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Under serious pressure
I know I shouldn't really be ranting to everyone about this but it's really upsetting me now and I just needed to get it out.
Basically I'm Muslim. I got 4A's at AS level and applied for English at unis including Durham, York, Leeds and Manchester. The only reason I applied to Manchester was because my parents wanted me to stay at home (I live there obviously.) I really didn't want to apply but did it since I felt I could give up just one of my six choices. I also expected to get offers from AAA unis so didn't think Manchester being AAB would even have to be considered.
But after having been rejected from Durham and with offers from Leeds, Manchester and Sheffield, I'm in a difficult situation.
Out of the three I'd go to Leeds because the course is better and I wanna get away from here and start a fresh. But my parents are putting INCREDIBLE pressure on me to go to Mcr saying that Muslim girls cannot live away from home as it's too dangerous and there's too much risk of me losing my religion, especially since hardly any Muslims/Asians apply for English.
It's horrible because I really had my heart set on York and it's likely I'll receive a rejection. I don't want to be even MORE miserable by going to a uni I hate for 3 years of my life. I know I'll be miserable.
They're willing to sacrifice my happiness, ambitions, personal preference just for the sake of staying at home and 'preserving my goodness.' They don't trust me at all.
What can I do? It's a horrid, horrid situation. I couldn't bear going to Manchester. I'm unhappy enough about Leeds because I really had my heart set on Durham or York but this pressure makes everything so much worse.
Why can't they see that I can survive on my own and still maintain my religion away from home? It's not really my religion if I'm guarded at home and unable to make decisions for myself.
I hate this backwardness. I hate it. I just will not spend three years in misery to please my family who think they know what's best for me. I just can't.
I know the financial situation will be better at home but that is a tiny advantage in the grand scheme of things. But I know how gutted they will be if I choose Leeds. They'll never support me fully and my family means everything to me.
I just can't win.
Basically I'm Muslim. I got 4A's at AS level and applied for English at unis including Durham, York, Leeds and Manchester. The only reason I applied to Manchester was because my parents wanted me to stay at home (I live there obviously.) I really didn't want to apply but did it since I felt I could give up just one of my six choices. I also expected to get offers from AAA unis so didn't think Manchester being AAB would even have to be considered.
But after having been rejected from Durham and with offers from Leeds, Manchester and Sheffield, I'm in a difficult situation.
Out of the three I'd go to Leeds because the course is better and I wanna get away from here and start a fresh. But my parents are putting INCREDIBLE pressure on me to go to Mcr saying that Muslim girls cannot live away from home as it's too dangerous and there's too much risk of me losing my religion, especially since hardly any Muslims/Asians apply for English.
It's horrible because I really had my heart set on York and it's likely I'll receive a rejection. I don't want to be even MORE miserable by going to a uni I hate for 3 years of my life. I know I'll be miserable.
They're willing to sacrifice my happiness, ambitions, personal preference just for the sake of staying at home and 'preserving my goodness.' They don't trust me at all.
What can I do? It's a horrid, horrid situation. I couldn't bear going to Manchester. I'm unhappy enough about Leeds because I really had my heart set on Durham or York but this pressure makes everything so much worse.
Why can't they see that I can survive on my own and still maintain my religion away from home? It's not really my religion if I'm guarded at home and unable to make decisions for myself.
I hate this backwardness. I hate it. I just will not spend three years in misery to please my family who think they know what's best for me. I just can't.
I know the financial situation will be better at home but that is a tiny advantage in the grand scheme of things. But I know how gutted they will be if I choose Leeds. They'll never support me fully and my family means everything to me.
I just can't win.
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go go go to leeds if that is the best uni option. my parents wanted me to stay in brum but i didnt even bother applying as i knew i had to get away. they were disappointed that i left but theyve seen me grow so much, i am so much closer to them now. they know it has done me the world of good to have to look after myself as i was pretty spoilt before. as for losing your religion, there's not a chance of that if you don't want it to happen. there are so many societies here at leeds where you can keep hold of your identity. there are a few islamic societies. you could get some info on them and show your parents that youre planning to join. i live with two muslim girls and they do just great in leeds. pm me if you need any info. tell your parents your parents you need to do this for yourself, it'll definitely bring you closer together. good luck!
Anonymous
as it's too dangerous and there's too much risk of me losing my religion, especially since hardly any Muslims/Asians apply for English.
really?
Thats interesting, they really think that you could lose your religion if you went away? can't you reassure them that your religion is something that you can't just lose as it goes deeper than that?
also, then can't you lie and tell them your got rejected from manchester.. OR>> ring up manchester, and tell them to reject you and the reasons why... I'm sure they'll be understanding. (plus as ur predicted good grades u should get in elsewhere ok) If they're really worried about you applying for english couldnt you turn it around a little bit and say the reason you're applying for it is because hardly any muslims/asians apply to it and you could make lots of money being an interpreter (sorry this is assuming you speak another language too) or teaching english to muslims new to this country? that'd at least put the course into a more postive light in their eyes?
PS: dont worry about finance away from home, you get extra for living away, plus also the amount you pay back depends on how much u earn, not how much u borrow.
anyhows, good luck...
