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Boyfriend..grr.

Long story, sorry if I bore you and thanks in advance. So..

To cut a long story short, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years this month. We’ve got a good relationship have had some crap in the past, but since we left school, things have been great.

So, heres the thing – he has a 14 (15 in July) year old sister and she is a cow. She steals, smokes, drinks and hangs around with some proper low lifes, anyway she can't be trusted in the house alone so Craig (My b.f) has to babysit her EVERY day of the week while his mum works nights,apart from every 2nd Wednesday and Fridays and the weekend.

That make sense? He’s not allowed to go out with his friends or come to my house on any other days than those "set" and she expects him to be okay with this. His sister goes to their dad's on the 2nd Wednesdays (when he's allowed to stay at my house) and Fridays and stays over, but because she's so horrible, their dad and step - mum has had enough and told her she's not to go there anymore and that she's not wanted. (Not exactly a great thing to tell your own daughter when it's obvious she's rebelling against soemthing!)

So now she's (his mum) decided she needs him to babysit his sister EVERY day, Mon - Fri. He's said "No" and has been telling her "no", but she's oblivious to it and thinks she can control him - he's 17! :mad:

She even tried to bribe him with £80 a month. To which he's said "no f***ing way". He's constantly protested that he has a life and can't be expected to look after her. After all he's not her dad and it seems his mum is trying to make him take on the role of "dad". Because of the strain of this, we had an argument and he said he's sick of me being on his back and talking baout this situation. And he slammed the phone down on me yesterday and hasn't spoke to me since. I don't know what to do, his mum has more ocntrol over our relationship than I, or even him, do. He's now obviously mad at me and I'm worried what turn our relationship's going to go in...help

Reply 1

Agrippina

£80 a month sounds good, I'd take it.

Reply 2

hiky

Why dont you try to talk to his mum. I would also try and contact him, just ask him how he is etc. seen as he slammed the phone on you yesterday, If hes still in a mood, leave it for a couple of days, give him time to cool off. And btw, I dont think swearing at his own mum will help
xxxx

Reply 3

Luize

why don't you go to his on some nights

Reply 4

Helenia

Rachel

£80 a month sounds good, I'd take it.

£80 a month for no freedom at all and having to babysit a sister who hates you? Not worth it, imo.

Reply 5

Sweet Adeline

Well I can imagine how hard that must be for you, and for him of course. I wouldn't worry too much about him being in a bad mood with you, he's obviously got a lot of stress to deal with at the moment and reacted badly to you bringing the situation up. It doesn't sound like he's angry at you though, just taking out some frustration, he should be fine once he realises you were only asking because you care about him.

It's a bad situation he's in, and definitely not fair on him, but unfortunately there's nothing you can really do. It's unlikely this will go on for long, though, your boyfriend won't be living at home forever and his sister may well change a lot in the near future as well, so try not to worry too much. You do have to leave him to sort this out, if you try to force him to do what you know or think to be right, it may end up distancing you from him. It sounds like he's already standing up to his mum about this, though, so maybe just have faith in him and things will get better with time. And in the mean time, be as understanding as you can, he'll be grateful for your support.

Reply 6

Agrippina

Helenia

£80 a month for no freedom at all and having to babysit a sister who hates you? Not worth it, imo.

Well, as far as I can see, it would only be on weekdays, which is when I personally would be studying anyway. Before I had a job, I only got £4.50 pocket money a week - £80 would have been like a dream to me at the time.

Reply 7

Dude

The way I see it, he is really mad at his mother over this thing. He therefore took out his anger on you over a small thing of being on his back. I dount that he really means what he said at all as you are his only means of escape from this hellhole of a house.

Give him a few days to cool off and then go over and talk to him. At this point in his life, it would appear that he really needs you now more then ever.

Reply 8

white_haired_wizard

I'd advise the OP to change her colours NOW...that colour is incredibly bright, it's a tedious colour to look at and read...in my opinion the colour can often prove very suggestive of the type of person employing it, the colour is very childish....'throwing-a-childlike-fit esque' colour...you may not be childish but just do change your colours as you will more than likely get a higher response rate to the concerns you have voiced in your post.

Reply 9

ChemistBoy

Your boyfriends mum is being totally unfair - it is not his job to parent his sister. Fine if it is helping out occasionally, but to the exclusion of all else it is ridiculous. Clearly it is affecting your relationship, which makes it your business. You need to be honest with your boyfriend and say that you can't have a meaningful, adult relationship if his totally beholden to his mother, you are right to expect some commitment from him and for him to get this sorted out.

