some of the things i have heard, to be honest.
To the person who basically said "respect your parents, they have obviosly done something right, because you are clever and dont break the law etc...", all i'll say is that people dont owe their parents anything whatsoever, because noone asks to be born.
Exactly. Plus, try reasoning with a child when they are screaming and kicking and throwing tantrum of the year in front of 200 people in a shopping centre or something.
My mum had a wooden stick she called henry. We would "get" henry around the back of our legs (or any limb used to defend oneself) when my mums hands got sore from slapping us almost on a daily basis.
My mums always been a bit of a nutter with contant hormonal/anger problems, but I turned out ok.
It just took a while for me to stop flinching every time someone raised their voice, but I think it shaped who I am.
Violence isnt the way. However that doesnt mean I'm a rigid pacifist, I would defend myself.
Cottonmouth, you make some good points, particularly your last sentence.
Edit: In case anyone's wondering, my dad used excessive violence against me persistently for many years (and was generally very strict).
Smacking is something that happens when parents lose control a most of the time. I was hardly smacked when I was younger though i do think a got a couple of clips. I have 2 younger sisters and though they hardly get smacked they know they will if they do something wrong. I agree when people say that smacking is less harmfull then shouting. I hate shouting and was shouted at quiet a bit by my dad when i was little. But my and my younger sister that also got a little shouting turned out fine while the middle one who didn't is the problem teenager in my family. But can anyone say thats because she wasn't disaplined or just quiet which she was.
Thats exactly how it was under my mums roof. After being kicked, pinched, and slapped by my younger siblings, merely pushing them away would result in them screaming and crying, and all i had to look forward to then was another beating from my mum.
I think they did it because they saw it on a daily basis, and was subject to it themselves. Also the lack of punishment for their violence led them to assume it was normal.
And i have to agree that the emotional abuse is much worse than the physical. Of course there is a strong aire of emotional scarring when physical abuse takes place, but words can be much more harmful in some circumstances. I believe that my mother resented us for somehow taking her life away, she constantly got angry about not being able to do what she wanted with her life, and maybe she thought that we were purposely trying to mess hers up.
We all got the preverbial "You were a mistake, I couldnt get an abortion" bullcrap, but to be honest that never bothered me at all. What hurts is notion that I was a complete waste of her time, a pest in fact, who was only living under her roof because the law said I had to. She made me feel pathetic and useless.
At the moment my 2 younger sisters and my little brother are living with her, and its plain to see that they are getting it just as bad as we did, if not worse. They are confined to their bedrooms for most of the day and as horrible as it is, the others prefer not to go there to visit them as they are always crawling with headlice. They get bullied at school and the eldest of the 3 has all the self asteem of a fart in a trance. I'm totally at my wits end.
The last I heard was that my mums new husband (whom she married after a month) hits them too.
I just hope they have the sense to see its not their fault when they grow up.