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...u are in the EXACT same position that i am...i wanna do medicine at kings...but my parents want me to stay at home in birmingham....its making me SOOOOOOOO stressed!!!.....I asked them don't you trust me...they fobbed me of wiv some excuse about trusting me...but not trusting other people..omg what does that even meaaan!! lol...anyway...all i no is im gna keeeeeeeeeep fighting..cz like u i dont wanna spend 5 years of my life somehwere i dont like!!...so girl...jus keep fighting man, keep pushin em...after like months...ive been able to convince my dad...but my mum is still a FIRM no...gta keep tryin man!!
aSian_cUtY
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG...u are in the EXACT same position that i am...i wanna do medicine at kings...but my parents want me to stay at home in birmingham....its making me SOOOOOOOO stressed!!!.....I asked them don't you trust me...they fobbed me of wiv some excuse about trusting me...but not trusting other people..omg what does that even meaaan!! lol...anyway...all i no is im gna keeeeeeeeeep fighting..cz like u i dont wanna spend 5 years of my life somehwere i dont like!!...so girl...jus keep fighting man, keep pushin em...after like months...ive been able to convince my dad...but my mum is still a FIRM no...gta keep tryin man!!
just put it down as your firm! seriously, what are they going to do about it? thats what i did and at the end of the day they had no choice but to support me.
Are you a muslim? and second...even now ur goin to uni...are they still grudging against you for not listening to them?
aSian_cUtY
Are you a muslim? and second...even now ur goin to uni...are they still grudging against you for not listening to them?
no i'm hindu. they don't begrudge me at all now really. but they are worried that i'm influencing my sister to apply outside of birmingham. they're working on her to stay at home but she's not having any of it either!
ok..so how did you tell them? or what did they do when they found out? did ya get a million lectures lol
Yeah I am Muslim and very much want to be in the future.
Yes they are holding grudges and generally being very, very difficult about this.
My parents said exactly the same thing about 'not trusting others' etc.
Are they all this daft? If we're going to be Muslim, then we'll be Muslim of our own bloody accord and nobody elses. I'm hardly going to 'be good' at home only for the sake of pleasing my parents. It's for me.
Do they not understand the concept of conscience?
Arggghh this is beyond ridiculous. But I'm outnumbered.
Yes they are holding grudges and generally being very, very difficult about this.
My parents said exactly the same thing about 'not trusting others' etc.
Are they all this daft? If we're going to be Muslim, then we'll be Muslim of our own bloody accord and nobody elses. I'm hardly going to 'be good' at home only for the sake of pleasing my parents. It's for me.
Do they not understand the concept of conscience?
Arggghh this is beyond ridiculous. But I'm outnumbered.
Sorry...realised that was to the person above.
aSian_cUtY
ok..so how did you tell them? or what did they do when they found out? did ya get a million lectures lol
yeah i got a million lectures. about money, about safety, about looking after myself (cooking etc). i just said that it was something i had to do for myself, because if i didn't leave at that point, when all my friends were leaving too, then i'd be left behind and i'd never leave. i'd always be relying on them and i'd never learn to do anything for myself. i had all sorts of bribes...'ooh we'll buy you car so you can drive to uni if you stay at home'. but you should see them now, they are so proud of me and who i've become! do it, it's so worth it.
MY GOD.
They literally are all the same.
I got exactly the same bribe.
And all the crap about money and expenses etc...
They literally are all the same.
I got exactly the same bribe.
And all the crap about money and expenses etc...
El Scotto
ring up manchester, and tell them to reject you and the reasons why... I'm sure they'll be understanding.
ring up manchester, and tell them to reject you and the reasons why... I'm sure they'll be understanding.
An excellent plan...
Anonymous
MY GOD.
They literally are all the same.
I got exactly the same bribe.
And all the crap about money and expenses etc...
They literally are all the same.
I got exactly the same bribe.
And all the crap about money and expenses etc...
hmm, asian parents are all the same. they're just very protective of their daughters. but they do love us and they think they're right by wanting us to stay at home, but when it comes to the crunch they will support you whatever you decide to do because they love you. you just have to be brave enough to keep on telling them!
President_Ben
An excellent plan...
Would be if the offer letter hadn't already arrived and been opened by my dad...
OMGGG...my mum the other day goes to me...'im only buying you a car if you go to birmingham uniii...omg every dirty trick under the book...u no ive considered using a dirty trick bk...sayin that i dont wanna do medicine if they gna send me to bham uni...dude u cant spend 5 years of your life pleasing your parents while hating everything yourself...i wish they would understand that!!!!
Anonymous
Would be if the offer letter hadn't already arrived and been opened by my dad...
Persuade them to send a new letter saying they f.ed up and the previous letter was a mistake.
Alternatively, deliberate f. up the exams, resit etc.
Will = Way
Screw your parents. It does sound a bit harsh, but after watching one of my mates have a horrid first year because he choose a subject under pressure from his dad, I can safely say the temporary relief of them not being upset with you will pale in comparison to what you will suffer as a result of their decision.
Your parents will always be there for you, but you will never get these next few years back.
*Jaded
Your parents will always be there for you, but you will never get these next few years back.
*Jaded
^^^parents getting a little upset is a huge understatement! It's a question of what you want vs. What your parents want?...Since your going to be living that life, it should be up to you to decide, all ive got to say is...if you really want to go leeds...than keep at it, keep tellin them you want to go again and again, that is what i am doing, and it wore of on my dad finally, but still got to convince mum!!
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