Can you guys proof read this letter for me?

Watch
This discussion is closed.
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#1
MY ADDRESS
24th February 2004

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a student currently applying to university and I rely on the postal service to bring me information about confirmation of places and interviews.
Out of the six universities I’ve applied to, five have sent me back information necessary to the process. Unfortunately my first choice the The London Institute didn’t seem to be one of these. Feeling slightly nervous, I thought it would be best to phone them up and make sure they hadn’t forgotten me.
To my surprise they said that I had MISSED my interview on the 19th of February 04 at 9am. I enquired about the letter and they told me it was sent nearly a month beforehand.
So somewhere, in between a post-box in Elephant & Castle and Arundel my letter has disappeared into thin air, taking with it more than a slight chance of acceptance to my first choice university.
Even though this would have bothered me enormously, sadly it was something I've come to accept. Since August many things that have been sent by or have been sent to me have disappeared or been mishandled and the postal service has generally been poor:

4 Birthday Cards-1 with a cheque and 1 with a five pound note for my nephew,
A packet that had been marked Fragile crumpled and covered in grease,
Several personal letters,
My mother is an accountant and sent a tax return in only to find it had disappeared and that the person who’s tax return it was charged a £100 fine by the Inland Revenue,
Our two daily posts have been cut to one and are often extremely late
Varying degrees of damage to letters.

And now this. It’s just not on, you are the Royal Mail and you are in charge of delivering the United Kingdom’s letters/parcels as quickly and as with little damage as possible, that’s why we buy stamps, it's your job!

I’m not asking for compensation in a monetary sense, but it would be nice to receive an apology and a letter of explanation to be sent to The London Institute explaining that this was indeed, not my fault.

I don’t want to settle for a second best university because of some fault that was not my own.

As well as this I do not want to take it any further, I have exams, I have a job and as I have pointed out I’m applying for university. However, if I don’t receive anything I will take steps to pursue further action.

Yours Faithfully,
Danielle Robinson
0
viviki
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 16 years ago
#2
when you put the mouse on the thread title in the main screen you get your address. you might want to do something about that.

I'd make it so it sounds like you've missed your place because of the post and that you are really upset about it.
0
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#3
(Original post by viviki)
when you put the mouse on the thread title in the main screen you get your address. you might want to do something about that.
I fixed that
0
happysunshine
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#4
Report 16 years ago
#4
I've read through it all and there are no words missing and I can't see any spelling mistakes (even though I can't spell myself, I'm good at spotting mistakes ). The only minor thing is University, I'm not sure whether it has a capital letter or not although I think it has or it doesn't matter either way.
0
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#5
(Original post by happysunshine)
I've read through it all and there are no words missing and I can't see any spelling mistakes (even though I can't spell myself, I'm good at spotting mistakes ). The only minor thing is University, I'm not sure whether it has a capital letter or not although I think it has or it doesn't matter either way.
Yeah i keep getting stuck on that as well
I think it's not when it's not in the name of a university
0
Ramaya
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#6
Report 16 years ago
#6
(Original post by Danithestudent)
MY ADDRESS
However, if I don’t receive anything I will take steps to take this further.
I can't see any mistakes but you might want to rephrase this sentannce because you use the word 'take' twice, but it's really not a problem. I hope you get a reply!
0
love_4_ducks
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 16 years ago
#7
when u send it, include their addreess on the other side and u put the date in full one line underneath

mr smith
4 high street
london
lu5 thy

monday july 1st 2002

mr/mrs......
..............
..............
............

dear sir/madam
i am writing this letter.......................... ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ...............................
0
Eru Iluvatar
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#8
Report 16 years ago
#8
Well, your right about uni doesn't have a capital letter, unless in a title.
I picked up on a couple of minor things, which i think may be wrong (although i'm probably not the best person to ask.

"Feeling slightly nervous I thought it would be best to phone them up and make sure they hadn’t forgotten me."

I believe should have a comma after nervous.

"To my surprise they said that I had MISSED my interview on the 19th of February 04 at 9am, I enquired about the letter and they told me it was sent nearly a month beforehand. "

After 9am, i think its supposed to be either a semi-colon or a full stop.
0
happysunshine
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#9
Report 16 years ago
#9
(Original post by Danithestudent)
Yeah i keep getting stuck on that as well
I think it's not when it's not in the name of a university
Well for the name of a university:

It's xxx University.

But in other cases it's just university.
0
Perplexed
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#10
Report 16 years ago
#10
I didn't think "phone them up" sounded very formal. Perhaps you might consider changing it to "telephone them".

