The Student Room Group

Messed Up

Sorry about this post, there's so many similar posts.

Basically, I've always been shy up until about year 10, when I 'joined' a group of friends and the notorious house party phase began and my confidence grew.

That is when I met a great girl and felt euphoric just talking to her! We hitit off big time and I went out with her for six months until I screwed it up by lying :frown:.

Anyway she dumped me and went out with another guy two days later, which was partly my fault for wanting 100% attention, being too clingy etc.

Thats when I started self-destruction! Drinking heavily, bunking off school, staying up late, doing drugs and basically not giving a **** about anything.

I got kicked out of school in year 12 and went to a different school and started smoking weed all the time, and so the paranoia set in, but I managed to scrape into a good uni from grades at another school.

However, I've been put on a corridor off of the main hall with people who are older and self-catered, probably because this uni was my insurance choice. So subsequently, I only have a few friends from different halls, who have their own set of friends.

Now I'm drinking and smoking and doing drugs more than ever to fill the gap. I feel so lonely and depressed -I've got mates but I really like this girl but the paranoia means I just cannot talk to her, whereas I can talk to anyone else.

Also, I'm missing seminars/lectures and scared I'm going to get myself kicked out.

I'm so paranoid that I have to wait until the kitchen is empty before I go in! A few years ago I wouldn't have cared. Anyway, I really like her, any suggestions on this big mess?

Sorry for the whole life story, but I need guidance!
Reply 1
Well maybe you could start by kicking the drug and smoking, and maybe cut down on the booze.
Reply 2
yeh I know I should but it's hard - It's a vicious circle
Reply 3
Well it this way: you HAVE to do it...thats how I make myself do things...
I'd start by building up more stable friendship bases. book an appointment with your personal tutor, and outline that you've 'been bad' but you want to really try to get back on top of things... spend a couple of weekends solidly catching up work, and really make an effort with your friends from other halls. Maybe get a job. That instantly exposes you to more people. Once you feel more secure with your friendship base, THEN go after girls and things. In this state you'll probably crack if you go for her and she rejects you. You need confidence first, and the best place to find this is from a group of friends, or one close partner. As it's risky finding a stable partner in your state, (neither would I advise finding a girlfriend for this purpose alone) work gradually on your friendship base.

Nothing's going to work overnight, but help yourself for once.
Reply 5
Thanks for all your responses :smile: I used to have a job, but I'm so unreliable because I hate jobs, but I suppose as was said, I have to.

I'll try my hardest to follow your suggestions as they seem sensible, but I think i've lost willpower! Sometimes I try every once and again to sort it all out but as soon as I hit a problem then the usual response would be to get off of my face and not care about anything.

Sometimes I'm scared that I will never return to the organised, confident person I was before.

Anyway, I really appreciate your responses! I'll stop whinging now.