Reply 10

Katia

UPDATE: He's just rang me and he's at my house. He's walked out because the minute his mum woke up she started on him. So he's grabbed his guitar and his bag and walked out, to mine. But he's saying there's nothing he can do, he's going to have to do it because it's either make me happy or his mum loses her job. Which is a f***ing exageration if ever I heard one. So he's going to do it. I can't believe it, he's giving in to her. To Luize, that would be the plan, that I'd go to his on Mondays and Wednesdays. But now that I won'tr be seeing him, i.e. him coming to my house, I'm going to have to go to his house every day I want to see him or vice vesca. but I cabn't, I have my College work to do and he lives a while away...

To the guy who commented my pinkness, I just like pink. Okay :biggrin:

I'm going homw now anyway and we'll talk, I'll update later. Thanks a lot you all. xxxxxxxxx

Reply 11

pirategirl74

sounds like both he and his mum are under alot of stress dealing with the sister. she is working nights to support the two of them and he is taking on her responisibility in the mean time. what she needs to do is take that 80 a week and get the sister some help. has your boyfriend tried sitting down with his mum and having an adult conversation about his feelings or has he just said no f..... way and complained about missing out on his personal life. A great deal can be accomplished by changing HOW you approach someone to get them to do something. May be he should try "what else can we try together to work this out so that I can have some free time."
Also, if his mum is being completely overbearing on the sister and keeping her under lock and key then she is only going to rebel more. She needs constructive outlets for her energy. Locking her up is just the easiest way to keep her out of trouble. It doesn't address any of the real problems that are causing her behavior. Your boyfriend should bring up these points and he should schedule a time to talk with his mum about it so that they know they will have time to discuss all the issues.

Reply 12

white_haired_wizard

"To the guy who commented my pinkness, I just like pink. Okay :biggrin:

"

Good for you :biggrin:

I hope it all works out well for you anyway, that is, regarding your current concerns. :smile:

Reply 13

Talon

Get the girl to see a shrink. I think she has some problems in that head of hers...

Reply 14

minimo

If she's willing to pay 80 pounds to her son, why cant she just get some kid to babysit your bf's sister. Or do what I'd do if she were my daughter which is to get out the cane. Nothing like discipline. Seems to me like the real problem lies in the girl and her thinking. What you and you're bf's family are trying to do is to get around the situation.

Reply 15

XavierTroy

You make it sound like his sister is a moron who can't control herself. I think his mum needs to stop being so ridiculous and take it up with the brat of a sister. He is a third party in the mother daughter relationship and thus her 'loss' of a job wouldn't be his fault, it is his sister's. I'm sure he is furious about the situation and not really angry at you, he just doesn't know how to resolve it and you know, 'ones closest always bare the brunt.' Sorry you have to cope with it, but he is in a difficult situation as well. I kind of used to have the same with my girlfriend, she wouldn't stand up to her mum. It sounds like he is shouting at her plenty, but he may not be getting his point across. He needs to tell his mum to talk to his sister and get her in order rather than dumping responsibility on him.

Reply 16

pirategirl74

she shouldn't add her problems at work (i.e. her obviously non-understanding boss) to the shoulders of her son. it seems like the mum is a major contributor to the problems in the house. she needs some coping skills. maybe that 80 a week can get her some counseling on how to parent.

Reply 17

Katia

Just want to say thank you to you ALL you've all been so helpful and kind and gave some great advice and I found myself thinking "exactly" to some of the points made.

Well he was here when I got home from college, he was on my bed watching a DVD and I just got up and layed next to him for a while...I started thinking about the situation and got all teary so I cried a bit and he got mad and I cried and we talked, etc. etc. and loads of boring stuff you dont need to know :p:

and we made up.

Anyway, to the point - We've talked about it and he is really upset about it, he's mad at his mum and thinks it's ridiculous. But he has a duty to his family and he has to do it (he says). I mean I understand that, family comes first. But it's just upsetting that his mother has so much control over him. Anyway the plan is that I'm going to go to his on Mondays after College, he's going to come to mine on Tuesdays - but not sleep and I'm going to stay at his on Wednesdays and he's still allowed to stay at mine on Fridays and the weekend..

Reflecting back on it all it's not that bad, just abit cr@p. But all the same, thank you all! I've got some rep. to give :p: