Feeling Lonely at Uni..

Even though I've been at uni since October I still don't feel like I've actually made any real group of friends and its really depressing me. I have some really close people in my flat, and a girl on course but most other people are just aqaintances however apart from hanging out in the daytime etc we don't go out a lot as they both have there own sets of friends as well. I feel so lonely sometimes and its really depressing me.
There are two of my college mates up here as well, But I hardly ever see them as they have made their own friends and are out alot. I've been out with them a couple times but overall they don't really contact me.. I was meant to be out with one tonight but he hasn't contacted me at a today.(I cant get through to him.) I'm feeling pretty low about myself right now and wondering why I'm like this. I always was really cheery and friendly at college and had an amazing set of friends but I don't seem to have the same at uni and its bringing me down..(Its not the uni itself, I love it here and the course.)

It was nice to get that out.. :smile:

I Just dont know where to go from here.

Reply 1

Bohemianthinker

1

If you're fit, female and at York Uni... I might be able to help you out :wink:

If in the likely case no, join societies.

Reply 2

Clarence

14

First of all, make yourself some tea!! We're here to listen and i can sympathise alot! Maybe try and go up to some new people when you go out, try and make sure that you speak to your friends alot more, find out whats going on in their lives, be interested in what they have to say.
I know sometimes it may feel that you're putting all the effort in but you never know, they might feel the same also.
Maybe invite everyone round for a meal or a couple of drinks! Hold a themed night or something!! I'm sure everything will work out ok!! It always does!!!
Think positive and good luck!!

C xx xx

Reply 3

browzer-911

5

I'm sort of the same. dont really have any great friends at uni or a good group of friends i just seem to get on "well" with anyone i meet. Dosent really get me down though as i have no problem going up to random strangers and initiating a conversation aslong as we have something in common no matter how small (eg being at uni) and have some good lifelong mates back home.

Its easy to meet people if you can share a liking for something immediately. If you have snow about like we did today, go up to some random people who are building a snowman and ask if you can help them do it. Basically you make instant friends with people. I met at least 20 new faces today through the united love of snow!

Reply 4

Clarence

14

Snow....bringing the world together!!! If only Iraq had snow eh?

Reply 5

XavierTroy

1

I'm the kind of guy who has always had a small number of friends for a number of reasons but I find I like it alot more. We have closer relationships than if you have a load of friends and I think there si a higher degree of reliability. What I would focus on, if you have one or two people you see alot and really get on with, is doing something just with them to form a singular relationship rather tahn worrying about initially getting into their crowd. If you develop a strong enough relationship with that specific person they'll probably be more likely to incorperate you into their group outings... as it were. :smile:

Reply 6

Dramatic Star

2

I can sympathise with your situation. I'm in pretty much the same situation & it isn't nice. Everyone gets this image that when you get to uni you make loads of friends as soon as you get there & for most people that isn't true. Yeah, some people do, but it is unlikely that these friends will last very long.....

It gets me down still though but then I realise the friends I have made are really special & I'd rather have them than loads of 'friends', none of which I was particularly close to. Sometimes quality rules over quantity. :smile:

Just give it time. Your circle of friends will widen as you approach your second year. Join clubs & talk to more people. You will be suprised to find a lot of people that feel like you.

Hope it all works out for the best! xx

Reply 7

SamTheMan

17

Anonymous

Even though I've been at uni since October I still don't feel like I've actually made any real group of friends and its really depressing me. I have some really close people in my flat, and a girl on course but most other people are just aqaintances however apart from hanging out in the daytime etc we don't go out a lot as they both have there own sets of friends as well. I feel so lonely sometimes and its really depressing me.
There are two of my college mates up here as well, But I hardly ever see them as they have made their own friends and are out alot. I've been out with them a couple times but overall they don't really contact me.. I was meant to be out with one tonight but he hasn't contacted me at a today.(I cant get through to him.) I'm feeling pretty low about myself right now and wondering why I'm like this. I always was really cheery and friendly at college and had an amazing set of friends but I don't seem to have the same at uni and its bringing me down..(Its not the uni itself, I love it here and the course.)

It was nice to get that out.. :smile:

I Just dont know where to go from here.

You get on well with your flatmates. That's already a start. It doesn't seem like you have no social life. You're just adapting and probably haven't been in that situation before. At least you have people you get on with. From there, you should look into getting out, suggesting plans to the friends you already have, meeting people on your course...

What's a "girl on course"?

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

i guess if you introduce your coursemate to your flatmates would be a start, then if they get on, you kind of have a group, and maybe arrange a nite out and ask them to bring all their friends along and u may make friends with their friends too....
i doubt my advice is very good t though as i feel lonely too, i have made a group of friends, but i just feel like i dont have anything in common with them, and i sometimes get the feeling they dont like me that much! and i dont really know anyone except for them...so i dont know how to meet new people as everyones friendship groups seemed to have settled down now! any advice of getting out of this rut i feel stuck in?!?!

