gaining weight - getting healthy - why do i hate it?

I'm sorry - this is more of a rant than anything else i just have to get it out of my system... and i know some people find anonymous postings frustrating so im sorry but i just think i may regret this rant in the morning - at the moment i am just not thinking straight,

im currently quite severely underweight... not strictly suffering from "anorexia nervosa" - not quite sure what i was classified as but anyway i am trying to gain weight - which i know sounds easy to say "just eat more" but i face what is a major psychological barrier... i jsut dont want to - but for health reasons i know i have to and so am tryinf to change this frame of mind

before anyone says anything - yes i am seeing a doctor for regular check ups and am looking into counselling - it just doesnt look like anything is going to be happening for a while...

but today i had my weekly weighing session and it had gone up - everyone was very happy - except me

everyone keeps telling me its a good thing but i cant help but be so frustrated and upset that ive gained weight - even though thats almost what ive been tryinf to do - it just scares me that it actually happens

also i had gained more than i expected - which scares me that its going to escalate out of control

i dont really know what im expecting from this post - i know that the best person to talk to would be the counsellor/ doctor or whatever - its just that wont be for a while and i needed to get this off my chest.

sorry - im really not thinking straight right now im jsut so confused with my own thoughts (and i am aware how overdramatic this all sounds - again - sorry!)

ARHG...

Reply 1

chel

It doesnt sound over dramatic at all. every one has there own personal battles, this is yours. I know exactly how you feel though, my sister was severely ill with anorexia and i have had my own issues with weight and what your feeling is very common. the idea of weight 'escalating out of control' in particular. its hard for me to say this wont happen as im sure thats what anyone would say. to be honest what it took for me to be ok (never overly happy but feeling better about it at least) to gain weight was coming to uni, as here im away from ppl controlling me trying to pressure me into gaining weight and most importantly im happier than at home. its all very well for doctors etc to say gain weight for health but the key (i think) is to work out y u lost the weight in the first place. its a bit of a catch 22 tho because apparently your mind doesnt work properly below a certain bmi and thus you cant really sort your head out.

Im sorry if what ive said hasnt been all that reassuring. but at least you know what your feeling is normal. the nhs is a bit **** when it comes to counselling etc so you need to rely on your friends and family etc to a certain extent but mostly yourself. try and find an eating routine that you can control as from my experience when ppl start forcing you to eat more than your comfortable with you want to eat way less, kind of rebel.

Any way this has turned into a bit of a ramble. im not posting anonomously so if you want to pm me for more ranting or advice please do.

Reply 2

Kitty-S

I am also rather underweight and have been trying (rather unsuccessfully) to gain weight for months.

I know what you mean about the barrier. Mine is the fact that I hated my body for so long, got used to it, then found out I need to put on weight. And also the fact that my boyfriend really likes my figure (he wants me to put on weight, but I'm worried he won't find me attractive if I do).

One thing you need to consider is that not everyone needs to be the same weight. You need to take into account your BMI (google if unsure). Don't be pressurised by under-8-stone celebrities, as your height might mean you need to be a lot heavier than that.

With regards to anorexia, I'm not really sure what would constitute having this. Maybe if you are obsessed with food, plan meals beforehand, avoid certain foods.

Are you happy with the way you look at the minute? If you are, then this could be your barrier.

I don't really know if this has helped or what to say - as you said, you didn't know what you were expecting - but best of luck with your situation. xxxxx

Reply 3

No Future

Not overdramatic, quite understandable. It would def be a good idea to get counselling, though be warned most docs are somewhat unsympathetic and will not help. From a purely physiological perspective, you have the choice of gaining or not gaining. Is it a health necessity for you to gain? What are the advantages and disavantages of each?

In any case it is clearly difficult for anyone to accept such a huge change in their body and if you could communicate this to others, perhaps they would be more understanding?

For the out of control feeling; yes, this is also quite undestandable. It would be worth bearing in mind that the docs really only want you to be at a "healthy" weight, nobody wants to make you gain forever. Remember that at higher weights one requires more food intake to maintain their weight so for example one might gain weight if they ate 2500 cals at 6st, but by the time they reach 8st they may maintain their weight on 2500. Can you speak to a nutritionist for advice? Perhaps this would alleviate your anxiety? They could help you with a structured plan so you feel safer that it won't be out of control.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thank you for all your replies...
Apparently for health reasons i do need to gain weight - i say "apparently" because yes - according to my BMI it is well below the "healthy range" but i feel fine, and am coping fine - not encountering any health problems. but i know that my body is probably not coping as well as i think it is - but even though ive been having regular check ups and blood tests etc. theyve always come back as normal...
also i dont look in the mirror and think "oh my god im so thin" - yes i am thinner than most people but i dont feel emanciated or anything - this may be the disorder speaking...
as chel said i think im suffering a whole "catch 22" situation - the disorder is probably confusing me/ preventing me from seeing what is really there - i just cant battle this voice in my head which really doesnt want me to gain any weight...

Reply 5

mini_mad

If you are anorexic I doubt you would look in the mirror and think of yourself as thin I know I never did. Gaining weight after anorexia is always horrible as if you'v cut back or stopped eating for a long time your metabolism slows and when you try to gain weight you often end up feeling heavier than you've ever been. When I was anorexic I didnt feel awful at the start but I was at extremes before I really did anything about my weight and before I did something about it I was constantly tired and depressed and I also had muscle loss which is still affecting me a couple of years on. Maybe tell your worries to your doctor and they can help to get you a counsellor quicker. Good luck x