Weird friends with benefits situation

REALLY long post, but I need help :frown:

I've been friends with a guy for wellll over a year now. We're really amazing friends, we just clicked as soon as we met. People always think we're a couple -we've never been one though- and we're kinda seen as absolutely, 100% close.
And we are. We just don't get to see each other that often because of uni etc.
But last summer, something happened between us when we were drunk, and at the time it felt like a natural progression. My best friend used to say we were "married", we were that comfortable with each other.
Of course, the gap between that happening (he had to leave the next morning), and the next time I saw him (late december)was quite big, and I just put it down to a one night drunken messabout. We never actually talked about it, kinda just carried on as usual.
But then the next time I saw him, the exact same thing happened, and I think it might've gone further if the house hadn't had someone in every single room, lol. The night after that, we weren't THAT drunk (i was a bit moreso than him), and again, some stuff happened. Again, no discussion.

It's not really bothered me until now, because I'm starting to miss him again. What do you think it all meant? I know he wasn't just using me because believe me, that's not him at ALL. We were always cuddly as hell during the day, but at night, things just seemed to happen naturally.

I don't know how to talk to him about it (I probably won't get the chance to see him face to face for at least another month, and that's where I want to discuss it). Normally, I'd say absolutely anything to him. Normally, I'd discuss this sort of problem with him. But obviously, I can't.

I just don't want to lose him as a friend, but I also don't want to lose him as potentially something more.

Advice?

Reply 1

Mark S

17

i think jhe likes you :wink:

Reply 2

poser

Markus Angelsdaughter

i think jhe likes you :wink:

again, a useless pointless boring spamming post by the one and only markus. YOUR BORING MATE GET A NEW HOBBY.

I just think when two people of the opposite sex hang around together ALOT its just natural for one of both to start liking the other more than a friend.

I have a really really good mate (female) who i have known only for 4/5 months now. We see each other all the time, i prob see her more than anyone else. There was no attraction between us at all to begin with and it was only a couple of weeks ago she told me she likes me more tha a friend :frown:

I dont feel the same way and just had to go with 'dont wana ruin our friendship' type thing.

I would probably suggest the same after reading what situation your in. Your both at different uni's? Firstly long distant relationships suck, secondly your both young and long distant relationships shouldnt be an option, thirdly .. different uni's.. hes a bloke - you will never know what he gets up to and finally, your excellent friends why ruin it? If you do decide to have a relationship you may ruin any friendship completely if you end on bad terms.

I reckon when you see him you should tell him it's a bad idea getting too close becuase One of you will probably get hurt or frustrated with the long distance thing. Anyway its late, i dunno what im sayin.. hope any of it helps.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

I don't really want a relationship with him at the moment, so that's not too much of an issue. If he's getting with other people at uni, I wouldn't really mind, because there's no way we're really together.
But it's just one of those relationships that you can kinda see yourself being fantastically elderly and arthritic with, and still be really coupley over a bottle or ten of smirnoff.
I don't want to mess up a great friendship by bringing up something which couldn't really even happen for another 3 or 4 years.

He's everything a best friend and amazing boyfriend should be. If circumstances were different and we'd met at uni, we probably WOULD be together, truth be told.
Just wanna know where he stands :frown:

Reply 4

beanie

1

Maybe you need to stay of the drink when you're with each other for awhile... as you're at different unis its probably not the best idea to get together, esspecially as you'd be putting your friendship on the line. My best friend is a guy and we are very similar, there is no sexual attraction and nothing has ever happened between us and hopefully never will, but he is a part of me... apparently we act like a married couple anyway :rolleyes:

...if something happened between us I'd be feeling similar to you.... you need to talk to him, ask him why its happening- is it a '6 of 1 half a dozen of the other' situation or not? Perhaps its because you've been missing each other? I'm more 'cuddly' with my mate when we've not seen each other for awhile and we need the closeness... but 'things' have never happened, and they never will.

There is a chance you will end up together in the future, you don't know. Or maybe you'll remain best friends and grow old gracefully together- thats what our plan is! But you need to talk to him, find out where you stand because its not good for either of you for this to keep happening as well, it could potetionally destroy your relationship if one is wanting more than the other.