Not a major point, probably down to opinion more than anything.
0
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#11
is it just me or has the layout gone psycho
0
Danithestudent
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#12
Report Thread starter 16 years ago
#12
I don't really want to depersonalise it, otherwise it will be just another bog standard complaint...you know...empathy and all that. I just hope the person reading it has someone applying to University in their family in the last few years
0
love_4_ducks
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report 16 years ago
#13
(Original post by Danithestudent)
is it just me or has the layout gone psycho

yer just a bit
0
Perplexed
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#14
Report 16 years ago
#14
(Original post by Danithestudent)
is it just me or has the layout gone psycho
It's because of love_4_ducks's multitude of dots, with no spaces. The text doesn't wrap, hence the page widens.
0
Bhaal85
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#15
Report 16 years ago
#15
READ AND ENJOY



To whom it may concern,

I am a student currently applying to University and I rely on the postal service to bring me confirmation of my University acceptence. As you can summise, I rely on the Royal Mail a great deal.

However

Out of the six chosen Universities I’ve applied to, five have sent me back information necessary to the process. Unfortunately my first choice University the 'London College of Printing' didn’t seem to be one of these. I took it upon my initiative to contact them, as I had not heard from them for quite some time. To my shock and horror, I was informed that I had MISSED my interview on the 19th of February 2004.
They explained how they had sent me a letter a month beforehand to notify me that I had this EXTREMELY improtant interview. It is now the 24th of February, and I have yet to recieve the letter that they sent! I am somewhat dismayed at the level of service recieved by 'The Royal Mail'.

I have been informed by the University, that the liklihood of being recieved vy them, has been affected, due to me not attending the interview which I was not informed of, due to your firm not delivering on time.

This situation has caused me a great deal of distraught, which I would never wish upon anyone. However, I’m not asking for compensation, but it would be appropriate to receive a letter of apology, as well as a letter explaining to the University as to why I never recieved my notification of an interview.



Yours Faithfully,
Danielle Robinson
0
Rich
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#16
Report 16 years ago
#16
(Original post by Danithestudent)
Letter snipped
Sorry to hear about that.

If I were you, I would cut out all of the statements pertaining to 'not wanting to take it further' etc. Why let them know this? Without annoying them, you want them to think that you're willing to make a big fuss, not that you're willing to close the chapter if they send you a standard apology letter. Why mention that you're not after compensation? It wouldn't exactly do any harm if they offered it, would it? Obviously don't ask for it, but don't say no to it before it's even offered either... In my experience letters of complaint shouldn't show signs of faltering or weakness or the recipient will notice this and will immediately treat your case with less concern. On the other hand, you also don't want to aggravate them either...

Remember they're in the wrong not you, so you have no need to come across apologetic (which in places you seem to; sometimes it's like your apologising for mentioning it!).

Regards,
0
llama boy
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 16 years ago
#17
(Original post by rahaydenuk)
Sorry to hear about that.

If I were you, I would cut out all of the statements pertaining to 'not wanting to take it further' etc. Why let them know this? Without annoying them, you want them to think that you're willing to make a big fuss, not that you're willing to close the chapter if they send you a standard apology letter. Why mention that you're not after compensation? It wouldn't exactly do any harm if they offered it, would it? Obviously don't ask for it, but don't say no to it before it's even offered either... In my experience letters of complaint shouldn't show signs of faltering or weakness or the recipient will notice this and will immediately treat your case with less concern. On the other hand, you also don't want to aggravate them either...

Remember they're in the wrong not you, so you have no need to come across apologetic (which in places you seem to; sometimes it's like your apologising for mentioning it!).

Regards,
Yes, exactly.

They're a private company. They won't give a damn unless they think they're going to be out of pocket because of it.
0
crana
Badges:
#18
Report 16 years ago
#18
the person who’s tax return it was

am i being thick or should this be "whose"

rosie xx
0
Rich
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#19
Report 16 years ago
#19
(Original post by crana)
the person who’s tax return it was

am i being thick or should this be "whose"

rosie xx
You're right.
0
GH
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#20
Report 16 years ago
#20
1) can one of you sort the layout pelase, especially fotr love4dicks idotic dots.

2) Never mark "FRAGILE" on the post. It always gets an extra hard stamp on the way.
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How do you feel about your grades? Are they...

What I expected (168)
24.78%
Better than expected (141)
20.8%
Worse than expected (369)
54.42%

Watched Threads

View All