Finding it all very hard

Well ill try to tell you all the story as best i can. Its going to be long so i aplogise in advance.

I have a boyfriend, Of now... 10 months. We are both 17. Him being 18 in April. Before I met him I was anti social, Down alot and Pretty much hated everything. When he came along all that changed. He makes me so happy and I seriously Do love him. I know what love is, I may be 17 but I am seriously in love. Well that isnt the story but i thought id get the background info in first.

Last october he came round mine on a sunday, He didnt look that good, Pale and really weak, I told him to go home and rest, but he refused and said he wanted to spend his time with me. On the monday, he didnt turn up to college. Hed stayed at home as he was too ill. Few weeks later and hes still ill. Turn out the doctors say he has "Glandular fever" Not nice. As time goes on...Hes not getting any better. One day im out shopping and decide to text him, He dosnt reply, Late that night im getting worried, So I phone both his house and Mobile. No reply. Now i am really worried, So i phone all the local Hospitals and find that he has been admitted To St. Pauls in London. He dosnt want me to know, He wants to tell me to my face, So when I get there the next day..turns out he has leukemia.

Few months on and hes finished Chemo. But now hes having a stem cell transplant. I am so worried. I hardly know anything about it and i cant ask because i dont want him to have to talk about it all. Can i visit him whilst hes having this? What are the chances that he might not make it? what can i do? I mean, Take my mind of it, Im so worried i had to get my mum to phone him and have him round last night cause i couldnt stop crying, I really love him more than anything and i cant bear to loose him. Hes going to even be in there for his 18th. Just any advice and ansers to my questions would really be apprechiated.

Thank you in advance.

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Fleece

that's really sad. sorry to hear. i dont really have any useful words..only the offer of an e-hug.

Reply 2

beach surf babe

Keep positive. I know you don't want him to answer any questions you have about it but I think you should ask. You should phone the hospital about visiting cos it does vary widely but I'm sure you'll be able to visit. It'll probably really cheer him up. Hope things turn out good :hugs:

Reply 3

Archkinkist

I'm very sorry to hear all that; I can't answer any of your questions but I shall pray for you both tonight. I hope everything gets better for you both very soon.

Reply 4

lalax-x

MrSornia

I'm very sorry to hear all that; I can't answer any of your questions but I shall pray for you both tonight. I hope everything gets better for you both very soon.

Thank you so much.

Thank you all for your lovly comments :smile:

Reply 5

*beth*

Hi, don't know whether I will be of any help. My mum works in the haemotology department at a hospital which is where they deal with leukemia so I'll try and remember anything she's told me. A stem cell transplant is used to increase the chances of curing a disease and they are also used to restore bone marrow after it has been destroyed by high doses of radiation and chemotherapy, its a succesful technique.

these sites might help
http://health.yahoo.com/ency/healthwise/tv7978
http://www.leukemia.org/hm_lls
http://www.medicinenet.com/leukemia/article.htm

hope everything works out for you both
beth
x

p.s. if it helps, i know someone that has had leukemia and then a stem cell transplant and they're fine :smile:

Reply 6

minimo

This is probably one of the sweetest and saddest things I've ever read on TSR. The fact he cares for you so much despite being so ill really brought tears to my eyes. I know nothing about leukemia, but I'll be thinking of you. Good luck and god bless
xxxxxx

Reply 7

andy_c

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

If you have questions, ask him if he wants to talk about it - he might WANT to talk to someone about this, but everyone maybe avoiding the subject with him, and/or he might feel as though he doesn't want to put more pressure on people by talking to them. Remember it's good to talk, even for him.

If you have questions, try www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk and see if there is something on there. Failing that, next time you visit him in the hospital, try and have a chat with a doctor/nurse - they'll know everything about this type of thing, and would be better than some random internet site or random person who might not know what they are talking about.

Reply 8

lalax-x

*beth* do you know if, whilst they were havin the transplant...If they could have visitors? And how long they were in hospital for?

Also, Its so hard on our relationship, Us both tryin to be strong, Hes at home at the moment, Having a break before his transplant, Its just so nice us being able to have some form of a normal relationship. I think it just shows how much we do love each other and how strong we are. Although i doubt how strong i am. God knows how i am goin to cope when he goes back in. ill be worrying 24/7 if hes ok, or if somthins happened. What makes it worse is im doin my alevels. So hard concentrating in class, when i have all this to think about

Reply 9

beach surf babe

It might help to have your mum phone the school/college and tell them whats going on (or you could). Then they might be a bit more sympathetic to you...

