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How do you start getting over someone?
Okay, I've known this person for quite a while (at least a year or two). A few months ago we started talking a lot more online, over the phone, with text messages, etc. He lives at least two hours away from me (we met online), and two months ago, we finally met up. Everything was great, etc. until a week later when I broke up with him, because I felt he didn't deserve someone like me (I've got depression and I just felt he could do a lot better). We've been close friends since, and we flirt. He knows I'm still hung up on him (there's a part of me that regrets breaking it off with him, and it feels like I didn't even try because it was only a week into the "relationship", but I sort of don't regret it in a way, because I'm now in treatment for depression and I just needed to get myself sorted out first). I also freaked out - he's experienced, I'm not, and I just didn't feel like I could be a girlfriend. I don't know how to act in intimate situations, etc. And he's told me before that he doesn't care about all that, and that he'll wait, but there's still this niggling feeling.
I just...I need to get over him. It was only a week, but I had strong feelings for him well before that, and I still do. I don't know if it's because he's one of two boyfriends I've ever had, and the first treated me really bad, so maybe I'm placing more emphasis on the feelings we had for each other than I should do. I don't know. But I really doubt we're ever going to get back together - there's the distance, the fact that I've already broken up with him once (and I don't want to hurt him again/I don't want him to take that chance, because I just feel like I'd freak out and do it again). So I need to start getting over him. My friend suggested perhaps *thinking* about the idea that there's no chance of us getting back together. Would that work?
I just...I need to get over him. It was only a week, but I had strong feelings for him well before that, and I still do. I don't know if it's because he's one of two boyfriends I've ever had, and the first treated me really bad, so maybe I'm placing more emphasis on the feelings we had for each other than I should do. I don't know. But I really doubt we're ever going to get back together - there's the distance, the fact that I've already broken up with him once (and I don't want to hurt him again/I don't want him to take that chance, because I just feel like I'd freak out and do it again). So I need to start getting over him. My friend suggested perhaps *thinking* about the idea that there's no chance of us getting back together. Would that work?
He knows all about it, which is why I think he supported my decision. He told me he'd be there for me, etc. which made me really regret my decision at the time, because he is such a great, great guy.
I also think you should get back together with him, he would support you and if you let the relationship last until you were bored of it then you wouldn't need to get over them because you would know you are bored of it. Or maybe all will go well and you will never get bored of eachother, you just need to give it a go and stop worrying because he obviously likes you.
Shall I just go for it then? Talk to him about it all (and stop skirting around the issue!) and see what happens? If nothing ever does actually happen I do really want to be friends with him (he's a brilliant person to be around and talk to) and at least I'd know.
Thanks, all of you
And rewmck - I do worry! I worry a lot and think a lot, and it sort of prevents me from taking any real chances. It's quite irritating!
Thanks, all of you
And rewmck - I do worry! I worry a lot and think a lot, and it sort of prevents me from taking any real chances. It's quite irritating!
I would go for it. He sounds like a nice guy.
Oh and if you ever get the feeling that the guy is too good for you, you need to take that thought, lock in in a safe, chuck the safe into a river and hurl the river into space...Not a good line of thought and is most likely just the depression talking...
Oh and if you ever get the feeling that the guy is too good for you, you need to take that thought, lock in in a safe, chuck the safe into a river and hurl the river into space...Not a good line of thought and is most likely just the depression talking...
Pretty Boy
1 way forward - break all contact, erase phone number, online - everything.
Otherwise, ya just gonna get pulled back in.
Otherwise, ya just gonna get pulled back in.
Bringing your usual cynical outlook to the thread, I see. Gotta love the overbearing optimism!
________
Personally, if you both like each other, I think it is ridiculous to sever off the relationship because you feel you aren't good enough for him. Obviously, he likes you and feels you are good enough. And a person like him to support you and care for you may actually help your depression. Keeping yourself isolated from friendship and relationships and love will only make you feel worse. It helps immensely if you know someone else believes in you.
Great people like this are really hard to find, so I don't know what kind of logic you are employing here. You really like him... so, you don't want to be in a relationship with him? It may not last forever, and that may be a frightening prospect, but wouldn't that be better than sometime later wondering down the road what might have happened if you got together? If you don't act, you may come to regret it later!
