I cant function in group situations

Im a 19 year old guy. Ive always been fairly quiet and shy and have had a few problems in the past with friends meaning I get quite nervous around people now. I just started my new job which is in a brand new shop, so all the staff are new, so I thought it would be alrite cos I wouldnt be the ''newboy'' and everyone would be in the same boat etc.

However, I hate it :frown:

. The store isnt open for 4 weeks and right now everyone is just on the shop floor stocking it up and everyone else seems to just laugh and joke around with each other, shout stuff out to everyone else etc. I cant do this, like Im lacking some skill they all have. If its one on one with someone ususally Im fine, I still never know what to say and dont say anything half interesting or funny but I can at least make small talk.

The worse thing is people have instantly noticed Im quiet and uncomfortable and cant join in and now whenever I talk to anyone they just look uncomfortable and this makes me feel worse.

I dont actually know whats wrong with me but its casuing me some seroius upset.

Reply 1

white_haired_wizard

I don't get seriously upset about this situation - i have it in seminars when we occasionally group up - groups of 5-6 people which really isn't practical in the slightest, hardly economical. I believe alot of people do not like big groups, i draw the line at 3 in a group, 4 is manageable but i struggle to cope with that, well not cope, i just don't and can't get alot out of the situation - akin to a group say, discussing marxism's lasting influence - you struggle to make your point as there may be 4 others waiting to chip in with their opinion/bit.

I really wouldn't worry about it - don't go crazy and try and avoid these situations as you can learn something from them, as i certainly have, just realize and appreciate that these situations aren't particularly ideal, practical and all that self fulfilling and self realizing - small is intimate, large can feel very daunting in the alienating sense.

Reply 2

notsoperfect

when i first started a job a couple of years ago there was about 10 or so people tidying up after work every day and i found this hard at first because i didn't know people. but as you get to know people gradually, you'll start to fit in. just work on getting to know people one on one, and once you do, the situation will be less daunting.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

But like I said everyone is new. Im fine at those ''so how old are you, where you from '' conversations everyone has. Then its like your personality comes into play and you integrate into the group using it, making your character known etc. I havent got one I just stand there completely silent and awkward and when I do say something its just so boring and lame people just look at me funny, making every subsequent encounter with them unbearable cos they know im just a quiet and shy guy who wont speak :frown:

Reply 4

pol_student

Anon - I have the EXACT same problem. I don't know why. Put me in a room with my best friend, and you couldn't get me to shut up if my life depended on it. Seriously! But then, put me in a room with several people and I go all quiet... I know I do it, and I try not to be like that, but I can't help it. I so, so do not want to be like this, but I just can't seem to change, no matter what I do.

If you find a cure (apart from being completely drunk all the time), let me know!

Reply 5

sidi

Ask other people questions so they have to do the talking. Ask them if they saw a certain programme on tv, have they tried this pub, how do you make pancakes, any old rubbish.Let them be the experts and they will feel good giving you the benefit of their experience.

Reply 6

rachelrainbow32

Yes, Im like that at work too. Its quite confusing, anywhere else, even when im in a huuuge group situation, im fine, but as soon as i get to work its just like i go all shy and quiet??? I cant understand myself really, the only thing i can think of is that
a. i hate my job and really just cant be bothered
b. i know i shouldnt feel like it but i feel like veryone at work, is 'better' than me ie. they are all part of the 'cool' people and i never was.