Reply 10

lil_poppet

Hi, as I was reading your story I was convinced I knew you as it all sounds so familiar!! My best friend's brother was diagnosed with Leukaemia a few months ago and has been receiving chemo for a while now. He went up to Bristol the other day for a bone marrow transplant, (think this is the same as a stem cell transplant??) My best friend was a matched doner for this operation and has just had the operation herself to take her bone marrow out.

She has been finding it overwhelming at times and it is not an easy situation to be in, you definitely need support from friends/family and whatever you do, talk about it!! I often spend the evening with her just talking about how she is feeling as she finds it hard to talk to her family as they are already going through so much themselves with this. I don't know if the situation is the same for you but during his bone marrow transplant he is kept in isolation for 6 weeks and is allowed four named visitors only during this time. This is because he is extremely vulnerable to infection at the moment.

Try and talk to someone about visiting etc he is likely to be missing you just as much as you are him and probably needs some normality! It is so hard but just remember, after this it will get better and your relationship may well come out stronger because of it.

Sorry it was such a long post, hope some of it is relevant to you! XxXxX

Reply 11

lalax-x

They know. My head of sixth form dosnt really help. All she says is i have to keep strong for him, Which, yeah i know I have to do, But its hard when your a very pesimistic person. I want to be strong, I really am trying but its just hard

Reply 12

lalax-x

thank you lil_Poppet.

I will have to ask, Because if he is allowed 4 visitors, I would like to hope that I can be one of them, I wouldnt be able to survive with out seein him for six weeks!

Reply 13

beach surf babe

I guess people don't really know what to say in these kind of situations cos nothing anyone can say can take away the worry and stress of it all.

Reply 14

*beth*

we were allowed to visit (though not for the 1st couple of weeks) (i didn't go though i have a thing about hospitals) but anyone who did visit how to go at specific times and had to wash their hands and anyone with a cold or nething wasn't allowed in. he was in hospital for a while, about 2 1/2 months, and now he has to visit every couple of months just for a check up and the length of time between each check up increases over a while. I think it varies from person to person how long they are in hospital as it depends on how their body reacts to the transplant.

Reply 15

andy_c

[QUOTE=lalax-x. What makes it worse is im doin my alevels. So hard concentrating in class, when i have all this to think about

I know this might sound a bit trivial, but make sure you tell your personal tutor at college what's going on. He'll be able to complete some kind of extenuating circumstances form that means if something does go wrong with your A-Levels, you will get break from the exam board and they will take all your circumstances into consideration.

Reply 16

lalax-x

Yeah.

I have a "Best friend" although i try talking to her, though somehow she ALWAYS turns the subject back to her and her BF saying how much shell miss him when she goes uni and how much her life sucks. Which...I may be wrong here, But kinda hurts me because she not the one who has a BF in this situation and as far as i am concerned...Her life dosnt suck.

I just really need someone close to talk to.

Its nice that so many of you on here have replyed, Its made me feel more... hopful. Sounds silly, I guess, But it has. It helps to put it out in writing as well

*beth*- Yeah, I guess so. Its going to be a long few months. But i need to be strong and keep postitive, how ever hard it may be.

Andy_C -Oh right. Will they account for me though? Maybe they would feel that I should be able to cope.. I will ask though :smile:

Reply 17

beach surf babe

Yeah, its strange how writing stuff out can kinda make things more clear isn't it? I can see why it might hurt, you best friend talking about herself, you should tell her so yourself....it might be that she doesn't know what to do/say.

Reply 18

lil_poppet

Yeah, my best friend's brother had his family and his girlfriend as named visitors, but he has had to travel for the treatment so they can't visit him as much as they'd like. My best friend has been finding it hard when she visits him as it is a tough time for her brother, but they have their ups and downs and most of all they all have been there for each other and are supporting each other. Definitely ask about visiting, the rules might be different in his case and anyway he probably wants to see you very much. If you can't see him, write him letters/cards, I think anyone in that situation would just want to know that you are there for them.

I really feel for you, I hope that you can stay strong and know that it will gradually get better.

Reply 19

andy_c

lalax-x

Andy_C -Oh right. Will they account for me though? Maybe they would feel that I should be able to cope.. I will ask though :smile:

I would think that they'd be able to do something... even if it's just to provide support, help lighten your workload, etc, it all helps.

At uni, people get these forms authorised for all sorts of crazy, pathetic reasons (I'm convinced some of the reasons are just complete lies), so I'd hope you'd get some kind of consideration with what you're going through.