Reply 5

Talon

18

Yet it sounds to me like you would make a good couple.

And ignore poser. LDRs can work (depending on the couple in question).

Reply 6

shinytoy

18

it keeps happening. i think you both want more and should discuss it. after all, you werent drunk all those times.it might eb a month before you see him, but you can stilll call him everyday

Reply 7

Comp_Genius

4

Markus Angelsdaughter

Because the guy got pissed and stabbed him in the neck and twice in the back. Happened just after my last lesson

Oh. So the same person did the assault and the insult about the boy's mother?

Intuitively you would think that the boy whose mother was insulted would murder the person who insulted his mum.

Reply 8

Mark S

17

darkenergy

Intuitively you would think that the boy whose mother was insulted would murder the person who insulted his mum.

The guy whose mother was insulted did stab the guy who insulted his mother. I wasnt making myself clear last time.

Btw the guy hasnt died yet, my mistake. He's fighting for his life in hospital though. Was on BBC news earlier.

Reply 9

Comp_Genius

4

Markus Angelsdaughter

A kid in my school got murdered yesterday because someone insulted his mother, they were 14 yrs old.

Reply 10

Mark S

17

darkenergy

lol im not making any sense am i

no.

poser

different uni's.. hes a bloke - you will never know what he gets up to

Rude!

I think both sexes are equally prone to straying thoughts in that situation.

Reply 13

34253

2

It seems like you are a natural couple just go for it.

Reply 14

Agrippina

15

Why did my post in this thread get deleted? It was surely more relevant to the topic than all these random insults.

Reply 15

SamTheMan

17

Starting a relationship based on a casual physical relationship? Can be tricky... at the moment he sees you in a certain way, in a friends with benefits way. Jumping to a proper relationship can be very tricky.

Good luck anyway.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

I hate to drag up ancient threads, but this one is mine and the problem's back :p:

I saw him again quite recently, and this time we definitely hadn't had enough to drink to be DRUNK, just the normal couple of drinks you have when you're catching up with a friend? Anyway, we were watching a film in his room, chatting away about everything under the sun, and then we just started kissing again. It was like we were an ACTUAL couple this time though...it didn't get as far as it had done previously, but it was still really intense. We still haven't spoken about "us"...but a couple more tequilas and I'm certain I would've brought it up. I was just about ready to, but I was too comfortable cuddled up to him.

Any advice on how to bring it up? I'm seeing him next week, so that's when I can discuss it.

Reply 17

sophieliz

12

What is wrong with friends with benefits as long as neither of you are in other relationships, I say.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

But the thing is, "friends with benefits" sounds so tacky and cheap. We're really not like that. It's not some seedy motel set-up...it's like kissing and everything that leads from that is just a natural progression of our relationship. Not some premeditated assault on someone else's tongue incase we don't get a shag in the next week.

I need to talk to him to see what the boundaries are...because even though we're not a couple, I think he'd be fairly upset if I got a boyfriend. Vice versa.

"Even when you're not being a couple you'll always be a couple". I've lost count of how many times people have said that to us. OC geeks at heart. It was even his MSN name once.

Eurgh.

Reply 19

SamTheMan

17

Anonymous

But the thing is, "friends with benefits" sounds so tacky and cheap. We're really not like that. It's not some seedy motel set-up...it's like kissing and everything that leads from that is just a natural progression of our relationship. Not some premeditated assault on someone else's tongue incase we don't get a shag in the next week.

I need to talk to him to see what the boundaries are...because even though we're not a couple, I think he'd be fairly upset if I got a boyfriend. Vice versa.

"Even when you're not being a couple you'll always be a couple". I've lost count of how many times people have said that to us. OC geeks at heart. It was even his MSN name once.

Eurgh.

If he found you so great, why didn't he ever want to be seen as your boyfriend?

Yet you say that people see you around and think you're a couple? Do people know that you're an "item"?

This situation might be different but usually if a guy chooses to have a friends with benefits relationship, it's often because he doesn't like a girl enough or isn't attracted enough by the girl, to go out with her. Sure they won't tell the girl that... that would be shooting himself in the foot.

Weird friends with benefits situation

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