Anyway, best of luck to you!
lostinfantasies
Okay, I've known this person for quite a while (at least a year or two). A few months ago we started talking a lot more online, over the phone, with text messages, etc. He lives at least two hours away from me (we met online), and two months ago, we finally met up. Everything was great, etc. until a week later when I broke up with him, because I felt he didn't deserve someone like me (I've got depression and I just felt he could do a lot better). We've been close friends since, and we flirt. He knows I'm still hung up on him (there's a part of me that regrets breaking it off with him, and it feels like I didn't even try because it was only a week into the "relationship", but I sort of don't regret it in a way, because I'm now in treatment for depression and I just needed to get myself sorted out first). I also freaked out - he's experienced, I'm not, and I just didn't feel like I could be a girlfriend. I don't know how to act in intimate situations, etc. And he's told me before that he doesn't care about all that, and that he'll wait, but there's still this niggling feeling.
I just...I need to get over him. It was only a week, but I had strong feelings for him well before that, and I still do. I don't know if it's because he's one of two boyfriends I've ever had, and the first treated me really bad, so maybe I'm placing more emphasis on the feelings we had for each other than I should do. I don't know. But I really doubt we're ever going to get back together - there's the distance, the fact that I've already broken up with him once (and I don't want to hurt him again/I don't want him to take that chance, because I just feel like I'd freak out and do it again). So I need to start getting over him. My friend suggested perhaps *thinking* about the idea that there's no chance of us getting back together. Would that work?
I just...I need to get over him. It was only a week, but I had strong feelings for him well before that, and I still do. I don't know if it's because he's one of two boyfriends I've ever had, and the first treated me really bad, so maybe I'm placing more emphasis on the feelings we had for each other than I should do. I don't know. But I really doubt we're ever going to get back together - there's the distance, the fact that I've already broken up with him once (and I don't want to hurt him again/I don't want him to take that chance, because I just feel like I'd freak out and do it again). So I need to start getting over him. My friend suggested perhaps *thinking* about the idea that there's no chance of us getting back together. Would that work?
*sigh* Girl, I'm going through the same thing. My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago and I'm still not over him. It's like, I keep thinking about all the perfect moments we spent together. Anyway, I read somewhere in an article that the way to get over a person is to think about ALL the bad things and stuff that pissed you off that person did to you. Which is difficult for me, because the only problem I had with my boyfriend was his temper. He never hit me, nothing bad nada. So...that's why it's hard for me to get over him. *sigh* I still love him...and before we took this long break from each other (meaning communications terminated completely), he told me he still loved me too. I was in a long-distance relationship so this may be completely different to your situation.
i don't think he counts as a boyfriend if you only went out for one week!
Okay, forget about what he deserves and what you think of yourself - what do you honestly want?
From what you're saying and correct me if i'm wrong, I would say you like him and he obviously likes you. I've been in a pretty similar situation, where someone with far more experience has asked me out and i've completely freaked out because I didn't think i'd be good enough for him. Believe me, if he's one of the good guys it won't matter. We've all gotta start somewhere and I know it's difficult to get over the immediate worries but if it's a relationship you want, then go for it!
Separate yourself from your depression - you're different things, there's you and your illness and he's in love with you. Depression can get in the way of relationships but as long as you're honest with him personally I think the support of a partner can be really beneficial to sufferers.
The distance thing however I would find a bit of an issue and if you really aren't sure about the guy, there's no point going into a relationship you feel uncomfortable with. Time is the only thing I can really offer in getting over someone. There will be times where you do have feelings towards him but if you're really sure about this eventually you can just go back to being friends.
From what you're saying and correct me if i'm wrong, I would say you like him and he obviously likes you. I've been in a pretty similar situation, where someone with far more experience has asked me out and i've completely freaked out because I didn't think i'd be good enough for him. Believe me, if he's one of the good guys it won't matter. We've all gotta start somewhere and I know it's difficult to get over the immediate worries but if it's a relationship you want, then go for it!
Separate yourself from your depression - you're different things, there's you and your illness and he's in love with you. Depression can get in the way of relationships but as long as you're honest with him personally I think the support of a partner can be really beneficial to sufferers.
The distance thing however I would find a bit of an issue and if you really aren't sure about the guy, there's no point going into a relationship you feel uncomfortable with. Time is the only thing I can really offer in getting over someone. There will be times where you do have feelings towards him but if you're really sure about this eventually you can just go back to being friends.
I spoke to him. He basically wants us to stay friends. I'm slightly spaced out so will write a more detailed post tomorrow! It's strange -- I actually felt relieved when he told me, but then I started thinking about it again and what it all meant...!
I guess that's that then.
I guess that's that then.
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