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

I'm in sort of the same situation as you are. I'm in my 2nd year of college, and i hardly have any friends there. I've made a couple good friends, but no one i can just randomly call up for a chat.
As im quite a shy girl, I fiind it hard to make friends, so i'm kinda scared about starting uni in september.

with your situation its probably a confidance thing (i know i have that problem), hopefully joining societies and catching up with the friends you already have will make a big difference

good luck :wink:

Reply 10

The Ninja

11

It seems that lonliness isn't that uncommon then after reading a few other peoples stories. At times uni can feel really good and things happent to make you feel on top of the world. Other times nothing happens, but you still feel like ****. I always get bouts of feeling lonely, and I doubt there's much you can do to help feeling that sense of being alone, even if you're not.

Reply 11

Talon

18

Ive found that whenever I get lonely a few hours of Stargate really cheers me up :smile:

.

That or keep busy.

Been stressful atm picking out next years accom (found it now though).

Recently I have been having the slightly stranger feelings of loneliness (sp?). I can be in the pub with a group of friends who are having a laugh and I still manage to feel completely alone.

BAH!

So no, you arent alone in these feelings.

Reply 12

Unregistered

i can relate, i go to UEA and i am in my first year, but i live out of the city with my boyfriend. I do feel lonely and have not really made any friends, but i suppose my situation is different in that i have my social life where i live.

Bohemianthinker

If you're fit, female and at York Uni... I might be able to help you out :wink:

If in the likely case no, join societies.

You read my mind exactly and posted exactly what I was thinking...lol :p:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks Guys :smile:

, Assessing it in the morning I am lucky to have my two flatmates as they really are great people, Its just occasionally there quite intellectual and I feel totally out of my league! They have met the girl on my course, and I used to hang around a lot with her flat at the start of last term but after another girl flatmates treated me really badly (She used to treat me like dirt to be honest and always made fun of me) I didn't really go around her flat anymore.
I have done the club thing and met people, But It always seems to be the casual stage, and I never really see any of them out of the soc, But I'm going to join some more in the summer and see what happens. I suppose the main reason I feel like this alot is because of talking to my friends from home and hearing what there getting up to, Its inevitable your just going to compare your experience to them I suppose.

Anonymous

Thanks Guys :smile:

, Assessing it in the morning I am lucky to have my two flatmates as they really are great people, Its just occasionally there quite intellectual and I feel totally out of my league! They have met the girl on my course, and I used to hang around a lot with her flat at the start of last term but after another girl flatmates treated me really badly (She used to treat me like dirt to be honest and always made fun of me) I didn't really go around her flat anymore.
I have done the club thing and met people, But It always seems to be the casual stage, and I never really see any of them out of the soc, But I'm going to join some more in the summer and see what happens. I suppose the main reason I feel like this alot is because of talking to my friends from home and hearing what there getting up to, Its inevitable your just going to compare your experience to them I suppose.

It's the comparing what I do to what others say they do which always makes me feel terrible. I too am not sure what to do about it. I always feel as though I'm wasting time in whcih I could be doing something fun and interesting like other people seem to be doing. But then I can never think of what to do, nor do I want to try and bother people (ie my amtes) to ask them if they fancy doing something...even if it is ust going for a drink.

I mean I really want to do something today, to get out of the house and have some fun, but I don't want to disturb my mates just in case they are already busy.

I know I should just phone or text them and ask, but I still don't....even though when ever I have in the past, the answer is normally, ''Yes they do want to meet up''.

Maybe you should do that too, even with the people you might feel you only know quite well. Just ask them if they want to go shopping or for a drink or that there is this film you want to see and you were wondering if they wanted to se it too.

Maybe I should put my own words into pactice too...be we have nothing to lose by doing all this. The worst that can happen is that they say no and we lose an opportunty to make a better friend....you won't be in any worse postion than you were before you asked will you?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Roger Kirk

It's the comparing what I do to what others say they do which always makes me feel terrible. I too am not sure what to do about it. I always feel as though I'm wasting time in whcih I could be doing something fun and interesting like other people seem to be doing. But then I can never think of what to do, nor do I want to try and bother people (ie my amtes) to ask them if they fancy doing something...even if it is ust going for a drink.

I mean I really want to do something today, to get out of the house and have some fun, but I don't want to disturb my mates just in case they are already busy.

I know I should just phone or text them and ask, but I still don't....even though when ever I have in the past, the answer is normally, ''Yes they do want to meet up''.

Maybe you should do that too, even with the people you might feel you only know quite well. Just ask them if they want to go shopping or for a drink or that there is this film you want to see and you were wondering if they wanted to se it too.

Maybe I should put my own words into pactice too...be we have nothing to lose by doing all this. The worst that can happen is that they say no and we lose an opportunty to make a better friend....you won't be in any worse postion than you were before you asked will you?

Thats true, I think you should call one of them up! Im stuck in doing an essay today But it has to be done sadly.

Anonymous

Thats true, I think you should call one of them up! Im stuck in doing an essay today But it has to be done sadly.

I sort of did. I texted someone to ask how they were and that I was bored. We ended up meeting for a coffee. I've just got back in now. I've also texted another mate to see if they are free this evening and fancy a quiet drink or something like that. I doubt they will be free, but I'll wait and see.

So if you're ever feeling a bit lonely or want someone to talk to, just contact anyone. I'm sure someone will want to talk or meet up with you :smile:

It does work, but I think you have to sometimes make the first move, just like with anything really...you can't always rely on other people or things just happening....(oh how I really wish I would follow some of my own advice more often...lol)

Feeling Lonely at Uni..

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